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Ever since I started back at work, it has quite literally been kicking my ass. Well, not literally. I hate it when people emphasize LITERALLY when they clearly mean figuratively ... like I just did. But it has literally been exhausting me mentally and physically. Instead of accomplishing anything while I was in Sydney for 2 weeks, they expended more energy on shifting around schedules to buy more time. So now I have just as much to do, only it's all 2 weeks behind schedule and stacked on top of each other. Pretty bullshit. It's Saturday morning now and I'm about to head out to a construction site. My feet hurt so bad from the boots I had to buy. And my right knee gave out yesterday and can no longer really support my body weight. There's a reason I'm good with computers and not football. I'm not cut out for this.

Luckily, I've figured out what I want to do with my life. I was watching Modern Marvels, as I so often do, and the subject was bread. And they talked about the best thing since sliced bread, etc. But at the end, they talked about the rise of the artisan bread makers. It's basically like owning your own brewery, crafting your own local varieties and stuff. But I just think it would be so awesome to open up an artisan bread making company here in Addison! Circle. That way it would always smell good like bread, and hopefully people would stop buying loafs of commercially produced bread and just drop by the neighborhood bakery every day for something fresh and delicious. I just need some start up capital, because I already have everything else planned out, including the name. I call my bakery "Yeast Infection."

I'm here all week.

I'll probably curse the day I bought the PedEgg soon enough. Each night when I'm finished using it, I marvel at how soft my feet are. And then the next morning I think to myself, "I could just run it over them one more time to be sure." And wouldn't you know it? They get even softer. I can see somewhere in the near future of both soles of my feet being one massive abbrasion. But it's so worth it. Daniel won't let me use it on him because he claims his hard earned calloused feet are the reason he is able to wear uncomfortable shoes. But I just know I could take a good quarter of an inch off.

In other news, I went to visit my motorcycle accident havin' coworker at his house. He's home from the hospital. All the scary stuff about fluid in lungs and broken ribs is past him. His color has returned and he's in generally good spirits. He has a titanium rod in one leg and then he had two broken ankles, one of which was operated on and still has no feeling. But he just has two boots on and has to use a wheelchair to get around. So all in all, not too bad. I try to cheer him up with stories of own infirmary and give him hints on how to keep from getting bored. But he refuses to take pain medication of any kind, so my top 3 ideas were just shot to hell. I wish there was more I could do to help but it'll just take time.

Speaking of motorcycles, I took the Vespa in AGAIN. They're going to look at it AGAIN. This time they think they know what's wrong. They called Vespa and described the symptoms and they were quite sure this is the only bike in the world that has ever exhibited these characteristics. Yeeeaaahhh, custom baby. They said if I dropped it off before I went to Australia that they would have it fixed by the time I got home. I don't believe them, but it's worth a shot. So I took it to them on Saturday morning. Man, was it a beautiful morning to ride. I was sorry to drop it off.

And lastly, I'm going to Australia. OMG. It's coming to fast. Since I'm not very good at planning a trip in advance, I encourage you all to leave me a comment with something you think I should do while I'm there. So far all I've thought of is getting a picture of me in front of the Sydney Operahouse. So that's already covered. Also, any advice for how to survive a 14 hour flight would also be appreciated. Thaaaaaanks.

Yesterday I became a home brewer. I decided to start with hard cider which I figured would be marginally easier than beer. So there are 6 gallons of apple juice rotting in a bucket filled with yeast in the guest bathroom bathtub. In three weeks, it should be delightfully alcoholic and I'll probably start winning competitions and whatnot at that point. So if any of you are in town or around at Thanksgiving, come on by. I haven't come up with a name or a label yet but you better believe I'll be spending some time getting that sorted out.

I'm not sure if I even really like hard cider since every hard cider I've ever had has actually been an apple flavored malted beverage. And I'm definitely weary that I like it 6 gallons worth. But if I drink even one glass from the bucket and it has even 1% alcohol in it, then I will consider this a sweeping success. Who knows though? Maybe I really do like cider and I'll drink 6 gallons at 6% alcohol and die. Keep your fingers crossed.

Do any of you have a Wii? My parents bought one unexpectedly and I have go to say it is wildly entertaining. I like bowling and tennis. My whole family was in town a couple of weeks ago and we spent so much time playing these stupid games that the children got upset and the entire right side of my body was sore for like 3 days. What a brilliant invention to try and get fat little kids to quit being so fat and disgusting. I want one for xmas, so if you could just buy me one and leave it at my doorstep anonymously, I would appreciate it. That way, I don't have to feel indebted to you for your generosity and I can play my Wii without a burden on my conscience.

Back on October 1st, I swore that I was going to live on $100 dollars a week, no questions asked, no holds barred. A month later, I find my system unravelling. "Emergencies" are getting put on the credit card ... hard cider is an emergency ... and my checking account cushion is dwindling. So I had to supplement with some money from savings. That totally defeats the purpose, but if I can just make it one more month, then I'll be loaded and happy and ready to go to Las Vegas and gamble it all away. As it is, I've saved a ridiculous amount in the first month anyway, so I still count this as a victory. I'm pretty easy on myself.

I have pictures from Halloween but I'm still working on it before I post it here. So sit tight and wait for those, I promise to have them out by 2008. Peace.

I'm going to Mexico tomorrow for 5 days with my entire family. I'm really excited. We're staying in this all inclusive place in Playa del Carmen. I probably won't take my camera since I most likely won't take any pictures, but everyone else should be snapping away like crazy so I should have more than enough proof of my trip.

That should prove to be a nice vacation from work and a great long weekend. Then it won't be long until Kaboomtown and my birthday that I've conveniently combined for myself into another 5 day weekend. Yay, I love the summer.

Not a whole lot other than that to report. But I would like to mention that after just over 600 games of Spider Solitaire at work, my win rate peaked today at a record 19%. That's nearly 1 out of every 5 games won on the difficult 4-suit level, of course. Does anybody have me beat?

We did it. We moved. It only took about 12 grueling hours to finish. I can only imagine how long it would have taken were it not for the help of my father and our dear friend, DJ iMernex. I have been working long hours at work and I'm getting ready to go back to Seattle on Sunday (for one day) so I've been very little help in putting anything away. Plus, you all know me. I'd keep shit in boxes indefinitely if it were up to me. But not Daniel. Boy howdy, everything is done. It looks amazing. This place is so fucking huge it's ridonkulous.

I'll be gone Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then after that I should be home for a while. I say this because everyone I like needs to drop by as soon as you can to see the pad. I can't wait for Kaboom Town this year. I think we're gonna do a Kaboom Town/My Birthday/Housewarming Party thing. Whatever will we call it? Kaboothdarming? I am pretty sure that's a city in Iraq. Anyway, come up with some ideas and I'll pick the second best one.

The only downside to living here (and I'm not sure it's even a downside) is that there's ample parking on the streets over here. Whereas before I was usually forced to park in the garage, here I can always find a spot right by my door. Which means that birds poop all over my car every day. And it's an unbearable amount. So tonight I begin Operation Shine Lasers Under Trees. Every night around dusk, I am going to walk underneath every tree on the street and put a laser in the eye of every bird settling down for the night. After a few nights, they should be discouraged from ever staying there again. And I'll just keep on until my car is always clean. If it doesn't work, I'll just get a BB gun.

And that concludes my post. Having Daniel's computer here all set up is really nice and will hopefully equate to more frequent blogs. So don't delete me from your favorites list just yet. There's plenty more where this came from.

I am on the verge of accomplishing something I have never accomplished before. I am about to finish a garment. Like, I started it, worked on it, and now it is almost done. It's a weird feeling.

When I would watch Project Runway, I was always confused as to how men got involved in women' fashion. I would imagine that people would just gravitate toward designing clothes for themselves and then would branch off from there. But this garment I'm about to finish is a dress for my friend Katie. And now I understand why everyone does women's clothes. They are so much easier than men's. And so much more fun.

I wouldn't tell Katie anything about the dress. All I would tell her is that anything I made, she had to wear. And furthermore, she has to wear it at Daniel's upcoming birthday party. So now I really have to finish it. But since I don't really mind if she finds out, and because I don't think she reads my webpage with any regularity, I thought I'd go ahead and post a sketch of the dress. I totally free handed this from scratch. Not. But I did choose the colors to approximate the fabric that I chose. Part of me hopes it fits her beautifully, but I have to admit there's another part of me that hopes we have to pin it up and let it out and her boob is falling out all night. That would just be funnier. I'm sure we'll snag at least one picture of her at the party and then we can finally compare one of my sketches to the finished product. And that will make for good times.

Speaking of the party, if you aren't on Myspace and didn't get the invitation, but somehow feel you are deserving of attending, just let me know. We should have plenty of room for more friends. I gotta go attach the dress and the bodice now and then I'll be done. Ha, "bodice," listen to me talking like an old pro. Laaaaaaaate.

I tried to post yesterday, but I guess Earthlink was having a problem with their servers. Everything on the internet worked except for my webpage. I blogged in Notepad so that I wouldn't lose the thought, but I didn't save it because I was just going to cut and paste it later when everything was working. Last night I was pretty sick so I stayed home and went to bed and then Daniel came home around 3. He hates the sound of the fan in my laptop so he turned my computer off before he got in bed. Long story short (which is pointless to say after you've already told the long story), I lost what I was going to say.

I do know that 95% of the reason I was blogging was to show you my St. Patrick's Day cake. I can't wait to win the lottery and go to culinary school and do shit like this all day long. It started off as a practice cake for Daniel's birthday cake next month, but as soon as I finished, realized the icing was green, and remembered it was St. Patty's Day, I dressed it up with the yellow. Thank g*d I have cake decorating materials on hand at all times. The best part is, the reason the icing is green IS BECAUSE IT'S MADE FROM AVOCADOS. Have you ever heard of anything so crazy? If you watch Alton Brown you have. I have to say, it is curiously delicious. It's light and fresh and citrusy with the lemon juice and orange extract I added. I think it will be a big hit. If you want to try it, you'd better hurry over before Daniel devours the whole thing. He's quite the cake-eater.

I hope everybody had a lovely St. Patrick's Day filled with green beer and devoid of green hangovers. Laaaaaaaaate.

Since Febrehab is a world-wide phenomenon nowadays, I thought it important to create a marketing department to promote the benefits of good clean living. I personally always see a reduction in my massive girth. Telling you I lost 7lbs is impressive, but it doesn't really tell the story, so this year I took a picture on the first day and the last day. That way you could see a true before and after. I suppose I should just let my new brochure speak for itself. Enjoy!

In Seattle, it is difficult to tell the homeless from the homeful. Stereotypes about early 90s grunge still dominating here are understatements. I've done my best to adapt by not shaving for 3 weeks, but I'm afraid that without a vintage hobo jacket, tattered Converse, and a pair of cords, no one will ever believe me.

This morning there was about 3 inches of snow accumulated on the ground. You could hardly tell where the curbs and the roads were. I was nervous about driving until I walked on it and there was a surprising amount of traction. My original plan to do a controlled 360 into a parking spot ala Undercover Brother was shot to hell. The weird thing was that by 9am, all the snow had melted. Some freak warm rain storm came through and melted ALL of it. And tonight it's supposed to be back in the 20s. I love talking about the weather.

While I was here I got to go have beers with Stuart. It was really fun. That guy hasn't changed at all except his hair isn't purple and he has no lip ring. I will hopefully see him again before I leave. His sister was visiting him or something and bogarting his time, but I think she left today.

Boy oh boy am I ever ready to get home. I've got a 6 cup tournament with Ryan and Todd scheduled for Saturday night. Daniel's going with me. Anybody else want to chance a trip to Arlington? Scary shit there.

Um, I just felt obliged to update. I really didn't have much to say.

Worst. Post. Ever.

Last night I went to Daniel's parents' house for dinner as we do from time to time. When I got there, there was a large, misshapen box wrapped and bowed for me. It was an xmas present from the whole family. I was pretty excited to open it. The first thing that was in there was a large, hollow, fake gourd. His mother had placed it on top of the box to throw me off as to the contents. But below that was a brand new receiver! (As if a rectangular box is obviously receiver shaped.) Now, I know they say it's better to give than to receive, but if you give a receiver, does it all even out?

I have no speakers, but Daniel had a few that he doesn't use anymore and an extra subwoofer just laying around. He also had a VCR he doesn't use any more. So we trucked it all over to my apartment and I ate chips while he hooked it all up. Yes, folks, this relationship is finally starting to pay off.

A little while ago Daniel came home with two festive holiday ovalish kleenex boxes. His mother had given them to him and told him to give one to me. I chose the one I liked better. For some reason they were all in half English, half French, and the top of mine said, "Doux." So I said, "Oh my g*d, Daniel, why does this say 'douche'?!" And he grabbed the box, panic striken, and after reading it ... continued to be panic striken for a good additional 4 seconds. And I laughed. So hard.

I didn't laugh so much at the fact that I was able to convince him, albeit momentarily, that the kleenex was actually a douchebox (that's a new insult, try it). I laughed because I imagined his mother, innocently reaching into what she thought was a douchebox and pulling out a kleenex instead. And then she kind of pauses, confused, face melts to terror, and she yells, "Oh no! Danny!"

We were relaying that story to a girl friend of Daniel's and we were laughing about how douche could very well come in a box, as much as we know about it, which is nothing. And she informed us that douche is nothing but vinegar and water! There you go, ladies. I help you out. Save yourself some money.

Speaking of recipes, yesterday I found these really delicious looking avacados at the grocery store. I've never made guacamole before, but I was inspired. So I called my brother because his wife makes a pretty killer batch of guac. Her recipe uses salsa. Holy crap, that's brilliant. Instead of chopping up all the onions and g*d knows what else people pile in there, you just spoon in salsa. And then a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Mmm Mmm. I hope she doesn't mind me divulging her secrets here. But seriously, it was so easy and delicious. I left it sitting out and it turned black. Shit. But I have half a mind to go get some more 'cados. But I probably won't.

Oh dear, my father is bringing over new end tables for me tonight and my apartment is a total mess. I should probably at least hide the mess if I don't clean the mess. Hangovers are so demotivating. We'll see how far I get. Is it just me or do my hungover posts jump from subject to subject a lot more than normal? Oh well. Later have-nots.

It seems like such an appropriate time to be discussing freezing water with the shit falling from the sky right now. Not that I can complain, though. They shut down my office 3 hours early today so that we could all get home safely. So that's where I find myself ... heat on full blast, Food Network blazing.

I checked on my sub-zero salt water when I got home. The results were ... encouraging. I can't really say that it failed because the water was unable to freeze solid. It was a really liquidy slushy consistency. It could probably work really well to cool a beer. I was really hoping that it would be totally liquid, though. So I took my brother's advice and I've boiled the water and added the second half of a can of salt to it. I think it all dissolved. I'm letting it cool to room temperature before I put it back in the freezer. Let's hope he was right about hot water holding and then retaining more salt.

I will say this, though. I stuck my finger in the slush and it was painfully cold. As soon as I'm satisfied with the final recipe of salt water (I think I'm almost there: 1 part water to 1 part shit ton of salt) I will be using my digital thermometer to see how fast and how far I can cool a beer from room temperature. I think you're all going to want to go ahead and get your own bucket of salt water into the freezer.

Speaking of a beer.... I gotta go.

Have you people heard about this crap with Michael Richards? He's better known -- or rather, only known -- as that dude that played Kramer on Seinfeld. He was recently performing at the Laugh Factory. Two black guys were talking during his set and it pissed him off. He went on this tirade screaming the N word repeatedly peppered with a a few hearty "motherfuckers!" I suggest you all go to youtube.com and search for it if you haven't seen it yet.

He later apologized via satellite during Jerry Seinfeld's interview on David Letterman. It was pretty lame, as most public apologies are. Honestly, I'm not so much offended as a black man. I'm more offended as someone with a sense of humor. What he did was wildly uncalled for. When Steve Harvey had people not paying attention to his standup, he asked them what they did for a living and then made fun of "computer school." When Bill Burr was heckled in Philadelphia he went on a rant about how much Philly and their sports teams sucked. And the crowd loved it. When two black guys weren't paying attention to Michael Richards he wanted to lynch them and spouted racial epithets. The crowd gets up and starts to file out. He has since been banned from performing at the Laugh Factory.

I really think that heckling is as much a part of standup as standup is. It's all well and good to have a really polished act, but if you can't vibe with the audience and go with the flow, then you aren't really a very good comedian. And if you throw a tantrum when someone doesn't listen to you, then you're just a crotchety old man who is probably better suited to physical comedy in a sit-com setting.

I wonder if he would even be apologizing or feeling bad if somebody didn't happen to have a video camera during this performance. My guess is no. But what I really wonder is why he would perform in a Klan robe. Geeeheeheeezus, that's just asking for it.

Friday night Daniel and I went to the movie theater on account of my surgery keeping me from being able to drink. Whenever I'm sober and I try to think of something to do, I always end up at the movie theater. It's just about the only wholesome activity I am aware exists.

As we were pulling up to the Valley View Mall, we were behind this ostentatious Mercedes-Benz SUV. It had a flatscreen TV at the front of the passenger cabin and one at the back. And instead of seats it had benches. The side of the truck had this huge picture of this old dude with Einstein hair and his signature and logo. It was none other than... drum roll... Peter Nygård! Holy shit!

If you're like me, then your reaction to that news was a little something like, "Who?" As we passed by Dillards we saw people running around with walkie-talkies and a crowd of people waiting. This was clearly where Peter was heading. We parked by the movie theater and then I ran over to Dillards because I was far too curious. I asked a guy with an earpiece who Peter Nygård was and he said he designs women's clothes that sell at Dillards. Well it just so happened that as I was getting this information, the same Mercedes-Benz monstrosity pulled up next to me.

About 6 hot hoochies stepped out first. Daniel was pulling me toward the theater so we could get seats but I told him to wait because I really wanted to clap for Peter Nygård. So this old guy steps out and I started clapping wildly, trying to get everyone around me started as well. It didn't work. And I didn't stop.

I was clearly on drugs.

Then we went to see the new James Bond flick, Casino Royale. Read my review. It was so awesome. I want you all to go see it today.

As many of you know, mostly due to my constant reminders, yesterday I bid a sweet farewell to my tonsils. I have hated these things for years and years and years. They were too big and always getting in the way. And the slightest bit of disease in my bloodstream and they would swell up and start making out with each other. Nasty.

So I had a tonsillectomy. The week prior to the tonsillectomy, I googled things like, "What to expect after a tonsillectomy," "I am going to have a tonsillectomy," "Benefits of a laser tonsillectomy." I say these things in case anyone else is in my predicament and turns to the all knowing, all powerful Google for answers. I found several online forums dedicated entirely to people who have had tonsillectomies. Crazy, I know. They were all miserable. People were posting things like, "It's been 16 days and still no relief. I want to die." Talking all about how they can't take the pain but 3 weeks on a steady supply of painkillers was driving them insane. How malnurished they were from not being able to eat or swallow. Scary, scary stuff.

But I didn't have a traditional tonsillectomy. I had this brand new procedure done. My tonsils weren't actually removed, they were vaporized. And they didn't remove the entire thing, only about 90% of the tissue. You see, the tonsils sit in your throat and attach themselves in and among some muscle wall lining of your neck. In order to excise them, you must cut into that muscle -- hence unbearable pain. But you can get all the benefits of a full tonsillectomy by removing 90% of the tissue -- most certainly in my case since it was just an obstruction. The 10% of tissue they leave behind is the stuff that is attached to the muscle wall. No cutting, no pain.

I did have to endure once again getting numbed up. I had to take about 16 shots directly into the tonsils. Not pleasant. And you know how when you have a tooth pulled, you're like totally numb, but you can still feel them ripping your tooth out, your head jerks back and forth, you hear the root cracking free from the jawbone. Okay, it's like that. It didn't hurt to have my tonsils lasered into vapor, but I could feel it. And it was weird and unpleasant. Not to mention the fact that every few minutes we had to stop so I could blow the smoke out of my mouth. Acrid, nasty, foul smoke. Although once I did successfully blow a smoke ring and the doctor was impressed. And of course, the farther into the tonsil that we ventured, the less numbing medication had made it down there, so occasionally we had to stop and swab the gaping open wounds in my mouth with more numbing agent.

It sounds horrific, and it was, but nothing compared to the alternative. So this is my advice to you all. If you're thinking of getting a tonsillectomy -- STOP! Do not do a fucking thing until you've spoken to me and we're making sure you're getting a true laser tonsillectomy, not just using a laser to cauterize the wounds to reduce bleeding. Why would you bother listening to me? Let's just say that yesterday for lunch, I had Chic-Fil-A. For dinner, I had a large slice of Pastazio's sausage pizza. And on the way home from the movies, we stopped off at Wendy's. This morning I woke up... no pain. I am beyond ecstatic, especially since I took a week off work to recover and it appears I'm already done.

Everything that can be done, has been done. If this doesn't do the trick, then I'm just gonna have to fight, fuck, or hit the fence. I don't really know what the means but Justin emailed me about Con-Air the other day and random quotes got stuck in my head as a result. I'm off now, it's time for a pill cocktail and a lazy day. Peace out.

In 30 minutes I am leaving for the airport to fly back to Seattle. I will spend the week there returning on Friday. Then my company expects that I will board a plane again the following Monday and stay through the next Friday. In fact, they expect that I will continue to do this for the next 2 months. In reality, I will spend my free time in Seattle surfing Monster.com to find a new job.

They wanted me to fly out this Monday but I refused. I don't know if it's silly or not but I just won't fly on September 11. Especially not for work to somewhere I don't want to go. So they were pissy about that. They told me the arrangements couldn't be changed. I told them I would be in the office in Dallas on Monday morning if they wanted to contact me regarding future travel. They had no choice but to cave.

There were some emails sent back and forth regarding my performance in Seattle the last time I was there. I was basically trying to get out of going back, and they were trying to pin it all on me -- perfectly understandable. However, I'm going in swinging this time. It's no longer their time. It's my time. I have my own laundry list of items I would like to address. If at any time they refuse to take my advice that they are paying for, that item will be crossed off and may not be brought up again. When the list is finished, I am gone. I'm just so glad that they pissed me off before I came, because now I have no qualms laying down the law.

In other news, Daniel, his sister, and I all went to the Goo Goo Dolls/Counting Crows concert last night. It was too much fun. The show was great. We didn't stay through the entire concert because Daniel's sister claimed to have never heard of Counting Crows so we left early through their set. But I got to hear Omaha, Big Yellow Taxi, and Colorblind. Those are three of my favorite songs so I was satisfied.

Not sure what else to report really. I'll update from Seattle if I get bored but I already have plans to hang out with Philip and Robin some more and expense our good times. Grumble, grumble. Ugh, czech you all on the flip side.

Where to begin? I guess, first, I should mention that I'm reaching out to you all from a two-story Starbucks in Seattle, WA. Not three days after I returned home from my DC/NYC vacation, I boarded a plane for a four-hour flight to the great northwest.

When I was sitting in the terminal waiting for my flight, I noticed a particularly ill-behaved toddler screaming his head off. I just knew he would be sitting near me. And I was right. This little fucker was directly across the aisle from me ... and he did not shut the fuck up the entire flight. He was screaming for the sake of screaming. Now here's what really bothers me. His mother catches my glare, smiles, chuckles, shakes her head ... like she's expecting me to be the same, like, "Eh! What'reyagonnado?!" and ruffle the kid's hair. I'll tell you what you should do. You should smack that kid so fucking hard that the next time he ever thinks about screaming on a crowded airplane, the resulting Pavlovian headache is crippling enough to quell that impulse. Good lord, people, it's bad enough you decided to breed, then decided to do a poor job in raising your children, but at least have the foresight not to bring them in public. No one thinks your kid is cute but you.

Except my nieces. They're all adorable.

So Seattle kinda sucks. The weather is pretty kickass, but I'm bored out of my gourd. I don't know anyone here and my room doesn't have internet access until I move hotels on Thursday. I really just want to be home, but that won't happen until September 1. Somebody call the whambulance.

My trip to DC was spectacular. Daniel and I got along famously, something that had mildly concerned me before our departure. While we spend nearly every hour outside of school and work together, that doesn't always give you a good indication of how you'll handle 24/7 with a person. But it was not even an issue. We spent every night in DC gay bar hopping. We got to meet up with Mr. K■■■■■■ and my dear friend JonS■■■. DC is a pretty cool city, but it's missing that essential pretentious attitude that makes going out really fun. Nobody dresses up. They wear flip-flops and cameo shorts and sleeveless Ts out the bar. What's the fun in that? Daniel and I had to get all fancied up and go out with our sunglasses on to show em how we do. Daniel's dad had a nice apartment in Dupont Circle with a huge terrace. The terrace was surrounded on three sides by a tall brick wall, and the fourth side was a rod iron fence. So every night when we were smashed and getting home, we'd climb the rod iron fence to sit on top of the brick wall and smoke cigarettes. Every single night one of us got hurt. Daniel tore his foot open. I have a puncture wound on each knee. You'd think we would learn our lesson after a few nights, but we managed to avoid any lessons learned.

New York was a b-last. I still don't like the city, but I definitely like the time I had there. We stayed with Daniel's friend David (so bear with me during this story, I'm not speaking in the third person). David showed us as much as he could in the short weekend we were there. We went to some good bars, but they were all so fucking packed. I can't imagine paying 8 times as much for an apartment 1/4 the size just to spend every night packed into bars so tightly that it's hard to even drink. And if you go to New York, make sure you take a lot of cash. IF places even took credit cards, they all had minimums. 5 dollars at most stores, 50 at some bars, and one bar even said they wouldn't swipe my card more than once when I told them to just run it. I suppose if you're marking up alcohol 800% customer service isn't at the forefront of your concerns. But like I said, we still managed to have a blast. One day we went on a Project Runway tour of the city. We went to Bryant Park, and Parsons New School for Design, and the Red Lobster that Santino made fun of Tim Gunn and Andre about. We went to Mood, the fabric store they always shop at and had a fabric scavenger hunt. We managed to find 3 of the fabrics that they've used on the show this season. Too exciting. We also went to the flagship Macy's and they had a window display with all of the winning outfits so far this season. It was fun to look at them up close. By far one of my favorite parts of the vacation. The other day we just kind of strolled around Central Park. Thank you thank you thank you to our most gracious host and newest Sidesho-Viewer, David. Can't wait to see you again soon!

We did so much walking on our trip. I really felt like my legs got a good workout, since they haven't had any recently. We also took a train from DC to NYC. That was a first for me. I like the train. The train is kind of like what I assume airplanes would be like if there weren't assholes trying to blow them up all the time. You just kind of get on where you need to get on and then get off when you need to get off. It just made a lot of sense to me.

I have to apologize for the length of this blog. I had a lot to say and nothing else to do in this fucking city. I'm bored. If anybody knows somebody who lives in Seattle, or knows somebody who knows somebody PLEASE get in contact with me. I would kill for some company. Alright, I'll update more when I have internet in my room. Later, bitches.

I'm off tomorrow for my week long vacation to Washington, D.C. and New York City with Daniel. I can't imagine that I'll have internet access readily available (or that Daniel will tolerate me updating my website when there are so many things to do). So this is my farewell to you all. I will update when I get home and let you know how it went. Laaaaaaater bitches!

I love Febreze. I love it. It's hard for me to imagine life before it. I have nearly every product they produce. I use "linen & sky" for my fabrics and "citrus & light" for my air effects. I just recently freshened up my pillows and blankets in my living room, which is really what spawned this whole blog. I'm nursing a healthy hangover and I've pretty much been wrapped up on the couch since I passed out here last night.

The only thing that bothers me about Febreze is their advertising. It's fucking ridiculous. NOBODY buys Febreze to spray on the carpet as they pick up toys. And housewives don't use it to freshen up jackets in the closet. What is it used for? I would estimate around 90% of Febreze's annual sales are to teenagers who smoke. Seriously. How many friends did you have in high school that kept a bottle of it in their back seat so they could hose down the car's interior after a night of cruising around smoking cigarettes? What they ought to show in their commercials is 4 kids sitting in the basement smoking weed from a hookah when their parents get home early, and as three of them race to disassemble and hide the evidence, the other one gets this sideways glacing smirk on his face and grabs the Febreze and starts spraying it everywhere. And then the parents come in and say, "We're home! The house looks great." And after the parents walk out, the kids all high five and then eat sour cream and onion potato chips and laugh.

I'm even willing to let Febreze have that idea for free. They can even have this, too -- the new print ad I just created for them. If you are the CEO of Febreze and want to hire me, please leave a comment. If you want to sue me for copyright infringement, then don't. Cheers!

Any of you that have been to my residence in the past seven or so years have probably had the good fortune of witnessing the most beautiful coffee table ever created. It started out as a normal coffee table donated to my dorm room by a friend of my mother. One freshman year later and the facade was horribly damaged and the finish nearly entirely removed by spilt Everclear. I knew something had to be done, so I enlisted the help of my very artistic and talented friend, JennyC■■■, and soon ended up with this...

It's beautiful. It's creative. I love it. HOWever, it does not exactly fit in with the color palatte of my apartment. I had considered the whole space/ocean/mountain/sky theme for my living room, but instead went with tan and red. Considering Ryan S■■■ and I are someday going to open up Tan & Red Designs together, it was a no-brainer. Anyway, the table holds a lot of sentimental value to me because Jenny and I did it together so long ago, so I knew I couldn't get rid of it. I thought maybe I could cut the legs off and use it as a wall hanging, but again, not really in keeping with my concept of "vintage Parisian." What to do? What to do indeed.

I've been using the table in my bedroom ever since the redesign. It sits directly behind the head of my bed and serves to hold my many extra pillows. You never know when you need to switch in the middle of the night to a softer or firmer or more Tempur-pedic pillow. It's a pillow table. A pillow-table? Solution! I present to each of you, the new and improved pillow-top coffee table. I used three blocks of foam to create each section and then covered the whole thing in faux leather vinyl stuff. After I stapled it down, I put a row of brass tacks between each cushion and then a border of brass tacks around the edge. I didn't think it would turn out showcase quality, but I was pleasantly surprised at how well I did. It isn't perfect, but it's perfect for me. I think it looks so cool. So fashion forward. (Sorry, I just got done watching Project Runway.) It was a fun little project, and one that I have a bruised thumb and several bleeding cuts to show for. You know me, my art hurts me so. I had to offer it up for your approval. As always, I'll entertain your comments as long as your comments entertain me.

My trip to Washington, D.C. and New York City is fast approaching. If you'd like to hang out be sure to let me know. I've already gotten word from JonS■■■ and Mr. K■■■■■■. Hopefully, I'll be able to hook up with Topher in NYC. As an added bonus, the Monday after I get home from vacation, I will be jetting off to Seattle! You believe that? So if anybody is in the northwest, also let me know. Mr. Ryan C■■■■■■ has already expressed an interest, but I should have puh-lenty of time up there, so I'd love some company. g*d, I'm such a jetsetter. I think it's bed time. Czech you sluts later!

So Thursday was my birthday. I was pretty vigilant with my vow after last year's debacle to not make a big deal about it. Thanks to everyone who remembered and sent me a message or called. I worked on my birthday but took this Friday off because I was pretty sure I was gonna be drunk.

I decided that all I really wanted to do was sit on the TV and watch some beers. So when I got home from work, I tidied up a bit, cooked a frozen pizza and got down to drinking. Brett Sabulous had kept his plans tentative just in case I was doing something, and decided to come join me in my quest. So we sat on the TV together and watched a lot of beers. When Daniel got home, we moved the party down there and continued drinking. It was so much fun. So low key. So much more my speed.

Daniel got me a really nice Bulova wall clock for over my TV. That brings my clock total to 6 now. That's almost one clock per 100 square feet of my apartment. I am obsessed with knowing what time it is. This is the only nice clock I have though. It looks pretty smart over my new TV stand. I need to hang it just a smidge higher but I couldn't reach, so it's temporary now. Brett got me a gift certificate to Face, this men's salon in uptown. I'd never heard of it but their menu was quite impressive. I'm going to go get a real shave. I have ALWAYS wanted to do that. Hot towels, hot lathers, straight bladed razors. Omg, I can't wait. My parents got me a month of yoga. I really want to try out this place called Dahn Yoga over on Beltline. I don't know what brain respiration is but I'm soon going to find out.

So everything went just swimmingly this year. Unfortunately, speaking of swimmingly, Tuna is in bad shape. He's been really lethargic lately, so this morning I got online and researched his condition. He is showing every symptom of disease. I am going to get a heater for his tank since the temperature should be between 74 and 78 degress Fahrenheit, and if you've ever been to my refrigerated apartment, you know it's always colder than that. I'm about to quarantine him, clean his tank, and see if we can't revive him. But he's 2 years and 3 months old now, so I'm not sure how much longer he'll be with us. I'll keep you updated on his condition. Remember him in your prayers to Chuck Norris. Peace out, have-nots.

I'm really diggin' this ClustrMaps thing I have going on. I want to thank Joseph for emailing me about it. Looks like the Sidesho is a lot more popular on the east coast than the west. Should I mold my brand of humor to benefit my already strong demographic? You know, make jokes about the Atlantic ocean n stuff. Or maybe I should be focusing on trying to bring up the readership in states I don't already have an uncompromising strong-hold on. Perhaps I'll start with Utah. Haha, fucking Mormons. They're all insane, did you know that? It's like the perfect blend of xristianity and Scientology. They think jebus will fly them a spaceship and drop their asses off on their own planet where they'll be free to engage in secret handshakes and secret tacky underwear without being under the watchful eye of rational people. joey smith bless 'em, they're all fucking mad!

Well that was tangential. My hungover posts tend to be a bit more random than the sober ones. My brother's wife's brother was supposed to come get my old couch, oh, 6 weeks ago. I was going to donate it but as a personal favor to him, I held onto it. It's totally cluttering my apartment. He couldn't find a truck so I gave him 3 weeks to do so, after which my brother's wife had to go to the hospital for a bit and her brother went to Houston to help out. So then I felt bad and had to give him an extension on picking it up. But that was like 3 weeks ago, so I've had this shit for a WHILE. On Thursday, the Salvation Army is coming by to get it. I can't wait to get my entryway back.

Went out on the yacht again on Thursday. I left work early and met the troops. They pulled into port to pick me up and were just gonna swing by the dock, I'd make a running leap onto the boat and we'd speed out of there. No need to park or any of that nonsense. So they pulled up, I jumped on and we sped off ... right into a sandbar. Luckily the lake was deserted, because we were fucking stuck. It was pretty funny but we couldn't laugh because Alexander was getting pissed. After about 20 minutes of revving the engines in reverse and kicking up a ton of dirt in the water, we finally got out on the lake. They had blown up a little 3-seater raft and were dragging it behind the boat. I rode it for a while. It was hella fun but I'm not much of a thrill seeker so I got back on the boat and let Kelly take my place. Next time we do that, I'm gonna go ahead and suggest we all have life vests on. As much as I'd hate a life vest tan, Jordan almost died. We hit this huge wave, Daniel threw up, and Jordan went limp, airborn, and under. It was scary and funny. He said he didn't remember falling out and woke up in the lake. Luckily he was okay. Not too much else happened -- oh, except that I can officially say I've been skinny dipping in Lake Lewisville. No details!

So I haven't worked out in like a month. Don't know why, I'm just lazy and can't get back into it. I was really concerned when I went the other day (isolated incident) that I would have gained back all that weight I worked so hard to lose. But I weighed myself ... and I lost three more pounds!!!1! Do you believe that shit? This "eating right" malarky must really work. g*d, I eat so much more than I used to. I usually have at least 6 meals a day and they're all packed with nutritional goodness. That makes a grand total of 21 pounds lost from the time I started eating right. I don't think you could have looked at me a few months ago and said "hey fatty mcfatfatfat fuckfat, lose some weight." Like I don't think I looked that fat, but fuck me, I look good now. I don't even think I weighed this little when I graduated college. Rawk.

Let's see, let's see, what else can I brag about. Oh! I think I might be an amazing cook. The other day I was in the grocery store and randomly decided to cook dinner for Daniel. I think all he ever eats is fast food junk food, and he's been having problems with his stomach so I thought a home cooked meal would be good for him. I roasted a g*ddamned chicken! Do you believe that shit? I like stuffed it with onions and celery and put a dry rub on it of salt, pepper, all spice, and cinnamon. And I baked it for 2 hours, and basted it every 20 minutes. It was so insane. I'm a masterbaster. It came out like perfect. Its the best chicken I've ever had. And on top of that, the whole bird was 6 dollars, and I got two very large dinner portions and a whole heaping plate of leftovers. I'm going to roast a bird once a week from now on. If we'd stop going out for oysters and wood fired lobster maybe I'd actually get a chance to eat some of my chicken delight.

I think that should be enough for now. I'm heading to my parents' house to watch World Cup Soccer with my brother Michael. He is in from California. His daughter Kelsey is THE cutest thing on Earth (perfectly tied with Kaylyn and Ann Marie). Then I get to have dinner with Miss Allison "Google" H■■■■■■. What a great day. Oh and my sister called. She is having a boy! Two nephews coming soon! Later skillets.

I finally finished painting my bedroom. I have never been so proud of myself for anything in my life. I think it looks so good, almost like an adult, put together bedroom. My bed floats in the middle of the room now. I still need a new end table, new lamps, new bed frame, new table, and new curtains, but the biggest portion of the work is done. It was really hard for me to get one good picture that showed it off, so I took a few. The fourth one is to show you that I did, indeed, repaint my router to match.

I also cut all my hair off and I'm growing a beard. This is a life makeover. Now if I could just stop chain smoking and skipping the gym. I was doing so well for a while there. I'll get back on it soon. I fell off of my diet somewhat due to my trip to Houston for Memorial Day weekend. It was totally worth it though. I went to visit my brother and help out with his impregnito wife and baby daughter. Kaylyn is the cutest thing, and now that she can talk, she is funny too. It was really nice to get to know her, and have her know who I am. About every 5 minutes she would ask, "Where's Uncle David?" if I wasn't in her immediate view. She'll be 2 in July. I can't believe she's getting so big so fast.

I also got to see Kevin. We drank a lot and played darts. I ended up losing after coming from way behind to take the lead. That g*d damn bullseye. I could not hit it. The rest of the nights I hung out with my brother. We saw X3. I thoroughly enjoyed it, although it wasn't the best X-Men movie, I didn't think. Still worth seeing though. One night we went to this place called Whiskey River. It was a totally open up barn type building with this wasted, barefoot guy playing guitar on stage. When we walked in he was berrating some paying customers that had asked him to please stop yelling and cussing into the microphone. It sent him into a tirade about being in the service industry. This guy was so bad, I can hardly explain it. His guitar was so out of tune that my brother noticed it. That's pretty bad.

There are a few distinct stereotypical guitar players. There's the "plays Dave at college parties" guitar player. There's the "pseudo lesbian Ani-wanna-be" guitar player. There's the "stuck-in-the-80s all I wanna do is wail ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOCK YOW!" guitar player. There's the "classically trained and snooty as hell because of it" guitar player. I like to consider myself a "only knows 3 songs and plays them repeatedly" guitar player. If you can think of any more, please feel free to share. Anyway, after one second of looking at the entertainment for the night, I remarked to my brother, "This guy LOVES Pearl Jam, I guarantee it." So we started yelling for him to play some Pearl Jam. The only song we could think of was Jeremy. He told us that he would play Jeremy because it was a great song, but never fucking did. He did, however, play some Pearl Jam, and as you would expect, he did it in his best Eddie Vetter impression voice. So fucking lame. When we left, my brother held down the horn from the time we got in the car until we left the parking lot to interrupt his show. Too damn funny.

I think that's all the news to report. Leave me some comments on how I have the best fucking bedroom in the world. Thaaaaaaaanks.

I just got my new Chuck Norris shirt in the mail. If you go to ChuckNorrisFacts.com you can order one too. Also, if you haven't been to ChuckNorrisFacts.com then you are an idiot and you need to go read all the facts immediately; they are riotous. The best part of ordering your shirt is you get to design it yourself. You can choose from like 30 slogans and icons and size, arrange, color and combine them however you please. I <3 Technology.

I went to the Richardson Wildflower Festival on Saturday. Don't get me wrong; I like wildflowers as much as the next guy, but the reason I went was to see my beloved, Lisa Loeb. She was fantastic. There are few things in life that make me smile more than hearing "Stay" performed live by Lisa. When she got done, Daniel, Jenny, Steven and I moved into the shade by the gate to smoke a cigarette and look for Lisa's sister, Debby, so we could yell at her that she rocks. She was on the reality show #1 Single with Lisa and she ... well ... rocks. It turned out to be a good vantage point because Lisa walked right by us as she was paraded to the autograph signing table. I yelled, "I love you Lisa!" and Daniel yelled, "Great show!" and she totally looked at us, smiled, said hi, and thanked us. Eat that, you idiots that waited in line!

Today, I got up early to go to my Pillar Procedure check up. I ran down to my car with about 20 minutes left to make my appointment in time. When I got to the garage, I saw that my left, rear tire was fucking flat. I have never had a flat tire in my life. I called my dad to ask what I should do. He suggested changing it. DERRRRR. And that DERRRRR is for me, not him, since I honestly hadn't thought of that. My dad taught me how to change a tire once when I was 15. I thought it was an absolute bore, but thank g*d he did that. I managed to change it myself, with many dramatic text messages to Daniel claiming I couldn't. I was pretty proud of myself. I made it to my appointment about an hour late, but it wasn't a problem. Everything is healing nicely. No uvula snipping until everything is completely healed. Doctor's orders. Damn. Best part of the day? Both my checkup and fixing my "screw"ed up tire were FREE! FREE I TELLS YA! Thanks National Tire and Battery.

