Yesterday I have my first ever colonoscopy. Normally they say you should wait until you're 45 years old. But I think that's not so much because it's a good idea to wait and more of that insurance won't cover it until then. I was talking with a doctor recently and mentioned that my father had had colon cancer and he said, "Oh then you shouldn't wait until you're 45 yous should start when you're 40." Mmmk, well I'm 44 and a half years old, so great.

Regardless, I got it on the calendar and scheduled it for this year. My gall bladder surgery had not only met my deductible, but pushed me over my out of pocket maximum for the year, so it would be covered at 100%. Although I have to admit I didn't ever verify that it would be covered, so there very well could be a massive bill coming. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Colonoscopies, insurance, deductibles. Could I BE any more adult?

Everyone told me the colonoscopy was no big deal. They just give you some of Michael Jackson's milk and you doze off into blissful slumber. NOT really the whole story folks. Before you do that you have to spend an entire day eating nothing and taking absurd doses of laxatives and Miralax. I don't think they do the prescription jug of juice anymore, since you can accomplish the same thing by abusing over the counter drugs. It was so terrible. I couldn't sleep the entire night because I had to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes, nauseously hungry, and trying not to get dehydrated.

Sure the actual procedure was pretty nice. I really did prefer the propofol over the general anesthesia for a full blown surgery. Waking up was gentle and peaceful, not jarringly confusing with missing bits of memory. They did find 2 polyps and those are being biopsied so all in all I guess it was a good idea that I got this done, but please jebus don't make me do it more often than every 5 years. I am not looking forward to the next one.

A few years ago we attended a wedding in Austin where Daniel bumped into an old friend he hadn't seen in years. This friend told him he was now living in Milan ever since he had claimed his birthright citizenship in Italy. If you are descended from an Italian citizen and can prove it, you can claim your jure sanguinis right to your own citizenship. Italian citizenship, of course, comes with full rights and privileges of a European Union citizenship allowing you to live or work anywhere in the EU.

It wasn't for a while after we got home that we really got curious and started looking into whether this was a viable option for Daniel or not. We knew for certain he was Italian by blood, but just weren't sure exactly what the rules were, if we could sufficiently prove it, etc. We finally decided to take action and looked up the consultancy that his friend had used and set up an appointment. The guy did some genealogical research on the fly with us watching. He did it so incredibly fast using a multitude of tools. And what I appreciated the most was fast and accurately he could type. He was just zooming around the internet, pulling down documents, loading them into a folder.

He told us we could proceed and gave a list of documents to procure. And it was a lot. Basically every birth, marriage, and death certificate for EVERY member of his lineage all the way back to his great-grandfather, Segundo. It was time consuming and bureaucratic, but not terribly difficult. For some of the old documents from Italy we had to hire somebody to physically go look them up. The rest we could pretty much order online for a nominal fee. Some of those were quick and easy, some required telephoning some lady in an office in upstate New York and asking what the dillyo. But after a couple of years we had compiled the full list.

That then had to be notarized and approved as legit by the US government before they could be translated and sent to the Italian government. Then we waited. Last December he was informed that he had won his elective court case in Turino, Italy and was now a citizen! There was still more waiting for this decision and the resulting paperwork to be officially filed and on record in Asti. But we got notified last week that his Italian birth certificate and our Italian marriage certificate are both on file and official!

For next steps, he has registered online as an "Italian Living Abroad" and we'll probably have to wait a few months for that to go through and get approved. Then he will have access to services from the Italian consulate in Houston including getting his passport.

All we have to figure out then is when and where we're moving to in the EU.... Stay tuned!

I have been keeping up with my DuoLingo lessons. The streaks and friend streaks and leaderboards do enough to make sure I never skip a day. That and the incessant notifications from the app. But ... I do have one distraction from my language lessons.

DuoLingo has chess lessons. I've always wanted to learn to play chess, but beyond learning how the pieces move and then getting destroyed repeatedly in online games, I never pursued it. But now I'm getting little tiny play by play lessons of different scenarios and how to respond and why. I am BY NO MEANS good at it. God damn, is it ever hard. When I do go on Chess.com and play strangers, I do NOT do well. I get so nervous and make so many bonehead mistakes.

