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Old men confuse me. Maybe there's a magic age at which everything they do starts to make sense and I just haven't reached it yet. Perhaps on my 30th birthday everything will become clear. One thing that has always confused me is how old men insist on being naked in the locker room at the gym. Don't get me wrong; I'm no prude. I strip down to go into the sauna. The key difference is that almost immediately after disrobing, I wrap a towel around my waist to spare people the blinding reflection off my ass. Old men strip down, weigh themselves, wash their face, look in the mirror, talk to other old men, and then and only then do they throw a towel over their shoulder and flop over to the steam room. I don't get it. What's the fascination with being naked? Have their wives banned the practice at home for so many years that the only way to get the liberating sensation of free balling around a room is in a men-only environment? Do I have any old man readers that can explain this? Do I have any young readers that get a thrill from streaking?

I had to add another confusing trait to my quandary today at work. We have several old men there and they all share a perplexing act in another all-male venue -- the bathroom. They pee without using their hands. I've seen them put both hands up on the wall in front of them. Hands on the hips is also a very popular tactic. Today topped it all though. The new old guy was peeing with both hands in his pockets. How is this even possible? Do they just not care anymore if their stream wanders off onto the floor? Is there some sort of rigor that sets in after 40 that allows for steady hands-free aiming? It's so bizarre. Please, somebody, help me understand. Do I need to start practicing now for old age?

Okay, I've got a couple for all of you Google-Earthers out there ... or is it Googler-Earths? Check out [43.8789746068,-103.459672608] and [34.1341770342,-118.321979438]. They are both really cool if you turn on "terrain" and then tilt it to the max. If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, you need to get your ass to earth.google.com, stat! (Did you know the term "stat" is an abbreviation for the Latin word statim, meaning "immediately?" I didn't. I just googled it.)

I encourage all of you to find something cool, obscure, recognizable and post it on a comment here.

Lately I have been really into trying these local dives around town. It started with the Rainbow Cafe -- I know, I know, big shocker that I went there. But it's actually just a great little soda fountain eatery in beautiful downtown Carrollton. I don't think they've remodeled (or cleaned) since 19dickity4. They have a big rainbow awning over their soda fountains and make shakes and stuff. They also have the most kickass hamburgers and they come with a figurative BUCKET of tater tots. There are so many of them that I have to put some in my zipper pocket to eat later.

Then after Brett S■■■ and I woke up on Sunday (at 9:00am, for some ung*dly reason) we tried to go to IHOP but the line was too long. So we drove a bit further and came upon Pete's Cafe -- "Come on in, for Pete's sake." Too clever and they served breakfast all day long. Our waitress's name was Doris, she was a delightful 60-something woman who called me "honey." Her birthday was last week. It just could not have been more quaint, and the food kicks ass too. Brett wasn't feeling 100% so when asked what he'd like to drink, he said, "A big ol' whoppin' glass of water." Why he said that, we both may never know. Drugs is cool. But Doris brought me my coffee and water, and the brought Brett the biggest glass they had. Too funny. Doris is a sweetheart and I can't wait to see her again.

Then today when I left work to go get something done at the public library (on account that the noise levels in my office are raising my blood pressure rapidly), I happened by this place only called "Donuts" that I've driven past 100 times. I decided to stop in. The requisite little Asian woman behind the counter greeted me. I had 3 different kinds of kolaches, all of which were fantastic. She even warmed them up for me in the microwave and snuck 4 different kinds of donut holes onto my plate when I wasn't looking. I sat at this oooold-skool bar while I ate. A donut shop with a bar? So rad.

Look, buddy, all I'm tryin' to say is that there's more to life than Smith and Wollensky's, Pappas Bros, and Three Forks. All of which sound just delicious right now. Maybe I'll go there tonight. I'm getting my hair did tonight, though, so it might have to wait until tomorrow. I expect that when I return from Cincinnati, myself and the Addison Circle will be hitting up these delightful restaurants?

Now get GOOGLING EARTH!