UPDATE!!!!1! Holy shit, I can't believe I forgot to include, like, the whole reason I started blogging today. This one requires a little bit of a back story that some of you have probably already heard but I'll tell it again because it's the greatest story ever told. One night while I was studying in the MSC with Allison our freshman year, I got up to use the bathroom. Having forgotten that they locked the downstairs bathroom at 9pm every night, I was quite embarassed when I walked full speed into a locked door. Furtively glancing around to make sure no one saw, I ran upstairs to pee. On my way back down, it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I told Allison the story, I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" and we quickly gathered our things and ran giggling to a hiding place near the bathroom. We made a crappy hand-made sign on the back of a flier that read, "DOOR NOT WORKING PROPERLY. PUSH HARD!!!" Only "HARD" was underlined like 8 times. Then we used some tape from another flier to affix it to the locked bathroom door. We hid behind the stairs leading into the cafeteria and waited. Guy after guy after guy after guy walked up, read the sign, and then proceeded to fight with the door for a few minutes. One Chinese dude took a flying leap at the door and hurt himself. Two frat boys sat there each taking turns screaming at each other, "DUDE! It says push HARD!" All the while, we sat not 10 feet away with tears streaming down our faces, fingers firmly pinching our noses closed and our other hand suffocating the hysterical laughter. It still goes down as one of the best nights of my life. So you can imagine how hard I laughed when I went to use the restroom at NTB and found this sign on the door. I didn't want to photoshop it so you'd know that it was a real picture, but it reads:

You can only imagine how many times I looked around to make sure two teenagers weren't perched within viewing distance laughing at me. Fucking punks.

And I can't ask for things to be still again. No, I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes. Longing for home again, but home is a feeling I buried in you. I'm alright. I'm alright. It only hurts when I breathe.

Long nights lead to longer days. Last night was Taste Addison! I headed up to the roof of the parking garage to sneak a free view of the Hootie and the Blowfish concert. They were okay, but I only knew like 3 of their songs that they sang. I ended up polishing off more than my fair share of Kers Lat. I really haven't been drinking much lately, so I only meant to cut a little loose. I forgot that still raw emotions and excessive alcohol aren't always the smartest mix. I ended up saying things. I didn't necessarily not mean them, but I never mean to portray myself as angry or hurtful so I wasn't too happy with myself over that.

Today, I ended up waking up really early despite a screaming hangover. Later in the day, I went outside to smoke a cigarette and ran into Daniel and Miles. When Daniel left for work, Miles and I sat in the park in the sun and chain smoked and talked a lot. It was a really hard conversation to have. I didn't like anything that I said or that I heard, but it all needed to be said and heard. Honesty is the best policy, in every situation. I swear by it, but have not had that courtesy extended towards myself as of late, so we bypassed the kink in the communication and clarified a lot for each other. I don't know how this will end up, but I can tell you that however it does, it will be for the right reasons. It won't be based on a lack of information, a poor assumption, or another fucking lie.

When I got home the combination of a pretty bitching hangover, a few hours out in the sun, half a pack of cigarettes, and a stomach filled to capacity with nothing but water caught up with me. Having a really stressful conversation that had my stomach in knots didn't help too much either. I ended up throwing up. I fucking hate throwing up sober. It hurts. Then I took a long nap in my refrigerator of an apartment. I tried to take a hydrocodeine to alleviate some of the pain, but apparently it's only meant for physical pain. I spent the rest of the night with the lights off playing guitar until the gang showed up to chill for a little bit. I really like this Melissa Etheridge song, "Breathe."

I am alright, but it does hurt a lot. But I think I'll just keep breathing.

I am single again. Most you probably didn't even know I wasn't. I don't normally speak of personal things on my website, but I just want to say it once and then I don't want to talk about it anymore. After changing status four times in as many months, I am now single for good. Okay. Don't comment about it.

My uvula is up to its old tricks again. Instead of dangling in the breeze of my exhalations like a tiny stalagtite in my throat, it has decided to double or triple its length. It is now a slithering snake down the back of my throat when I swallow, encroaching upon my tongue when I do not. You know how when you try to take a pill without water and sometimes it gets stuck in the back of your throat before it goes down, and you have to run to the sink to get a drink before it drives you mad. Yeah, RIGHT there is where it's sitting. Have no fear, I'm gonna chop the fucker out. I don't like it. I don't want it. And I don't need it. So long uvula!

My dinner of dry boneless skinless chicken breasts and an ear of corn was fucking delicious. I just bought enough healthy groceries to last me longer than they'll last. Gotta love it. I'm actually not being facetious when I say that I totally enjoy chicken breasts and a handful of spinach for dinner. Not only do I think it's delicious, but it's doing wonders for how I feel and look. If I keep up this personal trainer set workout routine for like two months, you're not even going to recognize me. Except from the shirtless pics that I'll be posting on myspace. Wish me luck on that and I might let you lick me.

If I don't get my TV plugged in like now, I'm going to ... something something.

Our dear friend Kelly has canceled her Addison! Circle lease. In the wake of it, she told me I could have whatever I wanted out of her apartment to save her the trouble of moving out. So the other night a bunch of us let ourselves in and went on a treasure hunt.

It occured to me in there what a peculiar word "dibs" is. You know how if you take any word and say it outloud enough times it starts sounding stupid? Another good example is merge. Merge... merge... merge? Sounds wrong, don't it? After a good 30 minutes of walking around yelling, "DIBS! DIBS ON THE COUCH! DIBS ON THE MIRROR!" I couldn't let it go. I came home and googled the origins of dibs. The long of the short of it is, no one knows where it came from. People speculate it may have something to do with the ancient game of dibstone originally played with the knucklebones of sheep, but the evolution from that to laying an unbreakable claim on someone's trash can is beyond me. It's just one of those unsolved mysteries. Duh nuh nuh nuhnuh duh nuhnuh nuhnuh.

I am the proud owner of a new couch, a new tv stand, a couple new lamps, a new standing mirror, and some new DVDs. My apartment is a tad overcrowded at the moment, reminiscent of the summer I spent in my duplex on Medina. Medina RULES! Thank you to my most sabulous friend, Brett, who helped me move all the shit across the street. It was quite an ordeal. Well, not really, I'm just being dramatic. We will all miss having sober Kelly as our neighbor, but she'll live on in all the free shit I ganked from her with the spare key.

Dibs on the martini shaker!

Like the late, great Albert Einstein once said, "I have a dream!" Last night, I fuckin had one.

Let me recap. On Tuesday morning, I went to see the ENT doctor that specializes in the Pillar Procedure. I had 3 small surgical foam pillars inserted into the soft pallate at the back of my throat. It was crazy. I got sprayed with some numbing stuff. Then I sucked on a sponge-sicle soaked in some kind of gooey anesthetic that ran down the back of my throat like ... syrup. Achem. Then, they injected me like 5 times with a needle full of the real anesthetic. Next came 3 huge, hollowed out needles with the pillars inside them. It was so freaky. I could feel every millimeter of them as they went in. I knew where they were and could tell that he was dead on where I thought they should be. But, I felt no pain.

After that ordeal was over, they sprayed some stuff up my nose. Then I got an epinepherin (sp?) shot in each nostril. They said it would cause my blood vessels to shrink limiting bleeding, but as a side effect, it acted like a huge adrenalin shot. My heart started racing and I started sweating. He said it was just my body's natural fight or flight mechanism kicking in. I almost flew. Once that took effect, he shined a laser up my nose and burned out tissue. I could smell it very well. Nasty. The next 30 minutes I spent sitting in the chair shaking waiting for the shots to wear off. And then, it was over.

Daniel was sweet enought to take a day off to take me to the doctor and bring me home. I got some good pain medicine, and was pretty comfortable on the couch watching movies holding tissues under my nose to collect the massive amount of blood rushing out. Not a bad way to spend your afternoon, I must say.

Today, I'm still very sore. My lymph nodes are swollen as they attack the foreign bodies in my throat. My nose is sore and runs a lot although the red faded to pink, and is now almost entirely snot colored. And last night, I had a dream. I didn't wake up fully refreshed or anything, but I think that's good progress. It could potentially take up to 18 weeks for me to get the full effect. If this doesn't work, I'm having more surgery. So wish me luck.

I haven't really been to work in a long time. I pop in now and again, but I have had other things to do deal with. I took off today to go see United 93 (awesome) and now I'm going to spend the remainder of my afternoon painting my bedroom. Yeah I had a change of heart and a change of colors. But it looks really hot. I'll surely show you all when I'm done. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

My blog affects my life immensely. It can manifest in two ways. Either I alter my usual patterns hoping to generate a blog-worthy story, or the things that I've said on my website are read by people who then affect my life. That's why I do shit like ear candling and enrolling in the art institute. The other night, I ran into Ryan S■■■ and he started hitting me because I said he always disagrees with me. Those are just a few examples of a constant whirlwind. SideshoViD.com is never far from my mind.

I tell you this, because I don't want you to think I've left you hanging. 90% of the day, I am writing blogs in my head. And I've written this one again, and again, and again, and again. If I write something happy-go-lucky, it will appear to others that I am flighty and disengaged. If I write something too honest, I'll betray my own self, and won't stand to entertain any of you, which is always one of my goals. I don't know what I'm really trying to say, just basically informing you that I'm going to just try to pick and choose humorous anecdotes from my day and highlight those, but I am, in no way, belittling anything that has happened recently.

I got a new noise machine for my bedroom -- The Sound Soother 50. It was really expensive, but it came with a remote control, I can plug my iPod into it and use it as a speaker, and the sounds are incredibly real. I've been sleeping with "downpour" a lot and I like to nap with "bamboo chimes." Another favorite of mine is "clothes dyer." There are a few questionable ones like "pasture" and "buggy ride," like who the fuck wants to fall asleep to cows mooing. You'd have to be a country-ass bumpkin. "Heartbeat" is also kinda creepy, but I think that's supposed to be good for babies. I just had to get some sort of background noise to block out anything ambient. My brain has started taking sounds it hears while I'm sleeping, creating a terrifying story to explain the sound, and overlaying it on top of my actual sights and sounds as I sleepwalk. Technically, they're not nightmares, since nightmares are types of dreams, dreams only occur during REM, and my brain does not go into REM. Their official name is night terrors. Hahaha. Fucking great.

I've stopped taking Provigil. While the doctor said that it had nothing to do with my heart rate, I found myself with a resting heart rate of 145bpm. Just to put that in perspective, it should be less than 80bpm ... the only reason your heart should beat 145 times per minute is if you have just sprinted a 5k. That was a concern for me so I stopped the Provigil. It's been hard, but I'm feuling my body now with complex carbohydrates and natural fructose to offset the ill effects of ideopathic hypersomnia (aka excessive sleepiness, but ideopathic hypersomnia sounds more medical). A high resting heart rate is known as tachycardia. Fuck me sideways, I knew I was broken-hearted, but I didn't know I had a broken heart.

I'm looking forward to several appointments with doctors in the following weeks. I'm probably going to be having lots of surgeries and procedures to aid me in my breathing, and then we can shift focus to addressing these K-alpha complex waves my brain produces for no reason. Yippee.

I hung out last night with my most sabulous friend, Brett. We had a lot of fun. He said his father still reads my website. He was concerned about me and had wanted to put a comment on my comment-less post a couple back. He also said he had left me a comment once but wouldn't ever tell Brett which one. It took me all of half a second to say, "I bet he was the one who left me that 'Stone Age to the Space Age and still no follow up on what bar was first' comment after Febrehabruarii." He just spoke with him and sure enough, I was right. I know my website way too well. Like I said, I am both it's unforgiving master, and it's unwitting slave.

Next week I am meeting three days with my new personal trainer. We've set up a program for me that should have me around 15% body fat before summer. I'm refocusing my negative, self-destructive energy as of late into a rather obsessive dedication to self-improvement. I've already lost 12 pounds, but that was mostly from an unintentional anorexia, but I was pleased that I didn't rebound at all. I'm viewing eating now, not as an enjoyable social experience, but as a necessity to feul my body. I have been eating SO well for the past few days and I already feel infinitely better. Just wait, people, I'll come out the other end of this better for it. I fucking guarantee.

Have a good week at work, and I'll be trying to find things to talk about throughout the week. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) has recently begun raiding bars at night and arresting patrons inside the bars that they determine, by way of the sole discretion of the officer given the horrific task of arresting merry makers inside bars, are intoxicated in public. I'm sure you've all heard of this at least. I just wanted to bring it up because most of you know more about politics and law than I know about electronic circuits and Food Network combined.

I originally argued that you can't possibly be publicly intoxicated inside a bar, because that's privately owned. Not so. It's still public property. Okay, fine. I'll give them that. But don't you dare ask me to agree with the College Station Police Department when they informed us that sitting on your porch with a beer at night under the overhang of the square footage that you pay for is considered public consumption. Bastards. But seriously, to say that you cannot be drunk inside a bar is like saying you can't read in a library or turn tricks in a motel.

They'll argue that they're doing the community a service because they are arresting people that are intoxicated -- not people that are belligerent, or causing a scene, mind you, just those that are intoxicated. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08. We all know that the legal limit is bullshit in a way. You can reach the legal limit if the guy 3 tables down from you is drinking a beer and burps. It's insanely low, the equivalent of about one beer if you drink it like a man. I don't know how many nights, while living with Ryan and Todd, that we blew 0.2s (and probably above since the thing went no higher). And while we were clearly intoxicated, none of us were a danger to ourselves or each other.

The legal limit should only apply to driving. In that case, while still low, I think it's okay. Really you shouldn't be driving after drinking at all. EVEN IF you drive better when you're drunk and only have one eye open and your head cocked back and your foot gunning the accelerator. But, I didn't get to the best part yet. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08, or one who is exhibiting signs of intoxication -- impaired judgement, or loss of motor skills. So even if you don't drink, you just limp, you can get arrested. You could get arrested in a bar if you are the designated driver, provided you trip on your way the bathroom to pee out the 29 Coca-Colas you've had to occupy your hands while your friends get sauced.

I'm all for public safety and welfare and blah blah blah, but I cannot fathom how this can be legal. We tried allowing the government to listen to hysteric, dried up old hags the last time we did Prohibition. See how awesomely that turned out? You fucking bitches spawned rum running (the predecessor the NASCAR, thanks a lot). Not to mention organized crime. And cocktails, a result of the need to mix bathtub liquors with fruit juices to make them tolerable. Well, bad example there. Thank you for that one. But back to my point.

How does something like this become legal? I don't understand. Much like how tow truck owners are allowed to steal your car and hold it for ransom. Or how one county is "dry" but literally 9 feet to the left, you can buy liquor. Or why there's this sudden trend to ban smoking everywhere despite the fact that capitalism should be driving that decision, not facism. Is this a result of some kind of voting? Do I need to start participating in local government elections? Do candidates publicly state their views on villanizing people who don't spend the night reading scripture and avoiding sex?

Help me JonS■■■ or someone whose legal opinion I value as highly. You're my only hope.

In a twist of irony, I will be in Sin City next week Tuesday through Friday. I will be working in a hotel right near The Strip. It just sucks that this had to happen during Febrehabruarii. I have decided that there is a Vegas caveat in the rule book. If at any time during February I am sent to Vegas for a week for free, I will allow myself 300 dollars to try and win enough money to quit my job. Still, though, no smoking and no drinking. The office in Vegas had offered to take me out and show me a good time and have me stay through the weekend on their dime. I had to decline the majority of that. I'll be home on Friday. Plus, Allison will be here. To add to suckiness, she'll have left Vegas the day before I arrive. Oh fate, why must you mock me!

In other news, everything else has been going well. I think a lot of weak people are mad at me, but there's very little I can do about that. So we trudge on. I'm really starting to look forward to March 1st, even though I think I won't break the rehabruarii until March 3rd because I'm running some training courses the 1st and 2nd and don't really need to be hungover for that. Start brainstorming what we're going to do that weekend to celebrate. I want it to be something fun. Laaaaaaaate.

I'm not going to stand here in front of all of you and claim that my life is any more amusing, entertaining, or spectacular than yours. When I get up in the morning, I put my pants on one leg at a time. HOWEVER, you would not guess it from the life I've led recently.

Our story begins last Friday. I was sitting at work when I received a phone call from Daniel. He had gone to Galveston for the weekend and was upgraded to the Palladian Suite at the Treemont. He said I should come check it out. I shut down my PC, walked out the door, and drove straight to Love Field. I bought a plane ticket to Hobby and got on the plane. We had so much fun tearin up the mean streets of Galveston. Oh, Galveston, you poor, poor shitty little town. We walked all around trying out every bar in town, meeting all of the club owners and DJs, and making friends on the streets. We ended up going to an after party at a really nice loft one night and a really fun beach house the second night. There are too many funny stories from that weekend, you'll just have to hear them in person, as most of you have.

Then last night, I was invited by Brett Sabulous to accompany him to his company party. He works for a major hotel. I don't want to get him in any trouble with his company through my webpage, since his father googled him and read about our first night on the stoop. Anyway, I don't really have anything incriminating to say about our sandy and gritty friend this time. We just had too much fun. There was a casino at the hotel with fake money, and then you could purchase raffle tickets. I had $4,000 to start with and managed to piss away half of it when I decided to bet the rest on one hand and get back to even. This is why we do not take Sidesho to Vegas. I ended up betting everything I had left on the next hand and winning, and then continued to scream "LET IT RIDE" for the next few hands. A few wins and a blackjack later, I found myself with 16,000 dollars. We didn't win any raffles, but still had a blast. A few drinks and a few bars later, we were back in our palacial suite at the hotel in Addison!. Way, way too much fun. We got on the internet through the TV and were completely stupid. (After some taquitos, naturally).

I started this blog like 24 hours ago and just now got around to finishing it. There are a few more stories I need to tell but I'll save them for the next blog. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

I thought that it might be fun today to play a little game with all of you. I've obtained an exclusive photograph of a celebrity trash can. Given the three options, you have to guess whose trash it is. Ready? Here we go.

Is the answer A: British soccer stud and metrosexual posterboy David Beckham, B: International super model and reality TV emcee Heidi Klum, orrrrrr C: internet megalomaniac and google addict SideshoViD.

If you said C, you're right! You win everything behind door #1. Now take my trash out, idiot. Do you think it says anything about my lifestyle that I'm overflowing with empty cases of beer, empty cans, empty cigarette packs, and empty pizza boxes? I think it means I need to buy more beer, cigarettes, and pizza. Am I right?

Really, it is getting out of control and while it's all going to be going away during Febrehabruarii, I think it might be prudent to wean myself a little before then. I don't want to put my body in shock. Speaking of, is anybody else doing Febrehabruarii?

Hope you all had a good New Year's party and were hungover like it's 2006. Peace out skillets.

You know those commercials on tv that are like, "Do you like to draw?" And you can order that free test to see how good you are and the test includes doodling a pirate and a parrot and shit. Well, I was pretty hammered a couple weeks ago and that commercial came on so I called them. In between my information I kept throwing in phrases like, "Boy, you're really going to be blown away by what I can do." My plan was to fill out the test, scan it in so you could all laugh at it with me and then mail it in. Unfortunately, that probably won't happen.

I got a phone call from Carol at the Art Institute who wanted to interview me. She said there was no need for me to mail in a test since it would just end up on her desk anyway so I can fill it out with her there. I told her that art is my life and always has been and that all of my friends are just blown away by my sketches. She was really getting excited with me about my art. Why must my art hurt me so?

Then she wanted to schedule a time and I was totally going to do it. Sometimes I don't like to admit it, but in this case, I will. I was only gonna do it because it would make a really great blog. I wanted to double check that it wasn't a scam first, though, so I asked her if I had to pay anything. And she said she was gonna be right up front with me, school is 30 dollars a week. "30 DOLLARS!!1!" I exclaimed. She asked me if I had a job and I said I was in between jobs right now but I had put in an application at Starbucks a couple weeks ago and still had my fingers crossed. Carol said I need to get my life together by February because she has me rescheduled for her next trip to Dallas.

I will keep you all posted on how my new career is progressing. Right now I have to go get together 3 of my best drawings to show Carol.

This month is shaping up to be a bit sparse on the entries. My apologies. But I did want to take a moment to let you all know that I have a third niece! Kelsey Lee F■■■■ was born yesterday. Michael, let me know if I messed that up, I've had a few beers since we last spoke. This is my third sibling to have a daughter once again putting me back in the lead for the most nieces of anyone in my family. I'm really excited. I haven't seen pictures yet, but I'm sure she's just beautiful.

Tonight I went to Ryan S■■■'s holidaze party graciously hosted by Ben et. al. We drank a little, at some delicious food, and exchanged "secret" Santa gifts. I got Ryan a bottle of Grey Goose because honestly, I did some last minute shopping, and you can't go wrong there. Kayne got me a hair crimper harkening back to a conversation months ago where someone posed the question, "If I bought you a crimper, would you crimp your hair?" The answer? Yes.

My hair is now crimped and streaked with blue, orange, and red colored hair spray so I have to take another shower before I go to bed and it's ever so late and work has been ever so hellish even without staying up late, so tomorrow should be interesting. Wish me luck!

I know you were all expecting an immediate reaction to my Thanksgiving, since it is my favorite holy day of the year, so I apologize for keeping you in suspense. In all honesty, it wasn't wild and or crazy, just nice. I drove up to OKC to see my sister. Her daughter is about 8 months old now. It's totally an age you don't want to miss out on, but, c'mon ... babies don't do much. She can't talk yet, she can't walk yet, so while I wouldn't trade seeing her for anything, it was pretty low key.

Our turkey was pretty good. I don't know that it was 140 dollars good, but it was scrumptious. The best part of the Heritage Turkey is that it comes with a barcode. When you enter that barcode at their website, it brings up your turkey's personal history. Our hen was born in March of 2005 and raised on a farm in Kansas. She liked roosting in tall trees. It was kind of morbid, so we gave her a eugoogaly before we tore into her roasted butter basted carcass. Thanks be given. We shared the meal with my niece's other grandparents, the baptits preacher. The baptits preacher doesn't drink or dance or believe anyone but him is getting into the pearly gates. Well since there was a baptits at the table (you guys have noticed I'm spelling it 'baptits' on purpose by now right? good) that meant that I couldn't drink either. So annoying.

As soon as he left we busted out the beer and scotch and played poker and me and my dad robbed my brother-in-law blind. It was too funny. Unfortunately though, the next day my sister was feeling sick. Her daughter was already under the weather and kind of cranky (which is not her usual demeanor). So my parents and I opted to leave a bit earlier than planned and drop off at Winstar for some gambalaya. I didn't win anything but I did lose the 20 bucks I'd won from poker, so I came out even. That's pretty good for me since I have a gambling problem ... my problem is that I suck at it.

Thanksgiving plans? I'm going to host one in December when Owen is in town. It will be held at the Hamptons by my gracious host Miles. Not only will there be booze there, but I imagine it will be at least 8 of the 9 side dishes. Bourbon soup, here we come. Look forward to your invitation to that, even though most of you won't receive one.

Lastly, I am done with sleep medicine. No more CPAPs, no more machines, no more masks, no more pills, no more studies, no more labs, no more brain waves, no more oxygen monitors, no more REM, NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE. I went to the doctor today, returned everything they'd given me, shook their hands and left. Best of all? No more payments. I just need to work on getting back to where I was 7 months ago before I started all of this nonsense. I was tired, but I was functioning. That's the combo I'm trying to get back to. If it turns out that I can't do it on my own, I will accept the advice of the doctor and return for an unlimitedly refilled subscription to Provigil, but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

Miles bought me a prescription to Details! UH! Thanks Miles!

I just got my Addison! newsletter in the mail. I really have not been utilizing all that this city! has to offer. Honestly, I just keep eating at the same restaurants! over and over again when there are literally hundreds I have not tried. There's the Water Tower Theater! a stones throw from my apartment and I have yet to see a show. Speaking of theater! they are playing The Santaland Diaries! by David Sedaris! December 7th through the 23rd. Tickets! are $17-30, anybody want to go?

I also hear a lot about this Addison! Gym. Apparently, if you can prove that you live in Addison! (which shouldn't be hard to do since ... I do), there is a one time fee of $10 for a lifetime membership. I was confused as to how this could possibly be profitable for them. But I found out that I already pay for the gym. It's like part of my taxes. I suppose since we don't have schools or anything lame like that, we can afford to allot money to the Recreation Department. So I need to go check that out and see if it's as nice as Lifetime. I pay for my gym, but my company reimburses me the majority of it as part of the employee wellness program, so I guess I could always have two gym memberships. It's just a matter of getting off my lazy ass and signing up.

AllieD's friend Jennifer IMed me today and informed me that Target has outlawed Xmas. In addition, they have started selling bargain-brand vibrators at all of their stores. This is unsubstantiated information from an unknown source, but I'm definitely going to have to research this. Anyone with any information, please let me know.

I've decided in 2006 to repeat my February experiment. I'm sure you'll all recall it from this year. In 2006, though, it will (of course) be called Febrehabruarii. Like you didn't see that coming. I'm thinking that this year will be even more intense than last year. No booze, no cigarettes, no caffeine, no staying up late, no skipping even one workout, no ground beef or fatty food, no spending money frivolously. Come March, I am going to be really, really, ridiculously good looking (and out of debt). Mark my words. Anyone want to take up the Febrehabruarii experiment with me?

I might be getting a new washer and dryer today. I'm buying Miles' old ones from him because mine squeak and it is annoying. Lil Jarrod randomly called me today and we went to lunch with Daniel at J's, yum, and he said he wanted a washer and dryer, so I'm giving mine to him. Does anyone have a truck that we could use? You'd have to drive from Addison! to Den-ton¿ but I'm sure we could find some way to make it worth your while. I don't know how fun it will be to have an extra bed and an extra W/D set all chillin in my living room. I mean I know I'm white trash, but srsly.

I'm going to OKC for Thanksgiving to eat my 140 dollar Heritage turkey with my parents, sister & fam, so I'll be out Wednesday through Saturday. I got another coupon from my company for a free Butterball turkey, though, so I think I'm gonna throw my own Thanksgiving party later. Probably mid-December when Owen is in town. Miles offered to let me throw it over at the Hamptons (his new house -- in the Hamptons of Addison!). So that should be fun. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on that.

This next week is going to suck, especially with this attitude, but it will be a short one so I'm sure I can survive. It's gonna be a big push to remain employed through the end of the year but I'm sure I can do it. And, I think that's all I had to say. Funny, when I sat down, I thought I had nothing to talk about. Carpe diem, friends! HA! HA!

Since the last time we met, my CPAP has turned from a g*dsent to the bane of my existence. It is absolutely ruining my life. I haven't slept in a week. I am unmotivated, emotionally unstable, and dangerously exhausted. But, this will be the last you hear of my sleep problems and solutions. Raul left me a lovely IM informing that apnea was not my problem, but that bitching about apnea was my problem. So while he's off fucking himself, you can all just wonder how I'm doing.

This weekend I spent some time with the kids from the stoop. For those confused as to what the stoop is, it's basically equivalent to the benches of Moore Hall. Many alcoholic beverages consumed, many cigarettes burned, many stories exchanged. It's an all around grood time. After an especially late night on Friday, Miles, Daniel and I all went to J's Hamburgers and Breakfast. It was so fucking good. Another old skool diner with a krazy waitress. We tipped her 30 bucks because she ruled so much.

She smoked cigarettes while she took our order. She told us about an 80 year old man who ordered his eggs from her "over ... over ... over at your house?" She brought us a caraffe of Dr Pepper so we wouldn't need refills. She disagreed with me when I told her what I wanted -- and she was right! She told us about her anorexia. She brought us extra eggs. Miles, what am I forgetting? She was so off the heezy, I'm not even lying.

Really, I'm kind of stalling because I forgot what I wanted to talk about today. Oh well, it'll come to me. In the meantime ...

I painted my bedroom ceiling. My walls were already dark green and now my ceiling is dark brown. It looks incredible. I still have some touching up to do, but I'm basically done. Here's a picture I snapped:

I'm trying to get my apartment in tip top shape before Mikey moves to Dallas. It's an indirect motivation since he's already seen my apartment and probably doesn't care either way on the ceiling color. But I needed a deadline to shoot for, so that's the one.

He's moving here on Friday. I am beyond excited. Also happening that weekend: My whole family is coming into town, Brandon is coming up from Austin to celebrate his birthday, Brett S■■■ (so sabulous) is having his 21st birthday party, Addison Circle's Oktoberfest, Dallas Pride. I have a full plate to say the least.

I bought a vacuum finally the other day. It sucks. It's a bagless one and I got through like half of my living room and the canister was full. My 735 square feet of fun filled the damn thing 3 times. How disgusting is that?

Well I suppose I'll go to bed in my Hangover Palace now. It is insanely dark in there; I LOVE IT. HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY BRANDON!

Today was the best trip of my vacation thus far, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it's my last day in New Jersey. We had to do a lot of work in a high school that involved going into classrooms. Since we couldn't do the work while class was in session, we planned on working from 2-11 today. My coworker, insistent that I not leave New Jersey without having at least a little bit of fun, decided to include me on his trip to the beach in Seaside Heights.

It was too much fun. It looks like a Coney Island or something. There's a boardwalk with shops and restaurants and bars and arcades all up and down the beach. It was absolutely dead since it was a Thursday morning and it's after Labor Day, but it was still fun. I want to come back here on vacation some summer to see it rawkin'. The beach was really nice. It was 80 degrees and sunny and just a gorgeous day to spend sunning. We even went down into the water and body surfed on these enormous waves. I got my ass so kicked. I was riding some waves that were way too big to be riding. I drank enough sea water to last me for the rest of my life.

I rode this one particular wave that was too big. When I stood up, I gasped for breath and immediately got hit by another wave. When I finally came up for air, I was stumbling through the rip current and stepped down right on top of something sharp. I kind of hop-skipped and then looked at my foot. There was a little dot of blood, so I was pissed that I'd scraped my heel. That led me to take a break from body surfing. The blood kind of ran out and formed a blood/sand cover for the wound, so I wasn't worried about it. We laid out a while longer and then drove back to my hotel.

I decided I should probably clean my scrape, but when I was washing it in the tub, there were two little piece of sand that wouldn't wash off. And it hurt like hell when I touched it. I realized they were stuck in my foot. No biggie. I went to get my tweezers and pull them out. I grabbed a hold of the first one and started pulling. Oh, it came out. It came out a little bit, then a little more, then some more, and then some more. It was a long ass little piece of some kind of crustaceon. It hurt like a fucking bitch to pull it out and then started bleeding profusely. Then I turned to the next one. It was even bigger and hurt so bad when I tried to pull it out that I stopped. My coworker tried to pull it out but he couldn't. After calling around to find out where the nearest hospital was, I decided to just giterdone myself. So I grabbed it with the tweezers, bit down, and pulled. It was like a good inch long and completely inside my foot. This one hurt even worse and bled even more. In fact, it spurted out blood. So gross.

Anyway, I'm okay now. It doesn't appear to be infected. I've been limping all day, but really the only reason I told you about this is because I used my camera phone to take a picture of it and I wanted you all to see it. Kthanks.

I did it. I fucking did it. I traversed the globe from Austin, TX to Cincinnati, OH without a single hitch. I even rented my first car and followed directions to my hotel. From my balcony, I overlook a White Castle. I might have to try that tomorrow for dinner and see if it sucks even worse than Krystals does. The lady at the front desk here is super cool. She gave me a smoking room with a balcony, and had a fridge sent up to my room so I could keep the beers cold that she gave me. Who knows if she's this nice to everyone, but it sure does feel special.

I know Brandon had requested a big long blog all about my weekend in Austin, but that may have to wait a couple of days, which in effect means I will never get around to it. It is now midnight and I have to meet some dude in the lobby at 7am to go to the UC campus. So far I'm having a good time. Thanks jebus there's free internet access in my room. The workout facilities leave a lot to be desired, but it should be sufficient. But anyway, my weekend in Austin was awesome. Congratufuckinglations to Dr. and Mrs. Jamey Dent. Bang up job getting married, kids. The wedding was cathlick, the reception was fun, the nap I took after the reception was a fucking blast. I went out with Brandon and some of his friends. It was so, so good to see Brandon, not, not so good to see his friends. But, we all managed to make it though the weekend being painfully polite to each other. There's a whole sordid inside story to why that I don't feel like getting into. Let's just say his new boyfriend has every reason to hate me.

Beer #2 is now open.

So getting to Cincinnati (or Sin-sin-naughty, as I hope to come to call it) wasn't too bad. Lester took me to the airport and let me park my car at her apartment, so thanks for that, L.Bizzle said D.Fizzle. I scheduled myself a 4 hour layover in Chicago hoping that one of my two friends would be able to meet up with me for a while. Turned out that neither of them could, which was totally cool, I knew that when I scheduled the layover without asking that I was rolling the dice. So I had plenty of time to sit and eat a leisurely (free) dinner and then play Spider Solitaire for 2 hours while listening to John Denver's greatest hits.

My flight from Chicago to Cincinnati wasn't on a big American Airlines plane. It was on a smaller sub-airline, I guess, called American Eagle. I don't know about you, but visions of a flight crew dressed in tattered jeans and board shorts did not instill much confidence. But we made it on one piece with only minor turbulence, and then I masterfully navigated my (upgraded) rental car to my pimpass hotel. The fucking end.

Got a busy couple of weeks ahead of me, but so far I'm rather liking this travel thing. Now, to close, an homage to Drew Carey ... OHIO!!!1!!

My oldest brother, Michael, who lives in Sacramento is expecting a baby. I think I might have told a lot of you that this one was going to be a boy. This information was based on a sonogram in early July that said there was a 95% chance that it would be a boy. Well, turns out that our little Seabiscuit underdog is actually my third niece. How fun is that? I didn't really have my heart set on it being a boy or a girl, so it just cracks me up that the initial guess was wrong.

Speaking of crack, former Dallas Cowboys goalie and outfielder, Michael Irvin, was working out at my gym today. We happen to be there simultaneously on occasion. He works out while two guys stand beside him screaming encouragement. It's pretty ridiculous. They yell things like, "THROW IT UP! THROW IT UP!" and it makes me want to throw it up.

He asked me for my autograph, but I didn't have a pen.

I got my much desired referral to the sleep clinic, but now I have to go to a consultation with the sleep clinic doctors. That is tomorrow morning. I had to fill out a 13 page questionnaire regarding my sleep habits and symptoms. 2 of those pages were supposed to be filled out by someone who has regularly observed you sleeping. It's been a long, long time since I've had someone who regularly observed me sleeping, so I had to call 27. I actually learned a lot about my little problem when I asked him to 'check all that apply' given a list of symptoms. He said that I have severe problems with:
light snoring, loud snoring, choking, pause in breathing, gasping for air, twitching or kicking of legs, sitting up in bed not awake, getting out of bed not awake, becoming very rigid and/or shaking

That's kind of scary. I really didn't realize it was all that bad. People die from this shit. Wouldn't it be totally funny if I suffocated from sleep apnea the day before I went to the sleep clinic. That would make a great blog. If that happens, somebody take up the reins.

How come we spell it c-o-n-v-e-r-s-a-t-i-o-n but abbreviate it 'convo'? Shouldn't it be 'conver'?

One last note. Owen mentioned this to me first a while ago but it was down, now it's back up. Everyone, and I mean everyone, go to http://earth.google.com and download Google Earth IMMEDIATELY. It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Especially download it on your work computer because it is amusing for hours and hours and hours.

Every now and then on SideshoViD.com, I bring you pressing social issues and damning political commentary. This is one of those times. I bring you another monumental your-opinion-doesn't-really-matter-all-that-much-but-I'll-ask-it-anyway call to action. There is one thing that is driving me crazy about growing my hair out. It's not the tangles, the frizz, or the constant ironing -- it's the monotony. I am accustomed to radically changing my hair on a nearly daily basis. There was a time not to long ago when I would wake up with red hair, go to class with blue, and fall asleep with green. I can no longer make these drastic changes. And changing which side of my head I part on just isn't getting me off like it used to.

So I bring you the question: to flip or not to flip. It's my new innovation for my hair. Instead of curling everything under in a tidy package, I've started allowing the natural flow of my hair to come through by flipping the left side out. Sometimes drastically. So I want to know what the general public opinion is. 27 used to flip his hair just for me, since he generally hated to do so, into a style I dubbed the "Carol Brady." But I'm not doing both sides, just one. I think it creates a nice movement that has been lacking as of late. If you like the flip, let me know. If not, burn in hell. As always, I'll entertain your opinions, as long as your opinions entertain me.

In other news, my super secret social project that I've cleverly named "The Addison Circle" is slowly but surely coming along. This is where I am going to create my own social circle comprised entirely of people who live north of 635. Tonight I had drinks with Mr. K■■■■■■ and Matt L■■■■■, both of whom live just a stone's throw away from me in Addison Circle. Soon, soon, it will turn from a triangle, to a square, to a pentagon, to a hexagon, to a heptagon, to an octagon, to a nonagon, to a decagon ... and I'm tired of this game, continue on for me in comments if you like ... and eventually approach a circle.

I've had this stupid nagging cough for almost two weeks now. It is really starting to get old. I lay awake at night hacking up a lung and I can't sleep and it's affecting the quality of my life. Before I went to Kaylyn's birthday party, I went to a doctor to make sure I wouldn't get her sick. He said my cough actually wasn't caused by disease but was just a bronchial irritation. I relayed this information to the guys at work and we decided that the sleep rules are actually to blame.

You see, I sleep at 65 degrees every night now. It feels great. But the other thing that cold air does is give up moisture easily. So effectively what I'm really doing is breathing in cold ass, dry ass air all night long and it eventually started to adversely affect me. So I did the only logical thing. I bought a humidifier. It's a really nice humidifier that can control to a set point. So now I'll be livin' at 50% humidity no matter what the temperature is in my apartment. I think it's really important to be totally in control anyway.

But that doesn't arrive until tomorrow. In the meantime I filled a couple of prescriptions that the doctor gave me. One's a pill to like get rid of the inflamation in my chest and the other is ... drum roll please ... cough syrup with codeine! YAY! Sippin' on some sizzurp! This is good news because my last bottle just expired. That should save me some money on alcohol this weekend.

Andy, the old roommate from back in Feb-Apr has been staying with me this week. I took him to my gym a couple of times since he is a personal trainer, fully willing to pay the ridiculous 20 dollar guest fee, but it turns out I get two free guest passes each month. So if anybody ever wants to go with me let me know. I work out 7 days a week now. Did you know that? It's true.

Well, I've just made some delicious chicken breast tacos so I might have to go indulge. Peace out, sluts.

Today I awoke at exactly 4am at which time I arose fully refreshed and took a shower. I spent time making my hair look nice, pressed my shirt for work, and looked put together. I had a nice breakfast of Kellogg's cornflakes with strawberries before brushing my teeth and leaving for work. There was no traffic since I arrived at work at 6:30. I brewed a pot of coffee for the office and got my Monday paperwork out of the way before arriving 10 minutes early to the 7:30 meeting. After the meeting I got out to a job site around 9 and finished out my 10 hour day, making extra time by skipping lunch. After bringing an entire school online, I went and worked out for an hour and a half. I've lost 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself on Thursday. I tanned. I came home and cooked some chicken red beans and rice that was so good it'd make you slap your mama. I ate a reasonable portion despite being starved. I have leftovers for tomorrow. I did all of my laundry and folded it. I cleaned the entire kitchen and disinfected. I cleaned the toilet and scrubbed the bathroom floor. I smoked no cigarettes and drank zero beers. And I did all this with time left to make it to bed early tonight.

Who am I and what have you done with the real Sidesho?

Before we begin -- everyone did realize that all of those people in the picture from yesterday were also celebrating their birthdays, right? Right? I've had a few people who thought I just threw together random celebrities and my friend Kevin to make myself a birthday poster or something. Sometimes I overestimate you people.

Speaking of overestimation ... my birthday. Good things first. Started getting phone calls, text messages, IMs and comments on my webpage and myspace starting at midnight and continuing throughout the day. I was pleasantly surprised by how many people remembered (my constant reminders having very little to do with it I'm sure). So thank you to everybody who made me feel special yesterday.

Great birthday. About the birthnight, though.... I won't use any names because nobody especially did anything wrong, it was just the sheer number of people who crapped out on me that it almost reduced me to putting on pajamas and taking 24 tequila shots in bed. I had people tell me they were tired. I had people tell me they had no money. I had people just say, 'Noooooo I'm not going out.' Somebody said they couldn't go and then called back and said, 'My other friend just invited me out so now I'm going.' Some people did just the opposite fervently promising to make an appearance only to call and say they'd changed their minds. Those are the ones that did call, some just never showed. Some people wouldn't even answer their phones or return text messages and voicemails. Talk about demoralizing.

Birthdays are just about my favorite thing in life. It's just such a perfect thing to celebrate. It's one day of the year that is uniquely yours despite the fact that you probably share it with 1/365th of the world. I have always bent over backwards to make sure my friends have good birthdays. I've dropped hundreds of dollars on gifts and parties and booze. I've gone out even when I'm tired, even when I'm poor, even when I have to work the next day. And I don't do it because I expect a reward in return; I do it because I truly enjoy it. I just thought given the circumstances that at least one of my friends might do the same for me. Apparently I was wrong.

Ooooor was I? Enter knights in shining armor. H■■■■■■ and his boyfriend Sean, who had not planned on venturing out last night, but upon hearing that it was my birthday decided to go, and ultimately take me out. I had so much fun with them. The belt was scrolling "ITS MAH BIRFDAY" all night long. I met Rocky who was also celebrating his 24th birthday. How fun is that? Drank a lot. A lot. I spent the night on Hag's couch and woke up deliciously hungover around 1:00 to drive home. I took this whole day off from work, which is so fun. I gotta skip work more often.

So all in all, I would put this one in the win column. This blog seriously just took me nearly 6 hours to write. I have been falling asleep periodically all day long. Best day ever. Czech you skillets later.

Well hello there, everybody. This is Sidesho reporting to you live from Ryan S■■■'s fabulously newly painted apartment ... oh, and also drunk as hail. He was supposed to wake up and drink more with me when I got home but that has proven unpossible. Me fail English?

So tonight I had planned on going out on account that I do not have to work tomorrow. RAWK! But then, lo and behold, I get a call from the callbox of my apartment and it is JennyC■■■ and her mother. They had been at the Kaboom Town hoopla hosted by my gracious landlord and wanted to cool off. Okay, no problem. But then they managed to convince me to join them for the fireworks. More and more, as the years pass, I have found myself less and less interested in the traditional festivities dictacted by every holiday. I couldn't have cared less whether or not I saw fireworks. (Although fireworks do hold a special place in my heart since when I was little my parents used to tell me that the fireworks were in honor of my birthday.) So, I find myself on the top floor of a parking garage watching fireworks. In their defense, it was the best finale I have ever seen in my life. Probably 5 fireworks a second for about 5 minutes. RAD!