I will say this though. I know very little about openings. And I'm completely lost in the midgame. But the endgame. Man do I seem to be good at the end game. After my opponent has decimated my ranks, I can dance around, gobble up their pieces, avoid checkmate, and usually in even the most dire circumstances end things in a stalemate draw. I'm sure a lot of that is due to me being matched with people with similar ranks who don't know how to close out a game and against anyone competent I would be dead in seconds. But it's still fun. I wish I could play someone I know regularly but I can't find anyone willing to play me. So if you have a Chess.com username and want to play with me leave a comment. I love saying leave a comment like anyone is reading.

Also, side note. I now know what a Queen's Gambit is and honestly it's not that cool. It's just an opening move/moves. It sounds like it's some kind of dramatic endgame sacrifice of your queen to win the game or something. But nope. Just the first move or two with your pawns.

Last night we were watching Planet Earth with RyanS■■■. He's only seen the BBC version narrated by John Hammond, and we've always told him how much better Sigourney Weaver is. I think it was Ice Worlds that we were watching and they were showing a hawk swooping in to kill some ptarmigan. I decided to relate to another episode where Sigourney refers to hawks as the fighter jets of the bird world. Only, I was going to jazz it up by saying, "Hawks are the F-16s of the bird world." Only, I actually said, "Hawks are the F150s of the bird world." I'm such a tard. So we had a good laugh and made lots of comments in our best Sigourney voices like, "With their four wheel drive and extended cabs, hawks truly are the F150s of the bird world."

Maybe my head was a little bit out of it due to the pumpkin pie martinis I attempted to make last night. We had one at the Bacarat Bar in Bellagio and it was so delicious that I asked the waitress what was in it and she said vanilla vodka, goldschlager, and pumpkin pie puree. So I combined all 3 and it was just terrible. So I added more vodka. When that didn't work, I added more pumpkin. When that didn't work, I added milk. By now things were way out of hand. I checked the recipe on the back of the can of pumpkin puree and you're supposed to add evaporated milk and sugar. Derrrr. We totally forgot to sweeten it. Turns out, pumpkin out of a can is pretty disgusting. I always thought you just spooned that into a pie crust and ate it. Someone should invent that. But of course, I was out of sugar, so I made some simple syrup out of brown sugar, ladeled in a few heaping scoops of the resulting liquid and then, the now full pitcher, held a delcious holiday concoction. Unfortunately it was way to thick and filling so we each sipped half a glass and washed the rest down the drain. But now that I know what I did wrong, i think I could make it again much better just by adding sugar from the get go.

In other news, I'm officially writing a cookbook. Not for the inevitable fame and fortune that comes with it, but because I want to be a guest judge on Iron Chef America. And as far as I know, writing a cookbook is the best and fastest way to get there. How hard could it be? If you've known me for a while, you should be able to guess the title. I can't post it here though because I don't want it to get stolen from me.

And finally, today, I think we'll close with a one-liner. My parents got their free slip-resistant covers for their Wii remotes, affectionately known as Wii condoms. But they only got two, so we have two with condoms, two without. Stephen asked me if I needed one with a condom, but I didn't, so I put the strap around my wrist and said, "You know what I always say. If you've got a strap on, you don't need a condom."

Good night everybody!

Whew. Thank g*d that is over! No, I'm not talking about the holidaze; I'm talking about the plague I came through this week. On Xmas night, I went with Ryan S■■■ to have a few beers, came home, went to bed nearly sober. I woke up about an hour later and the onslaught of vomit, et. al., began. It lasted well into the morning where I found myself so dehydrated and so weak I was unable to hold myself up to throw up anymore, so I just kind of rested my head on the toilet seat and then slumped to the ground.

Something similar happened to me once in college and I ended up getting carted out of the dorm on a stretcher and into an ambulance. So I figured that might be a good idea again. But my insurance company has a 24 hour nurse hotline that I'm in the habit of calling before going to the ER, because that shit's expensive. The nurse wasn't too concerned with my symptoms and taught me how to rehydrate myself without enducing more vomit. I wanted to share it with you all. If you throw up, you should wait an hour before you attempt to eat or drink anything. Then after one hour you can begin to drink one ounce of water every 20 minutes. I did that, threw up one more time, tried it again, and it finally worked.