Since I've been back to working in the office every day, I've also started tanning again. The salon I go to is kind of far from my apartment, but it's right on the way home from work. I know nobody will ever notice except for me, but it's really starting to work. It's a subtle change from sickly pale to really pale, but it does wonders for my self esteem. I like knowing that I'm getting tanner. Not like Danny Tanner, but maybe like DJ Tanner.

Long ago when I lived with Keith he told me what I still consider to be one of the funniest things ever said. He was going to get a turn table, learn how to spin, and then call himself DJ Tanner. And I would join him up on stage under my psuedonym, DJ Connor. Wouldn't everyone in the world come to see us? And the flyer design would be obvious.

I didn't end up having that party this weekend. Ryan H■■■■'s parents went out of town and he couldn't leave his dog alone overnight. I'm not sure what that's all about but we had to reschedule. Instead, I hung out with Thommi who came to visit me. We did the normal weekend of window shopping and drinking. I got crabs.

Thommi got popcorn shrimp.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me starting work at my job. This little milestone has a bit of significance considering a year ago "one year" sounded like an eternity. Come to find, it's really not that long. Although, when you think about it, a lot has happened in the past year. In 12 month's time, I've started and kept a job. I've gotten my own apartment and managed to paint and semi-decorate it. I've been to six foreign countries. And I've consumed enough beer for a lifetime. Yeah, when you line up all my achievements, it's not too shabby.

I bought the girls I work with really cute little flower pots and cards and put them on their desks after work today. I hope they appreciate the sentiment. I really get off on doing random nice things like that. I'm not even sure anyone but me is realizing its the anniversary, but then again, they probably haven't been counting the hours like I have.

Tonight I went to Studio Movie Grill as per standard Funday night procedure. When I was leaving I got the hiccups. I always think that is so funny when you're drunk and get the hiccups. Makes me feel like a cartoon. Speaking of cartoons ... back to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

This morning I was having a hard time getting anything done at work. My cubicle is smack dab in the middle of the office hustle and bustle. I have several high talkers in my immediate vicinity, people who check their voicemail on speaker phone, innumerable cell phones ringing with a myriad of different tones and diddies, and then on top of all that is the drone of business going on. The only way I can really concentrate on what I'm doing is to wear my headphones, but then I'm listening to music and that doesn't really help me program much either.

So I decided I would work at a library for the afternoon. First, I got a quick lunch at Whataburger. The guy who carries around the tray and asks you if you want more ketchup noticed my Aggie ring and asked about it. I told him what it was and he said, "Oh, I got an engineering degree. I was in the military for a while so I was 27 when I finally got my degree. I was working for WorldCom when we all got laid off. I was in California then and just moved here." I told him I worked as an engineer and he inquired if we were hiring. I told him we were always taking applications. You know, I learned something today from this man. I always look down on the help, but you never know their story. You really can't judge a book by its cover. Then again, this guy looked like a dirty, dirty liar.

Engineers don't work at Whataburger.

When I finally arrived at the library, I got down to business. I finally got a chance to familiarize myself with a new project properly by reading all the material I had and listing out what all I needed to program. Very productive. When I got to a stopping point, I let my eyes wander and ended up reading books for a while. There was a book called How to Read a Book. I wanted to go sit in a high traffic area and hold it upside down with my brow furrowed and see how many people might stop and help.

So once the productivity slipped, I decided to finish out the day at home, and that's where you find me now. I just thought I'd take a quick break to let you all know the 411. I hope you all enjoy your Freitag. You're either in or you're out. Auf Wiedersehen.

Tell me if this is totally evil of me. My boss is a really nice guy. I honestly enjoy working for him. And on top of that, I think he's really smart ... maybe even smarter than me, which means I respect him. Plus, he's pretty lax about just about everything having to do with my work, which is of the utmost importance when you're trying to employ yours truly. The only problem I have with him is his hand. It is completely normal except for one finger that bends 90 degrees at the last knuckle. I hate to be so petty, but for some reason this really bothers me. When he demonstrates a concept with his hands, or uses gestures for emphasis, I feel the blood rush to my face and I get uneasy and queasy. It's awful. I end up making uncomfortably strong eye contact to avoid looking, or I look away, which is never good when you're boss is having a conversation with you. Should I get over it or would that bother anybody else? Not that your opinion matters.