After that, we eat at a piss-poor restaurant inside Addison Circle and then I go home. Turns out, every fucking road in Addison is a parking lot. At this point, I've resolved myself to not go out, on account that I cannot leave the parking garage. A few IMs with Ryan S■■■ later, I am on the road bound for downtown Dallas. It was rigoddamndiculous getting to the Tollway, but when I finally did, we were en route to JRs. Keith and Lauren and some girl named Katie that I met for the first time tonight (?) joined us. I managed to get drunk as hail between 12:30 and 2:00am. But that couldn't possibly be enough for me, right? Right?!

So I took Ryan S■■■ home to his beatiful and newly painted apartment and proceeded to drink some more when disaster struck. We are out of cigarettes! Unacceptable when plastered. So he goes to bed and I walk my happy ass to the 24-7 Wally Mart nearby to get some. I talked to my lover Marshall the whole way there. That was fun since I haven't talked to him in 4-eva, and he claims to have blonde hair now. So anyway, I bought some squares, as Joseph would call them, and then walked home to find Ryan - surprise - passed the fuck out and me drinking alone.

So there we are. By my records, I have made zero grammatical mistakes. You're more than welcome to double check that assertion. You'll notice that when I'm drunk I just ramble; I don't skimp on the important stuff. Please don't forget that my birthday is on Wednesday. No one that I know of has made any plans for me, so I think I'm going to take Thursday off of work and go out Wednesday with Andrew. I'll definitely keep you all posted on that. Later sk8ers!

I just got done wiring up my new programmable thermostat in my apartment. I know it's not like me to do shit ... but I did! I took the old ghetto Johnson Controls (blech) mechanical thing off the wall, like the one we all have. Then I unwired it, removed the baseplate, replaced it with my baseplate, rewired everything, found some batteries for the display, mounted it, programmed it ... we are in business my friends. No longer will I accidentally leave my apartment at a frosty 65 degrees while I'm away at work.

Speaking of Frosty, I got my pictures back from Cameron F■■■ a while ago. I didn't really make a hoopla about it or really show them to many people. It's not that I didn't like them, quite the opposite, in fact. I like them a great deal. I just don't care what anybody else's opinion on them is. But, I have gotten lots of requests recently, so to satiate the insane lust for all things Sidesho, I've decided to post you one picture here to look at. I know, it's sex. You don't have to tell me.

Dear Justin, Thank you for my belt. I have never felt like more of a rockstar than this weekend when I got to wear it out and hang out with you at the same time. Dear everyone else, this belt was revolutionary. It's blue LEDs that scroll messages across your crotch. Mine said "JUSTIN GAVE ME THIS!" "THIS IS SO TRASHY!!1!" "BUY ME A DRINK" "BLING! BLING!" and then had some scrolling hearts. But the best message was my phone number. I got a lot of laughs for it, but only two phone calls the whole night. All in all it was a major hit, and while I'm not gonna Sean-W■■■■ the thing, I think I won't retire it as diligently as I often do with kickass articles of clothing. We shall see.

Dear Allison, I'm sorry that I'm not coming to see you next month. I know we had joked about which one of us would flake out first, but I just wanted you to know that my delaying of the trip is entirely financial. I had really been looking forward to seeing you. In fact, I can proove it. I was so stoked about getting to hang out with you, that I devised a little gift-of-sorts. For the past 3 months I did not shave my upper lip. I kept my chin trimmed and the sides of my face shorn into something I dubbed the "three-tier beard," but the stache just grew and grew. You see, I thought it would be really funny if after having not seen me since January, I stepped off the airplane to greet you with the biggest, bushiest, best mustache I have ever grown in my life. It was heart wrenching to finally shave it off, but I just couldn't keep it going until February. So, dear Allison ... enjoy:

And now we run into the age-old blogging problem of having nothing to say. I don't often fall victim to the inspiration hiatus that kills so many virgin blogs (and burns.tk) but lately I have. Not that the actual excitement level of my life has changed per se, i'm just not expending as much energy trying to jazz it up. I kept waiting for something obviously bloggable to happen, but when that never came to be, I decided to give you one of these apologetic posts.

I have a new friend. He hates me. He's a long time Sidesho-viewer whose distaste for the Sidesho began with an innocuous LJ comment where I determined his use of the word "ironic" needed a little dictionary.com help. It was innocent enough, I thought. Anyway, long story short, he IMed me to tell me that he hated me, I naturally invited him out for a beer, and now we're friends. Yay!

It's pretty much a sure thing now that I won't be going to Australia in July. My debt, coupled with the higher-than-anticipated costs of airfare, have motivated me to follow Delilah's advice and postpone the trek until February. Plus, February is Gay Pride Month on that kooky island. That's something you don't want to go through life without experiencing. I am still sorely disappointed that I'm not going, though, y'know? Say lah vee.

Perhaps this next week will be a non-stop roller coaster ride of thrills, chills and nunchuck skillz. Peace out, skillets.

Is it weird that after I get done tanning, the smell eminating from my skin makes me hungry? Somebody back me up on this one.

I got carded on the way home buying cigarettes at the discount tobacco store, and then the old Indian man went on like a 5 minute explanation of how I have a baby face and that means that I am a good person inside because a good person's features never change. I was like, "Thanks, Vishnu, can I have my smokes now?"

So I've decided to push back my Australia trip to July 7th through the 15th. That means that I will be here on July 4th and my birthday July 6th. Tomorrow is Justin's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN. Hurry up and come to Dallas and bring me my belt. I saw a chick in a bar wearing one, and I simply must be the first to have one in my social circle or else the novelty will wear off.

This Saturday Ryan and Todd are coming over from Arlington to play drinking games with me. Thommi might come up. Lesbie Ann might come. I'm going to invite Will and Lindsay too to make it a royal college reunion. Ryan S■■■ is bringing Robert and I'm going to see if Lil Jarrod wants to come. Party at the 735 square feet of fun! Damnit, now I have to clean. Anyway, if you want to come, let me know.

I almost forgot, today at work I switched my keyboard to Dvorak. I'll let you all know how that works out for me.

Nothing else to report. My days blend into each other as I drudge through the monotony of a job well done. Czech you skillets later.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me starting work at my job. This little milestone has a bit of significance considering a year ago "one year" sounded like an eternity. Come to find, it's really not that long. Although, when you think about it, a lot has happened in the past year. In 12 month's time, I've started and kept a job. I've gotten my own apartment and managed to paint and semi-decorate it. I've been to six foreign countries. And I've consumed enough beer for a lifetime. Yeah, when you line up all my achievements, it's not too shabby.

I bought the girls I work with really cute little flower pots and cards and put them on their desks after work today. I hope they appreciate the sentiment. I really get off on doing random nice things like that. I'm not even sure anyone but me is realizing its the anniversary, but then again, they probably haven't been counting the hours like I have.

Tonight I went to Studio Movie Grill as per standard Funday night procedure. When I was leaving I got the hiccups. I always think that is so funny when you're drunk and get the hiccups. Makes me feel like a cartoon. Speaking of cartoons ... back to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Shazzam! What a weekend to remember. Gotta love Memorial Day three-day weekends. Friday night I met up with Scott over at Sullivan's, a swanky jazz club down the street from me. I had a Knockout Martini that was delicious. Then some band started playing and I really wasn't feelin' it so I ducked out early. Fridays are not big party days for me anymore since I'm usually ready for bed by about 8:00. Xristopher, my stylist of TLC fame, was there too. When a girl walked by with a belt on that was scrolling words, he made some derisive comment about it to which I replied, "Yay! I'm getting one of them for my birthday!" They are so trashy/rad. Incidentally, Ryan S■■■ said the Neil Diamond concert was sold out within 20 minutes of the tickets going on sale, so Justin, it looks like you're in the lead for best gift ever now.

I woke up on Saturday around 7:30 in the a.m. because I am an old man. Instead of just laying around I decided to clean my apartment finally. Like, really clean it. I started in the far back corner of my closet and worked my way all the way around to the kitchen. It felt so nice to finally have a clean place, and it ended up being a really great idea because I was going to have company later.

After a midday nap, I went down to Ryan S■■■'s apartment where I purchased some citrus vodka and pineapple juice. I was recreating the Sullivan's Knockout Martini, which cost me (actually, Scott. Thanks!) 9 bucks apiece but were now a fraction of that. Naturally, I drank them like they were going out of style and had a good slur goin on by the time we arrived at the party downtown. Pretty-hair KYLE from College Station was there. He was disappointed by the lack of his name in caps and bold on my website. I try to oblige. Much socializing, much drinks, much cigarettes, much good times. Ryan H■■■■■■ showed up with his friend Cameron F■■■, from L.A. I ended up hanging out with them for the remainder of the night. Around 3 (total estimation) we left the party. Cameron F■■■ had never had a Whataburger taquito, and you know me, the unofficial Ambassador of Whataburger, so I got us all something to eat. We went back to my apartment and spent a while eating and sharing amusing movies on the internet. w00t!

The resulting hangover from such a wonderful night was fearsome. I couldn't move until about 4 in the afternoon. Despite sleeping all day I was still exhausted when Ryan S■■■ picked me up (since my car was still at his apartment) and took me to get some sushi and then meet the boys out at The Ginger Man. We had a couple beers there, everyone putting it on my tab unbeknownst to me. So when we eventually went to JRs and then S4, I had free drinks aplenty. For the first time ... well, ever ... I went outside of my apartment without first flat ironing my hair into total submission. I decided to try beach hair. Beach hair is when you look like you've just spent the day at the beach and the way you achieve it is to spray your hair with salt water. I'm not sure I was thrilled with the results, but it was something new, and that's always refreshing. Eddie gave me the best compliment of the night when he said, "Seriously, you look completely different every single time I see you." That is so one of the nicest things you can say to me.

On a side note, here's a tidbit of Sidesho-etiquette: Don't tell me where I bought my clothes. I know where I bought them. I bought them. Of course I know where I was when this transaction took place. When you say, "Hey, you got that shirt at Guess," what I actually hear is, "Hey, your shirt is generic." It's things like this that cause me to fly to foreign countries and spend multiple hundreds of dollars on a shirt only to ensure that no one will know where I got it or g*d forbid be wearing the same thing. Btw, I shop almost exclusively at Guess, so you're not impressing anybody with your retail knowledge. This is a totally hypothetical situation though, nothing about last night spurred this rant.

These weekend blogs are so hard to title since there is rarely a central theme to them. When that happens, I wait until I'm done typing it to see if anything jumps out at me. Since that didn't happen here, I'll use the old adage: When in doubt, just choose something totally random. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I went to my first happy hour in a while yesterday at the Flying Saucer with Max and Karen, old engineering technologies buddies. We had a fantastic time, a few beers, some delicious bratwurst with saurkraut and mustard. I came home fairly early, sat on the computer, and then went to bed in accordance with the sleep rules.

As it turns out, what I had done there was concoct the perfect recipe for heartburn. I've never had heartburn before, but from what I experienced and what I read, that's what it had to be. I was up literally all night trying to swallow down that acid in the back of my throat. By morning, I was fighting back the urge to vomit. I knew I had to go to work to at least give someone the work computer I've been using. So I went there first, and that's when time ran out. I threw up in the work bathroom and then came home. I absolutely feel like shit and I don't know what to do about it. Now that the burning sensation is gone, I'm left with a terribly sore throat and an excess of mucus. I'm not sure what to do.

Tell you one thing, though. My finances are in a dire situation. I think from this point forward, I am going to go back into the Febrehabruary mode. Not so strict, but I'm definitely curbing my spending a lot from now on. I need, need, need to pay off my significant credit card debt from Europe before I go to Australia on June 30. It's not like people are knocking down my door to hang out with me anyway, but I just thought I'd let you all know that my life from now until Australia will be a game of saving money, eating chicken breasts, working out and sleeping.

Is anybody going to see Star Wars tonight? Let me know how it is.

Taste of Addison might be more appropriately titled if it were called "Rednek White Trash Bash Carnie Festival Early 90s Rock Fair." Rest assured, dear readers, I will not be attending RWTBCFE9RF next year. No way no how. However, I would be remiss to not mention the silver lining on my clouded demeanor, Miss Lindsay S■■■. She pretty much forced me against my will to have a good time. We had some laughs at my unknowingly evil glances at fat people with cottage cheese butts in tube tops and hot pants. She fed me beers that we snuck in with her big purse. *Clink!* And she didn't make me sit in the grass ... puhlease, I was wearing BRAND NEW jeans.

Other highlight of the evening? Mister Will P■■■■■■ was in attendance. I made him hug me when he got there and he said I had "a whole lot of hair going on" and that I had "bulked up." We like Will. Will also bought me beers TWO AT A TIME. We really like Will. After I was good and toasted, we ran over to Duke's in Addison where I tried to make it up to my two patrons with an open tab and a few pitchers of beers. Deelish. What a way to spend an evening.

In other news, I had spent the earlier part of the evening having the most fabulous shopping date with our dear friend Ryan S■■■. We went to the West Village where we visited the new Octane store and I just had to get some new jeans that I could not afford. My Sevens that I bought with Leslie a little over a year ago and then proceeded to wear every single day of my life are almost at the end of theirs. The minute hole in the crotch grows bigger every day. The real reason for telling this story? Ryan S■■■ told me what he's planning on getting me for my birthday and I just CANNOT keep it in any longer. He's going to take me to see NEIL DIAMOND IN CONCERT! AAAAAAHHHH! That is the best fucking present anyone has ever given me! I bet none of you can top that! Omega omega omega SWEEEEEEEEEEET CAROLINE! BA DUH DUH DUH! I can not wait. The concert's not til later this summer and hopefully it won't be when I'm in Australia. But fucking Neil Diamond?! Can you imagine?! I love you Ryan S■■■!

The only present I can think of that's better than that is this belt I saw in the Post Oak Mall (it's a great shopping place). It's from that ghetto belt buckle store where they can carve you one that says BLING or something. But these ones are little screens that scroll words across it. I wanted one soo bad but I was too embarassed to buy one. I told Justin M■■■ to get me one for my birthday but he didn't sound like he was actually going to, so check with him to make sure before you buy me one. I don't want two in the same color. I also tried to buy myself a programmable thermostat for my apartment on eBay today. I bid with 6 hours left and then had to go to work and I lost. But there were like a 100 of them on there, so I'm gonna go bid on some more. I work in the damn controls industry, I don't need to be manually setting the temperature in my own apartment. Gosh!

And that ugly fucking maid never called me back neither.

I normally don't talk about work on my webpage, mostly because I do NOT want to get dooced. But I think these observations are fairly harmless. I decided to "steal" "Owen's" style of blogging and put some figure numbers on my images. Then after I was done with the tedious photoshopping of each image, I changed my mind on the order. So fuck off if you can't get past the point that my figures are out of order (although if I was my TA, I'd give me a zero on this blog just for that). These are just a couple of things that I find really amusing on construction sites that most of my readers will never see because you're not construction workers like me!

You know how there are electrical boxes like everywhere behind the scenes of a building? Well, there are. I've illustrated it here in our first picture, Figure 4, so you could know what I was talking about. When each of those metal pipes is connected to the box, a hole has to be drilled in the outer casing. The diameter of these pipes is roughly that of a quarter. So here is my advice to you the next time you are on a job site. Don't pick up the little silver circles left behind by this drilling. And whatever you do, DON'T yell, "Hey, I found a quarter! Is it on heads?!" and then pick one up.

Okay, now onto the topic that I'm really excited to try and explain. There are pipes that take hot and cold water from the boiler and chiller (respectively) all throughout the building. Air is then blown across a coil of pipes containing this water to either heat or cool the air (respectively). It is then blown into the room and all the fat teachers in menopause bitch that it's always too hot or cold (disrespectfully). These pipes have to be insulated, naturally. After a foam insulation is wrapped around the pipe, it is usually finished off with a PVC coating like the one shown in Figure 1. There are just pieces layin around all over the job site. And every day, I have to fight, fight, fight the insatiable urge to put these pieces on my body like a Storm Trooper. They would be soooo perfect. Just to prove my point, check out Figure 2 where I actually found a nerd on the internet that shows you the pieces you need to be a Storm Trooper. Can you imagine how cool I would be if I came out of the chiller plant dressed up like Figure 3? Not only would I not need a hard hat and safety glasses ... but I could sleep standing up and no one would be the wiser. Thanks for bearing with me while I explained these very technical ideas that came to me as I wasted away on a job site. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

I have some advice for all of you who will be graduating soon and looking for full-time employment. Obtaining your dream job will not make your job a dream ... it will only make your dreams a job.

Sometimes I think up random shit and then I find myself to be unduly clever. Also, I like to make myself feel better about my non-existance. Coming back to work has been particularly difficult this week what with the deadlines and my apathy. I miss Sweden. I miss Germany. I miss socialists and liberals. Baseball and bar-be-que just hasn't quite filled the void.

I no longer have a roommate. Andy moved out on Wednesday. I totally thought he was leaving next Wednesday or I would have made more ado about it. Like friendship bracelets or something. But as it was, he gathered up his stuff and left Wednesday afternoon. I don't mean to sound sappy but I already miss him. I totally wanted to just go have a beer and a conversation tonight and I couldn't find anyone to join me. Travass eventually changed his mind about declining my invitation and absolutely saved the day, but still... it was nice to have a live-in drinking buddy. But now I've got two of my best friends with me -- Coors Light and Hedwig. What more can you honestly ask for?

I feel like I had a lot more planned for this entry, but I must have left those ideas back at the first beer. I'm sure they'll come back to me. Thank you for your understanding, but most of all, for your support.

What a weekend! I was livin' it up. I only have 20 minutes before we go get dinner so I'm going to type this as fast as I can. I'll proofread it later so keep your snotty comments to yourselves. Friday night, I went to Etage, this club that is in the big square in town. I heard from some people that it was pretty cool. They were open from 23-5. So I showed up around 11 because I wasn't quite certain how long it would take me to get there and I figured that with the club opening so late everyone would be lined around the block clawing to get in. WRONG. I was like the first person there.

So I sat and had a few beers by myself waiting for everyone to show up. All the clubs here have random gambling tables all around. Like you'll be going down the hall towards the bathroom and its like BAM BLACKJACK! It was very strange but a few people seemed to really enjoy themselves. I stayed away because I have a gambling problem -- my problem being that I suck at it. So there I am at the bar drinking Falcon after Falcon just waiting for somebody to talk to me. When it became evident nobody would, despite my magickal buttefly shirt, I started trying to mingle.

Yeah, people weren't really having it so when this Asian girl winked at me I was like eh, whatthefuck, I'll go talk to her. So I am sitting there with all these chicks from Thailand and I can barely understand a word they're saying. And they drag me out on the dance floor. I definitely did a little pole dancing with this chick up on stage. Tres fun. Then we sit back down at the table to drink some more and she shows me her passport. Specifically, she is pointing at the part that says MR. So I hung out all night with a Thai transsexual and had a really good time. I drank way too much, though, so as I was stumbling home, I see McDonalds like a beacon in the night. I mosdef stopped in at 5am to have a hamburger. I was so drunk I could barely get the words "Bic Mag" out.

I sure did pay for it the next day. One of the worst hangovers I've ever had. I didn't get out of bed until about 4. Then I went for a nice walk and got a nice dinner by myself. It was probably good that I stayed in bed so late because I had many adventures to await me. There aren't really any gay clubs here but there are clubs that have gay nights. And the big one, from what I could gather, was this party called Wonk every Saturday night at Deep. Deep is just a stone's throw from my hotel. But this time I've wised up, and I don't even venture out until 12:30. Surely I won't be the first person there. WRONG! I was the first person there. So I'm standing there alone drinking my beer when this old guy comes and talks to me. Meh, whatever, used to it.

Then the hottest guy I have ever seen walks in and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't leave until I got him. But I've got this elderly baggage, so I'm a little stuck. I tried to tire hime out on the dance floor but he just wouldn't get the hint. And he danced like an old guy. One weird thing they do is hand out candy at clubs. Like a dude with this shirt off comes around with a tray of gummi candies and everyone grabs a handful. So weird. But they had dropped a whole tray right on the dance floor so my shoes are super sticky. Anyway, eventually the old guy tires out and leaves around 3am. This is when I decide to venture up to the karaoke room because I'd watched a little earlier and it was cracking me up.

Wouldn't you know it, the hottest guy ever is sitting on this ottoman watching the show, so I go plop down next to him. I was laughing my ass off because these four girls kept singing a song and the chorus was something "SLUT." And they just keep yelling "SLUT." It was pronounced [sloot] but still funny to me. So I lean over to the hottest guy ever and say, "I have no idea what they're saying but I sure do think its funny." And his eyes lit up and he was like "Where are you from?!" He's one of the first Swedes to give a fuck where I'm from. They're all very unimpressed. So now I've scored 10,000 points for being an American and we're getting along just swimmingly. We're talking and laughing and clappin. I tried to sing along and sound out the words and he thought that was pretty funny. Well... I guess we were having too much fun at other people's expense because the next thing I know, I have a finger pointed at me.

That finger is attached to the biggest person I have ever seen. This is a 7'6" stacked drag queen named Wonk (the namesake of the party) with blonde hair down past her butt ... and she is motioning me on stage. So the hottest guy ever (henceforth to be refered to by his name Rickard -- the k's here do weird things, so it's actually pronounced just like Richard) kind of shoves me up there and I oblige. She says a whole bunch in Swedish and then sticks the microphone in my face and I say, "Uhhhhh ... well, this is my first time to Malmo but it's a lovely city, everyone's just been great." And everyone kinda cheers and she says, "What is your name and where are you from?"

"Okay David from America, I know what you sing. You sing it now. I hope you know it." And I'm like uhhhhh, so do I. Next thing you know, the intro to Don McLean's "American Pie" is on and I start singing it. I'm a little shaky at first but once I found the key I started belting it. I mean belting it. And I knew all the words so I didn't have to stare at the screen, so then I start working the crowd a little. Mind you, it is now like 3:30am and I am a little intoxicated. And I get everyone singin along and I'm singin my little heart out. You all know how much I hate to toot my own horn, but I was pretty good ... probably Grammy quality. So now Rickard is doubly impressed.

Then we go downstairs and talk a while. I bought us some cigarettes out of a machine but I'd never heard of any of them so I just guessed. I ended up guessing his favorite cigarettes so now he's triply impressed. They were called Prince and I told him I'd never had a Prince before. He replied, "You've got one tonight." Zing! Double entendres in a second language, kudos to him!

Then the club started playing slow music. Slow dancing at a gay club? Who woulda thunk. As we were slow dancing which was way too fun, this guy just barrels right through us. And I yell, "HEJ!" and Rickard shoves him, and then he turns around and shoves me. The majority of my bloodstream at this point consists of ethanol and testosterone, so I'm like ready to go. Luckily the Swedes are a peace loving people but I don't think Rickard missed the fact that I'd jumped up to protect him. Can we say quadrupily impressed? Probably like dodechedrimpressed.

The club let out at 5, and Rickard walked me back to my hotel. It was only a block but still a very nice gesture. Yadda yadda yadda, it was a fabulous weekend and I almost wish I could be here another weekend. Stupid me I didn't get his phone number or anything, so I guess that's the last time I'll see him. Oh well, it was worth it.

That's all for now, more anecdotal shit and stories about the douchebag another time. Just had to get that out for your pleasure and my journal. Peace, my sluts!

What a long, strange trip it's been. Okay, maybe just long. I got to Sweden with very little trouble. I am in my hotel room now around 7:30pm after having been up since Saturday morning. I am so tired, but I have had a lot of fun today. I am traveling with my coworker, Keith, just to get that out of the way. I'm sure a lot of my stories will involve him. We had breakfast in Zurich which consisted of a liter of Heinekin each and a handful of cigarettes. Gots to expense that shit!

The 10 hour flight was quite trying, but I made it though with a little bit of sleep. It didn't help that when I did fall asleep, I dreamt that we had already arrived. Then I woke up and realized there were 7 more hours to go. We hung out in Zurich for about 3 hours and then took a 2 hour flight to Copenhagen. I slept all the way through that flight. Then we rode a train into Malmo, Sweden. We decided to walk from the train station to our hotel which ended up being quite a ways. I immediately dropped my shit and went walking around. I found a place to buy a flat iron tomorrow. Mine won't work here, and my voltage converter won't work with it either. It is a necessity. Gots to expense that shit!

Let me tell you one thing about Sweden. If I were to rank the 100 hottest guys I'd ever seen in my life, on TV, in movies, and in person ... all 100 of those spots would be occupied by someone I saw in Malmo today. Everyone here is beautiful -- blond hair, blue eyes, tall, just gorgeous. I am a little bit overstimulated. And the women are pretty slammin' as well. Being in Malmo makes me say, "Miami who?" I have already decided that I want to live here. Everyone speak fluent English, even the teenagers working at Subway, which is where we ate dinner. They all start of speaking Swedish to me, which I take as a compliment because they I'm Swedish, but as soon as I order in English they switch effortlessly. It's incredible. This place is so Americanized, yet so different. I need to make some more observations before I assert that.

I took a few pictures today but I am seriously falling asleep on the keyboard so I might post some tomorrow. So far so good though! This place kicks so much ass.

UPDATE: I totally forgot to mention. I met John McKay from the news in the airport in Zurich. He was on his way to Roma to cover JP Deuce's funeral. I know so many celebs. And in other news, NOW MY HAIRDRYER DIED. God damnit, first the Pizzope, now my blow dryer. Why have you turned your back on us, oh lord?

In 12 hours I will board a plane bound for Zurich, catch a connection to Copenhagen, and then catch a train to Malmo, Sweden. There is supposedly internet access in the rooms and I will have my work computer with me, so I should be able to keep this site updated. I will also be available via email, my personal one is probably best (SideshoViD@sideshovid.com) but if it's very important, you can use my work address, which is Myfirstname [dot] Mylastname @ TheCompanyIWorkFor.com. Fill in the blanks, please don't send email to that exact address. Sweden is 7 hours in the future compared to the states, so factor that in.

Wish me here. Here goes nothin.

I can only assume I did not win the HGTV Dream Home. Alas. To console myself, I decided to beautify my own little space just a little bit. As you all know, I've been collecting wine bottles for some time now with this grand idea in my little head about how I would arrange them fabulously atop my kitchen cabinets. Today, I got the last two bottles I needed, and the gumption to git'erdone.

What do you think? Say nice things about it. And by "nice things" I don't mean "bitchy things followed by less-than-threes." I spent my entire afternoon and evening putting together my new decorations. I must say thank you, thank you, thank you to Ryan S■■■ for helping me buy those little pewter-inlayed shelves with my Pier 1 gift certificate he got me for x-mas. It just wouldn't have pulled together with out it.

Since I had my camera out, I took a quick pic of Tuna's new tank that I told you all about. It's just a little bit more sophistocated, a little bit more Tuna's taste. He was always a little bit patronized by the rainbow castle, so I could see his sigh of relief when I inserted this shroom-tastic rock. Literally. Little sigh bubbles. Then we high-fived.

I watched a really long special tonight on Prader-Willi Syndrome. It's this biological disorder where your brain will never tell you that you are full. In fact, you are in a state of constant starvation, not only mentally, but your body acts accordingly. It would be like if you were stuck on an island for 2 weeks starving and then someone walked by with a steak. You'd do anything to get that steak. That's how these people are every minute of every day. Can you imagine? This dude was like 400 lbs and he JUST got done eating and said that he was doing everything he could to not immediately eat again.

I don't know why I felt inclined to share that. I just thought it was fascinating. I rounded out the evening watching MRIs of people doing the dirrty on Discovery, and everything you never cared to know about booze on the History Channel. Best St. Patricia's Day EVER!1!!!

My new niece could not have been cuter. She is so, so tiny. She has a full head of hair that is probably the softest thing I have ever felt. I got her a green outfit for her birthday because I didn't want her to get pinched next Thursday. She's just a baby, for g*d's sake. It's not nice to pinch babies. She's too young for beer, but maybe my sis will be festive and feed her green breast milk.

That was gross, sorry. Not much else of note going on over here. I'm counting the days until Sweden just trying not to get fired before then. Tomorrow is the day Home and Garden will call me and let me know that I've won this years 3.5 million dollar dream home in Tyler, TX, along with the new Chevy Denali (sp?) and the $250,000 in cash. I can't wait to move in. I mean I entered like 10 times, so I'm a total shoo-in.

This'll be like the time I won an enormous stuffed animal from the dentist named Kiki. One time, I said to my brother, "Let's play beat the Kiki! I get the stick!" and took one swing at the enormous koala bear with the dowel rod we used to protect us from someone opening our bedroom window. One swing and the eye broke in half and rolled away. I was so upset. I didn't hit a baseball in 4 seasons, but I can crack an eyeball with a dowel rod in one try.

Why is it that tomorrow is spelled t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w but I abbreviate it as "tomm?"

I think I've decided to get a tattoo. Which I probably shouldn't tell you all because my brother will read and tell my mother and she will go absolutely ape-shit. But as of yet, I don't know what I want or where. So I'll entertain your suggestions, as long as your suggestions entertain me.

Thanks for all the great comments on my new layout, bitches! *makes masturbatorial motion*

I can count on one finger the number of times that I have updated my webpage drunk. For those of you a little slow on the uptake, that means that I've only done this once before. Kudos to anybody who can tell me the date of that entry. I say "kudos to anybody" but really all I mean is "kudos to Chevy" because she's the only one who would actually take the time to ascertain said information.

I went to happy hour tonight with Andy. We drank a lot of beer. I smoked a lot of cigarettes. I have got to quit smoking more often because nothing makes a cigarette taste better than the seasoning of unrequited lust. Oh my god it was delicious. My apartment aroma is making me wet at the moment because Andy is cooking us a couple of ribeyes while I sip red wine. Having a roommate has its perks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESLIE. I am so random. Being drunk is like riding a bicycle. You never forget how much you need to get drunk ... and you never forget how much you want to get drunk. *takes sip of cheap red wine*

It's not just the title that used to be clever. I had at least 6 awesome stories to tell you all before I went to happy hour. One of them I remember was commentary on how good my mood was because I wasn't drinking. "It's impossible to be completely happy while ingesting that much of something called a depressant," I was going to say. But that was before the utter ecstacy I feel right now having had like 8 beers. YAY!

I love you all and I wish you could be as happy as I am right now. Oh shit, I was going to catalogue the results of Febrehabruary. That's right. I lost 11 pounds. 11 fucking pounds of alcoholic weight. I look good, I feel good ... I am good, g*d damnit. I love you all immensely. More info when I sober up (which may be never) HAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went out again last night despite vowing that I never would. Once again, I was rather annoyed by the drunk people and left early. You don't have to be drunk to have fun in a club, but I firmly believe you need a couple drinks just to take the edge off of what is an overwhelmingly obnoxious situation. I mean, look at it objectively. It's dimly lit except for a few neon and strobe lights, the music is so loud that conversation is virtually impossible, and people are packed in and stumbling over each other. You're going to want to have a few beers if you're going to last the whole night.

The thought had occured to me after Febrehabruary that I might invent Marehabch and Aprehabil. By the time I hit May, I would have no choice but to resume drinking until Septemberehab, and that's just not clever. Even though Febrehabruary was a great success and one of the best months of my life (I'll have a final tally for you when it's truly over) I don't feel the need to repeat it immediately. This could become a yearly ritual for me, though. If I've learned anything from a month of sobriety, and I like to think that I haven't, it's that drinking isn't bad or wrong, but moderation is key. In this spirit, I bought myself a nice bottle of wine to drink on Tuesday. I'm fucking retarded.

I don't think I ever announced this, but I am incorporating wine bottles into the decoration of my kitchen. If any of you drink wine often, or just happen to have an occasional bottle lying around, save it for me because I could use about 20 empty bottles, and that will take me DAYS to accumulate. Thanks.

Well, I think its just about time for me to go cook a dry chicken breast while living vicariously through Contessa With Her Shoes Off. Then I'll drink a few gallons of water so I can sweat it out in yoga. I am so v. busy and important. Check you skillets later.

My new roommate, Andy, moved in on Saturday. It's only been a few days, but it's been pretty fun having a roommate again. There are pros and cons to both styles of living, naturally, but its nice to have someone to watch TV with, someone to motivate you to eat less and workout more, and someone who goes to bed at a decent hour, so I do also. Andy is a coworker of mine who got hired at the same time as me but works in Houston. He's here for about 10 weeks for training, but I'll be in Europe for the middle three of those weeks, so it's really just like 3 and 3.

He's a personal trainer in his free time, so he took me to 24 Hour Fitness these past two days to give me a few work out hints. It was really informative, but g*d, I hated pretending that I was going to sign up for a membership, so I'm not going anymore. I gave them a fake number and the fucking guy tried to call me today to tell me about some great deals, so I was totally busted when we walked in. I continued lying through my teeth about it being a real number. I felt so much like Thommi.

I am really trying to lose 10 pounds before I go to Sweden. That is totally doable, according to my live-in trainer, but I think it involves not being a gluttonous pig. Maybe I should just learn to love myself the way I am, since I simultaneously find myself entirely too skinny and entirely too fat. But it doesn't really fucking matter when I wrap myself up in my brand new wardrobe. I went on a bit of a spree this weekend with my personal shopping assistant, Mr. Sean W■■■■. A cool grand later, I have some kickass new clothes to wear to the office at headquarters. I also got this jacket that makes me weak in the knees ... from Source Paris, of course. You wish you had this jacket.

I feel like I had a lot more to say before I started. A phone call from JennyC■■■ and a phone call from 27 confirmed the fact that I have nothing to say. Both of them abruptly ended our conversations when I sat silently with the phone to my ear. I promise to fill you all in when I have something to say.

Bonsoir, mes amis! Wie geht es ihnen? Jag hoppa det du er all gör brunn. This past week I bought CDs for French, German and Swedish so I could get a head start on learning all the languages I'll need during my European adventure. I already speak German, and Swedish is (from what I know thus far) a lot like it. So really, I'm just trying to pick up some basic French phrases to get a hotel room and a menu. Good times, good times. You don't want to ride in the car with me though. It's totally annoying. But I should be quadri-lingual by April.

This weekend I went to a party at Adam's house up in Denton. Good christ, Denton is far away. It was a pretty big milestone for me because it was the first time I've subjected myself to some good old fashioned binge drinking that I know and love so much without partaking. They were all downing cheap beers and chain smoking and I wanted to participate sooo bad, but I resisted. And not only did I stay clean, but I had a really good time hanging out and getting to know people I'd never met before. Maybe I do still have social skills, and I just never let myself realize it.

This is off topic, but I have to ask. What the hell is up with fat, old men in the gym locker rooms? It's like they refuse to put some fucking clothes on. I guess their wives won't let them walk around naked at home so they do it at the gym? It is so weird. If you're a fat old man who reads my webpage and walks around naked in locker rooms, please fill me in cause you're all making me nauseous.

Speaking of the gym, if things continue to go as well as they have with Febrehabruary, I plan on partying March 1st and then going right back to my sober ways. I am saving so much money and losing so much weight. I could never have fathomed that it would go this well.

Ryan S■■■ sent me an article about people being fired from their jobs based on what they say in their blogs. It kind of put the fear of g*d in me. My webpage is laden with material that should rightfully lead to my termination. I think I'm going to go through and hide some of the entries for the time being while I figure this out. In the meantime, I'm going to refrain from discussing work explicitly and avoid mentioning any projects I'm working on by name if I do. Hope it doesn't leave you all wanting.

Now, I am still drenched in sweat from yoga, so it is time to showah. Peace, you have-nots.

Yoga yesterday was wonderful. It was just me and three foreign middle-aged women, on account that the class was during the Super Bull. I was sweating rather profusely, as it is hot yoga, and since there were very few people there (and the male instructor is essentially nude already) I decided to take my shirt off. Now, you all KNOW how much I hate to toot my own horn, but I just wanted to share with you that while I am still morbidly obese, my working out has begun to spring the roots of progress into my mounds of fatty flesh. I think I'm starting to improve, and that is such good incentive to keep going, since my workout partner has disappeared for the past 2 weeks and has vowed to disappear at least one more. I still haven't missed a day though. Toot! Toot!

So far so good on the sobriety experiment. The only problem is that I've become increasingly irritable. I blame that more on the cigarettes than anything. I just don't like it when people try to tell me what Febrehabruary is. I made the fucking rules for me, for me to follow, not for you to assess. I am slowly withdrawing to protect my original decree of 28 days of no drinking. I'm afraid that by the end of this, I will have no friends. But I will persevere. Little things have just been annoying me more than they normally would.

It's like when somebody tells you that going from 2 packs of cigarettes a day down to a pack a week "doesn't count." And then pokes you... repeatedly....

But I did have a wonderfully productive weekend. Waking up at 10 feeling fully refreshed and ready to tackle the day was a welcome respite. And feeling tired on Saturday night meant that I curled up in my PJs with my laptop, when normally I would have feel obligated to go out. So there is good associated with the whole thing. I talked to AllieD last night, and asked her how Jamey did it. Jamey, her squeeze, gave up alcohol for 2004. The whole fucking year. He said I would be done with my experiment long before the hurt went away. So that was encouraging.

You'll notice I also have scads more time to update my webpage. I should be at Studio Movie Grill right now, but instead I think I'll go to the gym. Peace out, have-nots!

Day 1 of sobriety gone and done. How easy could this be? Since my rehabilitation experiment opening day fell on a workout cardio day, I decided to hit it extra hard. I rode the stationary bike for 15 minutes as a warm up and then did that fucking elliptical machine for a solid hour. Holy crap, my knees are all swollen up and I sweat my ass off. The last time I had my heart beat at 160 bpm for over an hour was ... well ... I can't even make a sex joke there because that would be false.

Although my progress will all be relative to today, I do want to share with you all some of my achievements as of late. Not only did I double my cardio time, but I doubled the amount that I bench press. Also, instead of gaining 5 lbs every week like I had been for the past few weeks, this time, I lost 2 lbs. Kick ass. But today is ground zero. This is what all progress will be measured against. I'm really hoping that 28 days from now will be this huge success story. Something akin to Celebrity Fit Club.

Ryan S■■■ has decided to join me in my quest for Febrehabruary. (That's rehab in February, for any of you who haven't put that together yet.) Except Ryan has put his own spin on it. By not drinking, he is attempting to see as many movies as he can in an experiment he has dubbed "Febreviewary." G*d, I have clever friends. JonS■■■ has recently moved back to Dallas (thank jebus, Houston is the armpit of the world) and is intrigued by Febrehabruary. He's decided to join my quest. He doesn't have a witty name for his yet, though. I've decided that as added incentive, any of my readers who don't drink for the 28 days of February (those who normally would drink ... and those who aren't dirty liars AND alcoholics) are invited to go out with me on March 1st. All drinks are me! Yippee!

Maybe I shouldn't think about drinking this early on.

Dear all you bitches who said I would get fired,
I got a raise today.
Har dee har fucking har.
Love,
Sidesho

In fact, my year-end review said that I was doing "outstanding," had "exceeded all expectations," and had "received praise from co-workers both in and out of [my] department." It's kind of hard to argue with that. And that's in print, bold-faced, and in my permanent record. So to everyone who scoffed at me going in late 6 months in a row, everyone who turned their nose up at my mid-day naps, anyone who thought noon was too early to call it a day, and the nay-sayers who thought skipping a day was grounds for immediate termination, I say sit on it. I'm doing an outstanding job. Besides, you can't hold it against me that I'm as much as three times more productive than the average human.

The only thing my boss said he was worried about, concerning yours truly, is that I would be quitting relatively soon. He said I have too much education and potential for this job to hold me longer than 4 years. He doesn't know I was planning on quitting Tuesday. But, he does make a good point. I am terribly bored with work. But you just can't deny how sweet it is to land yet another job where I do what I want, and the allure of making that into a career.

Oh goodness, look at me going on and on about myself. How dreadful. You all KNOW how I hate to toot my own horn.

My workouts are going well even though Mr. K■■■■■■ has fallen "ill" and I've been flying solo every day this week. Except this time I'm being literal; I have gone every day this week. Even though I am still morbidly obese, at least my arms are muscular enough to lift my fat ass off the ground. Hopefully Febrehabruary will take care of that. (I changed the name from Frehabruary to Febrehabruary. While they both look fine in print, the latter is definitely easier to speak aloud.)

Did you notice my grammatically correct usage of the semi-colon in the paragraph above? My grammar book (Eats, Shoots & Leaves) is positively fascinating. I am learning so much from it. And its fuuunnnnny.

Allison left for Australia yesterday. I hope she likes lederhosen and wienerschnitzel, ja. JKJK. I'm not much for sloven goodbyes, but I did get her a picture frame that said "Best Friends" along the top and then "Sydney July 2005" along the bottom. When I saw it on the shelf, I thought it was so appropriate and definitely freaky that they were mass producing them. JKJK again! I had it engraved. That's my new thing. You're nobody unless you get an engraved gift from me. Except for Ryan S■■■ who got a kickass DVD stand. That was from the heart. Anyway, back to Allison. She'll be gone for a year but I'll see her this summer, so that's not too bad. I wish her the best ... shrimp on the barbie.

I bought a big bottle of pomegranite juice. It's called Pom. Much like every other juice ever produced, it claims to be really good for you. I'll tell you one thing: it's fucking delicious. If you are just joining us and aren't familiar with the fruit, search my site for it. I have a great explanation somewhere in the past. The only downside of the juice is that it was 10 bucks for something the size of a cranberry cocktail. That's too expensive to have it on my permanent online shopping list, but a definite treat now and again.

I think I'll end on that note because I'm rambling a tad. I miss you all and apologize for my continued unpluggedness. We'll all get through this soon enough. Peace out, my little have nots. I love you all.

I apologize for my recent absence from the internet, but I assure you, I have been completely powerless. That is to say that my power cord still does not fit in my computer. For some reason, when I got home from work today (at 3:30 -- RAWK) the charge light was on and I was fully charged. I haven't even touched the thing all weekend, so that was weird, but welcome. I'm going to have to take the ol' porn player to Best Buy and have them ship it off to their service department. Hopefully they can fix it and hopefully its under warranty.

I finally went to a yoga school yesterday. I found this Addison Yoga place right by my apartment. They do hot yoga. Hot yoga is just like regular yoga, but its hot. Like really hot. They keep the room at about 100 degrees the entire time. I sweat my ass off. But I really, really liked it. It's only 15 bucks per class, or 12 if you buy a pass. I will probably do this at least once a weekend. I've already drummed up some interest from Lil Jarrod to join me. I think everyone should be doing this, it was so choice.

