Happy Easter everybody. Good luck out there searching for eggs (?) made of chocolate (?) that came out the butt (?) of a rabbit (?). I'm not 100% sure about the mechanics of that, but nonetheless, have fun. I'm just hoping this means that the gym will be close to empty.

Speaking of, there is this new scourge at the gym. It only started recently, but it is spreading. Grown men with ear buds in listening to music at full volume -- SINGING ALONG. WTF. Like OUT LOUD. And as annoying as singing would be to people around you, when you can't hear yourself at all, it's a special kind of horrible. I know of at least 5 people off the top of my head that I will not get on the treadmill next to or sit next to on the stretching mat because I know they'll break out into winching, breathy, high pitched song the second I do. I wish I was more confrontational, so I could just tap them on the shoulder and ask, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" but instead I just shoot dirty looks that are not understood.

Normally for Easter lately we get together with my parents and have a smorgasbord of food from Honey Baked Hams. I even have a rewards number on honeybaked.com. But between you and me, all of their food is garbage. I mean, the ham is okay, but they also have these boxed sides and everything is just horrible. My dad had a little procedure on Friday and wasn't sure if he'd be up for it, so I was more than happy to accept their decline of getting together. Daniel did ask me what he should buy at the store as a special treat and I said he could buy some eggs and I'll make deviled eggs with salmon roe. That will be our homage to Easter.

Another successful Febrehab is done. Though I must admit this one was really easy. I only gave up sugar and caffeine in addition to alcohol. Caffeine is pretty easy for me. I really like the caffeine free teas from Whole Foods. A little fruity beginning to the day isn't half bad. And while we do devolve into the habit of having one brown butter chocolate chip cookie after dinner 3 days per week, it wasn't that big of a deal to give it up. That's pretty much the only dedicated source of sugar in my life.

Nevertheless, it is always good to take a little break. I was telling people this year though that it's not even really the alcohol I miss. It's the ritual. The habit. There's no physical addiction, it's just such a nice punctuation on the week. Like, it's Friday, the work week is over, let's go out and have a glass of champagne with dinner to celebrate living life. And I guess we should be doing a bit more of that while we can, before we all get drafted into WWIII....

In other news, after having just poo-pooed AI in my last post, I have used it more and more in my personal life. I used to sit around and wonder about stuff. Now I just ask AI. And maybe it's good to sometimes just have unanswered thought experiments, but I really like discussing ridiculous things with Gemini.

I had an idea for a mouth piece you could wear and every, say, 5 seconds it would drip one drop of water into your mouth. That would be an unnoticeable amount, mix with your saliva, and you'd just swallow it without noticing and thus stay hydrated. I asked Gemini what it thought of my idea and it said it was bad and gave me all the reasons why. 1) It would change the chemistry of your saliva and make it less effective. 2) Even though it's just a drop, you could still choke on it if you were heavily exerting yourself or sleeping. 3) Your body has adapted to expect and process a large influx of water all at once. It triggers the stomach to do something and a little drop here and there wouldn't be enough to set it off. And 4) It did the math on how much water that would be in a 24 hour period and it was like around 1 liter and you need more like 3 liters to stay hydrated so it wouldn't even work. Like ... how could you Google that and come up with that answer? Only AI could have that dumb of a conversation about one of my new million dollar ideas. Saved me a lot in R&D costs right there.

I've also used it twice now for shopping. The ball "fell" out of my right earring and getting it back in is basically impossible without a pair of surgical forceps. And even if I could do it, once you've priced the hoop open and closed more than about once, it is never quite circular ever again. So I thought, given that I've had earrings now for like 27 years, maybe it was time to invest in something a little more substantial than the $16 piercing jewelry that's been in there forever. So I asked Gemini what I should do and it found exactly what I wanted. Visually kind of identical, but nicer metal, and no ball. These have a clicker mechanism so I can take them out for things like MRIs and surgeries. And I didn't know what size to get so I measured my existing, but I measured the outer diameter in inches and the website was selling sizes measured by the inner diameter in millimeters. So I told Gemini to do the math given the gauge and size and it did it all flawlessly.

Just this morning I woke up with a crick in my neck again, so I decided to ask Gemini for a suitable replacement for my beloved Indulgence by Isotonic side sleeper that Bed, Bath & Beyond used to sell before they went out of business. And it was like, replacement? Why, they're still sold at major retailers like Macy's and Wal-Mart. WHAT?!? I assure you I scoured the internet for information on the manufacturer and alternate retailers and found nothing. I even posted about it back in 2022. So I guess my prayers have been answered.

It occurred to me though. They're GOING to find a way to monetize this (if they haven't already). You pay them some money and they suggest your product for any related queries above all else and eventually you won't be able to trust it. It'll devolve into a purely for-profit ad-bot and everyone will stop using it just like literally every other tool or platform before it. So I guess use it now while you still can!

I thought today I might talk about the topic du jour, mostly for posterity's sake more than anything else. Maybe in the future I'll read this blog and think, damn what an idiot I was. I'm speaking of course about our overlord and savior, A.I.

I'm kind of a late adopter. I liken it a little bit to when Amazon first came out and people were flabbergasted that I didn't have an Amazon account and I literally never ordered anything from there. I went to the grocery store once a week and I bought everything I needed. Amazon was never going to replace that so the fact that I COULD buy paper towels or aluminum foil online, just didn't really provide me with any benefit, so I never did it. Now I buy things on Amazon like a bad habit. If I haven't received a package in the garage in a few days I start to get sad and look for a little present to cheer myself up.

