Well, I happened to notice that today marks exactly one year since my glorious return to SideshoViD.com. I just did a quick inventory and I made 38 posts in that year. That's actually a lot more than I was expecting. Though I have to say the addition of Instagram-like and Twitter-esque formats really helps boost those numbers. I wish I had thought of that back in 2002.

I came back from Spain, felt fine, went to work for a week, etc. Then Saturday afternoon I started to feel kind of shitty. I was sick right before Spain, so given how quickly I was feeling sick again, I decided to do what I never do and go straight to a doctor to get tested and find out what is ailing me. The doctor just called and said my test results were unusual, so it would be easier to explain over the phone (ALWAYS a good sign). I tested positive concurrently for 3 infections - a coronavirus (not COVID), an influenza bacteria (not the flu), and whooping cough? Fuck me. But the good news is a zpack will wipe out both bacteria at the same time, so I guess it's a good thing I went to the doctor straight away instead of waiting 3 weeks to see if it resolved on its own. Maybe I should do that every time I get sick. Is that what doctors are for?

In other news, I've been making minimal efforts to drink marginally less. One way I have done that occasionally is zebra striping. That's where you alternate one alcoholic drink, then one non alcoholic drink. The problem is, every non alcoholic drink sucks ass. They're just juice. Like, don't serve me a glass of juice and call it a MOCKTAIL. That is infuriating. So I went on a quest of my own to make a zero proof cocktail at home. Problem is, fake "liquors" are even worse. They're not even juice, they're just tea. Like literally a weak brewed spicy tea and they call it a whiskey replacement. It's insulting.

Well, folks, I am pleased to report I finally found a good one. I was talking through it with AI, because obviously, and I told I wanted the bite, the flavor, the viscosity, the burn, the aroma, like everything. And it came up with 3 suggestions. We happened to be at Total Wine this weekend so I bought one of them. I told Daniel, "If this sucks, I'm giving up entirely." But it didn't suck. It's awesome. It's St. Agrestis Phony Negroni. And it pretty much tastes exactly like a real Negroni. Very satisfying and very reassuring that I should check out the other two AI suggestions and maybe get a repertoire going. We'll see, but I'll keep you all posted if I don't die first.

The last destination on our whistle stop tour of Spain was Madrid. Barcelona was big. Granada was cute. Seville was medieval. And Madrid was hip and sexy. It immediately had a different feel from the other cities. There were also rainbow flags ev-er-y-where. I dunno if it was just the neighborhood we were in, but it seemed like every bit of the city that we saw was the same. There was even a sex club next to our fancy hotel. We got brave one night and went in to check it out. It seemed like the more raunchy activities were all downstairs and we could just sit upstairs, fully clothed, in the tiki lounge and just have a drink. But the guy at the door didn't speak English and we couldn't really ask and then we got scared and ran away.

The first night we had reservations at the oldest continuously operational restaurant in the world, Botin. We got a set down in the basement which seemed more desirable than sitting upstairs. Daniel had eaten there many years ago and wanted to see if the grilled prawns were still the best thing ever, but after we ordered they came back and said no prawns tonight. Boo. So we both got the suckling pig that I read online was the most famous dish. And it was really good. As we were leaving the host guy said, "Did you see the wine cellar?" And we said no and he said oh you can't leave without seeing it. So back downstairs we went, and then down another level into a dark cramped brick covered tunnel filled with dusty wine bottles. And he kind of gestured, "Over here, there's more." And as he did he rubbed his hand on my crotch, and I thought, oh no! Don't acknowledge it, he'll get embarrassed! It's so cramped in here! And then it happened again. And again. And again. And then he put his hand on the small of my back and then ran his hands down and grabbed my butt. Haha. At that point, I looked at him and said, "Ohohokay, buddy. I think that's enough." I was SO excited to tell Daniel that I got groped. As we walked up the stairs from the cellar, I turned back to him and we both said at the same time, 'I just got molested!" This dude was doing it to him too! Like WHAT did he think was going to happen, best case scenario in a crowded tourist trap restaurant. So funny. We've both STILL GOT IT!

We did yet another tour in Madrid and our tour guide was awesome. He's even written books on Spain and gave us each a copy I look really forward to reading. We learned a bit more about the flip side of Spanish history after the Moors with the Spanish monarchy. This one is of note because they inbred SO fucking much that the later sovereigns were like deformed and sterile and it was a whole thing. We went through the Prado and our guide knew just about everything there was to know about just about every painting in there. It was really impressive and we had a wonderful day of learning. My fav.