Today marks the first day of my 5-a-week workout schedule. I'd been going at least 4 times a week, sometimes more, up until the holidays and then I totally fell off. But my friend Greg from New York, he's kind of weird, and he signed up at my gym. So now I have a workout buddy. We both made it perfectly clear that we didn't want to work out together, though. We just want to carpool to the gym in order to motivate each other to stick with it. This is gonna be so great. The next time I show myself in public, I'm gonna be so hot. And by 'hot' I mean that my biceps are gonna be as big as my beer gut.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to address you all again. Thanks for your patience while we struggle through this predicament together. I am gonna send my computer off on Saturday so if I happen to wake up fully charged, I'll update before I let it go. Otherwise, I'll just have to scrounge around and see whose computer I can use. I really wanted to be able to keep you all up to date on my Frehabruary experiment. (I just now came up with that name, I kinda like it.) It's coming up so fast. I can't wait. Oh, and all my expenses got sorted out including the rat bastards at the Velvet Hookah. The owner called and apologized and offered me free drinks. Anyone wanna go?

Oh, and Raul, you should call me since you're impossible to get a hold of. I am still fully expecting you to come up the last weekend in January for my alcoholic swansong. The rest of you, refrain from calling, I get so annoyed when my phone rings. Thaaaaanks.

Here's the deal. The power jack on my laptop, like the thing inside my laptop, has come loose. This happened sometime around April, but hasn't really been an issue. Anytime I lost contact, I would jiggle the cord and all was well. But now, it seems, I have lost the ability to fix the problem with a jiggle. I took my laptop to Best Buy today for their service department to fix it. It's not so much a service department as it is a shipping department. I just wanted him to open it up and take a look, but he assured me that it had to be sent off for three weeks. I don't want to give up my computer for three weeks, but I also don't want to spend an hour getting the cord in just the right spot any time I want to use my computer (like I did tonight).

This was my thought. February is already going to be hellacious and productive. I am giving up alcohol for one month. I am giving up cigarettes for one month. I am giving up the night life for one month. Why not give up chatting for one month?

That's a terrible idea.

I don't know what other choice I have. I can't afford another laptop. Hell, I can't even afford lunch this week due to a savings miscalculation. Still gotta get to the bottom of that, I think somebody stole 125 dollars from me ... which would simply augment the 87 dollars the Velvet Hookah already stole from me (and won't give back, those rat bastards ... but their bartender is hot).

My bedroom is mostly green. Mostly. I need two more gallons to finish up the job. You would think I lived in a 8,000 sq. ft. apartment with how much time I spend painting. Truth be told, I just derive a certain pleasure from doing things slowly. I always have. I like to eat slow. I like to walk slow. I like to paint slow. And I like to tilt my head back and then bring it back up slow-ly.

I'm not 100% certain when to use "slow" and when to use "slowly." Can anybody shed some light?

Quick life update. Drank too much. Made it back to New Amsterdam Coffeehaus with Mr. K■■■■■■. I haven't been back since I went with Ryan C■■■■■■ who now lives in Port-land, so I have to call him to let him know. I think something good may be beginning, but I am always skeptical of optimism. Netflix continues to rawk my world and work is even less of a concern than it ever has been. I talk to Tuna too much for a well adjusted young man and I haven't worked out since I started painting. I will be sick within a few days and the only thing in my apartment suitable to ingest is water from the tap. And beer. I think that's about it. How are you?

As many of you, undoubtedly already knew, when I described the plans for Thommi's 21st Birthday as, "nothing too ornate or elaborate," I was being completely perfidious, hoping Thommi would read it and be further thrown off of the fact that I was planning a surprise party. The true story goes a little something like this:

When Thommi and Dan were here last weekend, Thommi said something along the lines of, "I've always wanted a surprise party." And I replied, "Yeah well it isn't gonna fucking happen, so you can forget that. Besides, who would we invite? You don't have any friends." Okay, at the time, I was just being mean, not calculating, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought I might able to pull it off. I only had 5 days, though, so I made some quick decisions about when and where it would be and started making phone calls. You all know how torturous it is for me to talk on my phone, so I was really proud of myself for maintaining my cool as I called old friend after old friend and told them to get ready to par-tay. An e-vite naturally sealed the deal. The party was on Saturday night and I told everyone to get there at 8:00 knowing that everyone would be fashionably late. I had hoped to trick them all into being there before 10:00 when I was bringing Thommi over.

Sean W■■■■ accompanied me on my vacation. What a fun road trip partner! He's going back next week for Thanksgiving as well. Hurrah! So it was Sean, Dan, Thommi and me getting ready for a fake night out on the town while my gracious and ever so wonderful hosts, Dustin and Trey, held down the fort. Trey, Sean and I had spent the afternoon running around town buying a keg, some liquor, and about 20 bucks worth of streamers, flags and balloons from the Dollar Store. The apartment was decked out ... and all in pink. I'm sure the guy that rang us up at the store thought we were throwing a party for an 8 year old girl. Well ... kinda.

So Sean and I took Thommi and Dan out for a nice birthday dinner, all the while doing everything we could to stall our little engagement. We didn't want to raise suspicions by making dinner too late, but we knew that 4 hours to kill was going to be a lot. By the time dinner was over and we made it back to Thommi's apartment we had two full hours to kill. I'm so glad Sean was there to help. First we laid around and pretended to be nonchalant about the whole affair. As Thommi was getting impatient, we started out on our plan to eat up as much time as possible doing hair. I did mine first and then Thommi's. Then Sean went. He must have spent about 45 minutes in the bathroom fixing his hair. Hilarious. Then I did Dan's hair as well ... anything to kill more time. At one point, I literally walked in slow motion.

My phone is blowing up all evening -- very uncharacteristic. But I'm answering every inquiry with terse responses to not raise suspicion. Still the whole thing is fishy. Around 10:00 Trey texts me to tell me that only 10 guests have arrived so far of the 27 who RSPV'ed. g*d damnit! We dragged our feet some more until Thommi was getting visibly annoyed and I received another text saying that 17 people had arrived. That was enough. On our way we went.

The whole thing was planned down to a T. When we got close, I called Trey and asked him what the gate code was, which was actually just code for, "Hey, we're close." He got everyone organized, and when we arrived at the door, I knocked Hullabaloo and took a step back. As soon as the door opened, Thommi looked inside to see a mass of gaudy decorations and a throng of people and took three steps backward. In my favorite quote of the evening, I grabbed his shoulders, gave him a hearty push, and yelled,

"GET IN THERE, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Haha! Surprise! He had no clue. It was so great. A few more people came and went as the night dragged on, but I was very grateful to everyone that showed and helped us empty the keg, the vodka, the wine, and the bottle of Johnny Walker Black that AllieD and Jamey brought me as a gift (having read my Thanksgiving post where I said that's what I was most thankful for. It pays to blog!). Needless to say I got shitcanned, everyone had a blast, we went to Halo for all of 10 minutes after they'd stopped serving, and got a couple waters from Aaron. WINK!

All in all I'd say it was a rousing success. I was more than pleased with the results considering Ryan S■■■ didn't help me plan it one bit. This next weekend is Thanksgiving, ya'll, we're gonna do it up Gill 'n Al style. So get ready for your e-vite to that shit. And one last thing:

PICTURES!

Dan, Sean, Thommi and I as we enter the party. This was after I pushed him through the door. Some people likened his reaction to that of the plastic keg cups, but you can see here, the photographic evidence of a fleeting smile. Good ol' Glarin' Thomas.

Sean, Dan, Thommi, me, Luke and Rob pose for a group shot. Check out those kickass decorations in the back. Those represent a lot of standing on stools. I'm sporting the Surprise Hawk, a hair-do I invented just for the occasion.

Whew let's see if I can name everyone here. From left to right as best I can: Dan, Sean, Jason, Dustin, Bob, Phillip, Luke, Me, Noah, Rob, Allison, Thommi, AllieD, Jamey and Owen. This isn't everyone who eventually came, and doesn't include Trey behind the camera, but I think it's a really cute shot. Oh yeah, we also bought some princess crowns, in case you're wondering whats on some of the heads.

Sean and I pose for a quick Team Dallas picture. Sean entertained himself by making snide remarks about the lack of concierge and valet services throughout town. He'd do JUST fine in College Station.

Bob, me and Dustin pose for a quick one. We had such cute keg cups even. I'm not entirely sure what Bob is doing here, nor do I seem to mind.

And finally, the princesses of the ball, Thommi and Dan. I think they both had a really good time and were genuinely surprised, which is what it was all about. The other thing its all about is my hair there in the background. RAWK!

About three weeks ago they put a Krystal Burger near my apartment. Since then, the lines to eat inside have wrapped around the interior of the restaurant repeatedly until it was solid people. The drive-thru line went so far beyond wrapping around the building that the entrance to join the line was about 2 blocks away from the restaurant. Talk about your word of mouth! You couldn't get this shit for any less than a 2 hour wait. I decided to wait until the lines died down to go try it. It is on the way to my gym, so I was able to monitor the popularity every single night when I work out ... every single night.

Tonight on the way home, I noticed there was no line inside, so a few evasive maneuvers through traffic later, I was ordering my Krystal Burger Combo #1. Four hamburgers, fries, and a drink. In case any of you aren't from up north (or Addison) and don't know what Krystal burgers are, they are tiny little hamburgers that you're supposed to eat a bunch of at once. Okay, now the verdict.

*cue that People's Court theme song*

These burgers made me want to technicolor yawn ... I'm talkin liquid laugh all over the table. They were GROSS! Fuck! Don't waste your time on this shit. These hamburger patties make McDonalds patties look like t-bone fucking steaks. I did not take the time to measure them, but I would estimate their thickness at around half of a centimeter. And to top it all off, they weren't even good. There was more onion and pickle than meat. Of course, that's no surprise when you make your burgers out of beef stationary. In short: KRYSTAL BURGERS SUCK!

Next order of business... HAPPY 21ST FUCKING BIRTHDAY, THOMMI!!1!!1 Yay! Thommi is a real boy! Now when we hang out we can both indulge equally in that sweet, sweet elixer of life called alcohol. I'm going to go to College Station this weekend with Sean W■■■■ to take Thommi out to celebrate. Friday I'm taking Sean to Halo but Saturday, we're gonna pick up Thommi and go out to Northgate. Nothing too ornate or elaborate, but should be fun nonetheless.

Last item of business... AllieD just told me a little story about her education major friend, Jennifer. The AllieD Times describes her as "smart and beautiful and witty." The first time Jennifer read my webpage, she decided she was in love with me, despite us having never met. The only things she really knows about me are what I post online and what AllieD has told her, which has been extensive, granted. She sent this picture to AllieD to show how she pictures me.

AllieD, we need to talk about what you've been telling this girl.

Thanksfuckingiving was wonderful. Thanks to all of the Hoffmeisters for having me over and treating me like one of the family. I ask you: Is there any better holy day than Thanksgiving? And I answer: Absolutely not.

News flash! Thommi, his Dan, and I just got back from the Ryan Cabrera concert. You know Ryan Cabrera, right? He sings that one song that goes "Sick and Tired of this world, there's no more air. Trippin' over myself, goin' nowhere. Waiting, suffocating, no direction, and I took a dive. And on the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself, and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, almost fell right through, but I held onto you. I've been wondering why it's only me. Have you always been inside waiting to breathe? It's alright. Sunlight on my face. I wake up and yeah, I'm alive 'cause on the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, almost fell right through but I held onto you. I was so afraid of going under. But now, the weight of the world feels like nothing, no, nothing. Down, down, down. You're all I wanted. Down, down, down. You're all I needed. Down, down, down. You're all I wanted. You're all I needed and I won't forget the way you loved me. All that I wanted. All that I needed. On the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself, and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held onto you. Down, down, down. But I held onto you. Down, down, down. But I held onto you."

The concert was really good. He's a very energetic performer. Young people love Ryan Cabrera. Young people and 20-something gay guys. Every guy under 20 had spent the evening getting their hair to spike up like Mr. Cabrera. In short, he has lots of great songs, very talented singer, wicked guitar player.

Guess who was there? Ashlee fucking Simpson. That talentless whore herself. I really thought she was going to get up onstage and sing with Ryan Cabrera, but I guess she forgot her tape.

Thommi is insisting that I mention that before the concert started, Ryan Cabrera was standing literally feet away from us. Neither Dan nor I saw him, but you know Thommi. He gets a little flustered about celebrities.

Tomorrow we're gonna piss the day away spending more money than any of us have. It should be fun. I'll keep you all posted.

Oh, joy! It's my favorite holy day once again! The day our lord and saviour, the turkey, willingly gave his life so we might enjoy eternal dressings. "Take this drumstick and eat it, for this is my body, gobble, gobble." The day Christopher Columbus killed all the Native Americans. He killed them all, great and small, so he could put their heads up on his wall. It was the day Chris Columbus killed all the Indians.

Now that we're finished with the history of Thanksgiving, I want to take a moment to discuss with all of you, the meaning of Thanksgiving. It's like I always say, "Tis better to thanksgive than to thanksreceive." Let's all try to keep that in mind this year. And I know, I know, the food is a big part of it. Who doesn't like to sit down at a table with a 24 pound roasted bird carcass, mashed potatoes made with heavy cream and butter and garlic, green bean casserole made with soup from the can (because any attempt to gourmet that up and no one will eat it), mac n cheese made from scratch, cranberry sauce nobody will touch but it has to be on the table anyway, french bread to sop up the leftover gravy made from stock, candied yams and pumpkin pies and AHHHHH I'm overstimulated. But with all of this, I still must contest that Thanksgiving is not just about the food.

It's about the booze.

The red wines, the white wines, the boxed wines in between. The smooth burn of a single malt scotch as it gives your stomach a welcome hug. The brandy soaked peaches. The cases upon cases of beer in the fridge "just in case" even though you know no one's leaving til they're gone. And this year, I made red roosters, a thing I saw Emeril do. Cranberry juice and orange juice concentrate and a whole lot of vodka, into a large pan and into the freezer. I kicked it up a notch by using raspberry vodka. I hope everybody likes it. BAM!

I am going to have a very H■■■■■■ Thanksgiving this year by spending it with my dear friend Allison and her parents (Krazy K and Big D) and the rest of her family. Should be a riot. I'm so excited I can barely sit still. I hope all of you have the most wonderful holiday with friends and family (because they're a part of the day too). Take a moment to think about this: for what are you most grateful this year? I know mine -- Johnny Walker Black.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good buzz!

Today is the American Cancer Society's National SmokeOut. The idea is that everyone in the world quits smoking at the same time. Since that will never, ever happen, they say that if you want to participate you can just quit for a day. I've decided to do that. It has nothing to do with the fact that I smoked half a pack last night over multiple glasses of wine and this morning I am completely hungover. No, it has to do with my love for my body and the environment.

While I was at www.cancer.org I was looking around at some of their anti-smoking campaigns and how they have evolved over the years. This one was my favorite. Look, people, the lamer you make your anti-smoking campaigns, the cooler and more counter-culture smoking becomes. Why do you think Phillip Morris is so willing to waste tons of money on trying to keep children from smoking? Because a 1980's inspired duck who says that 'tobacco is whacko' encourages kids to smoke. If you want to get people to quit, the solution is simple ... pass more legislation! Duh. Don't even get me started on the degradation of capitalism that is forcing businesses to ban smoking in public places. We'll discuss that in a different blog. Moral of the story is DON'T SMOKE (on November 18th, 2004).

Speaking of November 18th, not sure how many of you are remembering, but it was exactly 5 years ago today that the Aggie Bonfire collapsed. I was a freshman in college and had been worked into a frenzy over the anticipation of Bonfire since before I'd ever set foot on campus. We'd spent the night playing 3-Man in my room so everyone was too drunk and asleep at 3am when the crew chiefs came through the dorm pounding on doors to get people to help them pick up fallen logs off of the bodies of those trapped underneath. The next morning we were a little bewildered as we turned on the channel that had a 24 hour image of Bonfire and saw it on the ground. Then when I went out to the Polo Fields and realized that every white sheet draped over the logs was to hide a dead body, the enormity of what happened hit me. It still gets to me today ... It's getting to me right now as I type this.

We felt so helpless sitting there staring at the cranes. People walked around handing out drinks, sandwiches, sweatshirts, and anything else anyone needed since some people had stayed out there for days at a time. We tried to go give blood but every blood bank had lines wrapped around the block of people willing to wait. I think we set the Brazos Valley on blood for the next decade. It certainly took some air out of the game. Bonfire represented our burning desire to beat the hell out of t.u. but that didn't seem so important. We weren't even sure if we were supposed to enjoy the game.

That night instead of a yell practice we had a candle light vigil. When it was time to go into the stadium everyone took their candles with them, so instead of the image of lighters being held up that we were accustomed to, this is what we saw. I can't say it was a fun time to be an Aggie, but I'm glad I was a part of it so I could understand. That was the turning point for on-campus culture, and I was lucky to have experienced the way it used to be before all of that went away. Those of you in classes higher than 2003 just can't imagine what it was like.

That game was the greatest game that has ever been played. Everyone in the crowd, Aggies and longhorns, was so emotionally invested. We got the much needed win, needed emotionally, by the 12th Man completely disorienting their freshman quarterback. We all felt like we'd helped. But the best part was halftime. Normally we all sit down when the opposing band plays (the only time through the game that we sit). But at this game, the Texas band came out onto the field, played Amazing Grace, lowered their school's flags and raise an A&M flag. I never thought I would see the day when 80,000 Aggies would stand and whoop while the t.u. band played. It was an awesome moment, many tears were shed, and I am so grateful I got to be a part of it.

I don't really talk about Bonfire very much, because it still upsets me. But I thought it would be okay to share some memories on the anniversary of the fall. If you want, you can post a comment with some of your memories. It's important to remember.

I have about a thousand things I want to talk about, we'll see how many of them stick in my memory by the time I really get into blogging mode. First off, I spent the weekend chillin in the OC ... the OKC, that is. I actually had a good time. On Saturday and Sunday, my impregnito sister and I painted her nursery. Pink on the walls, green on the ceiling. It was so, so cute. Now I'm rarin' to paint my apartment. Who wants to help? Prior to this, on Friday night, we went bowling.

I was bowling in Oklahoma on a Friday night.

It ended up being really fun though. My sister's husband made the comment, "There's no way I'm going to lose to my pregnant wife and a gay guy." So I annihilated him. He didn't know that I spent the better part of high school bowling obsessively, and then transferred that hobby to college with Kevin. By the end of the night, he had admitted defeat and encouraged me to join a gay bowling league, because I would be "the man" there. I'm not sure what the difference is between a gay bowling league and a bowling league. I guess we would use pink balls?

Speaking of Kevin, he's not going to be able to join me in College Station this weekend. What a fucking bummer. I was so stoked. I mean, I still am because I get to see Burns take longer than 65 seconds to chug a pitcher of beer and get shitcanned with the whole crew, but still... everyone knew I was just going to see Kevin. I'm actually going to drive down on Saturday morning, and give Allison a ride back.

Speaking of Allison, we are planning a Thanksgiving to end all Thanksgivings. The date we decided on is December 11th. The location: Allison's house in College Station. I am planning a detailed blog about it, but had too much to say to devote this entry to that. Look for details in the future, but for g*d's sake clear your fucking calendars. This is going to the put the last one to shame!

And finally, my new hobby is listening to NPR (National Public Radio). I feel like I'm already smarter for doing this. Many thanks to my brother who originally suggested it to me when I told him how annoyed I was with radio DJs and commercials. Today they were talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger possibly running for president. Of course, he's not a natural born citizen, so the constitution would have to be amended. We all know Bush has no problem amending it. They made a good argument that someone who has been in the country for 20+ years, obtained citizenship, understands the political system, and has obtained public office should be allowed to run for president. And Arnold was talking about how everything is more global these days so it makes sense. And I agree. Hell, at least he speaks two languages ... Bush doesn't even speak one.

Even though Arnie is a Republickin, he is not conservative on issues that educated people aren't conservative on -- stem cell research, gay marriage, abortion, to name a few. Conservative X-tian Republickins would fuckin hate him. But maybe there's enough political momentum behind the Republickins to get him in the White House. To me, this would present a win/win situation in 4 years. Either someone that agrees with me on issues I find important would be elected, or the Democratic party would win, and maybe even put Hillary in the White House, which would rawk. People who argue against this amendment say that the Constitution shouldn't be viewed as a totally maleable document, and certainly should never be amended with a certain individual in mind. One guy said go ahead and make the amendment but say that it doesn't take effect for 20 years. He makes a good point. Just thought I'd give my readers something to discuss at their next cocktail party.

Items of interest, just to recap: OKC was fun, I kick ass at bowling, I need help painting my apartment, College Station this Saturday, Thanksgiving December 11, listen to NPR and tell me what you think about the President-inator (lame). Peace out, sluts!

Way to go, "Amer-ca," you really did it this time. My first go at American democracy has been met with sweeping defeat ... Bush was elected for the first time to serve his second term, and the Republickins have increased their influence in both the House and the Senate. So far, in the first two days of Bushito's second term, nothing of note has changed. Maybe it's because Jorge is on vacation at Camp David (big shocker there). I think if this trend of nothing changing or happening continues, that would be the best case scenario for the next four years. Any changes that Bush makes -- fiscal, political, legal, constitutional, moral, environmental, global, you-name-it-al, will certainly be a major step backward that will take time in the future to correct.

I think it's shrewd of him to reach out to Kerry supporters and call for a newfound unity in the country. Just about as shrewd as it was to couple votes on banning gay marriage to call out the evangelical voters in important state. Oh, that reminds me... to those voters who elected to ban gay marriage in those 11 states: Fuck you too!

Okay, after this picture, I'm done making commentary. I had an away message today that said something to the effect of, "What do you think? Canada or Australia?" It was by far the most responded to away message I've ever had. Looks like a lot of us are joining the hypothetical exodus. Keith gave the best arguments for Australia including cold Canadian weathers, fat Canadians, hot Australians, tanning, and American booze and cigarettes. True, we can get American booze and cigarettes in America, but we can also get them in Australia. I'm convinced! Edward sent me a link to this picture. I went ahead and linked back to the website where I stole it from just to be nice. Not that all of you wouldn't immediately recognize that I didn't make it since jebus is capitalized.

Tomorrow I'm going to the most worthless state in the union: Oklahoma! My sister is all impregnito and wants me to visit her. I've been promising for a long time that I would so I finally have to make good on it. I have to take my mom's car too so I can pick up a treadmill for my parents. I really don't like driving any car other than my own, especially on road trips, so I resisted the idea. My mom said, "Why? Because you can't smoke in my car?" and my response was, "Fuck, I didn't even think of that. Fuck." It should be a fun time though, my sister is pretty cool. Then next weekend its off to College Station to see Burns and Lauren dunk their rings. Plus, Kevin will be there! Yay! Later sluts, now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done ... for the next four years.

I fucking love Halloween. This year was another holiday in the win column. Ryan S■■■ and I spent the day together, and despite original plans to not dress up, we decided to get something last minute. We had lunch and coffee at Buli, this kickass place down in the gayborhood where they serve your food in a vintage lunch box and employ hotties to serve it to you. While down there we started brainstorming costume ideas. I can't think of any of our failed ideas, but we finally settled on just wearing some sort of sports uniform. For us, that's really a costume and not a cop out since neither of us have played a sport in a decade.

We narrowed our decision to Slutty Soccer Players and found some bright pink soccer jerseys and iron on letters. Since every party we were going to was full of queers, it was no problem that our team name was Flamers, I was number 69, and he was number 8.5. Let me just tell you, we looked really authentic. We even had a small soccer ball and ran a few drills in the bar. There was much drinking to be done, so around 9 when Myke from San Marcos (who now lives in Lewisville) and his friend Ryan from Tech showed up we hit the first party. They were both dressed as Slutty Jungle Boys. Too much fun. And I mean too much fun.

I've spent the entire day in bed and it has been absolutely fabulous. I just woke up from an accidental nap and I'm feelin fantastic.

I have a favor to ask you all. I have been getting repeated phone calls from someone in the Los Angeles area. They called all the time despite that I never answered. It was annoying when they never left a message, so I finally decided to answer. It's always some different person who only speaks Spanish, and they are frantically looking for Maria. I've explained repeatedly that Maria esta no aqui, but they can't get that fucking idea through their head. So in retaliation, I've decided to release their phone number to the public.

I think it would be funny if all of my girl Sidesho-viewers (like biological girls) called this number and pretended to be the long, lost Maria -- especially if you speak Spanish. Guys can call too, and ask for David over and over again or something. Leave me a comment letting me know how it goes. 'Preciate it.

Holy crap. I had no idea this was going to take so long to prepare. I sure do hope you all find this as humorous as I did when I was making it. The beard is gone. It was a fun little experiment, but one that I don't expect to repeat any time soon. Of course, when you shave a beard off, you can't just shave it. You've gotta style it. Pictured below is a beautiful array of facial hair stylings. Go ahead, rate them on a scale of 1 to Pure Sex.

I got my hair cut tonight by my friend Chad. It is a lot shorter than it is in all of these pics. I would take a picture of it, but after sizing and photoshopping all of these silly pictures I just wasn't in the mood. Besides, that's more incentive for you all to come see me in person anyway. I also owe you some pictures of the apartment, but you might have to wait until I paint before I'm comfortable letting you all see where the magic happens.

This weekend is Halloween, and I'm not dressing up. I just don't have a costume. I might find something last minute. One of the best things you can do for a Halloween costume is take any ordinary noun and add the word 'slutty' in front of it. For instance, you can be a slutty fireman, a slutty cat, or be like Allison and go as a slutty Jolly Green Giant. Ho, ho, ho. Who would have thought we could use that tag line two years in a row? But if you want to know the truth, I'm just planning on going downtown, doing a little people watching and a whole lot of drinking. I was out last night when I got a late night call from my mother. Concerned that she would call me late at night, I snuck outside to a quiet nook to answer. No worries. She was just calling to let me know that my dad bought a banjo! What the fuck?! My parents must really be missing me.

And finally, because I know you all want it bad ... sexy 'stache pics! Woohoo! (My brother is probably the only one that can possibly confirm this, but don't you think I look like Uncle Al?)

mar·riage [mrj] n.

• The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
• The state of being married; wedlock.
• A common-law marriage.
• A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
• A wedding.

Not sure what brought this particular entry to fruition, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. If you want to define marriage, don't go reading bibles, and certainly don't go listening to Bushito as he scratches the back of the KKKnights of Columbus. No, my friends, you have to go no further than our own beloved dictionary.com.

Marriage is a long standing religious farce, but in modern times has taken on a legally binding aspect. This is what gay marriage is about. Nobody gives a fuck if g*d smiles upon them as the father of the groom walks her down the aisle. There are issues dealing with wills, custody, hospital visitation, healthcare benefits. To take a sweeping stance that one entire group of people should be denied an entire set of rights and privileges that you enjoy based on the way they were born ... is bigotry.

We do not live in a theocracy, no matter what Jorge thinks. One of the founding principles of this country is the separation of church and state, and to insinuate that they should be melded is frankly un-American ... and a detriment to our troops. But what if we did live in this X-tian Garden of Eden where the Satanic gays were not allowed to be citizens. Wouldn't it be perfect?

So to this end, I say go ahead and ban gay marriage. Hurrah! But in all fairness, in our new X-tian Eden, divorce is also against the law. Sorry that you got knocked up at the age of 19 by your quarterback boyfriend who now does drywall for his old man's construction company and hits you. Unfortunately, extra-marital sexual relations are illegal, so you had to get married before you started to show. Also, you can never, ever divorce him. Sure, you could have possibly aborted the baby in the first trimester, but that's also illegal. Not that you would have had to deal with that had condoms not been outlawed. Conversely, since the real purpose of marriage is indeed procreation, any married couple who desires no children, or physically cannot bear child, will be annulled. All of this only pertains to X-tians anyway, people of other religions are not permitted to marry under their customs, since this country was founded with the purpose of forcing religion on people. And hell, while we're at it, let's just say that only whites can get married. I think we'll all be more comfortable that way. After all, this country was founded originally by white people ... and jesus was white.

There, I feel better now that we got that all ironed out, don't you? Now let's go drink some beer. And don't forget to vote on November 2nd, or P. Diddy will be angry.

I am truly a resident of Dallas now. Today, I changed my cell phone number to a Dallas area code. While I don't really want to give it out on my webpage, I will tell you that the area code is now 214. Before you scoff at my generosity, consider this: I just eliminated 9,990,000,000 possibilities for you.

Not that any of this really matters. The other day I downgraded my cell phone plan after I realized I wasn't using all of the minutes I was paying for. On my original plan, I was paying for 600 anytime minutes a month. So far this month... I have used 19.

I think I may shave soon. Possibly tonight. Without going into too much detail, I have developed an uncontrollably runny nose, and TRUST ME, having a beard doesn't help matters one bit. I was gonna wait til I got my haircut, but the guy who said he would cut my hair never called me back, and now I changed my number. I don't want to harass him, but I might have to call again.

Despite having bought the blue 2000 Flushes for my toilet, every time I come home, the water in the bowl is red. I flush it and it's blue. I see it a few hours later, and it's red. I cannot fathom how this is possible, but during my investigations, I have effectively tinted my hand blue... seemingly permanently.

And the final thought of the day: I hate buying cigarettes when I'm drunk because I slur the word 'Marlboro' when I'm dead sober.

I have spent the morning watching X-Men cartoons and Full House re-runs. Does life get any better than this? I'm starting to wonder. My apartment is badass. There is still a lot to do in the way of putting stuff away and decorating and buying a few pieces of furniture, but it is more than adequate in its present state. I love the neighborhood that I live in. Faux-Euro ... what could be more me? The bars within walking distance are great. I went to one called the Velvet Hookah the other night and drank halfpriced martinis and smoked cantaloupe flavored tobacco from a hose.

The job is starting to go really well. After 4 months of pushing the rules, I am almost satisfied with my position. You're not allowed to have facial hair. Your hair cannot fall past your collar, because you're supposed to wear a collar every day. Your retracto-ID badge must be visible at all times. The work day starts at 8am and ends at 5pm with a 1 hour lunch. Well those are the rules that apply to everyone else anyway. The other day I was so hungover from the Velvet Hookah that I left work at 9:30, went home and got in bed. I woke up about 3 hours later feeling much better and went back to work after grabbing some lunch. Nobody even noticed. I am the worst employee ever.

I was afraid that my Grammar Cop section was going to have to end because I've quoted the whole of Dennis DiClaudio's website and was out of material. Fear not, kiddos. I just bought a book the other day called Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. It's got a picture of a panda bear erasing the comma in the title. Get it? I love this book. Look for hilarious quotes to pop up in the future.

And the final bit of news. I need your opinion on this. In the past month I have heard on a very regular basis that I look like Beck. I have heard it more and more since I've been growing my hair out. I also get David Spade a lot, and since someone told me that last night, it was fresh on the brain. Whadya think? Any similarities? Later, Nerdbombers.

Big news, kids. I am officially an independently functioning member of society. This little bird has flexed his wings and gone out on his own. Granted, everything in my apartment was donated by my parents, but we'll ignore that fact from here on out. I will show you pictures of my apartment as soon as it is in a presentable condition. I moved in on Sunday instead of Saturday because it was raining too hard. Not to say it didn't rain all day Sunday, but we got it done. There's still a few things back in Plano that I need to go get, but there's no rush there.

In other news, I haven't had a haircut in many, many months, nor have I shaved in many, many weeks. Yes, I have a beard ... and this time, her name isn't Allison. Pa-zzzing! I'm not really sure how I feel about the look, but I'm going with it. I had originally dedicated myself to no haircuts before 2005, but that may have changed. Marc and I went over to his friend Chad's apartment last night. Chad and his friendgirl work at Toni and Guy and were watching videos about how to give fucking badass haircuts. I can maybe get a really badass free haircut. That's what I'm planning on doing. I mean like woah, badass haircut.

On the horizon is lots of tidying up around the apartment. I might have a housewarming get together sometime in late November. Nobody from College Station will attend, so none of you are invited. Unless you want to come, then you are. Something more anecdotal to follow. Peace out.

I just got back from the gym. My heart is still pounding. I am really attacking this workout thing with renewed vigor. I have started swimming again and that feels so good. I swim until I can't breathe and then as punishment for being weak, I swim some more. It's just annoying that every time I go under my cigarette keeps going out. But seriously folks, I swam for about an hour tonight, dried off, donned my workout gear and headed upstairs to run on a treadmill. I'm going to have to find an alternative to this because it is tearing up my knees, but damned if jogging isn't the easiest way to maintain my 180 heartbeats per minute. The ol' vision got a little spotty tonight, but I pushed through it.

As I'm doing this, I can't help but be reminded of the episode of Full House where Deej thinks she's fat and has a swim party to go. So she starts giving away her lunches and Steph catches her and forces her to eat. But really she feeds her sandwich to Comet when she thinks Steph isn't looking. But she did see, only she didn't want to betray the trust of her sister when she made her pinky swear she wouldn't tell anybody. But really she should have because later on at the gym, Deej pushed herself too hard on the cardio equipment and had a black out.

I think we can all learn a lesson from this episode: It is inexcusable to be over weight, and if you are ... just stop eating!

Although, if the writers had had sufficient foresight, they would have made baby Michelle the one with the eating disorder.

Disaster! Co-worker Yue found my webpage. I deleted a few choice entries now that my url is on the office server somewhere deep in the cache. Will have to remain more cognizant of what I write (why do I keep stealing Ryan S■■■'s subjectless sentence style? V. not me).

I'm going to Austin tomorrow to see Stephen Lynch and Mitch Hedberg with the lovely Miss Lesbie Ann, Justin M■■■ (the one who introduced me to Howie Day in that very city), and hopefully my Brandon, who has yet to get off of work. The show is Saturday night, but I'm gonna go stay with Leslie for an extra day to get some partying out of the way.

Next week ... the move!

Last night was another party on the roof of the Block in Uptown. All of my go-to guys had other engagements for the evening so I thought I might be forced to show up to the party alone. I would have called someone there and had them meet me downstairs to maintain the appearance that I have friends, but still, I didn't want to put up with that. Lil Jarrod to the rescue! He IMed me asking if I was going to the party and I invited him to go with me. He had his friend Lil Josh with him, so they drove over to my house and then we carpooled to the party.

This is a picture of Lil Jarrod and me at Brian's party a couple weeks ago. He was drinking champagne from the bottle and I was trying to teach him not to by demonstrating how trashy it looked. But then he started fighting back just as Ryan S■■■, unofficial photographer of every social event in the city, popped up. I love this picture and wanted to share with you. The party last night was pretty off the heezy. There were probably about 300 people there and the guy hired bartenders and everything. Although, I would have to say that it took twice as many people as ULDE:IYDKYDG to have half the fun. I'm not biased or anything, though. The cops came to the party or something because Brian insisted we all go downstairs to another apartment to hide. I'm not really sure what that was all about, but we had a grand time down in Brandon's apartment. Laughed a lot there. I passed around Lil Jarrod's phone number and had everyone on the porch texting him with lewd messages while he sat on the couch 5 feet away. It was really funny ... for me. I had such a good time with Lil Jarrod ... it was the first time we'd hung out together mutually sober for any period of time. Will have to do it again post haste.

I got to see Kyle from College Station last night. He was at the party. That was fun. He might be moving to Dallas. That would be awesome. He's also avidly following my pi progress, which is always fun. I also got to meet Myke with a 'y'. I think I'll change the spelling of my name from David to Deighvyd. Myke was cool. He doesn't button his shirt and he doesn't care. Also got a chance to talk to Miles who has his own website. You can click his name there if you want to see it. It's no SideshoViD.com but I respect anybody with their own domain. Also talked to Kevin last night, but that's a story of it's own uhhHUH-HUH-HU-HUHUHUUH.

Lil Jarrod confirmed my suspicions last night that my blogs are becoming obnoxiously long. Maybe I should update more often so I don't have so damn much to say. I'm sure all of you just skim, which would explain why I never get any comments. Oh well.

BIG NEWS!!!1!!! I got an apartment! I move in October 9th. Pictures, floor plans, details, etc coming soon.

This weekend I made yet another trip to beautiful College Station, Texas. There were good and bad things about my little vacation. Instead of dividing them into two categories I thought I would alternate between one good thing and then one bad thing to keep things all evened out. Starting with the good, naturally.

I got to leave work at 2:30 on Thursday because I had finished everything for the week, which means I got to take a Friday off for free! When I got to College Station, Marshall didn't want to go out and refused to even attempt to have fun. But AllieD was rarin' to go so we got all sloshed and had a rip roaring good time. The next morning I was completely hungover. So Allison and I went to see Napoleon Dynamite and it was really funny. That night I was ready to go crazy at the bar but got completely stood up by Marshall. Allison came to the rescue after I stopped by a party of hers and took her out to Halo. It was completely dead there. 27 showed up. I rounded out the evening back at the party fairly bored and not drunk enough. The next day I got see meet up and go out to lunch with Tommy. I was supposed to go see his new loft downtown when he got off work at 5, but despite knowing that he was home he refused to answer the phone and let me up and I haven't talked to him since. But he lives next door to a bar, so I spent that time drinking beer and talking to the hippies at Revolutions. I wanted to make a shirt like the one that Napoleon wore in the movie, but I ultimately couldn't find the right supplies. So I went back to Marshall's and took a nap. He never called me after he got off work, despite the fact that I put gas in his car that had been sitting empty on the side of the road for a couple of days. I had plans of my own, though, since Brian (Allison's fab friend) and his roommate James were having a party. I was still pretty hungover from my previous days' binging so I really couldn't drink a lot. And the highlight of the weekend, Chris came to the party.

End the pattern. Did everyone notice it alternated good and bad? (I color coded it after the fact.) I didn't even have to try, because the good and bad was chronological it turns out. But yeah, seeing Chris was really good. I miss that kid so much. It's a lot easier to forget that when I haven't seen him in 6 months, but seeing him again brings that all back. It was a good time though. Maybe I'll see him again in 7 years when he graduates from grad school. Raul and Rob accompanied us to the party. That's always a good time. Brian and James have the coolest friends. It was an excellent party. Other highlights included seeing Justin M■■■ and Charlie at Halo, 27s friend being delightfully nice, and Texas Toothpicks. Other lowlights included not seeing Stino, 27s other friend being dreadfully rude, and Marshall leaving for "lunch" while I was still in bed on Sunday and then never ever coming home. I don't think I'll be going back to College Station for a while ... not without reason.

Tonight I went swimming. It felt so good. I realized I haven't been out of breath or felt my muscles burn in months! I felt just like Michael Phelps. Oh great, now everyone googling for pics of the speedo-clad Phelps are going to end up here. It probably won't help that I'm about to say gold medal Athens 2004 Olympics. (After typing this, I've decided to make tricking googlers into coming to my site a permanent feature on my site.)

Last business to discuss. September 3rd: ULDE:IYDKYDG. Ryan S■■■, Brent W■■■■, and I are throwing a party to celebrate a day of Labor Pains. That stands for Uptown Labor Day Extravaganza: If You Don't Know, You Don't Go. If you would like to come, leave a comment, and IM or an email giving me your email address and I'll make sure you get on the e-vite list. And with all the e-vite list theft going on around town, you'll probably be invited to several subsequent Dallas parties as well. I'm expecting some College Station folk to attend. Also, October 2nd: Stephen Lynch and Mitch Hedberg, the two funniest men alive, performing together at the Paramount in Austin. I'm buying tickets this Saturday so if you would like to go, let me know. Tickets are $35.

I hope you all have an alternatingly good and bad time this week. And remember ... if you don't know .. you don't go!

There is nothing like Neil Diamond to make rush hour traffic an absolute joy. I am in the best mood now. I was jammin out on the way home from work to my new two disc set. I bought it because I was wearing my Neil Diamond concert T this weekend and got many comments on it, which made me start thinking about how I wanted to hear his music. One guy, as we were walking into Jason's apartment complex, accused me of not even knowing who Neil Diamond was, so I launched into a few drunken verses of Forever In Blue Jeans, Kentucky Woman, and Love on the Rocks, to name a few. Sure showed him. HA!

I bought the CD at the Borders in the West Village. Silly me, I never even knew the West Village existed, and Ryan S■■■ lives so close to there, and I used to work like right there. They have some of the best stores I've seen since I left Miami. I wanted to buy a whole bunch of stuff, but decided to save a little bit of money instead of blowing it all on clubbing clothes. I did buy one shirt for 40 bucks, though, because it's totally hot and it was half off. Half off, but I got a whole shirt. It's awesome. I can't wait to sport it this weekend when I'm in College Station, make all you bitches jealous.

Yes, that's right, this is probably your final reminder. I'll be pullin' into CS on Thursday night, depending on what time I can feasibly slip out of work on Thursday. Since I'm skipping Friday, it might not be such a hot idea to leave at noon again like I did last time. I can't wait to see everyone, but there are some things on my agenda. I have to hang out with Christopher before he trucks back off to Yale. I'll be spending as much time with him as I can. I have to go out with AllieD before she trucks off to Austin for the weekend. We have much to discuss ... and by 'discuss' I mean 'drink.' I have a party to go to with Brian and James, Allison's new crew. That's on Saturday night. Anyone and everyone can go with me if you'd like, I put myself down for 20 guests. I also need to see Tommy's new apartment ... now that I know he hasn't been ignoring me for the past few weeks. He hasn't even had internet, so someone else is on all of his accounts. If it's a Sidesho-Viewer, what you're doing isn't very nice and I think you should stop. It made me think Tommy hated me, as preposterous as that sounds.

I went apartment shopping this weekend with Ryan S■■■. I really want to live in Addison Circle, but they were at like a 98% lease rate when I went. That means that there are no good apartments left, and the ones that are left, they have absolutely no incentive to cut me any specials on. I was pretty gung ho about moving out but now my spirit has been crushed. I gave the lady my email address and told her to give me a heads up on any upcoming vacancies. I know I could go live somewhere else, but you know me. Once I decide I want something, I just can't settle for something else. Instant gratification, people, it's what makes the world go 'round. Rest assured, though, loyal viewers, I am fully intending to move out of my parents' house, perhaps in the near future, as my rent budget may swell.

Work goes on. Life goes on. Beers go down. Not much else to say. I love you all, and look forward to seeing everyone in CS this weekend. MWAH!