I'm kind of the same way with AI. People are like, "You don't use AI?!" and I say, "For ... what?" Like literally anything AI can do I can do myself only better. Perhaps not faster. Don't get me wrong, I have started to dabble. Like the blog on my side company's website. I no longer write those. I still come up with the idea for the blog, but then AI cranks it out in 2 seconds because I couldn't care less about the quality there. And I've vibe coded some tools for genealogical purposes for my extended family's organization. But sometimes it's more annoying to vibe code, and takes longer to iron out, than just doing it myself.

I can see how some people use it for emails and shit. Because they don't know how to type. So that could be a major time saver. Just not for me. And also, guys, when you use AI to write an email or a congratulatory message on an ecard or something, it is glaringly obvious that you've used AI and that is a huge insult. So let's resolve to keep interpersonal communications interpersonal.

The bubble around AI is probably prone to pop soon. Not that it won't continue to be amazing and do all kinds of cool shit, but I think the hype is overdone and the financial ROI just won't be there. And then the stock market will come crashing down from its current record heights. Then we'll pick up the pieces and stop trying to shoe horn this shit into every nook and cranny of daily life where it doesn't below.

In the ever-evolving landscape of today’s modern digital era, it is crucial to remember that by fostering a proactive synergy and unlocking your hidden potential, we can truly delve into the heart of the matter—so, without further ado, that’s my two cents, folks! 🚀🌟✨ #Innovation #GrowthMindset

(I asked AI to write my conclusion.)

Since tomorrow I have to post my picture of a crucified bunny rabbit, I thought I'd take the opportunity today to reach back into the vaults and post my easter story. Years and years ago I started The Conduit conspiracy theories newsletter. After 400 subscribers and 0 issues, it morphed into The Conduit online zine. After 0 subscribers and 0 issues, the only thing I have to show for about a decade of effort is the cover art and one article. I showed you all the cover art back in May of 2003 and now, for your reading pleasure, is the blasphemy that is my easter article.

Saturday, March 15, 2003
JESUS RISES FROM DEAD, SEES OWN SHADOW

Another year gone by, the world finds itself reflecting upon the life and death ... and then life again of its lord and saviour, jesus h. christ. Roughly 2000 years ago, news of jesus' physically and biologically law-defying rise from the dead caused waves amongst the uneducated populace of the ancient world. But the question that was on everyone's mind was not the who, what, when, where, or how ... but, did he or did he not see his shadow?

Town officials were overjoyed at the sight of the still groggy jesus' bed head peaking out the top of his tomb. They waited with bated breath to see if the no-longer-hibernating son of g*d would see his own shadow or emerge unawares. A delighted crowd of merry-makers cheered as the still squinting resurrection and life turned and jumped at the sight of his own darkened outline on the ground below him.

What does this joyous occasion mark? Because he saw his own shadow, the story goes that the world can look forward to 2000 more years of shame and guilt. While some may be disappointed by the prediction, not all are so easily discouraged. Area man and fellow carpenter, Ahmed Aksul, says, "I don't buy into the whole philosophy of easter. But it's still fun to come out each year and watch the only brown-haired blue-eyed man in ancient Mesopotamia rise from death's cold grasp into everlasting life."

The general sentiment of the crowd mirrored that of Aksul. Local mother of 26, Shiba Sulaha, was not permitted to speak to another man under punishment of stoning. However, her husband stated, "The woman is overjoyed at the announcement that some poor, white Jew saw his shadow. She enjoys shame ... as well as guilt."

This reporter is just happy that in today's fast past technological world of reading and thinking for oneself, that the concept of an obviously drug induced fantasy has not been lost. So this year, when easter comes yet again, and you are out with the kids on Sunday morning looking for the eggs jesus has laid in the lawn, take a moment to remember that without death, there is no life. And without jesus, there would be no shame.

Hey guys, I just really want to thank you all for the outpouring of sympathy over my deceased fish. *makes masturbatorial motion* David27 still has the thing in a container under his sink and the water is all cloudy and he's pale and floating at the top. Very morbid, but he is still planning on returning him.

Yesterday I finally got my hair cut. No more Milwaukee circa 1983 soccer dad hair for me. Even though I loved that hairdo, everyone else hated it. I guess it's because no one has any style. Anyway, Hannah is a genius, I don't know how she consistently takes a slob like me and makes my hair look good. And she barely cut it this time. I was seriously in there for like 5 minutes and we were done. I'm really excited about my new hair.

In other news, I don't know if I ever specifically mentioned this on my website, but I've been doing the Atkins thing for like 3 weeks now. Well, I've been trying to. I am not altogether happy with my body, and the only solution I could come up with was anorexia until Rick told me to just quit eating carbs. I figured it couldn't be as bad as starving so I started doing it. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be to come up with meals that contain no carbohydrates, but I did okay. I mean, I couldn't completely cut them out, due in large part to them being in beer. And it has been WEEKS since I've had a soda ... or anything other than water to drink, really. That I'm proud of.

The reason I mention this is because David27, Brian and I all went and had a hottub last night. And a few weeks ago we had all gone to lay out by the pool. Brian said it looked like I had lost weight. He is the first and only person to say so. Actually, he's the first person to finally shut the fuck up, quit rolling your god damn eyes, and realize that I actually did have fat reserves and I am not "too skinny already." I was kind of getting off of my diet, but now that someone thinks it's working, I'm back on with renewed vigor. I can't wait to have visible adominal muscles.

Tomorrow's another exam for my class that I haven't been to since the last exam that I knocked out of the ballpark. I am going to spend the whole night studying. Weeee. I'd rather go out, but tomorrow is gonna be too fun so everything will even out in the end. Hope all is going well for you sluts since I haven't gotten a comment in a while. See you on the flip side. Excelsior!