Squirrels are mentioned in 5 posts, which ranks #84 overall for things. It is most often associated with these...

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Some time around the height of COVID (hey, remember COVID? That was crazy), I had filled one of our patio planters with potato vine. Unbeknownst to me at the time, squirrels LOVE to eat potato vine and they were absolutely decimating my plant. I thought, what if I put a pile of pecans off to the side to distract them? Then they might lose interest in the plant. I was partially correct. It did get their attention for a short time.

There was one squirrel in particular, though, that didn't act like all the rest. She didn't run away at the slightest sight of me. She also never ate the nuts on the ground. She would pick one up, jump up onto the comfy couch, and eat it there. When she was done, she would go down and get another, and then right back up onto the couch. I thought it was so funny that leaving some nuts out became a regular practice.

Also during this time, I had been partially furloughed from work. I was working from home just 3 days per week, and with lockdowns in full swing, had shit all to do the rest of the time. So I set out to see if I could befriend this squirrel. That involved countless hours sitting motionless in the backyard, hands outstretched with pecans. Little by little, we gained the trust of our new friend, we dubbed "Muffin."

As an aside, a lot of people ask me how I know she's a girl. Well, first of all, the girls are way sweeter. They're timid and gentle and cute. Boys, on the other hand are mean and aggressive and like to injure the girls. They also have scrota the size of their heads. So in review, to sex a squirrel check:

1. Demeanor
2. Da ballsack

I wish I knew the exact moment we met her, but all I know is that by 2021 we were regularly documenting her visits with photos and videos and posting on Instagram. It's now August of 2025 so we have known her for 4 or 5 years. She doesn't come every day, but for periods of time she will. A few times we've gone months without seeing her, convinced she would never return, but she always does. One time she showed up severely injured, unable to use the right side of her body, and we just knew she would be a goner. But we left out clean water and plenty of nuts, and damned if she didn't bounce right back. She has a pronounced lean, a slight limp, and a split right ear, so she's very easy to spot from far away.

There was also a moment when we were feeding her that we realized the ear no longer had a notch. And we realized this was a second squirrel who looked, and more importantly, acted just like Muffin. Enter: Cookie. So we have two squirrels now who come by almost daily, will eat from our hands, and enjoy year round guaranteed food sources. They have a little picnic table our friend Ashley got for us, and our days are centered around checking to be sure nobody is waiting for a handout. I even repurposed our old Nest doorbell as a motion sensing camera so I can be notified when we have a customer.

So much of my life centers around squirrels now. I've taken two squirrel rehabilitation classes from the ASPCA, and know more about these little animals than I ever thought I would. Anyway, for the sake of catching up on what's been going on for the past 15 years, I felt like introducing Muffin and Cookie was a key piece of the puzzle.

The onset of Spring Break is upon us, my dear viewers. Shortay! We fend to go to the club and get krunk with Britney. I started off the break by taking a brief jaunt to Austin with some friends. Raul knew of a couple of birthday parties there that we could attend, so we did just that with Marshall (very much against his will) and David27 in tow. After a late start, we made really good time to Austin ... due in no small part to my superior navigation skills.

We stopped off at Jenny's apartment to get ready. It was her birthday party we would eventually end up at. She was very sweet to let us not only take over her bedroom and bathroom on her birthday evening, but spend the night on her floor. After primping, fighting over the hat, and a couple hearty belts of whiskey, we were on our way to our first destination. It was Tracy's 18th birthday, and it was being held at an apartment with a very large enclosure for around 30 mice/gerbil things. I don't know, but there were rodents in the living room ... and an injured baby squirrel in a box. Charming. Chris was there. And despite having called to make sure I was going to be in attendance, seemed less than enthused that I had come. The keg was Shiner but since Marshall doesn't drink beer, he was becoming increasingly despondent, so we had to act fast. Raul, the responsible driver, decided he wanted to get drunk, so 27 was at the helm.

Jenny's party was at a large house with two kitchens. There were green lights everywhere, and a person blowing fire and spinning large sticks on fire in the backyard. He never once caught the damn thing ... sub-par at best. But there was an ample supply of liquor, and we all partook in it greatly. 27 got drunk. It was the first time I'd ever seen him drink enough to get drunk, and let's just say it was interesting. Leslie is coming into town on Friday and he has promised to give us another show on that night. Brandon was party hopping around town during this time and was able to drop off at our party for a little bit to say hello. I haven't seen that kid in damn near a year. He seemed rather pleased to see me as well.

While Marshall, 27 and I got drunk, Raul sobered up to take us home. He would NOT take us to Whataburger on the way home even though it was totally on the way. If you know me, you know that I simply must have a bacon, egg 'n cheese taquito before bed when I'm drunk or heads roll. So 27 and I took the initiative, remembered where it was, and fucking walked there in the middle of the night. It was too much fun. We got a ride home though from two people who were also staying at Jenny's. When we woke up we ate at Macaroni Grill ... well, actually, Raul and Jenny ate. 27, Marshall and I just sat and drew on the table drinking water. I drew a delightful picture of me throwing up with my head in a toilet. I don't think the waitress liked me. The help never has a sense of humor, I swear!

Tonight we're taking it easy. I just woke up in time to watch Arrested Development, the best TV show every made. I think Marshall, Justin and Thommi are on their way over to 27's to watch some movie called Waking Life. I think its a fucked up movie, but who knows, there's a chance I would enjoy it. I'll keep you all posted. If anybody has something ultra fun to do this week, be sure to invite me (and pay for me). Thanks.