When I got home today, my heart skipped a beat. I walked into my room to find my beloved Tuna floating on top of the water. I don't talk about Tuna very much on my blog (he's my fish, for any newcomers) but I sure do love him. He is the most expressive fish I've ever met in my life. People think i'm being facetious when I talk about Tuna being mad at me, but it is so true. Usually when I get home, he sees me walk in the door and swims to the top to wait for me to come say hi to him. But if I happen to forget to feed him for one night, when I come in the next day, he'll swim down behind the faux plants and ignore me. He is so moody but he's the fucking coolest fish ever and I love him. So I come in to find him on top of the water, and I freeeeeeeak, but he doesn't look dead. So I inspect and find that he's pinned above the water on top of one of the plant's leaves, so I pushed him off. He is quite upset by it, and I wish I knew how long he'd been there. Whenever he gets really upset, his purple and black scales turn a pale white, and he's like all white now. Just a second ago he tried to jump out of the tank he's in. I have a suicidal fish just like Amelie.

I joke but if he were really to die, I would be more distraught than you would probably find rational over a pet betta. Hopefully it won't come to that for a few more years. Maybe I should get him some guppy friends. I just don't know.

Last night I had the opportunity to go out to dinner with Sean W. and Tom the Australian. We went out to On the Border and introduced Tom the Australian to margaritas. He approved, naturally. Then we watched Ellen Degeneres' stand up called Here and Now. Can't remember if I mentioned this stand up routine already, but I rented it randomly one day and proceeded to watch it like 3 times a night until it was due and then I bought it and kept on watching it. Even though I've seen it about 50 times, we laughed our asses off. It was so much funnier watching it with other people around to laugh with you. And Tom the Australian hadn't seen it yet so he had some fresh laughter to contribute. It was a really great time. Of course, I was out until about midnight, a new latest record.

So today I spent the day getting pi out to 250 digits, getting all the states and capitals down, taking a look at the square root of 2, and getting started on the presidents in order. I also got scared that some of this might be a waste of my time and brain capacity so I prepared an excel sheet to help me memorize all 120 or so phone numbers in my cell phone. As I was going through the list, many, many of you got deleted, but the rest of you will soon be backlogged in my brain for eternity. It's so good that they're paying me to stay busy. Ha! The beers and jaeger shots are telling me to go to sleep now, so I'll see you have nots later.

Another party with Ryan S■■■ & Co. in the bag. I always have way too much fun when I hang out with them. They are like the silver lining on the dark cloud that I call my life. Ryan invited me to this party in his neighborhood and said I should show up at his place early at 8:45. So around 9:00 I joined up with Ryan, Brent, David S., Waleed, Sean W., and Tom the Australian. Tom talked funny. But, I took a liking to him instantly ... I'd like to say it was because he was nice and laughed at my jokes and was friendly and engaging ... but, it was because of the accent. I had one beer there while I shifted into my 'stand-up routine guy' mode of story telling and then we went to the party.

It was over in The Block, the same place the party was where David S. threw bananas over the balcony onto people's cars. There was a nice crowd there, the host, Jason, was celebrating a birthday. He has a really nice apartment with a stellar view. I indulged a bit on the free alcohol, but mostly just chit chatted with friends and strangers. Mr. K■■■■■■ showed up to end his quite impressive Sidesho-less streak. He claims that he's never at his computer when I message him, but I'm gonna have to call shenanigans.

From there it was off to Minc. There was a big sign up by the front door that you could sign. We (Ryan, David, Robert and I) discussed it over lunch this afternoon. Apparently the sign was for some girl's graduation. I wrote, "Hang out with your wang out!" and David S. wrote, "Happy Birthday!" Too funny. Especially since we had no idea what it was or who it was for. I ran into a bit of trouble at Minc because Tom the Australian said that he only liked to drink shots. So in an effort to show off the size of my ... wallet, I bought some shots. So by the time we left Minc, this guy was in a state. Roundup was pretty fun, I don't remember all of the details. I think I danced a bit with Tom the Australian but was too slovenly drunk to keep my balance. I bought some random girl a beer. I saw Eric B■■■■ ... if any of you know who he is. We talked for a while.

Then I made Waleed take me back to Ryans. I think we went through Whataburger on the ride, as is evidenced by the empty bag, not by my memory. Me and taquitos ... I am so fun. I passed out in Ryan's bed and he said when he got home, I wouldn't move out of his bed until he danced. I wish I had been there cause that sounds funny. I was all indignant about letting him have his own bed. And then some friends busted in later but I don't remember that happening so hopefully I just kept my mouth shut. When we woke up we watched 28 Days, not to be confused with its sequel, 28 Days Later. It's a movie about Sandra Bullock being an alcoholic in rehab, the perfect post-lunch/breakfast (sometimes called brunch) where we all drank mimosas, bellinis, and bloody marys.

Ultimately, it was hella fun, despite my day long hangover and the dent in my bank account. Today was my dad's birthday and we ate the beautiful cake I decorated and watched Die Hard. It was good times. Tomorrow, I have to work again. How horribly depressing that this pattern will repeat itself until I die. Oh well, I'll get through it. And when I do, I will see you all on the flip side.

Today was a productive day. I probably haven't mentioned my co-worker, Trey, in my blog as much as I have in real life. Trey is awesome. He's an old rednek with no formal education who is a jack of all trades. He's helping to train me at work. He talks ... really ... ... ... slow. It's awesome. He also happens to have pi memorized to 1250 digits. Today I made an Excel spreadsheet that would check him 10 digits at a time, and I sat and watched him successfully enter 500 digits in a row before I finally decided that I really wanted to go home. I told him I would memorize it out farther than him ... I'm up to 32 digits now. Don't believe me? 3.14159265358979323846264338327950, bitches. If you would like to race me on memorizing it, download my pi Excel sheet here.

This weekend was too much fun. Friday, I went on my lunch break at work ... and then decided that I really didn't want to go back. So at 1:00, I hit the road for College Station. Technically when my boss said, "Leave whenever you need to," I think he meant anywhere from 4:00 to 4:30. But you just can't say something like that to me and not expect me to take full advantage of it. I got into College Station around 4:00 and went straight to Hobby Lobby to visit Marshall while he worked. After a little bit of that I met up with Allison, her friend Brian (who is fab squared), and JonS■■■ for some evening cocktails. I picked up the tab because I have money and I spend it recklessly.

Halo on a Friday night, man I miss that. They were having some wicked drink specials, so after the nine of us drinking on my tab finished up, the total was only $50. Allison brought her friend Brian from earlier in the evening, and he in turn brought his friend James, who tried to open a tab behind my back, but I got it transfered to me. JonS■■■ came against his wishes because I promised him free drinks. Marshall and I got buck wild. Raul made a grand appearance, and Justin made his presence known. We definitely got our 50 bucks worth, drinking and dancing the night away. But you know me, my faithful Sidesho-Viewers. That's just not reckless enough for me. So I drunkenly vowed that on Saturday night, I would have a $200 bar tab. Everyone thought I was kidding ....

The next night when we went out, Marshall jokingly referred to my 200 dollar proclamation, to which I replied, "Let's do it." More drinking, more fun. Despite our best efforts, the total came to $85. In my defense, James was bartending, and being the good friend he is, he told me that he had "hooked me up BIG TIME." So jebus knows how much we actually managed to spend. It was way too much fun though. After the bar, Dick was having some people over to go swimming at his apartment. Raul and I swung by Marshalls for the half bottle of raspberry vodka I had purchased the day before and managed to drink that while wading in our underwear until 4am. It was crazy, crazy drunken fun. The kind of fun business professional people do not have. I can't wait to do it again soon.

Speaking of segues, I think I will do it again soon. I got a call from Chris, the boy who goes to Yale, for those of you who are bad with names. He was in Plano last night and he got to come by my house and then I gave him the full Plano experience by going to chit chat outside Starbucks with overpriced coffee and chain smoking. He is in CS through August and I will most certainly come back sooner than planned to visit him again before he whisks away back to the east coast. It was really good to get to see him and have a chance to sit down and talk about everything that's gone on in about the last seven months. Another reason I need to get back to CS in the near future is that I really need a haircut. I'm not backing out on my decision to never cut my hair again, but my last hair cut by the fat bitch at Toni & Guy was so bad that it's just not growing out right. So I'm going to get Hannah to fix it for the long haul.

The final piece of news is that I got to swing by Humble on Saturday from about 1:00 to 7:00. I went to see my 2 week old niece, Kaylyn. That was too much fun. She was sooo small and so cute. I got her some socks, a blanket and some shoes. I told you all how much I love shoes on babies, right? G*d, that cracks me up. They are too big for her at the moment, but I can't wait until she grows into them. She was so funny. She doesn't really have control of her arms or legs yet. She kind of flails around without rhyme or reason any time she gets upset. So when she yawns and her pacifier (otherwise known by its brand name, Soothie) falls out of her mouth, it is a challenge to get it back in her mouth before the screaming starts. Every time you get close, she knocks you out of the way. So my brother does this thing where he grabs her tiny hands and kind of holds them to her chest and says, "Let's get organized!" It was way too funny. Visiting Kaylyn will definitely have to be a priority in the months and years to come. I was thinking about going out of town for my 3 day weekend over Labor Day, but Stephen, Rachel and Kaylyn are coming to Dallas to visit, so I'm modoubly staying for that. Plus, I think Ryan S■■■ is having a party, so all you College Station boys should come up for that. Start making plans.

This blog is ridiculously long, but I had a lot to say, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. My call to action is for each of you to post your thoughts and experiences with pi, big bar tabs, and tiny babies. Until then, peace, my friends. And good night.

Here is a picture of my new niece, Kaylyn, with her daddy, Stephen. My parents went down to see them this weekend and snapped a few pictures. I can't wait to meet her in two weeks. Today, I went to see my friend, Jason, at Baby Gap. He works there and told me about some of the great baby stuff they had for sale. I don't want to ruin the surprise for my brother since he reads this site, but lets just say it's all good shit. I don't really belong in a Baby Gap store with all the moms and little children cause when he showed me the baby section I was like, "Oh fuck yeah, this is all good shit!" and then glanced furtively around to make sure I was out of ear shot.

I didn't do a whole lot today. I was a tad hungover ... not from drinking at JRs last night, which I did very little of with my new friend, Ben, but from when I got home and cleaned out my dad's stash. Did a little late night drunken chatting, y'know, the usual. I did get out to the mall, though, which surprised me. Besides baby gifts, i spent 80 bucks on new product for my hair. New shampoo, conditioner, protein treatment, wax, paste, and laminate. I'm way excited about doing my hair now. Too bad I won't have a worthy occasion until the next weekend rolls around.

Sorry, not a lot to post. There are all new pictures up top ... the first time since Thanksgiving last December. So I put up new images there in lieu of the picture page I'd been promising. Enjoy them, fuckers! I'll catch you on the flip side.

My boss at work had told me that he might be loaning me out to some construction crews in the near future to help out. We do a lot of schools, so there is always a huge rush to get things done toward the end of the summer. It's not construction in the traditional sense, thats just what we call our guys that do installation and testing of our systems. So yesterday, the ol' boss, Andy, walks into my cube with a hard hat and huge grin on his face and says, "What're you doing tomorrow." And I said, "It looks like maybe you had better tell me."

So this morning I arrived in Lewisville at C■■■■ Elementary school at 7am equipped with jeans, boots, safety glasses and a hard hat. I was introduced to Garry, who was really cool and was in charge of me for the day. We immediately went up to the roof and started working. At first, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is great, out here in the open air, working with my hands. Fuckin' A." That thought started to wane when the temperature hit about 95 and was completely gone into the 100's. All in all fairness, though, when my brother asked me if it was fun or sucky, I had to answer "both."

My job was to open up the control panel on all of these rooftop air conditioning units. Then I would find the unit on a layout of the building, match its physical label, find its position on the LAN, and then set dip switches on the controller to indicate its address. We did some other shit but that was the majority of my day. The coolest part was I got home at 3. Maybe I do belong in construction. Even though everyone else on the site was like REAAAALLLY a construction guy. We're talking handlebar mustaches, pot bellies, and rawhide skin. I got called an albino a few times. Then there were the obligatory Mexicans baking adobe bricks.

The only problem for me was that the roof was not even. There are two portions of it that are a good 6 feet higher than the rest, and about 11 of the rooftop units were on these two portions. And I had to get up to them. I don't exactly have "ups" but Garry suggested that I stand on a piece of adjacent equipment and then kinda jump up there. I am not some fucking gazelle. I am arthritic and unathletic. BUT, I am a problem solver. There was some kind of equipment about 4 feet from the platform that was about 3 feet tall. Any of you could have stairstepped your way up to the tall portion, but I have zero leg muscles. If I had tried to just hop and skip up there I would have eaten it and ended up with a faceful of gravel. So instead I did a wicked 180 in the air and did a sweet butt plant onto the high level. It was so fucking hilarious but no one was around to see me, so I had to sit and laugh by myself. My brother said the story was hard to understand and that I should illustrate it, so I am going to do just that.

I am back in Dallas now after my three day excursion to College Station. It was so good to go back. I knew this was going to happen, but in my defense that was probably the longest I had been away from that shitty little city since the summer that I had knee surgery. I spent the majority of the time with Marshall, but it was so good to see everyone else as well. I spent the second most time with Ryan and Josh, but also got to see Leslie, Josh, Raul, Justin, Justin, Tommy, Robby, and some others that I'm forgetting. If I've left you off of the list, just hit me up with a comment and then I'll cleverly add you and post a comment right after yours that says something to the effect of, "Try reading it again, I clearly see your name there." It is hilarious when I do that.

There's not a whole lot of news from my weekend. I got drunk all three nights, two of which were at Halo. I miss belonging like that. Knowing all the bartenders and owners and every patron of an establishment, and having them notice when you've been out of the loop for a while. I am coming to love going out in Dallas, but there's just nothing like the CS crew. Marshall and I got shitcanned on Friday night even though I told him that there was no way I was going to last past midnight cause I was so tired. I was practically falling asleep on the drive down there despite the fact that I slipped out the side door of work two hours early. Shhhh. My supervisor was out of town so I didn't see any reason for me to hang around.

So Friday night was a FUCKING BLAST ... just what I needed. Saturday was a big drag show that I didn't even look at once the whole night. I drank a lot of Jaeger before we went out to the bar so the entire night's activities are a tad blurry. But I know I had fun and only ran up a six dollar bar tab despite telling everyone I knew to put everything on my tab. Rock out with your cock out!

Sunday night Marshall and I went over to Chris's apartment to sit by the hot tub and play volleyball. Well, I read magazines while the other boys and girls played volleyball. Sports aren't exactly my style. Then we got some beer and I drank a bunch. I am so fun. Then today I said my goodbyes to Marshall at Hoblob, swung by Josh's to pick up some of my stuff he was still holding onto and drove home. Yippee skippy. Oh but I got my diploma from Marshall who was having it framed at Hoblob. The four hundred dollar framing job that I inexplicably paid nothing for. It looks so cool. I'll have to snap a picture for all of you and include it on the picture post that I've been promising frequently as of late.

One final note: Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. Make my day.

It's way past my bed time, but I wanted to leave you all a quick note to let you know that I am headed back to College Station tomorrow immediately following skipping out of work early while nobody is looking. I can't fucking wait. I know that four weeks doesn't sound like a very long time to be away, but I miss my friends so much. I am beyond excited to go. And I get to stay for three days since we get Monday off. Yay!

Today was a much better day at work. I got a controller and all the software I needed to make an actual like system that we would sell. Of course, all I did was automate the temperature readings in my cubicle, but still, it was fun. Naturally, the real deal is a lot more complicated, but the steps are the same and I'm gonna be really integral to the projects that we do. Maybe, just maybe, and I stress maybe, my job is looking up.

I just realized. Who will feed Tuna while I'm gone? I don't trust my mother. Maybe I'll just feed him tomorrow morning and he'll be pissed when I get home, but he should be alive. And yeah, the pictures are still forthcoming. I'm just really lazy. If you are in College Station at this time, be sure to call me when I'm in town so we can get deeeerunk together. I get my first real paycheck tomorrow. w00t. Now go to bed, you have nots, we have a big day ahead of us!

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention. My birthday is on Tuesday, so start your shopping now during all the great 4th of July sales. Excelsior!

I hate working. I mean, while I'm there, it's not so bad. Sometimes the hours absolutely drag by and sometimes I'm done before I realized it was getting close to quittin' time. I have another piece of flair the Nazi's make me wear. This one's a cell phone. My whole life I have hated cell phones clipped to belts more than I hate Jessica Simpson (and her little sister now too). But, in keeping with the theme of turning myself into all the things I've always despised, I wear it obligingly. It's way too big to keep in my pocket because its one of those Nextel walkie-talkie things -- which I also hate.

Some other things that suck, and then we'll move on to more fun topics. We're getting this etiquette class three times this week and basically all they needed to do was hand out a piece of paper saying, "David you don't belong here." They presented themselves as this ultra-hip, young cultured company, but now they're impressing on us the need to look like mission control engineers from the 1960's. Fuck that. I'm not taking out my earrings. That's ridiculous. All I do all day is sit in a cubicle. And they keep saying things like, "If you're not married yet, when you do get married you'll want to eat with proper etiquette. And guys especially when you take a girl out." I know that's petty, but they make comments like these all day long constantly ... everyone does. It would be nice to not feel alienated for like five minutes.

So the fun topics I promised: This weekend, my first weekend in Dallas, could not have been better. Ryan S■■■ was having a party Saturday night, and I was on the ol' invite list. I went over to his house early so I could get ready to go out without the criticism of the matriarch. I helped him put lids on the obscene amount of jello shots and then people started showing up. JonS■■■ from College Station just happened to be in town and called me to see if I was doing anything, so I invited him to join me. I was grateful for him being there since I only knew a few cats and it was a little intimidating. There were like 70 queers sardined into Ryan S■■■'s apartment. It was great. But it did get a little stuffy and hot (I should take a look at his HVAC system) so we moved the party to the bars. Starting off at JR's, JonS■■■ and I proceed to drink Pink Cape Cods like they were goin out of style. Then we stumbled over to the Village with a couple strangers and danced and drank some more. Neither of us remember the rest of the night clearly but I think it ended with us buying a shot and not having enough money, so we left.

Not much else of note happened, but hazy stumblings and drunken ramblings with people we did not know. We made it back to Ryan's where he and his brother were waiting for us to take them to ... where else? ... Whataburger! Fantastic. I spent the night at Ryan's cause I'm a lush and my mother didn't want me to drive home if I'd been drinking. I was happy to oblige. The next day we woke up and went to visit Ryan S■■■'s friend, Greg, who lives in Addison Circle, where Ryan thought I might like to live. He was RIGHT! I fell in love. That's totally where I'm moving when I can afford it, which should be shortly. My first paycheck comes tomorrow -- can't fuckin wait. After we ate lunch and toured Greg's apartment we went and met up with Brent to go to a movie. So Ryan, Greg, Brent and I all rode to Stonebriar and met up with Chris Jones to see Stepford Wives, which I did not want to see, but I did want to meet new friends so I went. IT SUCKED. Real bad. Don't see it. Anyway, I just wanted to graciously thank Ryan, Greg, Brent and Chris for such a great time.

So that is what has been going on. Once I move out of my parent's house and get my own dedicated internet connection, I'll probably be more prone to get back into the updating swing of things, but as it is, I have precious little time to plug in and I don't always want to spend it narrating the past. But do keep checking back and emailing me and stuff, all the contact with my former life is a good thing. Peace out, have nots.

Welcome to June, everybody. The date of my departure is nigh. I'm thinking I'm gonna go to Austin on Friday to stay with Leslie and hang out with Brandon and then head back to Dallas to await my start date. I have to be at work at 8am. This is going to be quite a challenge. The only way its going to possibly happen is if I'm in bed by 10pm. I'm not sure I'm ready for that lifestyle, though if you asked my body it would probably disagree. Who knows, though. Maybe work will just be a blast. I'm getting to do design instead of installation so that is good news.

Two nights ago, Allison and I got krunk on Coors and sat out back of Northgate drinking our free beer. On the way home, I was absolutely starving, as I've been saving money by only eating once a day whilst in College Station. We decided to stop through Whataburger (duh!). I just wanted to let you all know that this is a possibility, in case it had not occured to you previously. We got four bacon, egg and cheese AND sausage AND potato taquitos. Omega, get excited. They were incredible. And when I saw my friend who now recognizes me at Whataburger, I told her, "Oh yeah and also throw in a handful of fries for free." And she did! How fucking rad is that. I love her. I had to tell this story since there was a request for it on the last post.

You know what I was thinking about the other day? When you just kind of meet someone one day but don't really know them ... but every time you run into them you're obliged to say hello. And we call these people "Hi" buddies. Well when I'm online, I have "Hey. Sup? NM. Coo." buddies. Chew on that.

Free at last. Free at last. Thank g*d almighty, free at last.

I guess thats the last time I'll get to utter those words in response to the end of a semester. That's right kids, you heard me right. I am DONE with college. I just wrapped up my final doc for my final project. I need to go to Copy Corner when they open at 7am and have it printed and then turn it in and that's that. It's an odd feeling. Graduation is on Friday at 9am at Reed Arena, if anybody feels like coming.

I was pretty stoked about my plan to just be a bum and try to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my future. Then as luck would have it, I received this email from ■■■■■ (that company I interviewed with):

Dear David,

Good afternoon! As a follow up to the phone message I left today, I am writing to let you know that we are very interested in moving forward in our hiring for the project engineer position, and you are a top candidate we are strongly considering. Please let me know as soon as possible what your employment status is and if you are still available to be considered by ■■■. Thank you!

I told them I was still interested. We'll see what comes of that. They haven't made an offer or anything yet. Sigh, I am so tired but unable to go to bed just yet. I can't wait to be done so I can sleep all day. I slept all day yesterday but it didn't help much. By the time I went to bed I had been awake and working for roughly 80 hours. I took one final, gave a presentation, finished a project (well, Owen did), wrote 5 papers, and finished a takehome final in that time. Our presentation went wonderfully. Its looking like I'm really graduating.

Pretty soon I'll be leaving College Station. Seems like it will be for good. It's odd. For five years all I've wanted to do is leave. And now that I'm leaving, I'm not sure I'm ready. But I'll tell you what I am ready for. Tomorrow Allison and I are going to the Association of Former Students party to get stickers for our cars, and then we're getting all snazzy and having dinner at Mesina Hof. That was one of our other goals before we left ... eating at Christophers and Mesina Hof. It's going to be so good. I love rawkin' the Hof. Then its drinky drinky time. I hope I'm not too tired.

Can't think of what else I had to say, but I wanted to let you all know whats been going on. My whole family will be in town on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, but I'm hoping to sneak away for some just-graduated-college style partying, so hit me up if you want to join (and buy the first round whooaahh). Later you have-nots!

OUCH, my head hurts. It's 3:30 in the am ... I woke up a couple hours ago completely disoriented and confused as to what time it was, where I was, etc. Owen was watching TV and I was sleeping on the couch and the shows he was watching kept ending up in my dreams. It took me a few minutes to realize I wasn't the general of an army throwing people from a moving vehicle. God, why do I always have such murderous dreams.

Anyway, the reason my sleep schedule is so fucked up is because I pulled an all-nighter last night to finish a project. I did a piss poor job. I'm concerned I won't pass this class. Hopefully there will be a large curve. But I was already so tired to begin with, I couldn't believe I made it through the night and into the next afternoon. It was not without the help of coffee and cigarettes. I finally got to bed around 1pm and woke up at like 6. I thought perhaps I could stay up and be normal but after Owen and I ate at Fitz's, I crashed again, hardcore. This is not good because I have an assload to do by Thursday, but once again my stupid body is requiring food and sleep. It is so annoying like that.

The schedule for the next two weeks or so: Thursday, user manuals, installation guides, trouble shooting guides etc are due as well as the technical presentation and demonstration of our greenhouse project we've been working on for the past year. Probably the biggest hurdle. Friday-Saturday, feverishly finishing final documentation for that project, studying for a final in the class that I'm concerned about passing. Monday, take that final. Monday through Wednesday, work on a program that will test parameters of an Analog to Digital Converter that Owen and I haven't started yet. That is due Wednesday at noon along with our take home final. Wednesday night -- drink lots and lots, pray that grades go through. Friday at 9am, my graduation. After that, I will move all my stuff out of my apartment back home to Dallas. May 20th my lease is up and somewhere in there, I am going to California with Allison. Very hectic. Cannot wait to be done.

So if I don't update, please don't hate me. And for those of you moving back home for the summer and stuff, don't forget to bookmark SideshoViD.com and keep in contact with me. Where ever I go and whatever I do SVC will remain a constant way to see what I've been up to. I love you all, in spite of the fact that you are all a bunch of have-nots.

I finally decided to name my fish. I think it's safe to say that he is going to survive for the long haul. Anyway, his name is Tuna. I'd be lying if I said that the can of StarKist in his tank wasn't an inspiration. Anyway, I think it's a fitting name and its a relief to finally have named him.

This week has been alternating between really fun and really stressful. The documentation is going well. I can really churn this shit out like you wouldn't believe. Twenty pages in just under eight hours? Gimme a break. I'm a machine, and if I keep this up I'll be doing okay. Not ahead of schedule or anything, but just okay. Last night I went over to my new neighbor Marshall's apartment and drank beers and 'gina juice with him and Thommi. It is too fun having him live so close now as opposed to 20 minutes away. A true improvement.

I had yoga yesterday. She had promised that she was going to teach us all some new poses that day so I showed up ready to go. Apparently she had changed her mind and was just handing out grades and letting people leave. I had no intention of leaving. I paid to do yoga and I was gonna do some. I ended up being the only person to stay. After a little warm up, we just kind of started trying to out-yoga each other. We can both do the scorpion now that she's been working on it all semester in an effort to match my abilities, so that didn't work. Then we started doing all these fucked up headstands. Like inverting and then going into the lotus with our feet, or doing the splits upside down and stuff. It was too fun. Then she wanted to know if I could do a handstand, which I'd never done before. So now I can totally flip myself completely over ... and then I trumped her by doing a couple of inverted Nicholas-Cage-in-Con-Air pushups. Boo yah.

So that was ridiculously fun, I'm sorry it had to end. Then I went and got a pep-talk from the cafeteria lady who was giving me advice on what to do after graduation. Apparently she hadn't read my last post. I'm not sure why. This weekend I am trying to avoid going out and just work on a paper, but keeping me away from a night of drinking is like ... um ... keeping an alcoholic away from alcohol. Is that even a simile? Whatever, SHUT UP! Czech you skillets later.

It's been a while since I've addressed you, dear plebians. Rest assured I have missed you all. Like I said in my last post, Brandon came to town. I missed that kid. We hung out and watched TV even though he despises TV. We got drunk, we went out, good times, good times. He had to leave earlier than expected to go to a job interview at Central Market so hopefully he'll get that job.

That same night I watched Keith dunk his ring. He did it in 22 seconds. What a champ. And I thought I was a seasoned alcoholic, here this rookie showed me up by 43 seconds. Excelsior! We went to Northgate afterwards and Joseph met up with us. Keith ended up going home early so Joseph and I split off and sat and chatted over chuggers at Duddleys. Then we went to Antonio's, that new pizza place on Northgate. This guy wanted to cut in line for the bathroom because he had to go, and if he went before us, he would surely get laid by some girl who was waiting on him. So, being the kind hearted gentlemen we are, we told him he could cut in front of us if he could impress us through dance. Bless his little liver, he started cuttin' the rug in order to pee before us. Naturally I was saying things like, "No man, if you want to cut you've got to TURN IT ON!" and instead of doing anything different he just did the same moves faster. Classic.

We caught a serendiptious ride home from Christina Lee. Joseph proceeded to chug squeezy vodka screwdrivers like they were going out of style. He got so drunk that he threw up whilst sleeping on my couch giving me a delightful bright yellow stain and filling my apartment with the aroma of vomit and bile. He also opened the front door wide, for some unexplained reason, and let in 10,000 flies that we cannot get rid of. Thanks Joey, 'preciate that.

The next night it was time to see Todd dunk his ring, but I got tied up at the greenhouse in Navasota and couldn't make it. He did it in 75 seconds, which thrilled me because that means I was faster. Anywho, I did meet up with them all later because I haven't seen Todd in forever, Ryan and DAvid were in town, and Fucking Frank was going to drink for the first time in years. It was riotously fun. I got so completely shitcanned. When I woke up this morning I was still drunk. I was also a tad confused as to why I wasn't wearing my underwear anymore, but then I remembered that I'd gotten in the hot tub that night. It was so hot in there, it was ridiculous.

I keep telling myself I am going to spend a quiet weekend at home with a good book (perhaps Glamarama that I haven't touched in weeks) but the ring thing forced me to go out this weekend. Damn social obligations. Perhaps next I will take myself up on my delightful offer. Peace out, have nots!

Today I woke up kinda early for me and had time to walk over to the pet store and look at their bettas. I found one that I thought would look really cool in my new tank. He serves two purposes though. First, he's my pet. Second, he's my guinea pig. If he dies then I know the tank is inhabitable and I shouldn't let Marshall bring me his fish until I get the water fixed. I would feel so bad if I killed Marshall's fish right off the bat. I still need to go to David27's and get his unused betta food so I can feed the little guy.

At first, the water level was kind of low to allow the water spilling in from the filter to make a water noise and produce lots of bubbles ... something to hear and see. As soon as I put the betta in, the force of the induced current shoved him up against the wall. I had to add more water to reduce the impact it has on his environment, but I think he still doesn't like it. I'm not sure, I don't speak Betta. But, I also know I don't want to clean this tank all the time, so he can just learn to deal with it.

Tonight, my friend Brandon is driving in from Austin to visit. He hasn't been back to College Station in a long, long time, so that is going to be fun. Idk what we're going to do but I'm sure we'll be able to find something. I just found out that I haven't been skipping class this week. My prof has been out and may be out for a while. So yay! No early classes! Excelsior!

I would be lying if I said that I was having the Best Week Ever (btw, I fucking love that show). But, ever the optimist, it's not impossible to put a positive spin on things. I will give you all twenty-seven guesses as to what's going on, but you'll only need one. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that now. What I do want to talk about is my new fish tank!!1!

Isn't it beautiful? I bought the tank at Wal-Mart. It was one of those all-in-one packages. I set it up last night and got the filter running after I forced Tommy to put it together for me. Then today I went to the pet store and got two colors of rocks and a couple fake plants. They didn't have any of the goofy shit I wanted though. You know what I mean, like a frog wearing overalls sitting on a log, or a diver and a chest of treasure that bubbles ... goofy shit. They did have a Squidward doll, but I wouldn't want to get him unless I also had Spongebob and they were all out of him. Before you ask, no I do not have any fish. Part of me is thinking I don't really need any. I like the way it looks and the sound of the filter spitting water is soothing. My betta from David27 was dead so there goes that option. Marshall might give me his two fish that he doesn't want anymore. That would be fun, but idk when he's going to bring them to their new home.

Other than that, not a lot has been going on. I've not really been eating or sleeping, because those are overrated. And I surely haven't been to class because that's a hassle. I did start walking a lot, good exercise. I like meandering. And in other news, my flowers are looking awesome, they're getting so big, but none of them have gotten a bud yet, so I will spare you a picture until that happens. Later, you have nots.

UPDATE: Marshall came over to work on some scrapbooking thing for one of Thomas's project, and shortly thereafter Owen came home from school and saw my tank decoration. There was an overwhelming sentiment that having a tank with no fish was a waste of time and money. So I shut their asses up by putting some fish in my tank. The first piece of goofy shit that I have planned. This is cool though because even if I do eventually get the fish from Marshall, now they will be forewarned not to fuck with me. I don't take shit from the help, no matter what the species. Swish out of line one time, and you'll end up in a can! Haaaaaaaa!!1!

I just got back from my free hour and a half long full body massage, and I have to tell you, it was the best. I was so hungover this morning so I spent the day laying around waiting for my massage, and it just took care of every lingering symptom of hungoveredness. I got to do it because my friend Rob's mother works for the Austin School of Massage Therapy and they needed volunteers for students to practice on. Shit, sign me up. It was awesome, and totally free.

I've also been snacking on tons of free barbeque that Allison and I stole from a picnic she was invited to. The professor she TA's for does the study abroad program and was having a meeting since it's Parents' Weekend. After spending about 20 minutes driving around looking for the park that it was at, we realized that it was being held at the park that my apartment faces, a stone's throw away. That was kind of embarassing but we soon lost inhibitions as the beer was free. And we'd already spent our afternoon at Bourbon Street Bar and Grill drinking martinis for a dollar a pop. What an awesome day. So there we were with a cooler full of beer and three plates full of meat walking back to my apartment giggling.

Then it was off to the drag show, which was awesome. Brian did such a good job as Britney dancing to Slave. Good stuff. I was already drunk so I didn't spend any money on booze ... I maintained by buzz by sipping off of other people's drinks when they weren't looking. And yes, they were all people I know. I'm not that big of an alchy. Anyway, Lesbie Ann is still in town so I'm gonna follow her tonight, more than likely ending up at Halo. Good times. Czech you all later.

Hey guys, I just really want to thank you all for the outpouring of sympathy over my deceased fish. *makes masturbatorial motion* David27 still has the thing in a container under his sink and the water is all cloudy and he's pale and floating at the top. Very morbid, but he is still planning on returning him.

Yesterday I finally got my hair cut. No more Milwaukee circa 1983 soccer dad hair for me. Even though I loved that hairdo, everyone else hated it. I guess it's because no one has any style. Anyway, Hannah is a genius, I don't know how she consistently takes a slob like me and makes my hair look good. And she barely cut it this time. I was seriously in there for like 5 minutes and we were done. I'm really excited about my new hair.

In other news, I don't know if I ever specifically mentioned this on my website, but I've been doing the Atkins thing for like 3 weeks now. Well, I've been trying to. I am not altogether happy with my body, and the only solution I could come up with was anorexia until Rick told me to just quit eating carbs. I figured it couldn't be as bad as starving so I started doing it. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be to come up with meals that contain no carbohydrates, but I did okay. I mean, I couldn't completely cut them out, due in large part to them being in beer. And it has been WEEKS since I've had a soda ... or anything other than water to drink, really. That I'm proud of.

The reason I mention this is because David27, Brian and I all went and had a hottub last night. And a few weeks ago we had all gone to lay out by the pool. Brian said it looked like I had lost weight. He is the first and only person to say so. Actually, he's the first person to finally shut the fuck up, quit rolling your god damn eyes, and realize that I actually did have fat reserves and I am not "too skinny already." I was kind of getting off of my diet, but now that someone thinks it's working, I'm back on with renewed vigor. I can't wait to have visible adominal muscles.

Tomorrow's another exam for my class that I haven't been to since the last exam that I knocked out of the ballpark. I am going to spend the whole night studying. Weeee. I'd rather go out, but tomorrow is gonna be too fun so everything will even out in the end. Hope all is going well for you sluts since I haven't gotten a comment in a while. See you on the flip side. Excelsior!

Went to IHOP late last night to break my diet. Stuffed french toast was worth every carb. Went to bed watching Waking Life. Good flick. Hard to watch when dozing off at 3:00am. It's a thinking movie, not a drinking movie. Woke up with no cough, good news. Woke up (early, as you can see) with pain in neck and shoulders so intense that sleep is not an option. A hot bath did not alleviate any discomfort. Perhaps some yoga will help. Otherwise agony continues. Hope you have fun in church today, suckers.

I guess everyone wasn't as excited about my flowers as I am. I continue to grow more excited each and every day as they continue to grow. The day that one of them blooms, drink are on me! (No, thats not a typo -- drink are on me!) In other news, Owen and I finished rearranging the living room finally. Everything is at an angle, but they're at different angles. It's very avant-garde. The spaces left in the corners by furniture being at wonky angles allowed me to put a little bit of back lighting, which I think really pulls the whole room together. Yay me.

Last night I went over to David27's to watch a movie with our old friend Michael P■■■. Good times. We watched Party Monster. It was a pretty good movie, I missed the beginning, but if you get a chance to see it I recommend. I brought a bottle of wine as per Mr. P■■■' request, and then he decided he didn't want to drink. But David27 did not have a corkscrew, so using a round thing and a hammer, Michael hammered the cork into the bottle instead of pulling it out. Ingenious. I never would have thought to do so. Why, oh why must I always think inside the box?

I've decided not to return home for jebus's second birthday. I would have to drive there and back all in like one day and I hate doing that. Plus the whole church fiasco will reer its ugly head betwixt the parentals and I. Besides that, I think I am deathly ill. It feels like someone has been standing on my chest for like 2 days now. And I can cough until the cows come home but nothing will come up. Maybe I'll try not smoking and see how that affects things. As it is, pity me! I'm sick! Check you sluts later.

I had the most fucked up dream last night. This one really took the cake. It was so long and weird that when I finally woke up, I jumped right out of bed despite the fact I'd only been asleep for a minimal number of hours. It started off with me and my entire family together in a car, and my dad making a wrong turn on a high overpass. Unfortunately, the way we went had no road and we plummeted like a 1,000 feet to our gruesome deaths. I remember thinking on the way down, as my stomach dropped, "Well, this is it," and experience a moment of extreme curiosity for what would happen after I died.

We were all instantly transported to what I guess would be the afterlife. The sky alternated red and blue, there were heavy clouds and lots of lightning. At first it was scary but then I realized it was actually quite beautiful. There were all kinds of people all living in their own little quarters, and I was sharing a house with my family. We met all kinds of people who taught us things about what it was like to be dead. One of them was how to return to Earth, which basically involved sky diving with no parachute. Once I got the balls to do it I went and checked in on all of my friends.

They had created some kind of twisted memorial to me that everyone I'd ever known had signed with a message for me. And I cried while I read them. I tried to return every now and again to check in on people, but time stopped moving linearly, and when it did it was inconsistent. Sometimes it would be the past, sometimes the distant future, and sometimes no time had passed at all. I rather liked the afterlife. There was always something to do, people to meet, things to learn. This is the first time in a dream that I've actually died, and I must say it wasn't too bad.

But I did wake up a tad disturbed. I ran over this dream again and again in my head to preserve some of the details. I have got to stop smoking crack. In other news, yesterday I went to Wal-Mart with Marshall and purchased a planter, some soil, and wildflower seeds. As of right now it is just a bucket of dirt, but I will keep you all filled in on their progress. I put in a shitload of seeds, I hope it grows like crazy.

My new goal is to buy a fish. I wanted to buy one spur of the moment last night but realized that I knew nothing about how to care for one. I will have to do my research, buy some equipment and get it set up before I buy Nemo. Again, you will all be the first to know when I do so. Hope your week is off to a good start. Be safe, and don't do anybody I wouldn't do.

Ahhh, the age old mantra. And this time its no more true than it ever is. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow I haven't eaten a thing all day, maybe I should take it easy." And that's about the last thing I remember. I'll just go ahead and assume that I had fun. One of the things I do after a night like that is immediately check my call history to make sure I did not make any unnecessary conversation. I had one call to Kyle that lasted 10 seconds and then immediately called David27 for another 3. Who knows what that was all about.

By far, the best was the text message that I sent to Brian that I absolutely do not remember sending. He had told me that he was mad at me last night. I think it was because we were supposed to watch Romy and Michele's High School Reunion but I ended up getting too drunk. Anyway, the text message said, "I had the worst dream, Romy. I dreamt that we weren't friends and we were really, really old. But, I mean like we were really, really old. And we weren't friends." My favorite part of it is that it is perfectly formatted as far as spelling, capitalization, and punctuation, which is not easy to do on my phone. It takes me forever to send a text message, much less a grammatically correct one, so who knows how long I spent doing that. No wonder I woke up with my cell phone in the bed.

David27 just dropped by and gave me my keys. Why did he have my keys? I didn't drive. I don't even have my car. I'm so confused.

I'm never drinking again ....

Today was just a rip roaring good time on campus. I had my weekly senior project meeting, which went flawlessly as always, and then met up with some of my friends who had gathered at the Straight Pride rally over by Rudder Fountain. Damned free speech areas. Has anyone noticed that not once have the free speech areas on campus been used to promote liberal, democratic, tolerant, or educated viewpoints? It's always a bunch of dumb fucking redneks abusing the power.

So we went and had a discussion with them all trying to inform them that every day on campus is Straight Pride day and to try and belittle Gay Awareness Week, no matter how good your intentions may be, will be misinterpreted by the less educated (i.e. most dangerous) members of our little society. We didn't have long to talk to them because they were closing down camp for the day, but promised they would be back tomorrow if we wanted to talk to them some more. So I think we're going to get a big group of sane people together, just to show that on this campus, for every idiot who thinks Straight Pride is funny, there are two people who realize the implications.

You might think we were out of fun after these idiots cleared out, but no, OH NO, our fun had just begun. Our beloved campus evangelist, the one and only, Mr. Tom S■■■ was back! Hoorah! Our friend Jon S■■■, like the leader of Aggie Democrats, and a Jew, no less, had quite a time talking to Mr. S■■■. I don't like to talk to him because I know that he is an accomplished speaker and the last time I talked to him he turned my words back around on me. I prefer to prey on his little minions that he positions throughout the crowds to talk to you as you bad mouth him under your breath. I got sucked into an argument when I overheard some guy proclaiming that g*d was obviously real ... just look at the tree ... how could you possibly explain the tree without g*d? So I pointed out that it could be explained with Horticulture, a subject that is taught at this very university! Shazam!

Then he tried to tell me that faith was logic. To which I countered that faith is the opposite of logic, at which point, a guy who is in my major, and an active BUc (Brother Under christ) jumped in. We talked for a long time much to the amusement of my friends who were sitting near by. I've never really been observed in one of these arguments even though I tend to have them WAY more often than I'd like. But they were all laughing because, apparently, I show no emotion ... big shocker there, I'm totally monotone all the time. But they said that the other guy would get worked up and I wouldn't give a shit, which is basically true. We had to stop arguing though because he wanted to go on forever when it was apparent to me that our beliefs were fundamentally opposite, and no common ground could be met. For every christian bullshit line he pulled out, I put it back on him. He said he was trying to spread g*d's word to help me, I told him I was trying to convince him otherwise to help him.