In other news, I came across an old relic of my childhood the other day. It's my first stereo ever, the ol' Gerard. I used to listen to Lisa Loeb "Tails" (the first CD I ever owned) on repeat for weeks at a time on the ol' Gerard. This thing is so badass. The remote has a button for opening and closing the CD tray, but does not have a power button, nor volume control. Because there are many times when you would need to open and close the CD tray from across the room, but rarely if ever would you want to modulate the volume. I decided that instead of tucking it back away in the nether regions from whence it came, I would give it new life. I took a cue from David27 and put the stereo in my bathroom, so I can listen to music in the morning while I'm showering. I just tried it for the first time this morning and it is absolutely heavenly.

Also, it gives new meaning to the phrase, "Rock out with your cock out!" Excelsior!

I am now done with orientation at work. Friday was another good Friday. For the entire three weeks, they'd been telling us about our final exam at the end and how we should be studying a little bit here and there because it was really hard and comprehensive. And of course, none of us studied. In fact, we joked, "I'm not gonna study. I bet when we walk in the door, there's nothing but cake and punch." But in reality, we were all fully expecting a test.

Well, wouldn't ya know, as soon as we opened the door to take our tests, the Recruitment and Development Department yelled out "SURPRISE!" and clapped as they stood behind ... yup, cake and punch. So rad. And then we each had a little card congratulating us, a ■■■ pen, and a ■■■ like leather zipper folder thing. It was pretty cool. We had a good time. And then we all went to happy hour at Blue Mesa Grill. I had several beers and one guy bought a round of 16 shots of tequila. These people are all pretty fun. But they were going out and wanted me to join. Something to do on a Friday night? Rad!

The other night I got really sad about the fact that I was in Dallas. Poor Josh and Nelly Ryan had to talk to me while I was upset. I've really been kind of lonely since I've been back. I have my few friends here and I see them occasionally, but I miss all my friends in College Station. A lot. So to go hang out on a Friday night instead of sitting home and going to bed early was just what I needed. That, and more cowbell. I rawked the hawk for all my coworkers who had never seen it before. I met them all at this guy Keith's apartment and we went to Arriba's for margaritas and daqueries to start with.

There was a group of about eight of us, all heavy drinkers. I'm gonna toss some names around so don't get confused. Keith's stomach was upsetting him from his drink so he asked the waitress if she had any Tums. She didn't. And she was like 18 with a full set of braces. So when Willem's check came he wrote "No Tums, No Tip" and then blackened in a big '0' on the tip line. So as we're leaving this bitch is screaming out the back door, "Real fucking cool." And she obvious thinks it was Keith who wrote it ... who is now peeing behind the truck we rode in and thinks she's pissed that he's pissing. So we got out of there pretty quick and went to Suede. So weird. People just CRAMMED into a tiny bar, no dancing, just drinking. I don't see how people find that fun. But I managed to have an alright time talking to random people. I wish I'd taken my own car though, because when these guys get drunk, they look for a fight. They tried to pick a fight with some dude selling roses. I was like COME ON LET'S GO. It took forever to get back to my car.

When I finally did I was thinking, "Holy shit I don't want to drive back to Plano right now." So I start driving and recognized this street, Thomas, right away. And I'm like, "Oh, score, I am in Ryan S■■■'s neighborhood." So I called his roommate, David, and found his apartment and then fell asleep in his bed. Good thing he didn't come home. So to you, Ryan S■■■, I say thank you. HA!

I have a bunch of pictures that I need to put up on here from the Miami trip and from orientation when we went to the top of a 49 story building downtown, but that will have to wait for another blog. Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I hate working. I mean, while I'm there, it's not so bad. Sometimes the hours absolutely drag by and sometimes I'm done before I realized it was getting close to quittin' time. I have another piece of flair the Nazi's make me wear. This one's a cell phone. My whole life I have hated cell phones clipped to belts more than I hate Jessica Simpson (and her little sister now too). But, in keeping with the theme of turning myself into all the things I've always despised, I wear it obligingly. It's way too big to keep in my pocket because its one of those Nextel walkie-talkie things -- which I also hate.