So there I was at 8 in the morning, freezing cold, sweating, shaking, my lips are dry and my stomach is tumbling, holding onto a shot glass filled with tap water watching the clock waiting for the next time that I can start sipping my meager nourishment again. It sucked so bad.

But, 16 hours later, I had progressed to crackers, and 24 hours later, I was basically fine. Still, it was awful. But at least the next time it happens I'll know what to do.

Other than that Xmas was good. Lots of little kids. Five total nieces and nephews this year. It's a far cry from the adult-only Xmases of yesteryear where everything was accompanied by a glass of scotch. But it was fun to convince a toddler that a fat man with a sack of toys climbed down the chimney while she was taking a nap. I've never really gotten to do that.

I got a wine fridge for Xmas. My brother Michael from California got it for me. It holds 28 bottles! I'm trying to figure out the best way to stock it. I might just buy a case of my favorite wine and then fill in the rest a few bottles at a time. But shit, 28 bottles is a lot. So if you want to bring me some wine, feel free, I have plenty of real estate.

In other news, Daniel has been in California for a long time now. He met up with his old baby sitter while he was there (he grew up there). She is now married to the brother of the mom from Mr. Belvedere! I'm not sure how that fact came to light, but it's true. Beeeoooowwwwww Streaks on the china! He said they're going to try to get me an autographed picture from her. I would truly cherish it. He also said they're going to give her my webpage address so she can see my Mr. Belvedere montage. That would rule. So if you're her, then welcome! I'm a huge fan. And we just might live the good life yet!

If there's anything I like more than getting vacation days from work, it's making my own vacation days. Like right now, for instance. I'm totally supposed to be at work, but I'm not. Nor do I intend to go back any time soon. You see, I woke up around 9, on account that I had a lot to drink last night. And since I wasn't at my own apartment, I was significantly tardy to work, but I brought kolaches so nobody cared. Then I took a nap, and when I woke up, I realized that I was sick of being there, so I came home. Get an education, kids, and you too can live this fabulous lifestyle.

I've watched some good ass TV today. First I watched that episode of Saved By The Bell where they drink at the toga party and then Zach wrecks Lisa's mom's car. It was really hard hitting. Zach keeps his cell phone in his locker because it's too effing huge to carry it with him. Now I'm watching Jerry Springer: "MY UNCLE STOLE MY WIFE!" It's fantastic. This is what my life has come to. I am going to go back to work eventually, though, so don't worry.

On the way home today, I saw a tricked out Cavalier. A straight up, tricked out, pimped out Chevrolet Cavalier! It was so fucking sweet. It had flames down the side and shit. I am way jealous. After I get back from Australia and have all new furniture, I am so going to mod my Cavy.

This week is absolutely dragging by. There is so little to do at work that I'm basically going to put 40 hours this week on the overhead account. No managers are there, so I just kinda sit and stare at the wall. Good thing I learned how to do this effectively during my first couple months here. I hope every one of my readers is having as big of an impact on the world as me. Laaaaaaaaaate.

Welcome dear Sidesho-Viewers to SideshoViD.com VersionSiX. I'm very excited about this one. I really think it turned out well. If you wouldn't mind, do leave a comment letting me know that you like it. One new thing is the Word of the Day. I've been getting AWAD (A Word A Day) emails every day now for like 3 years. So I thought it only made sense to share them with you. The trick is to use them 3 times in a sentence the day that you read the new word. It will then become a permanent part of your vocabulary. Isn't that sabulous?!

Well, going home was fun. I got pretty good stuff for Christmas. I got Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, a Bond playstation game, a wireless mouse, undershirts, the new Armani cologne, a gift certificate to Steve Madden, a sweatshirt, new razor heads, gift certificates to Best Buy, and if I'm forgetting any I'm sorry to the person that gave it to me. I was severely satisfied though, needless to say.

I am back in College Station now, probably for good, but there is a slight chance I'll head back to Plano once more before school starts. Not sure what the New Years plans are. Really, the only thing I wanted to do for New Years was get VersionSiX up for you all. I will be doing some heavy drinking, I know that much. Probably hanging out with anyone and everyone who's in town ... so if you're going to be here, hit me up with an IM or an email, or a comment so you can join in on the festivities. Thanks and gig this. Peace out, have nots.