All in all it was the same argument I always have with these people. I always think that it must be such a treat for them to get to talk to me, and such a drag for me to talk to them. Because I formed my own opinions on everything and they're good and funny and logical, whereas they all read the same stupid fairytale book for their opinions, so I know exactly what they're going to say next. Fucking automatons. My favorite part of the discussion was when I informed him, "There is no heaven. There is no hell. There is no g*d. There is no jebus. There is no salvation. There is no sin. You've got to stop thinking in terms like that." Lovely, just lovely. I love myself.

I am God.

I took a picture of my brown hair but I don't like the self portrait thing with my camera, so you all have to wait until I get someone else to take my pictures before you can see it. I am totally styling it in 70's retro style, and everyone hates it but me. But it completely cracks me up so I'll probably keep it up for a while. In the mean time, if you'd like to meet us out at Rudder Fountain tomorrow to speak more with the bigots, do just that. We'd love to have you. Laaaaaaaaaate.

Hey, Allison. It's your birthday. Hey, Allison. It's your birthday ... today! Happy 23rd Allison, I love you!

In other news, I was crusin around today with the birthday girl. We went to eat lunch at Souper Salad. Took us a good hour, which you know was trouble with the all-you-can-eat buffet. Then we decided to go to Wal-Mart to see if they had little shelves we could put in our bathrooms since Bed Bath & Beyond only had like 40 dollar chrome ones. Well, first we stopped off at Total Tan so I could get a membership but the girl was a bitch so I left without filling out the paper work. The big news though is that George Bush East is OPEN! Omega this is going to make it so much easier to get EVERYWHERE from my apartment. I am so completely stoked.

I have this vague feeling that I was the first car to drive on the newly opened road. They had just moved the baracades and there were still DoT cars on either side of it. And as we drove down, people who live on that street were out in front of their houses jumping up and down and cheering. We cheered, honked, and waved. It was too much fun.

Tonight I have a lab to attend. Blech. I'm kind of giving myself this week off as much as I can on account of having to do shit last week. But then Allison and gang are going out to Ninfa's. Even though I loathe Ninfa's and enjoy it even less on Tuesday nights when all the second rate frat boys and girls overtake the place, I am totally going. I'll just have to down a few drinks right when I get there to soothe myself. Then who knows what will happen. Do you ask where a shooting star will fall? Peace out, you have nots.

I'm sick as a dog. The idiots at the quack shack said it was some kind of throat infection and gave me the same generic medicine they always do. Oh well, maybe it will help. Might as well take it. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I ended up taking a bath at like 5am cause I was so achy and sweating. Today's not much better. Enough pissing and moaning though. Pity me!

I was laying on the couch before my 12:45 yesterday and I noticed a moth on the wall near me. I thought nothing of it. He's welcome to chill there. But then when I came home after my lab at like 8:00 he was still in the exact same spot. I don't mind moths but I hate lazy moths. So I decided to capture him.

I put a cup on the wall, tapped him into it and then placed a coaster over the opening. Then I had a flash of evil genius. I decided to set up a Bond-esque death trap. I opened the lid just enough to allow a drop of water through it and placed it under the faucet. It was dripping slow enough to allow him time to escape, but he was going to have to time it just right. He waited until the last possible moment, the water was encroaching his wings, and then made a break for it. I attempted to squash him but he got away, so I let him go. Owen, Marshall, and I were enthralled. Okay, I was, but they also watched. Then Marshall took me to the mall and bought me some chinese food and ice cream. Rad!

In other news, my brother found out that his unborn baby is a girl. I tried to help him out and give some good suggestions for names. They were thinking about Kaylynn Elizabeth. I figured since she is going to be my brother's daughter, that she's already gonna be the whitest little girl on the planet. It might be a good idea to spice her up a little with an ethnic moniker. My suggestions were:
1. Reshawnda
2. Wei Le (but we would call her Jenny)
3. Consuala
I like them all but I think Consuala might be my favorite. And as an added bonus, it might help her get scholarships later. You never knows. Tonight Thommi and I are going to see some Russian chick play piano with the Russian symphony orchestra. I'll let you you all know how that goes. Peace.

I'm sitting in my apartment listening to my heart attempt to jump out of my chest. I'm pretty freaked out because someone just tried to open my front door. I never lock the door, but just so happened to do it tonight. Thank jebus. Justin is on his way over here so I can get some peace of mind and have a looksee outside. As it stands right now I'm too scared to look. I thought blogging might put my mind at ease. There is much to talk about, and I shall type it in between paranoid perceptions of twigs snapping beneath imagined burgler's boots.

Friday night was Boys 'n Beads, the Mardi Gras party. Marshall had spent the few previous days making masks out of stolen supplies from Hobby Lobby. I knew Marshall was crafty, but damn, I was impressed with his skills with the feathers and glue. The one I made looked like a retarded 3rd grader had done it. He fixed it a little bit for me. I still looked like Ms. Finch from Follow That Bird. It all paid off cause Marshall won 3rd place in the costume contest and was awarded a 50 dollar bar tab, which you just know I was all over. I ended up getting way too drunk, as I always do. Excess is my middle name. There was much dancing, much revelry, much too much vodka in my drinks. Sometimes I think Aaron, the bartender, derives some sick pleasure from watching me get wasted. Luckily our pal David#27 was there, and sober, and driving, and took care of me. I passed out as soon as I got home and woke up hungover like a muthafucka. It's all good though because I got to wear my new hangover mask from Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's this gel mask that you put in the fridge. Omega, it was heavenly. Made my hangover an absolutely enjoyable experience.

Skip ahead to Saturday. Marshall's bar tab awaited us, so we got dolled up and went out again. Why on earth do I drink like I do? It's so stupid. I'm drinking double vodka and vodkas and accepting shot after shot. We had to pull over again this weekend so yours truly could nearly roll out of the car whilst vomiting. Again, I passed out as soon as I got home. In other news, someone had spread the word that the afterparty was at my place. Wrong. Owen got woken up and had to tell them all to leave. I felt bad about that, even though it kind of in a way wasn't my fault. Moderation. Someday I will learn it.

Justin just left after we made sure no one was outside my apartment. I still have the door locked and the chain on. Seeing as how its almost 3 and I'm never gonna get up for class tomorrow, I don't think I'll even set my alarm. I'm just gonna read and then fall asleep. I've decided to re-read Clan of the Cave Bear for the umpteenth time. Watching the movie just totally put me in the mood. You should all get a copy and read it cause it's the best story ever. Alright, peace out, you have-nots, and stop fucking trying to open my front door.

Sonia was writing an article for the Battalion today (our school newspaper) over gay marriage, so naturally she wanted my opinion on the issue. I think my initial quote was, "Fuck a bunch of marriage," but since that doesn't exactly translate well to print without the inflections, we worked to reword it a tad. This is what it came out as:

David F■■■■, a senior electrical engineering technology major, said he believes same-sex marriages should be legalized. He believes the constitution grants the right, and also doesn't believe that marriage is sacred anymore.

"If marriage (between a man and a woman) is so sacred then explain the high divorce rates," F■■■■ said.

I'm in print! Now all that's left to do is get my picture on the front. With friends like Sonia, I think I can see that happening. She's an absolute doll and I love her. RAWK!

I'm not sure where to begin this blog. There is much to say about the past 24 hours. The first thing I did was take an ultra long time getting ready. The SideshoGang was all out at Margarita Rocks and wanted me to join them but I opted for a cucumber melon bubble bath instead. After a really long soak and getting my hair delightfully hawked, I stopped off at Allison's for her dessert & wine soiree. I stayed long enough for some strawberry cheesecake and a glass of merlot.

From there, I headed over to David's to get dressed, Tommy's to pick up some clothes I left there, Mosher Circle to pick up Sonia, and back home to get some shoes and wait for the arrival of my dear friend Ryan S■■■. He drove in from Dallas and arrived around 11 o'clock raring to go out on the town. Of course, we dropped by Allison's one more time so she could see Ryan and then headed out to Halo. Ryan came just short of his goal of dropping 100 bucks at the bar, which meant many beers and shots for the two of us, as well as anyone in the immediate vicinity.

After sufficient intoxication and dancing resulting in bruises, we headed back to James's for more of the same. I had a blast last night, and I know Ryan S■■■ did too. We went to Fazoli's today to eat and go to witness a car jump the median, run over a tree, and speed through the parking lot. It was very random.

Oh, and the big news of the hour: The Olive Garden burned down. Information PLEASE.

Update: Now the fucking train derailed over by Tommy's apartment. WTF is going on in College Station today?

I had my first big-boy interview yesterday. It was with a company called ■■■■■ even though I don't know what that stands for. Anyway, they make automated systems (just like me!). We were sitting in class on Tuesday when my prof said that whoever didn't go to this luncheon had to take a quiz, so we all went to go eat. I was done eating and decided I wanted a free pen, being as I love free pens. I got busted trying to steal one and had to talk to this woman about the company. Bear in mind, I am wearing my safety pinned sweatshirt and had my hair gloriously hawked.

Turns out their company was right up my alley and my senior project (which she had heard about) was in keeping with what they do so she told me to send her my resume and she would get me an interview. Lo and behold, not 24 hours later, there I am in the interviewing room in a new suit (yes, a suit). I think it went really well. I'm pretty stoked about it. If they make any offer, I'll probably take it. What a load off.

Then this morning I had to return to take their written exam. Gimme a break. They make all applicants take a test that goes over math, grammar, and personality. It was supposed to take at least 2 and a half hours (the untimed portion), but I finished the whole fucking thing in about an hour. It was ridiculously easy. All of the algebra and word problems were a total cinch, I wouldn't have used a calculator on them even if I had had one. Then the grammar came. That was even easier. They gave me a sentence to find the error in ... like:

But, if any of you have ever had a paper proofread, editted, or, god forbid, graded by me, then you know that it looked more like this in my head:

I breezed through that rather quickly determining which were complete sentences and which were fragments (something I've become quite good at after working with Sean) and deciding which version of (to/too) was correct (something Marshall would have certainly failed).

So that's my good news for now. I will keep you posted on the employment status of your favorite sidesho attraction. Peace out you have nots, and don't have to much fun.

Oh yeah: I almost forgot to mention. There was also a handwriting portion to the test. Which I also aced. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

I honestly never really thought that I had a problem with spending money. I always just figured I could kind of stop whenever I needed to. Wrong! Now that I am using my checking account for everything (I cut my beloved credit card into 3 pieces ... I have one, Allison has one, and Tommy has one) and have an opporitunity to watch the expenditures accumulate, I realize just how ridiculous my spending habits are. This weekend alone I managed to spend 200 dollars ... and I have nothing to show for it. That's like almost a pair of pants I could have had, blown away on food and booze. Alas, I disciplined myself by going to Pier 1 and buying the coolest little tea candle holder. I need some ambience for when I yogate.

Although I have to admit that all the money I spent this weekend was well worth it because I was joined by my old, dear friend, Edward S■■■■■. I haven't seen him in a couple of years, but the fact that we've known each other for roughly 15 years allows for such gaps. He came in on Saturday evening, we ran around buying booze and food, and then headed to Tommy's for a pre-party. The pre-party ended up being attended by Tommy, Edward and I, so it wasn't much of a party. Then we went to Halo and drank a whole bunch. Edward's like in medical school or something, so he's not used to doing this every night like we do. But I think he had fun. The after-party at Tommy's was out of control ... I heard the cops came around 5:30 and told everyone to leave. Whateeeeever. The next afternoon, we dragged out of bed, Edward went back to Houston, and I took a nap.

I put my John Denver video on while I was sleeping and when I dozed off, the tape ended, rewound automatically and then the VCR shut off. As it turned out, when the VCR shut off, there was all this stuff about a SuperBull or something. Who woulda thought. I wanted to make some Wolf Sauce, a recipe for queso I got from BreakfastParade, so I went to the decimated grocery store, bought some ingredients and then took the crockpot over to Tommy's. James came over and we all ate the Wolf Sauce, which was delicious, but I forgot to turn off the crockpot so by the time we checked, the cheese was blackened and disgusting. So much for leftovers. I would comment on the game, but the portions of it that we did watch, I pretty much slept through. I don't really even like basketball, as most of you know.

On a final note, I've decided that I'm not going to answer my phone anymore. I have begged. I have pleaded. I have harangued, but people still call me just to see whats up and try to hold my attention for long phone conversations. Since nothing I can do can make you all stop, and nothing you can do can keep me from feeling like ants are crawling out my eyes if the conversation lasts more than 30 seconds, this is the only viable solution. Just leave me a voicemail and I'll call you right back. That way I can see what you want before hand. And a "Hey its me, call me back" doesn't count. Thats what a missed call means. Sorry to have to do this. Talk to you all later (MAYBE HA).

This is a post I've been meaning to put up for a while. I've just been waiting for a day when I didn't have anything to really say. This is the blog blog, if you will. And I will. Those of you who know me know that I spend a ridiculous amount of my life on my website, but I spend just as much, if not more, time reading other peoples' blogs. I wanted you all to appreciate just how insane I am with this. I read all of these blogs ... on a more than daily basis. Here they are now, in the order that I check them every day. And the nominees are...

• Sounding Board: Chris
• Breakfast Parade: G■■■■ et. al.
• This is my blog. But you can read it.: Alfie
• noezoom's Xanga Site: Owen
• Ryan S■■■'s Diary: Ryan S■■■
• Rock N Roll Suicide: Keith
• Welcome Spielmaniacs!: Spielman
• Welcome to Spain: Clay
• Really, it's not that interesting.: Justin M■■■
• www.Burns.tk -- Redux: Burns
• ifiam.org : do you love me?: Posterboy
• toothpaste for dinner - daily drew drawings: Drew
• natalie dee: huffing it up, every weekday: Drew's sister
• ChevyRSK: Chevy
• me: Sonia
• Day in the life of Jon S■■■: Jon S■■■
• David T■■■■'s Page of Misery: David T■■■■
• clr84's Xanga Site: Chris R.
• I like my eggs all runny...: Surge
• bryceareeni's livejournal: Bryce

So, as you can see, I'm not fuckin around. If everybody just had a blog, we could completely eliminate the need for interpersonal communication. Think about it. We'd all still carry cell phones though, so when we saw someone we knew, we could pull up their webpage and read it while they stood there silently. Sigh ... in a perfect world. If you're not on this list, that means I haven't been reading your site and I need a link. Later, you have-nots.

Have any of you ever seen anything like this before? I ripped the top off of this beer can with my teeth. I had to dig it out of the trash this morning and bring it home from Tommy's to take a picture and show you all. We were all sitting around drinking when Marshall bit the top off of his damn beer can as though it were nothing. And we were all naturally impressed, so he taught everyone how to do it. If you're interested I can totally show you how to bite the top off a beer can in 3 easy steps.

Chevy was in town with her friend Sonia who goes to A&M. Even though she's a freshman, she has managed to become the front page editor of the Battalion, our school newspaper. It has been a 5 year goal of mine to be on the front page of the newspaper. That and to be on the jumbo-tron at a football game, but I totally achieved that one.

I was totally supposed to go to Dallas last night for Ryan S■■■'s birthday party (HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN) but several factors kept that from happening. It was storming and everyone who was supposed to go with me backed out. And I fear leaving town, especially alone in the rain. So yeah, there was drinking and dancing and all those antics last night, but mostly I just wanted to tell you all how cool Marshall is for being a ninja. I think I'm gonna go work out with Tommy tonight. Neither of us could move our arms yesterday, but I think we're good to go now. Until then...

School starts tomorrow afternoon. I have one class and a lab, and I guess I'm gonna go back to work. I dunno, I sure do hate work, but I am so fucking broke its not even funny. Let me see if I can even remember all of the shit that has gone down in the past few days. First off, my cell phone has been working for a while now. I stole a charger from Aaron's apartment while he was out of town. I think it may have been mine though, but either way, I'm back in business and hating it as usual. I know I've said this far too many times before, but based on the conversations I've had in the past few days, I'm just going to briefly reiterate ... I fucking hate talking on the phone. It makes me want to cut my eyes out with a spoon. Because its dull, you twit, it'll hurt more! So if you're just calling to see 'whassup' then don't. And if you're calling for a reason, keep it short and to the point. I would really, really appreciate it.

So anyway, back to the narration. Thursday and Friday, we went out to Halo as usual. Despite my announcement that I was completely partied out and most definitely not going to drink, I got shitcanned both nights. There was much vodka consumed, and much dancing. Nothing severely out of the ordinary. Saturday, I had promised Tommy weeks ago that I would go to Houston with him. I don't usually leave town, and if I do, I need like some serious emotional preparation in order to do so. I mean, despite the fact that my wallet is almost rotted in two, I still haven't gotten a new one because I'm not emotionally ready to commit to a new wallet. Thats the kind of person I am. Very much about the rut, and any deviation from said rut is stressful. But Tommy gave me ample time to prepare so to Houston we went. It was quite traumatic, I'm not gonna lie. We went to South Beach with Todd and I managed to have fun once I got a few drinks in me. They spray liquid nitrogen onto the dance floor in this huge cloud so thick you can't see two inches in front of your face and its really cold. And when you're hot from dancing it feels so good.

We finally got home around 4am. I slept the whole next day, never even made it home. By the time I woke up, Tommy had come home from work and was ready to go get something to eat. And then Aaron called me and said everyone was staying at his cousin's house in Houston and going to South Beach again. So despite the fact that by this point my body was REALLY beggin for rest, I agreed. So Tommy and I turned back around and got back on the road for Houston this time with Allison in tow. It was a blast again, especially because everyone from College Station was in attendance. Much fun, much alcohol, much dancing. Aaron's cousin lives in a mansion. It was too much fun. I didn't go to sleep until like 6am. I spent the day today cleaning up a little around the apartment and doing some laundry. Its time to stop having fun, go to school and work every day, and then graduate and the fun is REALLY over. Sigh. Good night, fuckers, hope everyone has a good first day. Leave me a comment letting me know how it went.

Well I'm back in College Station for a couple of days taking a sabatical from the holiday cheer of Plano. I was there for 3 days and that was enough for me. The first thing I did was put in my fake lip ring for when I first arrived. My mother went absolutely ballistic over it so I immediately had to reveal the joke whereas I had planned on wearing it all day. That kinda let some of the air out of my balloons, but it was still funny.

The next big fight was when I dared to walk down the stairs with my fauxhawk rawkin. My mother blew another gasket. She sure doesn't know how to pick her battles. Its not like we had company or anything, I was just going to sit around the house. So that was fun. I went upstairs and played guitar until my brother came home and took me with him to B&N. Oh speaking, the big news, I am going to be an uncle. Rachel, Stephen's wife, produced a couple sonogram pictures of the baby in her tummy. Thats exciting for us, even though she won't be able to participate in the booze cruise.

On Christmas we didn't exchange gifts, which, I gotta tell you, was the best Christmas I ever had. No shopping, no worrying, no wrapping, no fighting crowds ... just a family gettin together to play cards and drink liquor. I had my first taste of Courvoisier, and second, third, fourth, and fifth. I'd have to say I was a big fan. We played some Oh, Hell with everybody, ate some desserts with family friends and then went to bed.

The next day I went to see JennyC■■■ and her family. That's always fun. Then I went downtown to hang out with Ryan S■■■. We rode the rails to the Angelika Theater ... a new experience for me, v. classy. Then we ate at the cafe and saw 21 Grams. Worst movie ever ... don't go see it. Even though the movie was awful, I had a wonderful time. The next morning I woke up and drove home. And here I am. I spent last night drinking Coronas and Keystones with Josh 'n Tommy cause there was nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. It was fun.

Just thought I would fill you all in since I've been rather sparse in the updates in comparison to usual. I will be leaving tomorrow for the cruise and you won't hear from me until after the new year, so I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful new year full of drunken spirits and sloven kisses. Cheers!

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful Solstice. I know I did. Now that my holiday season has come to a close, I would like to wish everyone celebrating Kwanzaa this year a wonderful time, as well as all my Jews in da house hittin up Channukah. I can't think of any other celebrations during the holidays, so if I forgot one, it must not count!

I am laying in bed right now. I woke up kinda early in comparison to recent days because I kept having horrible dreams. I had one that I don't remember, but I know I woke myself up by screaming. Then I had one where the Texas A&M Diving team was recruiting me, but they were gonna make me do a fancy dive off the top platform, and for some reason I agreed. Then I had one that I was lost in a school and every room I went into was more fucked up then the next. So I figured fuck it, I'll just stay awake.

As soon as I get off my ass, I am going to get in the car and drive back to Plano. I'll be there for a few days, and then back in CS for a couple days, and then its off to Galveston to get on the boat. Weeee.

I have some wonderful news for all of you. I am so excited I can barely sit still. I was watching the Food Network last night and there was a promo for a new show called Dweezil & Lisa. As if I had to clarify which Dweezil & Lisa they were referring to, its Dweezil Zappa and Lisa Loeb. They've been dating for some time now, and now they're going to host their own show on FoodTV! Holy crap! In case some of you don't know, I have been Lisa Loeb's biggest fan since like the 7th grade. There hasn't been this big of a merger of my interests since I found out John Denver played with the Muppets. It starts in January and you better believe I'll be watching every episode. Its a Solstice miracle. I love you all and I see you soon!

So I was supposed to go to Houston on Thursday to take pictures of furniture for my uncle, but he never got around to telling me when or where I needed to be. And Leslie had purchased a new outfit for the occasion at eluxury, but they fucked up her expressed shipping so that got ruined as well. I woke and messaged her to see if she still wanted to go to Houston just for the hell of it, and she totally did. So we stopped off at McAllisters (If you haven't tried this place yet, you are missing out. Make sure you get the tea, its incredible) for a quick lunch and then hit the highways for H-town.

We probably got to the Galleria around 4, I don't really remember. I only say that because I think we left around 3. Regardless, the first thing we did was go to Niemans to try and find the outfit that Les had tried to order online. Tweeds are so in right now, but I didn't really care for any of them. We never found the exact outfit she wanted, and while it was a different kind of tweed, I still think she might not have liked it in person when she got it. So we decided to hell with that. She ended up getting a sassy black dress with some flowers patterned onto it ... and a black shawl. She was looking gooood last night.

I went to Saks because I was bound and determined to buy myself an appropriate pair of jeans. Les told me that Sevens were the way to go, and she couldn't have been more right. These jeans are so comfortable and look so good on me. Then I bought a shirt and a sweater at Express to round out the outfit. I also spent some time on my hair, something I haven't done since I got it cut. I was afraid that all the fun had been cut out of it, but I managed to get it into a really good fauxhawk. Needless to say, Leslie and I were the two best looking bitches in Halo. I was really happy that a lot of people commented on the outfit, since I am an attention whore.

Then afterwards we all went to Tommy's apartment. I had the goal of getting shitcanned and succeeded. I have no idea what time I fell asleep but I know that it was with my head on a table, and I woke up on the floor next to the chair. Thomas was sleepin on the ground so I went to his bed, and passed out whenever I realized I was on the floor. I guess everyone else left and Thomas went to work and stuff, who knows. I woke up when he got home from work like 12 hours later. It felt so good to just sleep and sleep and sleep as much as I fuckin wanted to. I am totally refreshed. I think I may go Goth tonight.

Last night I spent the better part of the evening making pajama pants for Josh. He went with me to Hobby Lobby a while back so I could get some fabric to piece back together a pair of jeans I tore up when I was drunk, the same pair given to me by MattyK after I ripped them up for him (also while drunk). So Josh sees two prints of Dr. Seuss fabric and I mention that I can turn it into pajama pants, but he can't decide on the green or the blue. He ended up getting both, and I fashioned them so one leg is green and the other is blue. You know I have an affinity for asymetrical clothing. They are so kickass. I want to keep them for myself. As soon as he gets his skinny ass over here to try them on so I can make them the right size and length, I'll get a picture of him wearing them for you all. I am too crafty for my own good.

So this took me up until about 2am, at which point I realized I was never going to be able to get up for my 8:00. I haven't been since the last test that I waxed, so I figured I would drop in for the supposed review. Owen was already planning on staying up until class so I decided to do the same. Monkey see, monkey do. But I was bored and drifting so I decided to drive out to Boob's house and join the SideshoGang in their revelry for the night. We had a good time, watched some movies like Ellen Degeneres's stand up. Way too funny. Everyone was passing out around 5 but I knew that I could not join in. Rick was pissed the TV was still on and Kyle was telling me to turn it off as well. So I did, and I laid down, but I did long division in my head to stay away. I took 1/31 out to like 10 decimal places. HA!

I managed, somehow, to stay awake and left to get ready for class around 7. I showered and got on the bus and arrived a little early. Owen and I were joined by two other guys in our class of like 50 people, and around 8:10 realized that we probably had a walk that neither of us had heard about. Thanks for giving me the heads up, if any bitches in my class are reading this. Preciate that. So I came home with every intention of going to work, but instead my head hit the pillow and I was out for the count until about 2 when James called. We went and had a little good clean fun and now here I am again. I'm actually on my laptop right now. I decided to go ahead and install Windows XP Home instead of digging around for my XP Pro CD since my PC has decided to freeze every time I send and instant message now, and I was feeling quite unplugged.

Tonight I have to start getting serious about school work and make a cheat sheet for my control systems exam. That is going to be a doozy. I have two exams on Friday and I have got to find my way into work somehow during this week or I'm gonna get fired. I also need to go buy a turkey today or its not going to be thawed by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. I hope none of you are forgetting about Thanksgiving. It is this Wednesday (as in two days from now) and I'm shooting for around 7pm. That way, we can gorge and then get drunk, and Thursday is a dead day. Good plan eh? Not many people have RSVP'ed ... in fact, none have ... so if you think are coming, I would appreciate an IM. You can come regardless, but it would be nice to know how many people to expect. Even if its just me, I won't care. I'll just eat the turkey with my hands like a caveman. I've always wanted to do that.

I was trying to update my webpage today, but I was at a complete loss for something to say. My notepad file full of future blog ideas has been destroyed (more on that later) so I was just kind of sitting around waiting for something blogworthy to happen to me. I was at a little get together last night over at Aaron's apartment drinkin some beers. Leslie, Ryan B., Josh, Rick, Josh, Thomas, Bob and Kyle were all there. These are the bitches who call me "Sidesho" in real life, so if I hang out with them and don't mention them, I know I'm gonna hear about it.

Anyway, it was good times, but left me feeling less than motivated today. Not hungover, just blah. So I didn't go to work. Instead I decided to go get my laptop fixed by the good people at Best Buy. Unfortunately, they told me what I already knew. I had to reformat. I am not really losing any precious data since everything I've done is backed up, I am losing some pictures and things I wanted, but no big deal, being a digital packrat is one of my least desirable qualities. What I am losing is hours worth of installation on a myriad of software, all of which I used very regularly both in school and work. That is going to be the worst part.

So my sick little laptop is lying in bed right now getting some AC power and reformatting himself. Poor thing, I hope he feels better once we get him up and running again. Dear god, I hope I can find my Windows XP CD. Anyway, now the serendipitous part of the story. I'm driving home on the backroads because I despise left turns ... so I'm taking Lincoln over to Munson. I knew they were residential streets so I was going like 30. Well, it turns out Munson's speed limit is actually 25, and there is a cop sitting there obviously waiting for people like me to drive by. I really wasn't surprised when I saw him turn around and come after me. I like never intentionally speed, but I seem to get pulled over a lot more than a person should. But I never get in trouble so whatever.

So I pulled over, and he was very nice. He asked for my license and registration. My registration was like a year expired, so I was like, "Oh god no, I have a current one, I'm sorry." And I hand him another without looking and he goes, "This one is two years expired." So we kind of laughed and I said, "Well I know for a fact there is a current one in here, just lemme find it." I eventually did. He issued me a formal warning for going 34 in a 25 ... which granted was over the ridiculously slow speed limit, but the cop was like, "I need you to slow it down out there, Mr. F■■■■." But if I slowed it down any more, I'd be idling.

I went out last night. Nothing unexpected. Marshall didn't have anything better to do so he went with me. I decided it was a Jack on the rocks night. Yum. We stayed til almost 3 and then Marshall dropped me off at Raul's for an after party. Oh man, it was fun as always. All the usual suspects were there. Well, pardon me for yadda yadda-ing, but yadda yadda yadda I haven't been to bed yet. But, as I was getting a ride home from Nick this morning around 8, I had a voicemail from Leslie's phone. Her friend was desperately searching for his keys because he had to be in Houston or something. He didn't know what to do because everyone was passed out, he was keyless and upset, so he started goin down the call list. Apparently he had left his keys in a dark brown jacket, the very jacket I had happened to comment on on my way out of Raul's.

I was nice, and I called him back and left a message saying that the coat was there, no worries. And he called back as soon as I got home, got some meat 'n cheese in my belly and took a shower. He was pretty distraught about the whole situation and called his situation 'dire' so I rose to the occasion. Despite the fact that I was about to lay down to a much anticipated slumber, I got in my car and drove over to Leslie's to pick up a perfect stranger and drive him back from whence I'd come. When we got there, his jacket was sitting right where I'd seen it, complete with a set of keys. He was overjoyed; however, Raul was now distraught. Apparently, when I'd left this morning, I hadn't quite closed the door and Terysa's prized cat had escaped and was nowhere to be found. I felt pretty bad since I was the last person to leave so it obviously had to be my fault.

My passenger was not concerned in the least, having developed an unhealthy affinity for yours truly. "Just let him go look for 5 minutes and he'll find him," he boasted about me. I was like, no no no, I am definitely not looking for any cat right now, let's go. So, I opened the door, and out the corner of my eye, downstairs, I saw the fucking cat. I was overjoyed. "There's the cat," I stated matter-of-factly. It took zero effort to coax the cat to run full speed into the apartment, and I had two awestruck compatriots throwing their praise at me. Sometimes it ain't so bad playin' the nice guy. Now, it is WAY past due for me to go to sleep. Ciao bellas.

Today, I was riding the bus home from my morning class. This guy sitting across from me had left his uncapped bottle of milk sitting on the seat next to him. When we took a sharp left, the milk fell off of the seat and onto the floor where the contents exuded. There was a rather large puddle of white milk on the dark grey floor of the bus. And then we started turning, and long horizontal lines were painted. We stopped short, and then accelerated creating a grid. The more we traversed the route home, the more complex the milk painting got. By the time I got off the bus, I thought it was rather beautiful.

I wanted to find you all some kind of painting online that looked like the serendipitious modern art I was treated to, but instead I ended up looking at the Museum of Modern Art webpage for like an hour. You have got to see this exhibit called Tempo. I was very inspired. I especially liked the augmenter hammers and the chick laying on oranges. "Hold your breath and think of Spinoza." Wonderful. I think its about time for me to make a hair nest and start doing speed. (Name that allusion.)

I'm sorry you all couldn't have seen it. Maybe I'll make a painting. Probably not. I'm going to go have coffee with Topher.

My life is a perpetual hangover. I would go into more detail on that statement and get philosophical, but you all know that is not what this webpage is about. What is it about?

Well, last night Dustin and Trey came over for an ice cream party. I had a craving the other night for raspberries. I may or may not have revealed this little fact before, but I will do anything for raspberries. If you're ever at the bargaining table with me, money's not very effective ... bring raspberries. I knew they were out of season, so they were a tad expensive, but they were sooo worth it. I brought them home and threw a handfull of sugar on top of them, and they just melt into this raspberry sludge that made me giddy. So, I bought some ice cream and put the berries on top.

Dustin, being Dustin, brought a bottle of wine with him and we sipped on that til it was gone, and then decided to go out. I got drunk and ended up leaving with Raul and Terysa and partying back at Terysa's crib. It was a lot of fun, but I woke up hungover again and my throat is on fire. I hadn't smoked all last week and it is amazing how quickly your throat gets acclimated to not being singed every hour. I met a bunch of people last night. Raul mentioned SideshoViD.com. Anytime people find out that I have a webpage, they immediately want to be on it. Even if they've never seen it and don't know the url. This was the case with Brandon, but I promised him, nonetheless, that I would mention him. Ryan Byrd showed up at the shindig as well. It's never a party without him. And Josh Sievers seems to think I don't talk about him enough, which is probably true. And naturally, if I mention Josh I don't want Leslie to get jealous. They were both out at the club last night, and its always a pleasure to run into them (don't worry, they're okay).

On another note, the money is still up for grabs. The picture that Sean got was of a guy with a really long braided rat tail. The guy deserves our derision, but he is not Padawan Boy. So keep snapping pictures! I didn't want Sean to feel bad, so I thought I would include his picture anyway. Nice shot, btw, especially considering it was taken with a phone.

Last little note: Thanksgiving is set for December 10th. That is the Wednesday in two weeks, aka the first day of the Dead Days this semester. You are all invited, however, I would appreciate it if you would let me know if you want to come. And in order to get in the door you have to contribute something to the feast. If you don't cook, a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, a case of beer ... all these are appropriate. I might also need another fold-out table or some chairs. That would depend on who is coming. I just can't make as many sides this year because I have a small crappy kitchen, whereas this summer we had a big kitchen and 3 of them right next to each other to use. It will still rule though because my turkeys are the best. Hope to see most of you there!

So last night Thomas and I decided it would be a good idea to get drunk. I love when your plans for the evening involve nothing beyond "get drunk." It just opens up a world of opporitunity. Of course, we didn't really explore any of those options, and opted for an old favorite: sitting at Ryan and Todd's playing drinking games. Can't go wrong there.

We played several rounds of Suits to which Thomas skoffed and informed us he was "no cheap date." So Ryan fixed him up with a shot and we continued playing. Ol' Tommy had to excuse himself from the party a little early, but I suppose that was a good thing in the end since he had to be at work at 8am.

I know that I've been a little under the weather lately, but I stayed home on a Thursday so I was starting to get the shakes. Sometimes drinking while you're sick makes you sicker (see the last two weekends) but then once you pass that threshold, you can actually wash away the remaining sick cells with a good ol' toxic poisoning of beer. Mission accomplished. I feel great today. I'm about to go to Wal-Mart with Karen just for a reason to leave the house. It's been another couch-a-rific day. And in future news, Chris is coming home on Monday for Thanksgiving. We had a drunken conversation last night, that I really don't remember. But I do remember that one point. Alright, you have-nots... peace out.

I hate cell phones. I hate owning a cell phone. I hate other people owning cell phones. I hate the fact that they are completely necessary. I don't even have a home phone because I acknowledge the fact that home phones are an antiquated technology that really doesn't make much sense for anyone my age. I equate my hatred of cell phones to someone in Albert Einstein's time hating electricity. Because once he invented it, it would be so apparent what an improvement over every other technology it was and that it wasn't gonna be going away.

I'm not sure what has brought on my intense feelings lately. In a way this has been brewing for a long time. I used to hate cell phones but I wanted one really bad. That way I could avoid one of my other greatest hatreds: making plans. With a cell phone you can wander about aimlessly and not miss out on anything. I've always been a stickler for cell phone etiquette though. Ringers are completely unnecessary, and a societal faux pas. Just put the fucker in your pocket and turn it on vibrate. I've had my phone on vibrate for 3 years and it has never been an issue. Also, if you're with someone and spend the entire time you're with them on your cell phone, that is the rudest thing you can possibly do. This runs second only to answering your cell phone during a meal. Lastly, when people believe that just because they're on a phone no one can hear them, I really get upset. I'm the nosiest person I know, and yet, somehow, I have no desire to listen in on cell phone conversations.

I also don't like the fact that people tend to believe my cell phone exists solely for their convenience, and not at all for mine. That means that when people call me, I don't always answer the phone. Sometimes its inconvenient for me, and that is perfectly acceptable.

To top it all off, my cell phone has been telling people lately that my number has been disconnected or is no longer available. I don't know whats up with that, but most people sure do think its my fault. This is probably one of the pissiest and moaniest posts I've ever had, I'm just getting towards my wits end. I turn my phone off for around 6 hours a day and even that doesn't alleviate the anxiety I'm feeling about it. I desperately want to cancel it and get rid of my phone, but I know that's completely not feasible. Damn these shackles I've put on myself.

"The most common symptoms of a strep throat infection are sudden, severe sore throat; pain or difficulty swallowing; fever over 101°F (38.33°C); swollen tonsils and lymph nodes and white or yellow spots on the back of a bright red throat."
-- www.webmd.com

I thought I would let WebMD tell you about my morning and spare you any gory details. I couldn't sleep at all last night, which I attributed to my sleep sched becoming a tad wonky from the weekend, but it turns out, I was just pitching a fever fervor. I finally gave up trying to sleep around 6am, a solid 4 hours after I'd retired. I thought I might go to my 8 oclock and go about my day, but instead ventured to the health center.

I was there for like 4 hours even though I only saw a doctor for a good 30 seconds. She decided it was probably strep and subscribed me some Penicillin. She didn't exactly instill a large amount of confidence in her hippocratic intentions, but if there's one thing I do trust, it's pills. So hopefully I'll be on the up and up soon.

In the meantime, my offer is still on the table for anyone that wants/needs strep throat. It can have its benefits including, but not limited to, sympathy from friends, prescriptions to drugs, and excuses from tests. Think about it. If you decide this is for you, contact me and we will make out.

Holy shit, where do I begin? I guess we should start with the costumes. I forgot to charge my camera so I wasn't able to get pictures, but Allison took a couple. Only they were with a real film camera, so its going to take time to develop them and scan them etcetera. Anyway, to dispell the anticipation, I was Santa Pimp and Allison was Slutty Mrs. Claus. They were good costumes, too. Owen went with us to the party. He was dressed as the Incredible Hulk, e.g. painted green and wearing a ripped up T-shirt. Classic.

It was a killer party, too. Everyone was pretty into our costumes. And the fact that Santa showed up with a gift sack full of condoms didn't hurt either. I hope everyone who got to reach into Santa's sack had fun playing with their new toys. So the drinking ensued, and I got more and more obnoxious with the fact that I was Santa as the night went on. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Also at this party was none other than Spongebob Squarepants. This was a pretty big dude wearing a foam shirt with corners on it shaped like Spongebob. And he was pretty drunk. We talked to him for a little bit and he asked me what year I was about 5 times, and I think he asked Allison about 12 times. He was class of '05. He told us so many times that I still remember today. Weeeellllll, as things would have it, I pissed him off. I don't remember what I said, or when I said it, or if I really actually even said anything. But the next thing I knew I overheard, "Santa better watch his fuckin ass before I kill him." I'm not a hater, so I went to diffuse the situation. I was like, "Hey Spongebob, everything's cool man. If I said something I'm sorry, I'm not talkin shit, I'm not saying anything." And he was assuaged momentarily, until I start hearing, "Santa better get inside and get away from me."

Time out. Just for a second. I want to make sure nobody is missing out on this point. He was dressed up as Spongebob Squarepants. Mmmkay, looked like an idiot. And he is threatening to kick Santa's ass. My life rules. So all these people on the porch attempted to mediate one more time, I told Spongebob that I was sorry, they all told him that Santa was cool and wasn't talking shit, but in the end they decided that maybe Santa should go inside. Next thing I know, Kevin, the guy whose party it was, is asking me to please hide in the kitchen while they escort Spongebob out of the party. BAM! Somebody is pounding on the outside of the house. You guessed it. Spongebob was out of control.

We had been talking to these two twins for a while in the party, and they joined me in the kitchen as I hid like a little bitch. So I did what anyone with a brain would do. If this guy was going to kill Santa, then I'll stop being Santa. So I took one of the twins and innocently said, "Hey dude, put this on." On went the beard, the wig, the hat, and even the shirt. I don't think he was really cognizant of the severity of the situation because as a group of people were ushering a belligerant Spongebob out the front door, here comes the psuedo-Santa around the corner screaming epithets. And Spongebob fucking lunges at him. And he was just egging him on like, "I'm not scared of you bitch." Classic. This girl yelled at him to "shut the fuck up" so he cooled it. Once Sponge was gone, we all had a good laugh about the entire thing.

I'm not sure what time we went to bed, but I know that we woke up at 1pm. Or should I say noon. Rawk! I should probably go to work today, but more immediate concerns involve Excederin, tacos and a nap. Peace out sluts. Merry Christmas, and remember to wrap your meat. Santa hates VDs. Ho ho ho.

I don't often take requests, but this one was just far too precious to ignore. I was out at the club last night, having some drinkie drinkies, when I run into Leslie (don't worry, she's okay). We got to talking and she was telling me how she didn't want me to think she's psychotic since I really don't know her, but that she really does read my website every morning. I'm like a low fat vanilla soy latte. So anyway, I told her I would mention her again since she got so giddy the first time.

So I woke up this morning at James's apartment. Motherfucker did not drive home last night. I went over to Dustin and Trey's to try and find a way back to my car. Dustin ran me over there (yeah, it would have been faster to drive). So I picked up my car (I'm pretty strong) and came home. And now I'm about to hop in the shower (which is so dangerous). I'll see you bitches later. Costume par-tay tomorrow whooo.

Oh yeah, and just as a footnote ... any of you who were jealous of me for paying off my credit cards in full last month can have the last laugh now that my account is overdrawn nearly $750. Whoopsadaisy.

I saw Kill Bill (vol 1). This is the movie where Britney Spears dresses up like Bruce Lee and fights with swords. I have yet to enjoy a "Quintin Tarrentino" movie that I've seen, so it shouldn't surprise me that I didn't appreciate Kill Bill. However, I will say that there were many, many redeeming qualities that I hope and pray some filmmaker I enjoy will steal and use. Fighting in the dark with nothing but shadows -- very cool. Excellent wire effects. Great soundtrack, all fights should be set to cool music. On the negative side: ridiculous amounts of gore ... I got a little queasy at a couple parts. Anime is not cool, not even when you try to be artsy about it. That's my official review. It was worth the money, but just barely.

I spent yesterday running around town putting together my Halloween costume with Allison. We're doing the themed thing again. As soon as I'm done sewing, we'll take a picture and I'll throw it up here. Until then, hold your breath.

Have I said lately how much I enjoy Martha Stewart. She is so great. And truth.com ads drive me to smoke more. Not surprising that they are funded by Phillip-Morris. Smart people working there. Evil, but smart.

Lastly, I got a shoutout from the past today that absolutely made my day. Anytime people tell me they read my webpage (which has been happening a lot lately, I'm starting to blush) it makes my day, but this one was from my old elementary school flame.

MissyHo12: i just had to give a shout out to my boyfriend for 3-5th grade. wanted to let you know that i frequent your website and find it laugh out loud hysterical! thought i'd say and let you know that! take care

I took a midterm today that I think I bombed. That sucked and it was very stressful. My boss is in China for a week now so I have yet to make it to work this week. And I'm broke. Like absolutely broke. That is all I have to update you on for now. Viva la vid.