Some other things that suck, and then we'll move on to more fun topics. We're getting this etiquette class three times this week and basically all they needed to do was hand out a piece of paper saying, "David you don't belong here." They presented themselves as this ultra-hip, young cultured company, but now they're impressing on us the need to look like mission control engineers from the 1960's. Fuck that. I'm not taking out my earrings. That's ridiculous. All I do all day is sit in a cubicle. And they keep saying things like, "If you're not married yet, when you do get married you'll want to eat with proper etiquette. And guys especially when you take a girl out." I know that's petty, but they make comments like these all day long constantly ... everyone does. It would be nice to not feel alienated for like five minutes.

So the fun topics I promised: This weekend, my first weekend in Dallas, could not have been better. Ryan S■■■ was having a party Saturday night, and I was on the ol' invite list. I went over to his house early so I could get ready to go out without the criticism of the matriarch. I helped him put lids on the obscene amount of jello shots and then people started showing up. JonS■■■ from College Station just happened to be in town and called me to see if I was doing anything, so I invited him to join me. I was grateful for him being there since I only knew a few cats and it was a little intimidating. There were like 70 queers sardined into Ryan S■■■'s apartment. It was great. But it did get a little stuffy and hot (I should take a look at his HVAC system) so we moved the party to the bars. Starting off at JR's, JonS■■■ and I proceed to drink Pink Cape Cods like they were goin out of style. Then we stumbled over to the Village with a couple strangers and danced and drank some more. Neither of us remember the rest of the night clearly but I think it ended with us buying a shot and not having enough money, so we left.

Not much else of note happened, but hazy stumblings and drunken ramblings with people we did not know. We made it back to Ryan's where he and his brother were waiting for us to take them to ... where else? ... Whataburger! Fantastic. I spent the night at Ryan's cause I'm a lush and my mother didn't want me to drive home if I'd been drinking. I was happy to oblige. The next day we woke up and went to visit Ryan S■■■'s friend, Greg, who lives in Addison Circle, where Ryan thought I might like to live. He was RIGHT! I fell in love. That's totally where I'm moving when I can afford it, which should be shortly. My first paycheck comes tomorrow -- can't fuckin wait. After we ate lunch and toured Greg's apartment we went and met up with Brent to go to a movie. So Ryan, Greg, Brent and I all rode to Stonebriar and met up with Chris Jones to see Stepford Wives, which I did not want to see, but I did want to meet new friends so I went. IT SUCKED. Real bad. Don't see it. Anyway, I just wanted to graciously thank Ryan, Greg, Brent and Chris for such a great time.

So that is what has been going on. Once I move out of my parent's house and get my own dedicated internet connection, I'll probably be more prone to get back into the updating swing of things, but as it is, I have precious little time to plug in and I don't always want to spend it narrating the past. But do keep checking back and emailing me and stuff, all the contact with my former life is a good thing. Peace out, have nots.

I was so excited to get home and blog so I could tell you all that today was the first day of work that I actually enjoyed. I was gonna tell you funny anecdotes about the people I work with and how funny a couple of them are. I was gonna tell you that I caught them all having a conversation when they thought I was out of the room about how hilarious I am and they love the way I tell jokes and stories with a straight face and then slowly smile to indicate that it was supposed to be humorous. I was gonna tell you all about how we went to lunch as a big group today to a pizza place and how I got mocked for eating nothing but dry, green veggies and water. BUT INSTEAD, I have a much, much better story to tell you. Read the next paragraph in your head with the voice of a large, elderly, black woman:

Yeah, I was getting bored in Baltimore so I rented me a car from Enterprise ... Cadillac Snoop DeVille! By the time I got to Addison, I had to stop in to have my car tuned up. Then it was off to Whole Foods where I bought all the supplies for the best family reunion ever. Best thing is ... it was all free! Well, for me at least. HahaHAHAHABELCHHAHAHA!!!!1!!