Rain is not fun. Rain is not soothing. Rain is not romantic. Rain is wet. Rain is cold. Rain is a hassle. Today it rained. I got wet despite my jacket and umbrella. But I found a good solution to the problem. We have a heat gun in our lab. It is designed to shrink shrink-wrap, but we use it to dry off circuit boards after they've been electro-plated. Today I used them to heat my shoes to a toasty 100 degrees before I slipped them back on. Instant comfort. Took them off and repeated the process. Its the little things that make life worth living.

Today I went to yoga again. I forgot that we were supposed to turn in our yoga journals today so now I have to turn it in to the front office tomorrow. Not too happy about that cause it means I definitely have to go to school tomorrow and I am not in the practice of going to class on Fridays. We practiced our shoulder stands, where you essentially (to point out the obvious) stand on your shoulders with your entire body up in the air. If you do it incorrectly, your butt will jut out and it is hard to balance. I got another compliment from the teacher cause she walked by me and said I was "very straight."

I got my happy ass up this morning at 7am, got ready, and went to school. I haven't been to my 8 o'clock in so long, so I was overjoyed to find that I had arrived on the very day that we were having our first quiz. Hurrah! Not so fast, my overzealous readers... As it turns out, I didn't have the first clue how to answer either of the 5 point questions. Nonplussed as ever about this situation that I've found myself in many times before, I busted out the crossword and proceeded to work on that instead. While I may have gotten a zero on the quiz, I am happy to say that I finished the entire crossword during the time allotted. I almost turned it in to see if I could get any credit for my shrewd lexi-skills, but in the end, just opted for running out the back door and catching the bus home.

I'm still at work despite it being past 5, but don't cry for me. Not only did I show up late, but I fell asleep in my recliner over my lunch break and extended it an extra hour. Whoopsadaisy. I don't think anyone noticed though. I got a new space to work in that is quiet, secluded, and right next to the coffee pot. Things are on the up and up, although I'll only have this area for another week. My boss wants to set up a temporary lab. We're fast approaching our deadlines and I have to quickly become productive, while managing to also attend school and keep up with that. My life is so hard [note sarcasm].

In other news, I paid off my credit card in full this month. That's always exciting because it never ever happens. Fret not though, loyal viewers, I still have that outstanding balance at Best Buy for all the cool shit I bought this summer.

I have got to get back to the gym. Yoga is not exactly shedding pounds of beer gut.

Mamma Mia! Here I go again. Why, why did I ever let you go? Mamma Mia! Does it show again? My, my just how much I missed you?

Oh man, if you ever get the chance to see Mamma Mia!, the musical based on the music of ABBA, promise me you'll go. It was so damn good. They had all the best hits in there but like done up a little bit for the stage, not that they needed to be tweaked very much. There was singing, dancing, huge musical numbers, and a kickback to the insane costumes ABBA used to wear. So good. So good. I had a blast.

And we got to go to the fair, since the show was at the fairgrounds, and the state fair is going on right now. Never, ever in my life, have I ever desired to go to the fair, and this weekend I finally got the opportunity. I've never seen so many poor people huddled together spending so much money on such crap. I mean, don't get me wrong, the fair is great ... if you like crap. Crap to eat, crap to win, crap to buy. Not exactly my cup of tea. Me and my mom did go see a cheap-o free version of Lord of the Dance though, while my dad and sister rode the ferris wheel. That was kind of neat. Other than that, walking out of there, I fulfilled my dream of one day being in a rap video. There was no music or cameras, but there were plenty of big black guys walkin around in the jersey's of other citys' teams.

But I'm home now and I just went to the mall with AllieD, very good times. A boy on a motorcycle did a wheelie for us. Tres impressive. Holla back, yungin'!

Tonight I was going into my backpack to get out some homework assignments due tomorrow when I came across my Yoga textbook. I realized that I've barely cracked the thing since I (and by "I" I mean "my dad") bought it those weeks ago. I felt like I was at a point that I could do some independent yoga, so I popped it open to see what was in store. You're supposed to start with basic spinal twists and stretches ... which is major boring shit. So I skipped right to the head stand. After a few painfully unsuccessful attempts, I decided to start with their starting positions and read the instructions, rather than just jumping on my head. I'm proud to say I successfully held the headstand for a few seconds. As Owen as my witness, I did it. I wasn't too successful at the Crow, even though I did get into it, just not as cleanly as I would have liked. And the Peacock was NOT going to happen anytime soon. I also came dangerously close, with the help of Owen pushing on my back with his foot, to touching my nose to my knee. Allison made a bet with me, I do hope she's remembering, that the first person to touch their nose to their knee gets an entire night of free drinks at Northgate. And I am actively persuing that goal.

Why do I keep having dreams that I've killed people? They're never violent dreams, they generally only deal with the guilt and paranoia of having just killed someone. Why can't I have wet dreams like a normal person...

Last night I decided I needed a proper meal, so I coerced Owen into going to Outback Steakhouse with me. Holy shit, it was the best meal I've ever had. I got this $25 steak, and it was rare, and fatty, and bloody ... and oh my god. I still get happy when I think about it now. It was dead on what I was looking for. It reminded me of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is meeting with Agent Smith and has the red wine, and red steak, and cigar. Only I had a bigass Coors light, red steak and a cigarette. It was absolutely incredible. Some day I will eat like that every day.

In other news, I have a few humorous stories that I should probably spread over the next few days when I run out of things to talk about, but I just can't wait and I don't want to forget them.

The other day I saw an American flag bumper sticker that said, "These colors don't run. Never have. Never will." And it was completely faded by the sun.

This sorority bitch on the bus this morning was talking on her cell phone entirely too loud (like they always do) and said to her friend, "I don't know how half the people got into this university much less to the point they are at. Charles was a softmore in college and didn't know how to do a bibliography. Can you believe it? A SOFTMORE! A SOFTMORE in college and he didn't know." And no, children, I'm not the idiot here, I'm typing it exactly how she was saying it. Very clear with the T.

I was walking behind two girls on campus today after yoga, and eavesdropping as I often do. And they were talking about Jesus. Only it was the weirdest conversation about Jesus I had ever heard before. They were saying things like, "We had Jesus at our party," and, "Jesus everywhere." So I kept listening trying to figure out what kind of whacko Christians these were. It wasn't until I overheard her say, "Yeah, we had them all ... Cheddar, Provolone, Swiss..." that I realized I was an idiot with a hearing problem.

I've been putting off this blog because its going to be pretty long and I haven't really had the time to sit down and type it since I've been home. As you may know, I went home to Dallas this weekend. There's no need for pretense so we'll just jump right into the story. I got home on Friday evening and saw my mother briefly. My parents were going to Oktoberfest in Addison Friday evening and then leaving for my cousin's wedding in Denver, CO the next morning, so I really didn't get to see them. No bother though, it actually worked out better that way.

So Friday night I met up with Clay and we went to a housewarming party in Highland Park. It was the coolest house I've ever been in. It was three stories tall with four bathrooms, a huge backyard deck, beautifully decorated, a media room upstairs, and a room with some really expensive X-Men comics in it, which I appreciated. I got a little bit drunk, but we left early because we knew we were going to be getting up early on Saturday to go to Six Flags. And thats just what we did.

I woke up around 10 on Saturday and showered and got ready and Clay came and picked me up. We met up with 4 of his friends downtown and headed out to Six Flags. Has anybody been there recently? We got this thing called a Q-Bot which essentially allows you to wait in line electronically. It cost us like 60 bucks between the 6 of us, and you take this little thing around with you and you lock into rides. And it saves your spot and beeps you when its your turn to ride the ride. And then you just walk right up to the front and get on, while all the have-nots look on in disgust. It was SO fun! We got to ride every ride in the park without once waiting in line. Its actually genius on so many levels though, because if you're standing in a line for 2 hours, thats 2 hours that you're not spending money. The Q-Bot freed us up to walk around and buy shit all day long. I really only spent money on water the entire time, so I didn't lose too much. I did get my knife confiscated at the door though, that was pretty funny.

Anyway, then everyone was planning on going out, but I, naturally, had to go home and shower. I was exhausted by the time I was ready to head back to Dallas, but being the trooper I am, I managed somehow. I called up Ryan S■■■ to see if he was going out and he was, so instead of going back out with the group of new friends I'd just made, I called and left them a message saying maybe I'd see them out and went to Ryan's. Good thing I didn't rely on them, too, cause apparently they went home and fell asleep for the entire night. Anyway, Ryan and I got ready and picked up his friend David S■■■■■■ and went out downtown. We started out at JR's and the beers were not really making me feel well, so by the time we went into the Village, I was ready to just sit down. I was really falling asleep. So I did just that. I have no qualms, people probably just thought I was rolling to hard anyway. But I wasn't a total drag the whole night, I got up and danced a little bit although I didn't drink anymore. By the time we ended up at a late night restaurant watching these two scarf down chinese food, I was about to fall asleep on the table. We finally got back to Ryan's around 4 and I just crashed there because I was too tired to do anything else.

The next morning Ryan made some delicious pancakes, I borrowed a shirt (it says Texas is for Lovers and I liked it so much that Ryan gave it to me -- THANKS!), and we went back downtown for the parade. It was so much fun. We were catching beads and stuff. Ryan took an assload of pictures, but he took them with film (who does that). So as soon as he gets some scanned in, I can put them up here for you to enjoy. The parade was nuts, we ate some lunch. After the parade there was like a political rally and the people for Howard Dean were there. I got a button for my bag. It looks quite striking next to my peace propaganda. After that we took a nap and then I hit the road bound for College Station.

All in all it was one of the most fun weekends of my life. I really needed that. Thanks to everyone who was influential in making it happen. In other news, I pulled some handi-capable tickets to the game on Saturday against Pittsburg. Allison and I are going to be on the front row of the second deck for a game that is going to be televised on ABC. We want to wear T-shirts that spell something out, but so far all I can think of it either "GO" or "TX" or "AM". Any ideas? I'll tell you one thing though, it'll be nice to be sitting through all of those damn TV timeouts. I predict we will win 67 to 12.

And in international news, I've decided to leave the country. I'm not sure when, but lets just say ASAP. My new dream in life is to move to Germany and get a job writing technical documentation for German companies auf Englisch. I guess in reality it would be better if I could be a straight up translator, but I'm probably at least a year away from that. I used to be almost fluent, but not so much these days. Anyway, I think that's about enough blog for now, thank you for your patience, you have-nots. Laaaaaaaaaate.

The other day on campus I saw a guy with a Jedi padawan hair cut. As embarassing as it is that I knew it was a padawan (hopefully, I'm misspelling it), he should be 10 times as embarassed to have the haircut. I would waste my time going to find a picture of it for you all, but meh. Its like a normal haircut but it has a tiny little pony tail in the back. The point of my story is that it was ridiculous looking and despite the fact that I've never been a physical bully, I was compelled to push his books out of his hands.

In other news, I hadn't talked to Brandon in over a month, and decided I would give him a call the other day. Turns out his phone had been disconnected, and I didn't have his new number. No biggie. I sit on the issue for a couple of days. Then I was talking to Dave and he mentioned that Brandon had gotten a new phone and shared that number with me. I wasn't particularly busy so I phoned him up to see how he's doing. The conversation went something like this:
ViD: "Hey, how are you."
Brandon: "I'm good, how are you?"
ViD: "Good, good, keepin busy with school, you?"
Brandon: "Oh I've just been working a lot"
ViD: "cool ..."
Brandon: "Did you call me today because its my birthday?"

Haha, whoops. Of course I forgot when his birthday was, I have a hard time remembering my own birthday, but I just thought that it was funny amongst the birthday calls to get a ring from me and me have no idea. I tried for about 30 seconds to play it off like I'd totally known, obviously, why else would I call. But he didn't fall for it. So I had to fess up. Oh well.

My hand is healing nicely, the red spot is getting smaller. It still hurts like a bitch. And in response to several recent inquiries, yes, I REALLY did stick a 9V battery to my braces and I REALLY did flash a flash bulb in my eye. So sue me.

And of course bundt cake is spelled b-u-n-d-t but it wouldn't have made sense in the context to spell it that way, smarty pants.

I have a couple of things to report. The first is news from the eRECt Center that I just returned from. I spent about an hour there, and never really got around to lifting any weights. Instead, I sat in the corner and stretched and stretched and stretched. My yoga teacher is going to be proud of me. Anyway, I tried desperately to touch my nose to my knee and I came ever so close, but no cigar. The way I see it, though, I'm only about two weeks away from it being effortless.

I bought my yoga book today and read part of it. Frankly, there were chapters in there that just plum made me blush. This yoga shit is going to be the best thing for my sex life since accidental tantra.

In other news, I was over at Josh's watching some TV, and his friend Kyle or Carl was there. I didn't really listen to his name the 100 times I heard it. I hope he doesn't somehow read this and get offended. Anyway, Josh brings up the fact that if you put salt on an ice cube and hold it in your hand that it will burn you. Ky(Car)l(e) claims that is bullshit. They bicker back and forth, eventually daring each other to try it. When they both wouldn't, I stepped forward as the guinea pig.

It's not uncommon for me to test theories out on myself. One time I stuck a 9V battery to my braces ... that felt like god had donkey kicked me in the face. Another time, I opened my eye right on a camera flash and set it off to see what would happen. I couldn't open my eye for about 2 hours and when I finally could, everything was red. Anyway, back to my story.

So Josh hands me an ice cube and pours a moderate amount of salt on. "Don't be shy," I prodded. More salt. After doing some research on the internet, the best explanation I've found of what happens is this. Pouring salt on ice is an endothermic reaction. That means it must draw heat into the reaction from the surrounding environment. This plunges the ice (normally around 32-33 degrees) to much, much lower. So when you hold it in your hand while this reaction is going on, it draws heat, not from the air, but from your hand. End result: frost-bite.

It was quite painful at the time, but not excruciating. Today, however, I have an ice cube shaped red mark on my hand that hurts pretty bad. Most people would encourage you to not make the same mistake, but I'm not most people. I want you to try this right now, and then leave me a comment letting me know how it went for you. Until then, my little plebeians. Peace out!

A simple equation for all of you who find yourselves with nothing to do some weekend. Here's the story behind that. Allison comes over to my house around 2pm and tells me to get ready because we're laying out on the most gorgeous day in a long time. So I decide that I would like to go to the Campus Lodge pool cause I had so much fun the last time I went there with Todd and DAvid. So we're laying out and then realize that we really wish we had some alcohol. Surprising considering I was nursing a considerable hangover from the night before with Dustin, Trey, and Ryan. Anywho, we went to double quick and got the nastiest Mai Tai wine drink and some Michelob Ultra Light.

Next thing we know, these three boys bring a keg out to the pool and invite us to drink from it. Not ones to decline free booze, we started sucking off their keg which turned into a day of sun and suds and swimming. They ended up being pretty cool. One dude asked me what kind of music I listened to because I had said that I'd never heard the Tool song that was on the stereo and I replied, "Folk." And he goes, "You mean like John Denver? What about James Taylor or Neil Diamond?" It was as though he had done research on me on the internet and was divulging just a little bit too much information about me. But I think he just so happened to hit the nail on the head.

So we drank all day with them, and then told them all to meet us up at Margarita Rocks to watch the De La Hoya fight. They went, but we didn't. Whoops. I crashed for a couple of hours and then me and Allison got ready to go out for the night. On our way to Northgate, she says to me, she says she says she says, "Hey I bet they still have that keg, we should just go back over there." And we fucking did. We knocked on a strangers apartment to see if he still had a keg and/or was having a party. We were the first ones to the party. Nonplussed as ever, we resumed where we had left off earlier that evening. I had a total blast hanging out with all the people I'd never met before.

I put up some new songs today. Hurt may not be the most iconic Johnny Cash song, but its my favorite. I never thought I had any kind of connection to the guy really, but I watched a VH1 special on him and bawled my eyes out. He was a great musician and will be missed. I guess its time to get up, get cleaned up, and make some ld phone calls. Check you skillets on the flip side. Laaaaaate.

I just got done with my first real session of yoga, and holy crap was it hard. The entire thing is isometric, which looks easy, but man my muscles were burning up. The stretching we did last week felt so good and was totally relaxing. And we did it again this week but then followed it up with some yoga that could only be described as aerobic. And anyone who knows me knows I'm not down with the aerobics. But, this is the class, and I love it for what it is, and I'm going to give it my all.

That Quotes and Convos excerpt from my conversation with Sean (TAMUROCKS) has gotten me thinking. Maybe there should be a Miss Quoting Pageant. That would certainly be more entertaining to watch than the Miss America Pageant. She could go up to the mic and the announcer would say, "1 minute on the clock, top ten answers on the board. Chris Farley." And the contestant would say, "I've been using your product for a year now, and I'm still excited. They have a thin candy shell, I'm surprised you didn't know that. Hey Dad, I don't see too good, is that Bill Shakespeare over there? Lay off me I'm starving." And then the buzzer would sound and the results would be tabulated... God, thats a good idea.

Always one to try and share the wealth of visitors that I have on a daily basis, I have to announce the conception of another new blog. Chris (henceforth known as Topher ... his collegiate persona) has started a blog of his own. You can click here to read it, its pretty a pretty clever little page. Thats him up top in the cowboy hat for the one or two of you who haven't spoken to me in the past 4 months and don't know who he is. *wink*

So as I was walking back from yoga there was a young man, about my age, standing out by the ol' Sul Ross statue ... better known as the free speech area of campus. And right around as I got into the audible range, before I could make out individual words, I just knew that he was yelling about god or jebus or something. Nobody talks that loud in public unless they're spouting off some shit no one wants to hear. He was talking about how his friend went into a coma and he saved his life. Because the incompetant doctors with all their book smarts had said that if he recovered from the coma he wouldn't ever be the same. So this kid, being smarter than the doctors, started praying and cured his friend. Christ on a cracker, desperate people so often cling to desperate notions. I wavered between laughing, crying and wailing on him with my tennis elbow. But ultimately, I did nothing but ignore him, as I do most people on campus.

Speaking of, kind of funny. My friend Charlie is a senior in the corps. Don't ask how I got mixed up with a corps boy but I did. So I hear this corps boy (they all look the same to me) yell, "Hey!" And I ignore him, of course. And then I heard it again. And I was thinking that he was probably upset about the fact that the patch on my bag says, "War is not healthy for children and other living things," ala John Denver's Whose Garden is This album cover. And we all know corps boys are not taught, but trained, so I figured he was reacting to the stimulus of rationale. But then he finally caught up to me, boots clanking the whole way and grabbed my shoulder. He's lucky I'm incapable of inflicting any harm, unwilling to exert myself, untrained in any self defense, and lacking all sense of reflexes, or I might have flipped him over and put him in a hold. Damn lucky. Instead, I realized that it was my friend and said hi. Kind of anti-climactic, but I enjoyed the happy ending.

That's about all from the home front. I'm attempting to blog every day this week, but hesitant to make that claim cause I'll probably forgo one day this weekend. But I am starting to see my numbers steadily rise and I can only contribute it to my own dedication. So keep checking back. Peace out, you have nots.

A lot of people seemed to enjoy my character profile of the sorority bitches, so I've got another one for ya. This person that bothers me lives in the rec center weight room. Now I'm sure there are a number of people in the rec center weight room that get on your nerves, but strangely, only one gets my goat.

I go to get a drink of water from the fountain, and naturally, there's a line. I mean I usually go during peak hours, so its not uncommon to have as many as 5 or 6 people in line for each water fountain. No problem. And when its finally my turn to take a swig, the asshole in front of me who has just finished slaking his thirst, stands up, turns 180 and bumps into me. He's not trying to be rude. One look into his eyes and you will know that the utter shock of there being someone behind him is genuine. But come on people, lets try to remain mildly cognizant of our surroundings out there, okay?

On a side note, I am venturing into my 37th hour of no smoking. There are a couple of reasons for my little experiment none of which deal with health issues. For one, its pure masochism. Translate emotional unrest to physical discomfort and watch it all dissipate. Secondly, my yoga teacher made us each come up with three long term goals for the semester and one of mine was to reduce the frequency and amount of smoking. I've been in the corporate game all summer, I know better than to word a goal so there aren't any loopholes. Anyway, if this is met with any amount of success then I'll keep you all posted; otherwise, I'll just let it fall by the wayside. I'm outtie.

Stop me if I'm wrong here (... on second thought, don't) but I think guys who adhere to the outdated philosophy of chivalry all deserve to be hit on the head with a tack hammer. I'm not saying that men shouldn't respect women ... especially whilst trying to get head. But there are some guys on the Texas A&M campus who take it just a little too far. And these, my friends, are the idiots who give up their seats on the bus.

Now I have a lot of lazy female friends who would argue that this practice should remain the norm. But I disagree. Circle gets the square. It is one thing to give up your seat if there was only one seat left on the whole bus and you pushed a girl down to steal it, only to feel remorse a few seconds later. Then you might give it to her. Or if you're just tired of sitting and your legs need a stretch -- provided the bus is otherwise empty -- then stand to let someone sit. Also, if she has two broken legs, perhaps you should consider giving up your seat to this unfortunate girl. Those are the only reason to do it.

Instead what happens is inbred rednek assholes make a big production about getting out of their seat, displacing the tightly packed crowd and loudly announce, "Huuyuck, here take muh seat." Hmm, that rednek turned more into Disney's Goofy than anything. Anyway, then people try to make room for some fatass to clamber over them to take the seat and I'm like "You wouldn't sleep with that girl in a million years, why did you give her your seat?" Besides, half the time the message doesn't get communicated, its too crowded, or the girl has enough respect for herself to ignore these assholes and whatever guy is closest to the vacant seat plops down. Good job, asshole, you just gave up your seat to a dude.

Also, is it just me, or should all of these stores around town who are surrounded by construction be hanging up white sheets with the letters printed on them "I ASSURE YOU ... WE ARE OPEN."

Happy September, dear viewers. How was everybody's first day of school? Mine was suckfuckingtastic. I'm not sure what that word really entails, but I think it describes my day.

I had to get up for an 8am class, and that was my only class. Turns out the prof didn't show up, and the TA only handed out a syllabus. So I got up for nothing, basically. And then I started working on a circuit board. About 13 hours later I determined that I had irreparably fucked up the circuit board and threw it in the trash.

I started again because I'm a trooper, so now in my 15th hour of labor (how appropriate for Labour Day) I am almost ready to go home. I'm waiting for the presser to heat up to 175 degrees celcius, then I throw my board in and go the fuck home. Then I come back early so I can get some things done on this board before class, go to class, work on the board, go to class, work on the board, and maybe, just maybe get home at a decent hour. So much for being more dedicated to myself this semester, that lasted long.

Hit me up with a comment letting me know how your first day was, provided you are actually enrolled in school. Fuckers.

The first homegame of the Aggie season is under our belts. Coach Fran is off to a good start. I was really excited about winning. But I was also excited about pulling 'courtesy tickets' and getting to sit down through the entire game. Standing sucks ... like, just in general. I can't wait til I get a Rascal to ride around on all day.

I have called in twice now about my internet not working and though they swear they're going to fix it, they have yet to do so. I really want to get my webcam back up cause that picture has been up there for like 2 fucking weeks now. I'm sitting up at work again just to check my emails, IMs and update the old webpage.

Tomorrow class begins. I only have one class on Mondays but its at 8am. I thought it was my senior project management class, that I could not in a million years skip, and I wasn't too psyched about that. But it turns out, that its my network class with the prof that likes me. So while I don't plan on skipping, if I ever needed to ... say on a Friday morning ... I could. So I have to get up to go to class for 50 minutes, then I guess I'll work for the rest of the day. I mean I don't have shit else to do. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are little more spread out, and little more full. But as a whole, it doesn't look like I'll be too terribly busy this semester. Unless you count considering graduate programs and looking for a full time position after May. I'm not excited about working in the real world, but I think I could be stoked about getting lots of money.

Not that I like money. I hate it. That's why I'm always getting rid of it in droves.

When you walk into my bathroom at the new apartment, it feels akin to a carnival fun house. The mirror is a good 6 inches too low to fix my hair. The ceiling is less than a foot above my head. And the shower sprays directly onto my chest. Just getting ready in the morning has become a bit of an acrobatic adventure.

I decided I didn't like my new hair cut last night, so I gave myself a new one. I think it looks pretty good, and the hair in the sink looked as though I'd opened my own barber shop (on account that it was 4 different naturally occuring colors). I'm gonna get Todd to thin out the sides and back for me some time. I trust him, though I don't know why. He gave me one good haircut about 3 years ago ... which makes him the most experienced of any of my friends.

Owen came back in town last night, plugged in his computer and got on the internet without any problems whatsoever. We troubleshot and determined that my wall jack is jacked. Typical. Chris leaves for Yale tomorrow so we're gonna go out and party one last time. And then tomorrow is Ryan's birfday, and we're gonna party like its his birfday. More on that, after this ...

Yesterday was really fun, but weird at the same time. I have never been so clueless about what time it is in all my life. It may not sound that mind boggling to any of you; however, I will still attempt to explain. So I woke up on Saturday at 10am because I had told my boss that I would come into work and mill out a circuit board. I was so hungover it wasn't even funny, which sucked cause I didn't even get drunk the night before. I guess these things happen. Or maybe I was genuinely ill, but just didn't notice because I drink too much. Either way, I was not rested and my head was pounding. So I called my boss to see if he had finished the design for the board and thankfully he had not, so I went back to bed.

Allison came into town to move into her new shithole, I mean, apartment. It's modest, we'll just say it that way. Anywho, I had to go move heavy things in the hot sun which really helped my temperment. Then I had lunch with AllieD, Jaime and AllieD's mom whom I'd never met before. That was delicious although Los Cucos has about the worst service I've ever seen (and I've eaten at Kerrie's Stacked Enchiladas). So anyway, after I was done with all that, I went home and fell asleep. I woke up around 5pm cause Todd called me to go meet him out at the Campus Lodge pool. Enter beer.

There were some random people in the pool that were pretty cool. They had this little game called Alcohol Poisoning. It was really quite clever. There was a basketball hoop, and the rules were a lot like Horse. The only twist is that anytime you miss a shot, you have to drink an entire beer. And you play until somebody spells out Alcohol Poisoning. I'm not a big sports guy, so I neglected the invitation to play but I did drink a bunch of beer and get some sun. Great day. I went home and absolutely crashed.

I wake up at like midnight with no concept of where I am or whats happened. And I see 7 missed calls on my cell phone between two people. So I called Chris and we went out for like an hour until the bars quit serving and I managed to get a little drunk all over again. I went home and thanks to the fact that Todd never called me back (jackass) I fell asleep in my recliner ... again. Now all of a sudden its 6am and I'm not tired anymore. So I made myself some food since I hadn't eaten the night before, took a shower, and went to bed.

I wake up again at 11, pay some bills, clean up a little, and I'm thinking, "wow its almost dinner time," when I look at the clock and realize that its only 12:30 and time is absolutely dragging by. So here I am at work, taking advantage of the internet connection. I was hoping my boss would have sent me the design to mill and I could do that today cause I'm so fucking bored, but alas, in true style he did not. Oh well, I guess I'll just sit here for a couple more hours and then go chill in my empty apartment some more. I'll catch you sluts on the flip side. Laaaaaaaate.

I am updating you all from my laptop in the International Space Station because my internet at the new place is not working yet. I was hoping that I would plug in my computer and it would just fucking work, but of course, that was too much to ask for. I didn't want to mess with the the connection or the settings or anything, I just wanted, once, to plug it in and have it work. So it didn't, end of story.

Moving sucks, by the way. I forgot how bad it sucks. I do want to thank everyone who helped me move this weekend though, it really helped out.... I'm not entirely sure the sarcasm came through on that last statement. Nobody helped. Just Owen and his parents. And of course, thank you to the old roomies who left, not only everything for me to clean, everything in the pantry, everything in the refrigerator, everything in the laundry room, everything they didn't want, not to mention a huge pile of trash in the kitchen that ended up filling 10 fullsized garbage bags. No problem. I'm happy to help. No, really, seriously, I was happy to do it.

But its over now. Everything I own is in my new place, albeit in piles around the place. I'm hoping to have it all put away within a week. Owen is out of town for the week in Dallas and I'm trying to have it rearranged by the time he gets back. If anybody wants to help me arrange furniture let me know (that'll happen).

Welcome one and all to yet another rebirth of SideshoViD.com. This would be the ninth spawning of the Sidesho-Phoenix. I thought that it was going to be rather obvious to everyone that came here, that this webpage was inspired by the artist, Mondriaan. He did a lot of paintings that were just black lines and blocks of color. The kind of paintings uncultured people look at and say, "I could have done that when I was four." Anyway, if you want to sound intelligent on your next date, spend a couple seconds looking him up and talk over coffee about the futility expressed in simplicity.

You'll notice (hopefully) that I tried to bring back a lot of the content that has fallen by the wayside here. We've got recent pictures above that I've taken with my digital camera. I'm hoping those change often, but we'll see. Click them to open a full version. You'll see some pictures of me to the left that also open up to full size. The webcam is back to 24-hour version and automatically updates itself without updating the entire page. This happens every 30 seconds, so sit back and enjoy the voyeurism. I brought back the search function, as well as links to the archives. The song of the day is now the 3 songs available for download. And I have brought back the word of the day as well -- trust me, you people need it. Finally, I'm going to post funny IM conversations I've had, so if you want to appear on my website, say something funny ... or just be an idiot.

I hope you all like the next site. If you have any suggestions for content I could add, let me know in a comment. If you like the site, let me know in a comment. If there's something you don't like, go to hell. Thanks and gig this.

I have finally conquered my eating disorder. After hours and hours of torment, deceit and guilt, I have fnally overcome the demons of anorexia. I was so hungry that I ate 4, count em, 4 pieces of pizza for dinner. It was decadent. Then I just had FreeBirds for lunch. Yum. I want to thank everyone who was so supportive of me during my battle with conflicting self images. You have no idea how many minutes of those hours I wished I could just be normal again. I hope that in some small way my own courage can help change the world. If just one ... million little girls and boys read my story of triumph and find the courage to binge, then I'll be happy.

In other news, my coworker Sara has been feeding me with political enthusiasm today by telling me about her favorite presidential candidate, Howard Dean. She sent me a link to his website and I liked what he had to say. I was already planning on registering to vote and becoming a participating member of 'democracy' since Bush was elected, but now I've actually gotten off my tookus and filled out a registration application. If you want to read about this dude, check out http://www.deanforamerica.com. Later you have nots.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY KEIFF!

I think I've decided that I party too much. It was easy to slip into the habit as day after day of summer rolls by with little more to do than to make sure I get to work in time to go to lunch with my friends. An excess of money and a shortage of nightly activities led to a pattern of coming home from work, getting cleaned up and ready to go, arguing with Allison about where we're going, finally begrudgingly settling on Northgate (again), drinking 2 or 3 beers at various bars until finally deciding that they all suck and always do, driving home around 1, getting into the personal stash until 2 or 3, passing out, and going to work at noon the next day.

Well, I've had enough. This tomfoolery has got to stop lest I lead a trite and meaningless existence. Last night was the first night in a long time that I didn't drink. I intend to do the same tonight. You know its bad when you've become so habitually addicted to drinking that you actually have to make a conscious effort not to. I'm also disgustingly fat, so I'm going to start going to the rec nightly again. On top of that, I bought this rad yoga video at the grocery store to help me prepare for my yoga class next semester. I watched part of it and it was too hard for me to do, so instead I just chose two or 3 of the positions and tried to do them. This is definitely a physical workout, so it should be really good for me if I can do it. Its a lot of squatting and then standing up ... shit I don't do so well. But I'm going to give it a go.

I'm excited about my new lease on life. Granted its like my third one that I've had this summer, but this time I think it may be different. So from now on, if you need to get a hold of me, no longer wait around Northgate, instead try the Rec Center. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

Hello esteemed colleagues, lesser-thans, and have nots. I would have loved to have updated you all sooner, but unfortunately, Cox Sux. These guys can't keep an internet connection going for more than a day. Every time I come home from work my AIM says I've lost my connection. And now, its been off for like 3 days. We had a pretty significant storm here the other night and since then the internet hasn't worked. To my understanding, some of my neighbors are having similar problems, so maybe this is something that affects more than just me, but I've never really given a shit about stuff like that. I need to have the internet or I will wither away. In fact, thats why I'm staying late at work tonight, just so I can abuse the ethernet connection.

Not much out of the ordinary has been happening to me. I'm going to pay off my credit card debt this month, which is exciting. I didn't think I'd be able to do that so fast this summer. In other words, money is good and I am back to the life of excess that I used to know and love. A lot of that money has gone towards alcohol, I am ashamed to admit, but it has been an absolute blast on Medina these days, nights, and wee hours of the morning.

The other night I invited a bunch of people over because we had a random hankering for some Pictionary. There is nothing more fun than drinking beers and playing Pictionary. Todd, Allison, Joseph, Will, and Cappy all came over to partake. Scooter and his friend Tony stopped in for a spell later on in the evening as well. I kicked ass as usual, though I don't think we ever ended up finishing an entire game. Despite this fact, we managed to play until about 6am, as well as polishing off around 60 beers. Good times, good times. And there's plenty more of that to come.

Future bashes may include a study session for Brandon who is training to become a bartender. He said he could benefit from some practice, I said I could benefit from a live-in bartender. Wallah. You know I'll be inviting the whole neighborhood for that one. I'll keep you all posted on any other bashes that may sporatically spring up.

I haven't gotten a comment in 23 days...

Hello, friends. Today, for a little twist, I thought I would address you all from my home away from home away from home, Thompson Hall Development Lab. For those of you unfamiliar with the terminology, that's where I work. Its tres fab. I'm sitting here with Owen. We're going on the 14th consecutive hour of working on final documentation for a couple different classes. I finished documenting my calculator earlier this afternoon and got started on the mobile platform documentation almost immediately. Well, first I went and had some delicious sushi with Owen from Kyoto. If you haven't tried it yet, you need to go today.

I decided a while ago that it was not going to be possible to finish this document before my final exam tomorrow, so I am pulling an all-nighter. I might take a quick nap on the couch if it needs be, but I think I should be alright. My goal is finish the document around 7am, which leaves me a few hours for formatting and perfecting everything. Then I'm going to drive to Copy Corner to have them print it out and bind it. Its going to be fucking expensive because every page is in color. And I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm gonna let fucking Kinko's get their hands on this baby. If you haven't heard my Kinko's rant yet, just do yourself a big favor and never ever go there unless it is your last fucking option on earth.

Anyway, I'm gonna get back to my documentation. I'm on page 24 right now and we're shooting for about 50 pages. Which does not, by any means, equate to being half done. I hope no one else is experiencing this much of an end-of-semester crunch. I wouldn't wish this on anyone ... well, maybe a select few. Anyway, I miss you all, dearly. And I will see you on May 7th. Laaaaaate.

I am back in College Station, folks, and I have to say ... it appears as though nothing has changed. I had a good time on my impromptu semi-annual Spring Break tour of Texas. I'd like to take you on a journey now, if I might. A journey through my week.

I arrived in Austin on Sunday evening and first went to JennyC■■■'s friend's house. Her name was Lindsey and she actually lived up in Pfluggerville, just north of Austin. Its not half as fun to be there as it is to say the name. We ended up playing Speed Scrabble for half the night. Pearl and Matt P■■■, two friends from high school, were supposed to be in town to take me out and show me a good time in Austin, but when I called them to see what the dillyo, they were in Houston and not coming back anytime soon. So I was stranded in Pfluggerville. Believe it or not, with very little prodding, I actually convinced JennyC■■■ to go to 6th Street with me. Several things about this make it amazing. First, Jenny doesn't drink or party and had never even been to 6th street despite being a t-sip. Secondly, Jenny is a staunch Mormon these days and generally separates herself from situations ... situations that I call "my life," for instance. Thirdly, this was a Sunday night, the day that should be spent feeling shame and remorse, not having fun.

However I did it, though, I managed to cajole her out to the bars. First we headed to Shadow Lounge or something to that effect. We went there because Steve-o was hanging out in Austin and I was gonna hang out with him. When we walked in though, there was a shadow of a girl dancing suggestively and loud heavy rock music blaring. This proved too much for Jenny's fragile defenses toward all things carnal, so after I said my brief hellos to Steve-o, we had to split. We ended up finding a nice little bar that was all green on the inside and had trees and shit. Tres chic. I had a couple drinks and Jenny got served for free, since her drinks had no alcohol in them. And when I say no alcohol, I mean no alcohol. Alcohol free!

We stayed that night at Jenny's friend Fabian's house. So I wanted to thank him for his warm hospitality and comfy drop cloth to sleep on. The next day we went shopping on the drag but art majors don't generally shop ... or eat or drink or listen or watch or associate ... with anything trendy, so I was basically shopping by myself. I called up Brandon and he met me out there so I would have someone to actually venture into the stores with me. Our final destination of the evening was the movie theater where we saw The Hours. I don't feel like I'm exaggerating when I say The Hours is the worst movie ever made. Under no circumstances should it be viewed by anyone. In fact, I left the theater once to have a cigarette because I was so fucking bored, and again at the end to catch the last 15 minutes of Shanghai Knights. The Hours was horrible. Worst movie ever. Thats what you get for going to the theater with art majors.

After that rousing viewing experience, I decided to hop in the car and drive to San Antonio. It was already around 10:30 but the prospect of another night on the floor of a painty apartment prompted me to make the midnight trek. I hung out with Kevin for about an hour before we went home and went to bed. His Spring Break is next week so he still had class to go to early in the morning. Tuesday night we went to this badass bar called Cheerleaders. And when I say "badass" I mean "totally lame." I pissed and moaned until we left and went back to Todd's house to drink. I ended up drinking all night long while debating political and social issues with people who were turned a little bit backwards and needed a good smack upside the head, although to do so would have negated my entire point. It was still fun though.

I opted to stay and extra day since I was hungover the next day until dusk and didn't feel much like driving home in the dark. So I got up this morning at like 7 when Kevin was getting ready for school and I hit the open road. Now, I find myself back in College Station. I have plenty to do in the remainder of my week. I have a document/presentation due Tuesday. Thats my most pressing concern. I would also like to work out, do my laundry and clean my room. We'll see if that ever actually happens.

Now, each of you, don't leave me hanging. Hit me back with a comment instead of an IM to let me know how your Spring Break is going/went. Hope you had as much fun as me. Peace, I'm outta here.

Welcome dear Sidesho-Viewers to SideshoViD.com VersionSiX. I'm very excited about this one. I really think it turned out well. If you wouldn't mind, do leave a comment letting me know that you like it. One new thing is the Word of the Day. I've been getting AWAD (A Word A Day) emails every day now for like 3 years. So I thought it only made sense to share them with you. The trick is to use them 3 times in a sentence the day that you read the new word. It will then become a permanent part of your vocabulary. Isn't that sabulous?!

Well, going home was fun. I got pretty good stuff for Christmas. I got Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, a Bond playstation game, a wireless mouse, undershirts, the new Armani cologne, a gift certificate to Steve Madden, a sweatshirt, new razor heads, gift certificates to Best Buy, and if I'm forgetting any I'm sorry to the person that gave it to me. I was severely satisfied though, needless to say.

I am back in College Station now, probably for good, but there is a slight chance I'll head back to Plano once more before school starts. Not sure what the New Years plans are. Really, the only thing I wanted to do for New Years was get VersionSiX up for you all. I will be doing some heavy drinking, I know that much. Probably hanging out with anyone and everyone who's in town ... so if you're going to be here, hit me up with an IM or an email, or a comment so you can join in on the festivities. Thanks and gig this. Peace out, have nots.

Hey, thanks to my friends and teammates for the abundance of comments. I'm not used to such a rousing response to a blog, but then, most of my blogs really suck. Today I took a final. I completely waxed it. I have this feeling that I got a 105 on it since there was a bonus, but you all know how modest I am, so I'm just gonna count on a 100. Then we worked on our fucking digital thermometer for like 12 hours. UGH! PS, thank you to EVERYONE who called me from Northgate to ask where I was and inform me that the semester was supposed to be over. Preciate that guys (and girls). We did sneak across for one beer just before last call, so that was the highlight of my fuckin night.

Anyway, I have another question to pose to you, loyal Sidesho-Viewers. Really, its more of an observation that might incite some thought. I think it is impossible to empty a tube of toothpaste. Its something I've always joked about, but this time around I decided to tempt fate and actually forgo buying a new tube of toothpaste despite the fact that mine was clearly 'empty.' Since I determined that my toothpaste was 'gone' 3 weeks have passed. And yes, I have been brushing my teeth twice a day on this tube of toothpaste. I think the relationship of toothpaste to time is asymptotic. I believe that it will never reach zero because there's always that last little bit you can squeeze out of the bottom. I'm not sure how to explain this phenomena ... perhaps a rift in the spacetime continuum?

I thought maybe you could share your thoughts. If you agree, or just mildly agree, or have experienced the same thing in your life. Also, any theories as to why this is so indisputably true. Thanks for your comments in advance. Laaaaaaaaate.

Last night was not nearly as drunkenly crazy as the past few nights have been. No, my friends and fans, last night I spent nearly 12 hours in lab. Yeah, I know that school is basically over, but we still find things to do in there. But I am proud to announce that RF Communication is our bitch. Thats short for Radio Frequency, meaning that we can control our motor from the other room if we really wanted to.

The fun part of the night was the random breaks we would take to find stupid shit on the internet to laugh at. I introduced them all to my favorite ninja site, Real Ultimate Power and we had a good laugh at that. Then I showed them Monkey vs. Robot, because it reminded me a little bit of the classic battle between ninjas and pirates. Then I had to go an pose the question, who would win in a fight between Monkey, Robot, Ninja, and Pirate. We all made our gut instinct guess to the question and then set about solving the problem logically.

First, we took our four givens: Monkey hates Robot, Robot hates Monkey, Ninja hates Pirate and Pirate hates Ninja. From there we had to make some assumptions in order to solve the problem. We decided that Robot hates everyone, since he's an unfeeling machine. We also decided that Ninja hates everyone. I mean, he'll flip out and kill and entire town and not even think about it, how could he have compassion toward Monkey, since we already knew he hates Robot. Next we decided that Monkey LIKES Pirate and Ninja, since his only real beef with Robot is that he hates technology. Finally, it was decided that Pirate hates Monkey since pirates generally eat monkeys (a fact Owen pointed out that might have gotten by us otherwise). And we decided that Pirate LIKES Robot, since pirates are easily amused by crap like that. Next, we made a graphic to represent this situation. Red arrows represent hatred, and blue represent a like.