Yes, my friends, this reenactment of everyone's favorite new credit card commercials is an accurate portrayal of my recent experiences. I decided I was financially stable enough to order myself a new credit card. It has been like 8 months since I last had a piece of plastic with my account number on it or used my credit card number to buy anything IRL or online. The only charges going to my account were my cell phone, webpage, Time Life subscriptions, and website memberships. Then all of a sudden when I go to order a new card, they say I owe more than $800. What?! So I went online to look into it.

Somebody rented a car in Baltimore and managed to make it down to Addison within two days. Not sure what that's about but my brother said that sometimes people will share stolen card numbers with others, so maybe that's what happened. Then they went to a gas station in Addison twice. I was gonna report the exact dollar amounts but it appears they are on the ball and have already deleted my account information. That totalled about $300. They also made two trips to the Whole Foods Market in Plano totaling like $400. All I can say is that I hope this person was either DOWN and OUT and this fixed their car and allowed them to feed their family. Or that it was some punk kid who bought 300 dollars worth of cigarettes and 400 dollars worth of beer and threw a KICKASS party. Regardless, it was free for me too. They were unusually helpful and quick to believe I didn't make the charges, which is cool. They are sending me a new card with a new number and all I have to do is make sure to alert T-Mobile and Earthlink that I have a new account. Sweet!

I'm really excited to have had the opportunity to be a victim of identity theft. Even though I'm baffled as to how they got my number since I cut up the card so long ago and haven't even known the number myself. C'est la vie! The weekend is here! I've never looked forward to a weekend more in my life. I think tonight I'll go to bed and tomorrow sleep in! Then I'll drink a whole bunch. I miss you and love you if you're back in College Station, otherwise I just love you. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

First and foremost, I want to apologize to the 6,734,381 loyal Sidesho-Viewers who asked me how work is. I had neither the patience nor the energy to answer you all individually with the same exact stories so I figured I would wait until I blogged to answer you all at once. It was nothing personal, I assure you. But first, just look at what I've become:

In short, work sucks. It's not like I'm shocked at this fact, I knew it was going to, but DAMN, it sucks. (And just as a side note, any of you that might find it like sweet vindication that I now have to get up at 6am everyday whereas every other job I've had was pretty lenient ... I'm still making like 5X as much as you ... so HA!) We spent the first day in what can only be described as a 9 hour meeting listening to boring person after boring person drone on about company policies and benefits and shit. We didn't get to leave this board room all day ... they even catered us lunch at our seats. THANKS!

To be fair though, there are 16 new-hires including me and everyone is really cool. Unfortunately, I won't be working with any of them, since I was the only one hired on to do any engineering. The rest are quality assurance, energy savings, sales and recruiters. But I guess I will see them around the office. I can kind of tell that they interviewed based upon personality because all of us immediately clicked and have really had fun making jokes about all the stuff we're going through.

Tomorrow I get to dress business casual ... thank g*d! I've been running home every day and throwing my suit on the floor. I can't stand it. My parents have been out of town and will be til Friday, so thats been nice to not to have to answer a million questions every day when I get home. And I found out a new way to take to work that will cut I-35 completely out of my commute, which is great.

I think this job is gonna get better, its just gonna take time. This orientation shit goes on for 3 weeks and I'm in training for at least 6 months. So I don't really know what I do but everyone keeps telling me they're glad I'm there because there's "Lots of work to do!" They won't let me download AIM at work either. Damn. There goes all my fun. But really, its not all that exciting so I have very little to report, but as soon as I get acclimated I'm sure it will be as hilarious as Dilbert!

Ugh, interviewing is so stupid. I drove to Dallas on Monday afternoon, to avoid having to drive in the dark, which you all know I hate to do. I got there in time to help my mom make dinner and then eat with my parents. I was so tired from waking up early to go to class that I fell asleep around 10:00. I was happy I went to class though because we got our midterms back. I set another curve. I am a genius.