From here we were able to assign a precedence to each character to see who would actually win. Monkey has the most enemies of anyone, so it stands to reason that in an all out post-apocalyptic head to head battle, he'd be the first to go. We assign Monkey a 4. With monkey out of the picture, Pirate is weakened by the fact that he likes Robot. While he's busy fighting Ninja, the Robot waxes him from behind. Pirate is assigned a 3. Now that Ninja and Robot are left, it was determined that Ninja would indeed lose. The only one who's been trying to hurt Robot is Monkey, and he was out right at the start. So the fact that Pirate has been hurting Ninja will weaken him until Robot kills him. Ninja is assigned 2, and Robot wins, with a 1.

The only one in our group to guess what our analysis confirmed as the right answer was Owen. I was still really pulling for Ninja. But really, we didn't even consider their different powers or how that might play into it. That's another argument for another day. It was fun deciding this shit. If you've read all of this and enjoyed it, I'm amazed. If you have any thoughts, or noticed some blaring mistake that we missed, please post a comment and share your ideas.

Welcome, loyal Sidesho-Viewers ... and a happy Turkey Day to all of you. I hope you're all enjoying your Thanksgiving break, and I do hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. I am back in Plano right now chillin at the ol' casa de la Rentas. Today I woke up and went into lab for a while. I talked to my professor about the grade I made on the last test. If you want to know what it was, IM me and I'll tell you, since I don't want anyone in my class reading this and knowing what I made. We worked on our pcboard for the thermometer for a while. And then I ate and packed and got in the car with Allison to make the trek back to Plano. We actually made pretty good time thanks to a daring (albeit illegal) off-road maneuver by Allison to avert about an hours worth of traffic thru Corsicana. It was good stuff.

I went out to eat with my parents at Mac's Grill, which we all assumed was like a burger joint. But in reality it was this fancy-schmancy restaurant where I ordered one of the best filet mignon's I've ever had. Then I went to the mall with Colleen for a little bit, and then to Starbucks. Then I rushed home because my sister was supposed to be reporting live on the Dallas NBC news about a plane crash in Oklahoma, but they never cut to her, so I'm not sure what the deal is with that.

In other news, THE COMMENTS ARE FIXED ... SO LEAVE ONE. Thanks, and again, happy holidays.

Oh man, did we ever beat the ever livin', ever lovin' HELL outta OU yesterday?! WHOOP! That was one of the greatest Aggie football games that has even been played within the hallowed walls of Kyle Field. In my book it was the #2 greatest game ever, second only to t.u. in '99. Reggie McNeal is a god. He ran through the OU defense like it was tissue paper ... and when he couldn't, he would just make 40 yard touchdown passes. It was so damn exciting. And we won 30-26 for those of you who don't follow Aggie football very close.

Another exciting aspect of the game was when me and Allison went down on the field at halftime for Boot Line. We got right up front on the gate. It was really fun, I was about 2 feet away from Cardo, the yell leader. Then after that me and Allison were TOTALLY on the jumbotron for like a good 30 seconds. So far Lindsay is the only one who saw us. If you happened to see me or Allison on the jumbotron at halftime, please leave a comment. I know for a fact we were on there. That has been one of my goals at this university for a long time. Now, if only I could get on the cover of the Battalion ...

So everyone in this whole damn town was in the best mood ever last night after our stunning upset on the #1 ranked team in the conference. So naturally it was time to party. Me, Todd, Ryan, David, and two of David's friends from Southwest went to Concepts ... the place that used to be Tonix ... the place that used to be Charlie's ... the place that used to be Epi-Center. It was pretty cool except that there was a $5 cover for over 21 and a $10 cover for under 21. It wasn't $5 cover great. But since we were already there we paid and went in. I got completely faded and danced my ass off. It was a good time had by all. Then we woke up today and ate at Chicken Express. It was yummy.

So in summary, this has been like the best Aggie week of my life. Now next week's REALLY gonna suck. I'll see you all there (on the flip side I mean). Peace out.

God I love Halloween. That is, like, my favorite holiday all year long. The day started off pretty sucky, but it got so much better once I mixed in some drinks. I went to class around 9 and did that whole thing. Then I had to talk to my prof about the presentation I'm going to have to give to a class next week. He said we're going to shoot for Wednesday. I really don't want to do this, but its going to change my D to a B, so its definitely worth it.

After that I had to walk to archery. We had our form test, which means we didn't even shoot. Each person took turns having the prof watch us. You had to shoot two arrows at a target that was like 5 feet away, cause he didn't care if you could aim, just your form. I got 14/15 points. He said my form was really good, but I didn't pull the bow back the same distance both times, which I'm sure is true cause I'm not very good.

Then I went to my circuit design class. That was business as usual. That gets out at 3:30 and I decided to get ahead of the game and figure out my schedule for next semester. Turns out my department has a new lady whose only job is to be an advisor. We have a real live advisor now! Like someone who actually knows what she's talking about and gives a shit. Its nice. We used to just talk to professors who had way more important things to do. Anyway, I got my sched for next semester kinda figured out. I might take chemistry at Blinn, but I don't know how to do that, so we'll see.

After that I went to the computer lab to work on my presentation a little bit, but that didn't end up happening. Instead me and my lab partner, Owen, ended up on Yahoo! games playing pool against each other. I lost twice and won once. It was really fun. Then at 5 it was up to the lab to work on our multi-channel pulse width modulator. Fun stuff, it never ended up working. Then I left to go to my car and realized I never went home so I didn't have a car. That's always a fun feeling. So I started making calls.

Keith was in Fort Worth. I swear I need to start listening to him sometimes. Then I called Allison and she was too drunk to drive ... at 9 oclock. Halloween rules. So I called Brandon and he gave me a ride home. Then he came in while I made myself some leftovers and he ended up falling asleep on my couch, and he slept there all night. Didn't bother me. So I got ready to go out and did just that. I had my neighbor Brianne paint my face with eyeshadow so I looked like really sickly. I tried to snap a pic of it, but most of it rubbed off last night. So I went and picked up Ryan and we hit Northgate.

We started out at 315, the place that used to be the Reef. Then we ran into Allison and we went to the Library. That was pretty hopping. We spent the rest of the night there. Halloween on Northgate is too much fun. Everyone's in costumes and just getting CRA-ZAY. God I can't wait for next year. So then we went to Stev-o's house. It was fun. There were drinks and I think there was some oregano going on in the back room, but I'm too innocent to know. Well I ended up passing out on the couch in blissful slumber. I was rudely awakened a while later cause I guess Stev-o's roommate came home and it was his weed everyone was smoking or something, I don't know. I was just told we had to leave 'now!' So then Justin gave me and Ryan a ride home. Thanks for that, that was cool.

Today, I might go to class, but probably not. I hate my Symphony class, its so stupid. I do need to take a quiz I missed on Monday cause I was sick tho. Ehhh, I dunno. Then I need to go to the parking garage and get my car. Its so cool that you can just leave it there overnight. Very good call on the part of College Station. They usually just do stupid shit, but this makes sense. Then I don't know what else is on the slate.

One more quick note, sorry this blog is too long. There are some very exciting things happening at SideshoViD.com. This time ... he's not alone...

Hey guys! Thanks so much for all of your sympathetic comments towards my illness! *makes masturbatorial motion* I'm sure you were all secretly concerned. Anyhowdy, I'm back to feeling well, and I'm sure I'll feel absolutely stellar tomorrow cause my neighbor, Brianne, lent me her humidifier. I'm sure its a bit over the top, but fuck it! Free humidity!

So I must say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO COLETTE! She is the big two-two this fine morning. If you would like to extend her a big old Sidesho-Birthday Greeting, please aclick here. That would be cool of you, and only takes a moment.

One final note before I scurry to bed. GO SEE JACKASS the movie. OH MY GOD, I have never laughed so hard at so many moments before. Holy shit, its hilarious. If you've seen it, please, please post your reaction on this comment page. That would be stellar. Love you buh bye.

Another weekend has drawn to a close. This was a particularly fun one, and if you're lucky I might tell you why. Okay, you're lucky. Lets see, last night me and Allison spent the better part of the night together. We took it slow though, no sense in chugging beers when you've got all night to drink. *WINK* Yeah so we were drinking like champs, what can I say? After got a little toasted we made some calls and my friend Stev-o came over to do a little drinking of his own. Then my neighbor Brianne came over to party with us and Keith came home. Before you knew it we had a little party goin'. Drinkin' some beers, telling some stories. Good times had by all. Then Matt came home with one of his friends, and it was just an all around good time.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. Okay, there's two lies in that sentence. I didn't wake up this morning, it was more like 2:30 in the afternoon, and I was surprisingly un-refreshed. Alas, it was worth it. I showered and got ready and went to the Brazos Valley Symphony Orchestra concert. I was a little bit disappointed. I knew what to expect, so I wasn't surprised, but my god could Baroque music BE anymore repeatative. I don't think so. Me and Keith both fell asleep in alternative intervals. Now I have to write a paper about it, which I'm not too thrilled to do, but whatever, it won't be hard. I don't have anything else due tomorrow since we got assigned a 2 week lab last week in my 349 lab. So thats a nice load off for a Sunday night. So in other words, no plans for tomorrow, just business as usual.

I hope you all had a good weekend too, and good luck with everything goin on this week. Keep checkin' in to keep up with yours truely. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

Eat, sleep, build circuits, and blog. That's all I ever do. I am seriously considering unplugging after this weekend. By unplug I mean, literally unplug my computer and not be online except when its necessary for school for like an entire week. Its getting to be a problem how much I sit at this stupid computer and waste my life. Anyway, that's my random editorial.

Not much excitement. Although I do have one good story. I was getting out of my symphony class and going to eat when I ran into Todd. He insisted that I sit down on this bench and have a cigarette with him. It was right across the street from Sbisa, so I obliged. We hadn't been there 2 minutes when this total hippy on a skateboard eats pavement right in front of us. He fell forward and his flip flops fell off and stuff. It was really entertaining. So me and Todd agreed that was probably the funniest thing we'd seen all day. As if that wasn't enough, probably like 60 seconds later, I turn to see this girl completely flip upside down on her bike. This guy that was walking by and saw the whole thing caught my eye and all 3 of us lost it and just busted out laughing crazy style. He said that she'd tried to jump down the curb and turned her wheel sideways before she landed and then just flipped upside down. It was REALLY funny. So that made my fucking day. I love taking pleasure in the embarassment of other.

So back to my symphony class. We finally got our real professor back. He was off in Rio de Jenero (or however you spell that) conducting an orchestra for the first 3 weeks of class and we had this total loser teaching us. But our prof is back and he's a badass. I really like him. He has this cool hispanic-type accent, and he memorized almost everyone's name on the first day. Needless to say, that class is now enjoyable and I feel like I'm learning something. And if I'm not learning anything, then I'm enjoying being told something I already know. So now I won't be skipping that class anymore like I was for a while there. So that's good news. No worries about failing a gimme now.

Ehhh, that's really all that's goin on. You'd thing someone with a life as boring as mine wouldn't even bother having a blog, but .... you'd be wrong. If you've got a good bike accident story or something along those lines, go ahead and drop a note and let everyone else know. Talk amongst yourselves. Thanks and gig this.

Boy today was a long one, and its about to get longer. I don't have a lot of time to fill you in, but I'll take just a moment to hit the highlights. This mornign I woke up after about 7 hours of sleep. I don't know what the deal is, but if I get 5 hours or 9 hours I feel fine. Seems like anything in between just exhausts me. Anyway, I made it through class rather uneventfully, and then me and Sean decided to skip out on lunch and hit the earlier section of 250 so we could go home early. So with little break, I went right into my next class. After which, I had to truck it to the rec center for my archery class. I didn't want to be late because we got to shoot for the first time today.

I keep telling people I'm going to be a natural at archery. I was semi-correct. I was very consistent in my firing. He said as long as we were hitting the foam, we didn't have to worry about aiming, as long as our arrows landed close to each other. He even said out loud in front of the whole class that my arrows looked great. I was like "Thats me, those are mine" to everyone around me. I actually made some friends in class today, cause I was in a really good mood. If I could have taken my arrows and just moved them down a skotch, they all would have been on target. So I'll spend some time on Thursday perfecting my aim. What I really need to perfect is to keep the string from hitting my arm. Fucking OW! I have these bruises and cuts and shit all over my bow arm right now cause the string kept nailing me. I'm really going to have to practice to get it to stop too. You have to turn your arm just a skotch from what's natural and comfortable in order to avoid it and that'll just take practice to always remember to check that.

After archery I decided to go order my ring. So I hopped on Bonfire, fully knowing that the Clayton Williams building was like just the previous stop from the rec center. But I didn't feel like walking and I had nowhere in particular I needed to be. So I sat on that bus for 20 minutes while it went all the way around the whole route. And when it finally got to my stop I was pushin past people going for the open door. I was like "Excuse me please excuse me sorry" but these bitches wouldn't move. So I get to the door when it closes and the bus takes off. And where did it take me? Yooouuuu guessed it! Right back to the rec center where I'd stood lo those 30 minutes prior. So I was like "Fuck this I'll walk" and I walked to the Former Students building. My ring is officially on they way WHOOP! I'll get it on November 7th. I'm not sure when I'm dunking it. It could very well not be until like April so I can dunk it with some friends. That'll take some of the pressure off. Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing?

What's been up? Mostly just clase and stuff. I've found that my Symphony clase is really hard to stay awake through. I go in there tired and then they turn on classical music. Thats a deadly combination. I've zonked out in there both times now. And I've been getting like 9 hours of sleep a night. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Tonight I had to go to an IEEE-Tech meeting. Its this club thats really all about my major and I should really be a member but I don't feel like paying 50 bucks to have a magazine delivered to me once a month. I suppose its resume fodder, which I'm sure I need so I'll see about joining it at a later date. I'm in no hurry whatsoeva. I really don't have much exciting to talk about. I think I may spend some time updating the cast page now. I've started getting some political heat from the people who should be on there and aren't yet. Again, if you are on there and want to have a picture next to you, be sure to email me a pic: SideshoViD@sideshovid.com

Oh yeah, and Burns wanted me to tell you all that he has loads of porn and mp3's available for download at his site http://www.burns.tk. Laaaaaate.

The time is upon us, dear Sidesho-Viewers. In about 12 hours I will be on a plane to Las Vegas, Nevada for 3 days of glorious sinful fun. I'm starting to get really excited as I pack my bags and make last minute errands and purchases for things I might want. Hey, I know. I'll tell you what. If I win more than, say, $5,000 at the craps table (which is fairly likely) I will give anyone that leaves a comment a crisp, new $100 dollar bill. Yes my friends, the Sidesho-Bribery is back!

I will return to College Station on Tuesday. I'm going to chill and relax until Friday to go home for my brother's wedding. I would leave sooner but Allison is my date to the wedding and she only got off work for the weekend. Then (as I think I've stated several times) I will rush back to College Station to move into my new duplex. Then, of course, its time for the house-warming par-tay ... ooowwww! I'll let you all know when that's gonna be, cause I KNOW you all wanna be there. Anywho, I'm gonna go eat, take a nap (our sleep schedule's gonna be all screwy with the 6am flight and losing 2 hours) and then pack my bags and be on my way. Wish me luck...

Viva Las Vegas!

Well, as Fukia-san would put it, "Summer school is OVAH!" Not too shabby. I had my final yesterday and I think I did well enough on it to get me my B. If I didn't, I'd be quite devastated. We celebrated the end of the summer session by heading out to Shadow Canyon for karaoke night. Turns out about 10,000 other students had that same idea. On top of that, Don Gainer (the man who owns every bar on Northgate and is very, very evil -- for those who don't live here) had the bright idea to go ahead and shut off the air conditioning. Needless to say we didn't stay long. We headed over to Fitzwilly's to have a few beers and play some pool.

Earlier in the day I got up around 9:30 and got ready for my final at 10:30. The stupid proctors were a good 15 minutes late, which resulted in the prof giving us all an extra point. Every little bit helps. The test didn't take me too long and then I hit the lab. Previously in the week, I was on the verge of quitting this summer project because I didn't think there was any way I would be able to finish. I was extremely pessimistic. But I was like, "I'll go one more day, it won't do any good but maybe I'll have some miraculous breakthrough and everything will just fall into place." Well, as unlikely as that sounds thats exactly what happened. I can't exactly explain it to you in great detail if you're not in my major, mostly cause you don't give a shit, but out of about 40 files and endless pages of code ... this is all that I changed:
always @ (posedge clk) begin to
always @ (negedge clk) begin
and it instantly went from a worthless piece of shite giving me a headache to a perfectly operating microcontroller. Granted, once it started working I noticed a few hundred bugs and kinks, but those are pretty easy to work out, they just take time. Its a race to the finish line now. And I don't have the 18-25th basically cause of Vegas and my brother's wedding. After that I went and caught dinner with Will since he was leaving for Houston to stay there for good. We went to On the Border, but I wasn't much in the mood to eat so I didn't exactly murder my enchiladas. After that I went home and fell fast asleep. I didn't wake up until 10:30 so I got a pretty late start at the drinking and didn't do much of it.

Right now I need to go work on my project but it is thundering and raining and I really don't want to go to campus and walk thru this. I really can't afford a day off though. It sucks. I'd only have about 3 hours to work if I did go so many I'll just get up at 8 tomorrow and spend the whole day in lab. And just on a final note, my page is not always updated daily. Sometimes I'm busy with things like debugging 100's of lines of code during which I don't like sassy comments about my hiatus. This site is updated daily ... or close enough for you, bitch. 'Nuff said.

So Thursday I decided I needed to get out of College Station, packed my things, and headed to San Antonio. It only took me 2.5 hours to get there, which is a new record by far. Kevin was supposed to meet me over at his apartment when I was getting close to being in town, but I actually beat him there. The door was unlocked though, so I let myself in. Whoops. His roommate, Todd from SA, was trying to bone some chick. It was behind closed doors, thank jebus, but I still interrupted what I'm sure was a very romantical moment between him and whats-her-face. Kevin arrived soon after and then the rest of the crew showed up. I swear there ought to be at least 10 people paying rent at that apartment for how much they hang out there. I would have a serious problem with it if it were my place, but its not, so its whateeeever.

The first night we bought some beers and sat around watching movies and drinkin beers. That was all well and good. The next day I was a tad hungover, which was compounded by the fact that there was absolutely nothing non-alcoholic to drink in the entire apartment. Even the water out of the faucet is bad. So I attempted to block out the headache until we could go get something to drink. We went to McDonalds but I couldn't stomach it so we went to see Andrew at the smoothie place where he works. He made me a free smoothie that really hit the spot. I felt a lot better after that. Apparently the smoothie place Andrew works at is kind of like a Starbucks in Plano. Thats what I gathered anyway. Anytime they don't have anything to do people go sit outside this place. Damn, I wish I could remember what its called. Arctic Freeze or something to that effect? It was coo though.

The next night we just took it easy. I fucked up Andrew's hair, but it was not my fault. He got some negative feedback which he promptly blamed on me. And he got some compliments on it (I thought it was cool) which he promptly took credit for. So it goes I suppose. The next day we went bowling and Kevin won. I did the worst I've probably ever done since I was old enough to use a big ball. Its was embarrassing. After that we sat around some more. That's really all I wanted to do and I got to do plenty of it.

I came home on Sunday and worked out since I hadn't gone in over a week and then went to bed. Today I went to class and then spent 5 hours in the lab working on my project. I met with my professor and he informed me that it was an all-or-nothing arrangement, so I either get it all working or I get nothing. Nevermind the work I've put into it, but I knew he was going to say that. I wouldn't mind except that I don't really feel like its my fault that I'm not done considering the computers crash on me every time I try to compile something and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm attempting to pinpoint the problem so I can at least assess whats going wrong, but as of yet I've found no reason, or even pattern to why certain files crash and some don't. Hopefully I'll have some luck tomorrow since time is fucking running out. I also need to meet with my advisor but he's harder to get a hold of than this other professor. They've all got their own shit going on during the summer which definitely doesn't involve helping me out. Such is life. Daniel's here to watch the Cubs vs. Astros game, so I have no TV now for the next 6 hours. Baseball is so fascinating. I'll catch you sluts on the flip side.

Ugh, thank you very much to my retarded brother for getting my hit count up to 1000 'single handedly' as he put it. So now it totally skews everything. He's a real doll. I'm glad they're keeping him busy up at work.

In other news: Monday morning I had my second exam in PoliSci. I didn't study a terribly long time for it, but I think I did okay. We have two text books and the majority of the questions were from the good text, that reads like a human is writing it. I knew all of those. The other text is nothing but facts and figures and inane statistics at the end of which he goes, "So we can conclude nothing." Long story short (which is pretty worthless once I've already told the long story, sigh), I think I did well.

The best part of having a test one day is not going to class the next. So Monday night I rallied up the roommates for a par-tay or Milton Bradley proportions. Earlier in the day me and Todd went to Wal-Mart and purchased Yahtzee and Pictionary. We then invited Doug and Nicole, as well as our friend Fucking Frank to play some drunken Pictionary. Frank doesn't drink anymore and Nicole wasn't drinking that night, so it wasn't completely drunken, but it was completely fun. We played for hours. Whenever somebody won, we'd just start over. Me and Frank ended up winning, technically, since we won 2/4 games, but I'd have to say there were no losers that night. We all had a very good time.

After everyone left, me and Todd sat up playing some Drinking Yahtzee. Then I decided I was hungry so I called Clay and made him come pick me up and take me to Taco Cabana. I think it was around 1am and he was working on a paper or something, but that wasn't important. What was important was my two chicken soft tacos. Damn skippy. Anyway, I didn't go to class on Tuesday (or today, shhh) because its completely worthless to go, and I just sat around all day. Did nothing spectacular.

Today I went to Texadelphia for Christine's 21st birthday ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE!!! If you haven't got anything better to do, click there and send her a friendly birthday IM. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear from a loyal Sidesho-Viewer.

Anyway, that's all to report. Sorry for the massive amounts of paragraphs. I'm gonna go meet Justin for some coffee. Peace out, you have nots.

I spent almost all of yesterday with Allison. She called and woke me up to come eat lunch with her at the Cotton Snatch, where she works. So I got up, threw on a clean shirt and headed out there. I had Brocorri Cheese soup and a salad. Allison had a glass of water and a crouton. Then we went to Kroger and did some brief grocery shopping and went back to Allison's pad. We hung out there for just a little bit and then headed over to the mmmovie theater to see Austin Power's in Goldmember. I really enjoyed the movie. At times it was slow and at times it was the opposite of funny. But it was overall generally entertaining at all times. The real key was that when it was funny, ohmigod, it was hilarious. So I was either looking at my watch wondering when it would end or having a groin grabbingly good laugh. I would definitely recommend seeing this movie.

After AP, Allison wanted to stop by Academy sports and outdoors, the right stuff the right price. So we did just that. Turns out, all their summer stuff was on sale. And I've been wanting a new beach towel cause my Darth Maul towel from like 2 or 3 years ago just isn't doing it for me anymore out poolside. So I got a new towel for like 6 bucks. I've also wanted a new suit cause I had swimming laps in board shorts. So I got a more sensible lap swimming suit for like 5 bucks. Its ugly as hell, but the only one left in my size. Then I bought a sleeveless workout shirt for about 6 bucks and a pair of A&M workout shorts. I have a new workoutfit, which I unveiled last night to RAVE reviews, I'm sure. I also bought a pack of undershirts, because all of mine seem to say FUCK on them in one fashion or another. What a dirty little habit of mine. Anyway, after that we decided to slurge once again and go to On the Border for dinner. I got some chicken enchiladas and Allison had a light salad with dressing on the side. After that I came home and slept until I woke up around 10:30 and went to go work out. I just woke up today and nothing has happened yet so I'll have to tell you about it tomorrow. Excelsior!

Big news everybody. Say it with me now all together, "SCREW YOU AOL!" HA, we don't need 'em anymore. And you know why? Cause we've got

SideshoViD@sideshovid.com

Oh yes, you read it right. We're becoming more self sufficient every day, my friends. Along with this comes the news that Hit-O-Meter, my long time counter service will be going offline in August. So now I'm gonna use my own cgi counter that will be self contained inside my webpage. I know I say it often, but this time its really true. Some very exciting things are happening at SideshoViD.com!

Whats new IRL tho. Not a whole lot. Class has become a secondary thing since I took a test on Monday. I think I may be coming down with something because I sleep far too much to be a normal person. But I haven't diagnosed myself with mono just yet. I'm still gonna give it some time to just pass on its own.

I'd like to take this opp to thank Steve for helping me test my email and sending the first ever email to SideshoViD.com. And likewise, I'd like to thank Ryan S■■■ for being the first ever to receive an email from SideshoViD.com. (I got the incoming working way before the outgoing.) These men were a part of history today. Hopefully a long and celebratory history. I'm just a little too excited, so I think I'm gonna go update the cast page like it badly needs. Excelsior, you have nots!

I am back from Houston and my brother's 24th birthday. Boy did I have a good time. First we went to a restaurant called Floridito's. As many of you well know, I hate seafood and refuse to eat it. But Stephen wanted seafood for his birthday so I agreed to try it. I had something like a grilled banana leaf mahi-mahi. It was so good. It wasn't like any fish I've had before. It had a different taste and texture than I was used to and had all kinds of carribean stuff like mango on it. That was delish. His wife, Rachel, bought us each a drink called a Rum Runner. It was also very good, though very alcoholic.

From there we went to Dave n Busters. Rachel was funding the little operation and bought us each a Water Moccasin shot. I had one at Shadow Canyon the other night and it was a light, easy shot and a very tasty treat. Rachel wanted a shot that wouldn't be hard to take so we each had a birthday shot for Stephen. Then we told the bartender that it was his birthday so he bought Stephen a shot too. It was called a Tiger's Tail. I'm not sure what all was in it, I know there was some Jäger in there. He said it was good. A beer later a group of Stephen's friends showed up. It was a semi-surprise semi-party for him. When there were 6 people, Rachel once again stepped up to the plate and this time ordered 6 shots. These were called a 'Buzz.' They were huge shots, filled to the top. Everyone was joking we needed a straw for them. I took mine like I thought everyone else would but I ended up being the only one to shoot it, the rest took half and half or just drank it. I guess I'm still in that 21st birthday mode, but I thought it was a really good shot.

After that we spent the night in the arcade playing skee-ball, driving games, etc and always giving our tickets to this little black kid who never once said thanks. He just stared at us like we were crazy. He musta been about 4. It was funny. We did end up spending some of our own tickets. They weigh them and print you off a little voucher, so we tried to put our finger on the scale to up the count. Apparently the thing is pretty sensitive, cause when I really had 24 tickets, it printed out a voucher for 829. I got busted, but naturally argued with the guy acting offended that he would accuse me of such a thing. Stephen bought a couple big bouncy balls with the tickets. It was a fun night, I think we left around midnight. It was kind of weird though to be walking around with a beer fairly drunk while little kids are running around you playing video games and cashin in tickets. But it was a hella good time. Then we went home and went to bed. That was the extent. Tonight I think I'm gonna study for my government exam on Monday. I'm so studious. My roommates are both gone right now but their cars are here so I don't know whats up with that. I guess I'll give them a call in a minute. Peace out, sluts, have a good Saturday night.

Good morning everybody. What you say? Its 2pm? Ah well, my bad. I just woke up. Actually, I woke up at 10 and decided that I really needed the day off so after snoozing a couple of times I just turned the fucker off. I'm not sorry either. Why was I so tired? Well, allow me to tell you about yesterday.

My friend Justin had introduced me to a singer named Howie Day. And Howie Day was playing yesterday in Austin, once at 5 at a record store, and then a small venue concert at 8. He wanted to attend both, so I said I was down, and we left for the land of t-sips around 1:30. Though it was raining pretty much the whole way, we got there without a hitch in time to grab some lunch, a spot of tea (hey, when in Rome), and head over to the record store. We hit some serious Austin traffic and didn't get to the place until ike 5:30 and walked in to hear the very end of his last song, which sucked. But Justin got his CD autographed and I got to meet him. I lied and said I really enjoyed the show, even though I hadn't seen any of it.

So we bummed around town for a little while longer, took a look at the campus, and then decided to get in line to buy tickets around 7:00. We got to the Cactus Cafe and there was already a huge line, composed mostly of people we recognized from the record store earlier. They were true to their word and didn't start selling tickets until they openned their doors. It got down to like 8 people before us and they announced that they were letting in anyone who had prepurchased their tickets online go first to make sure they all fit and we would just have to wait and see. We were very lucky because they took the next 10 paying customers ... making us the last two. Although, they eventually let in a few more to standing-room-only, we still felt lucky to be among the first let through. Standing the whole time sucked and I did have to take a few small sitting breaks, but it was totally worth it.

This man can do things that I had never imagined possible. He's a great singer, he's pretty good at guitar, but that isn't the half of it. I never really for sure figured out how he did it, something with pedals at his feet, but he was sampling himself live and managed to loop it. I don't know how many tracks he could get going at once, but at times there were at least 8. He would bang on his guitar in different spots and it would sound like a base drum and some bongos and he'd loop that. Then he'd rake on his strings and it would sound remotely like a snare drum. He would crank up the base on his acoustic/electric and start slapping out a baseline, all the while adding to what he'd already gotten going. Then he'd strum something, pick out a solo, and quite often be singing 3 and 4 part harmonies ... with himself! Live! Oh it was incredible. If I had one of those machines, whatever they are, I would be so incredibly popular. I've never seen or heard of anything like this, thus I was completely mesmerized and totally impressed. If you hear of Howie Day playing anywhere near you, GO! That is my advice.

On a side note, my AOL still seems to be working today even though its a day past when they said they were going to shut it off. Maybe that was a bluff to get me to start paying and their really not going to do anything about it. I dunno. I still need to get a new email address regardless so I don't have to deal with this shit again. Earthlink's help center sucks my left nut though and its hard to get any info out of them unless you call, and I'm not in the mood to call them. We'll keep you updated on that situation. Until then, I hope everyone had as lazy a day as I did. If you want to bump into me tonight, you best be at Shadow Canyon for Karaoke Night. Whoop!

Last night turned out to be rather interesting. We hosted a small gathering at our duplex. It was me, Todd, Ryan, Jennifer, Daniel (until about 10) and a friend of Ryan's from work and his girlfriend. Doug and Nicole (respectively) brought with them a brand new drinking game none of us had played before. It was called Spades, and it was one of the most vicious drinking games I'd ever seen. One person calls out a suit, and cards are dealt to each person until a card of that suit appears. The person that received that card then has to drink the number of the card 2-14 (Aces being 14). The trick is, the timer is everyone else. The person to their immediate left starts 1, then the next person says 2, and so on. So basically you can count as fast or as slow as you want. And there are a few other funny rules. Like, you have to say another suit before you set your drink down. If you set your beer down before you say it, you have to repeat the card that you messed up on. Also if you miscount when someone else is drinking, they stop drinking, and you must take their card. The most fun rule, in my opinion, is that if the person drinking finishes their beer before the count is up, they can slam it on the table and whoever was supposed to say the next number, again, takes their card. So if you have just a little left in your can you can totally screw somebody. This also keeps someone from waiting too long to say their number. Basically, the game was totally fun and I wanted to put the rules up here for anyone that wanted to give it a go. But be forewarned ... we were all maxing out the breathalizer pretty early on in the night.

I think we passed out early. I'm not sure. I do remember getting online briefly, but don't remember any of the conversations I was having. If it was with you, help me piece that part of the night together. I didn't wake up today until about 3:30. I would have gotten up sooner but a storm knocked out the power last night so I had no idea what time it was until I got up and put my watch on. But that took care of the hangover, which I'm sure I would have had if I'd gotten up earlier. It was worth it though, we all had a blast. And as an added bonus, I have no desire to drink for a long time now ... so I'll be able to hold off until next weekend.

Speaking of next weekend, its my brother, Stephen's, 24th birthday. At least I think its 24. So I'm gonna drive to Houston to attend his little shindig in honor of the mediocre occasion. Fun stuff, I always love driving to Houston. Anyway, I think its time to retire, got an early day tomorrow as always. Peace out, have nots.

I gave my third speech today. I decided to do it over stem cell research ... it was a little more specific than cloning, and easier to research because of that. If you're at all interested in reading it (I'm kind of proud of it) you can do so here. I accidentally went thru it a little bit fast in class though and might have come in under time. I tried to stall the conclusion a little bit so I would be within time. If I didn't quite make it, thats an automatic 5 points off, aside from the 'probable inadequecies of a short speech.' Lets just hope for the best.

I decided then that since I gave a speech today it was okay for me to skip statistics. Oh my god, that class is so boring. You have absolutely no idea how dry and sleep enducing this man is. I didn't figure I would last another day, much less stay awake to reap the benefits of being present, so I just came home and took a fat nap.

Tomorrow I have some stat homework due and a few speeches to evaluate in my speech class, which sucks, I'd rather skip the whole day. And then tomorrow night I think Allison D■■■■■ is gonna come over with her boyfriend and get sloppy. This is my last weekend as a minor, don't forget, so you know I'll be hittin it up minor style. Boo yah!

Well today was fun. About a week ago we were assigned a speech for my SCOM203 class. If you'll recall, it was supposed to be over a significant historical event. I pissed away my time trying to think of a really stellar topic until it became the day before it was due. I finally had to just pick a topic, any topic, and start writing the speech. I chose the murder of John Lennon. Not that I'm a huge Lennon fan, nor did I particularly care for the Beatles, but I wanted to do something with music, I respect the man and his work, and there weren't any good sources over John Denver's death.

I feel it necessary to give thanks to a couple of people. First Ryan S■■■ for helping me get started, figure out a killer intro, teaching me about ethos, pathos, and logos, and telling me to just shut up and write the speech. Also to Allison who let me come over at like 11:30 to help/encourage me to finish my speech and then listen to me read it a few times. I ended up finishing writing the speech and the outline I used to speak from around 2am. And I got up this morning at about 8 to get to school, print it out, and practice it. In fact, that reminds me that I used my ftp to transport the files, so if you would like to read my speech you can do so here.

I managed to memorize the thing in a little over an hour this morning and was feelin good when I got to class. There were 8 people speaking today and I was fifth. Some of them were clever, a couple were well written and a couple were even pretty good speakers, but all of them before did nothing but bolster my confidence that I was going to do fine. And I did. I didn't studder or mess up or anything. I'm pretty confident that it went well, I'm just hoping my outlines and stuff are in the proper format so I can get full credit there.

My friends in my class were very supportive of my speech, which was flattering. And we all know I do like to be flattered. My friend Adam leaned forward after I sat down and said, "And you hadn't even picked a topic until last night? You bastard." And I made a new friend today, Nadia. She volunteered to work the camera so she was sitting right next to me. I think I like summer school, everyone's so much friendlier, I think. Or maybe just I am. Oh well. Catch you skids later. Give peace a chance.

I made it home once again. I'm only going to be here until tomorrow morning. I'll probably leave shortly after my parents force me to go to church. I got to my house around 2. It only took me 3 hours even to get here, which is a new record for me because I usually don't speed but today I couldn't keep it under 85mph. I had excellent timing because I showed up to find the tilers just finishing up. Everything is in disarray and there's a thick layer of dust covering the entire house, but at least the floor is done. And I'll be gone before they start laying the new carpet, so no workers around while I'm here.

I am getting ready to go get ready to go to KISS Party. I'm really excited. I saw Music in High Places, some program on TV, and the star of it was The Calling. They were playing live and acoustic in Italy. It was really cool, so now I'm even more excited to see them in person. I'll let you all know how it is. And if I meet Michelle Branch, I'm going to have her call Ryan. Later.

Today was the first day of Summer School. I have Speech Communications at 10:00 and then STAT211 at 12:00. I actually began my day around 7am, though. We rented a dolly to help us move the washer, dryer, and kegerator to the new place and it was due back this morning at 7 o'clock. So I got up in time to take it in. Then since I had time, I swung by my storage unit to grab my backpack, so I wouldn't look totally unprepared for school. After that it was off to campus. I got there around 8, I think. I went to the MSC bookstore and got the books for my classes. I tried to go to the post office, but those damned lazy, cocky mailmen don't start working until 10.

My first class was kinda aight. My teacher is basically a high school speech kid who never grew out of it. Its going to be a lot of work, but it shouldn't be too hard. Today we had to pair up with somebody in the class and learn about them, then deliver a 30 second little speech on them. I got paired up with this guy named Adam. He's on the A&M Rugby team. He was pretty cool. It actually got some of us talking and there seems to be a bunch of okay people in that class.

STATs was a huge class and the prof is a total loser. Right now its totally easy cause we're just learning the basics, but I'm not going to fall into the same trap that I did the first time I took this class. I got like an 86 on the first exam without even trying so I decided to just breeze thru the rest of the semester and ended up with a 29 on the second exam. Whoops! My dad said I wasn't allowed to Q-drop but after I explained to him that it was mathematically impossible for me to pass, he lightened up a little bit. I'm determined not to let that happen again though. I'm going to keep on top of my homework and study study study.

Right now I am going to the Rec Center with Todd. Our workout routine begins today and doesn't end until we're both massive. Wish me luck. Check you cats on the flip side.

After claiming that I was all partied out, I found a second wind apparently last night. I went over to Ryan's apartment and Daniel and Joel came over too. Then Joel's roommates Clayton and Ward showed up. We were playing Go Drink all night. Go Drink is a helluva lot like Go Fish, but anytime anything happens you have to drink pretty much. But man was it ever fun. When you've just played too much 6-Cup, you ought to try Go Drink.

I created the coolest shirt ever to wear last night. Me and Keith went thrifting and I bought two Tshirts. Then I borrowed Allison's sewing machine. Cut the two shirts in half, and sewed their respective halves together. Thus creating the coolest shirt ever.

What else? Today I'm planning on taking the kitchen over to storage. But in order to do that I have to go over to Sam's to get some boxes for the dishes. But in order to do that I have to go take a shower and put on some clothes that don't reek. I think this blog may be rather scattered. Sorry about that. I'm just gonna go, I'll see you all later.

I'M DONE!

What did I do today? Well, considering its a dead day, you might assume I spent it by the pool, perhaps finishing up my favorite book.

You would be completely wrong, friend. I woke up at 9am to study, then got Keith to drive me to campus for my final exam that began at 10:30am. We voted as a class to move it to today instead of waiting around for our scheduled time. I'm actually glad we did, but I didn't get the day off. Immediately following the exam, my group and I went to the SCC to finish up our final documentation.

What we expected to be a couple hours out of our day quickly turned into a lengthy endeavor. We got to the SCC at 12:30 and I just got home at 9pm. We had someone from the writing center in Evans Library proofread it. Then we put it all together, added some graphics, finished editing, made a table of contents, made a glossary, made a cover sheet. It was great. Then we burned a CD that had our 80 page final report in an Adobe Acrobat format, as well as our power point slides for our final presentation the other night, also in Acrobat format.

Then we went to Kinko's and spent 60 bucks having this shit printed out. Luckily the whole thing didn't need to be in color, but it was some high quality paper. Then we had it bound, and added a sleeve for our CD. And we were done.

All in all it was a very productive day, and one I'm sure I'll have to repeat every semester for the rest of my career here. But regardless, WE'RE DONE. This class consumes my life no more.

My apologies for the blog haitus. Most of them extended toward Allison who, against her morals, went to my site TWICE and didn't find a new blog. Well, Allison, my name is Zoon and I live on the moon, and I'm here to give you a blog. And without further adieu...

Not much new. Sorry, rather anticlimactic, I know. I've been working a lot on school and usually just don't feel like sharing boring information with you all. Oh, I do have one story though.

On Wednesday, I went to campus for open lab hours (5-9) and afterward I didn't feel like riding the bus home. So I was gonna call Keith to pick me up but he was, unbeknownst to me despite constant reminders, at the Tenacious D concert in Houston. So I ended up sitting on the benches waiting for him to pick up for like an hour. I started bitching about being stranded so this girl that I'd just met turns to her friend, whom I'd just met, and says, "Wanna go with me to take Gilligan home?" To which another guy responds "Hey, you didn't ask me if I wanted to go!" Long story short, 3 semi-random complete strangers are getting up for the expressed purpose of taking my ass home.

But the story doesn't end there. When we get to the car, this girl hands me her keys and says "It'd probably be faster if you just drove." I said, "You don't even know me." She replied, "Well you know how to drive don't you?" So in the end, I drove myself home in a car that wasn't mine with 3 people I didn't know. When I got to my apartment I just hopped out, said thanks, and went inside. It was odd, but fun in a way. There aren't many opportunities to be spontaneous in circuit design, y'know what I mean. It was a nice vacation from the norm. Anyway, tonight I'm going to Allison's to drink the bubbly and I'll see you cats laaaaater.

Fuckin' A did I have a good time last night. Ryan and Todd convinced me to go clubbing with them, which, if you know me, you know I hate to do. I'm more of a stay at home and chill kind of person, so you'd be hard pressed to get my ass in a club. But Todd laid one of his guilt trips so I said I'd go, but promised that I would embarass him. So me and Keith set out to coming up with a character for me to be.

I started by shaving my week's worth of stubble into a respectable mustache. I liked the look it gave me, but it was decidedly white-trash. So next I worked on the hair. I ended up with it all greased back with way too much gel in it. I left a curl down in front though for that special 'fuckin a' touch. We experimented with a bunch of different outfits but were having a hard time getting something to perfectly match the hair. Keith, being the kind soul he is, donated his Harley Davidson tshirt to the cause. I promptly cut the sleeves off. We finished out with black sketchers and a pair of jeans with my big shiny belt buckle. Oh yeah, and a white wristband on my right arm.

Now this alone was pretty funny, but it wasn't until Keith went out to his car and brought me back a pair of aviator sunglasses that I really slipped into character. It was a priceless look, dead on white trash. And I went to Tonix like that, and it was awesome. A few shots later I was on the dance floor and didn't go to bed until the wee hours of the morn. I leave you today with these short words of wisdom, "Talk shit, get hit. Whoooweee"