I tried to sleep in since my interview was at 11:30 but I was unable to do so. I guess I was nervous even though once I got there I really wasn't. I was interviewing with another guy from my major. The first thing we did was go to lunch with two guys. They took us to Saltgrass and we ate steaks. Yum. They took our resumes with them and asked us questions about projects we'd worked on and stuff, but mostly just shot the shit. After lunch I met with 3 other men who were interviewing me. Although, it seemed like they were more just looking for someone to talk to than actually interviewing. They asked me a few stupid questions, but mostly let me talk about projects I've been involved in, and talked about themselves and projects that they've done.

The company is really cool and I've decided that I want the job. They do automation systems for buildings. They do a lot of school districts, but more glamorous jobs include the Rockerfeller Center in New York, the Sears Tower in Chicago, and some building over in Japan that is supposedly the tallest building in the world. I thought they just automated lights, HVAC and security, but they do so much more. For instance, a guy shows up to work at 5am, scans his card. His office immediately sets to his preferred temperature, the lights turn on, and the elevator is waiting at the lobby already set to take him to his floor. On top of that, if a laptop turns up missing, they can track his progress throughout the building to see if he was a suspect. Also, if the fire alarm goes off, they have a complete record of who got out of the building, and who was left inside ... as well as where they are. It seems like these are really advanced systems. Like you can't just set the temperature to 72 and go with it. They also would set up occupancy sensors to make sure that they aren't wasting money cooling a vacant room. And they would probably include a CO2 sensor to make sure that the room wasn't getting stuffy with recirculated air and mix in some outside air. It seems like a really cool job and I hope I get it. I will know by April 16th. Regardless, they paid me 32 cents a mile to come see them so I'm gonna get a check for about $130 in the mail soon. Yippee.

I still haven't worked on my big project. I stood up Christina Lee on accident this morning to work on it and now I have a presentation to prepare for in my senior design class. We really didn't do much over Spring Break so I dunno what we're gonna talk about. We'll figure it out though, we always do. Hope all is well with you sluts, catch you on the flip side. Laaaaaaate.

Another Spring Break come and gone. My last Spring Break ever, as a matter of fact. How depressing. I had a pretty good time doing nothing even though I should have been doing a helluva lot. I'm worried about this one class because I still haven't finished the project that was due last week. They've extended the deadline another week, but I'm not going to be here for the first part of it. Tomorrow I have to drive home so I can go to my second interview with ■■■■■ on Tuesday morning. I'm not really excited about being interviewed. The whole process is somewhat retarded albeit necessary. I don't really want the job, but I'll take it if they offer. My brother said I could stay with him after graduation for a couple weeks if I wanted and my sister said I could move in indefinitely, so at least I won't be homeless ... and by "homeless" I mean "living at home."

I spent the weekend gettin drunk with the SideshoGang. We drank so much beer last night but we also ate a shitload of food so it was hard to catch a buzz. I think I fell asleep around 5, who knows. Now I'm just hanging over at my apartment with the AC on full blast. I always get so hot when I'm hungover, and my stupid hangover mask doesn't stay cold for very long against my hot forehead. 27 is on his way home finally, so that should keep me entertained until tomorrow. Ugh, I hate road trips. Peace out, sluts.

I turn my back on my beloved Sidesho-Viewers for a couple days and all hell has broken loose. Its absolute anarchy at SideshoViD.com. I took the time the other day to discuss with Joseph the goings on as of late, namely the CTRJFS.C. I wanted to get his feedback on the whole issue. He put on a brave face, but I could tell through his IMs that deep down inside lay a broken man. Hopefully, it won't discourage him from his post.

The thing we noticed that struck me as odd was that all of the comments from CTRJFS.C came from an ip address that was traced back to Carrollton, TX. I dare say, I do not know anyone from such a hole as Carrollton. I used to know people from there, but thankfully they have all moved away, allowing them to remain friends despite their upbringing. Long story short, if CTRJFS.C wishes their identity to be known (publicly or just by me) let me know because I'm mildly interested.

Other than the drama in the LBC things have been going great. I think I have a sleeping disorder, but thats nothing a little nightcap can't take care of. Life is good, life is grand. Catch you sluts on the flip siiiide.