The next dinner was at a Michelin star restaurant. We weren't sure we'd be up for it after so many nights of eating out in a row, but it ended up being a great idea. My dick didn't get groped, but my palate did get challenged. So many dishes I had ZERO idea what it even was that I was eating. And we paired it with a bottle of Krug, a nasty little habit we've developed, so that made it even more fun.

The Reina Sofia museum is full of modern art. It was sorta more inspiring than the Prado because I felt like I could do all of it. In fact, I might try. Instead of finding art for our house, what if I just made forgeries of existing pieces. It would be fun to try anyway. Our final dinner of the trip we just could not stomach more tapas, so we made a few aperol spritzes in the "red level" lounge at the hotel, then walked over to Popeye's and had a very disappointing chicken sandwich. The day we didn't fly home until 4pm, which was kind of sweet. Slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, took our time getting to the airport, and when we finally got home it was already time for bed. Win win win. All in all a great trip!

Our driver took us about an hour and a half directly to our Seville hotel. We did the Hotel Colon Check in, and then headed out a little, but again we were a little limited by the temperatures. Just so damn hot in the middle of the day. And the Spanish don't really subscribe to the religion of air conditioning. Our room was just slightly air conditioned. We actually spent the first night sleeping with no covers. But then we cranked the air down to 60 and left it running with the curtains closed nonstop the remainder of our stay and got it down to serviceable temperatures. I'm sure the maids were absolutely horrified at the waste, but the building just wasn't built to withstand such high temperatures ... and neither was I.

I told Daniel there damn well better be some feliz compleaños balloon in the room when we arrived, because the next day was my 45th birthday. And he delivered! Haha. There were some balloons (most of them inflated), a little tart, and a bottle of Freixenet! I mean, I didn't drink it, but it was a nice decoration. Freixenet, freixenet, ooh lah lahhhhh.

Naturally we had another guide who showed us all the times the muslims built something and then the xristians took it over. The food in Seville was pretty legit. Our first night we had tapas (obvi) but they were like elevated and delicious. One was a shrimp toast that we couldn't stop talking about. Then my birthday dinner was a tasting menu overlooking the river and I think that was maybe the best meal of the entire trip.

The next day is what we call a "David Day." A David Day consists of absolutely nothing scheduled. It allows for a day of rest and doing absolutely nothing, maybe sleeping. Or it allows for more spontaneous plans to be pursued. This time, we saw a modern market building called Las Setas (the mushrooms) on our tour and saw that they had a "modern" Flamenco show and went online and got tickets. The setting certainly was modern with lots of projectors and color changing LEDs, but the Flamenco was just Flamenco. So I felt like the light show kind of detracted more than helped, but it was still really good. And our tickets came with a free drink - bonus!

Our train ride from Barcelona to Cordoba was honestly a little long. Like 6 hours, but probably exacerbated a tad by us drinking too much bottomless wine at the fancy dinner the night before. When we got to Cordoba it was seriously 43°C outside, just boiling hot. The driver was cool though, because he asked us if we'd eaten. It was past 4pm and we had not eaten. But since we were already pulling onto the highway the options were limited. Not that I need to defend myself, because we saw a sign for McDonald's and asked him to pull in. It was so good.

Then it was another like hour car ride out into the countryside to this place called Bobadilla. This beautiful resort with horses and pickleball courts, and a few giant pools surrounded by beds and umbrellas. The first full day there though we took a car ride over to Granada and met up with our tour guide. I really liked Granada. I think of all the cities we visited if I had to move to one I would choose Granada. It was a perfect mix of midsized cute city.

We also visited La Alhambra, the moorish fortress. It was really cool and a perfect introduction to Spanish history, which is entirely comprised of the Muslims built this, then the xristians took it over and built on top of it. There you go, you know the whole history of literally every city. My friend Lee had been to Alhambra and said it really struck him how beautiful and ornate the Muslim sections were and how drab and boring the cathlick sections were. And while I agree to some extent, after a while the moorish decorations just get exhausting. Like fellas, an ounce of restraint would really send this to another level. But it's just moor, moor, moor.

Then the next few days we just spent lazing around the resort, swimming, and eating at restaurants on the premises. One night was a casual dinner, the next was a communal BBQ, and the third was at the fancy restaurant. All very good and much needed rest and relaxation and from there it was on to Seville via car service.

I'm doing something I haven't really done before and that's cheating by blogging later about our trip. I had ambitions that maybe I could blog on my phone while we were traveling but yeah, no. So I'm gonna finish blogs about España and then backdate them so it comes up on my history in the correct order. Deal with it.

Barcelona was cool. It's got a very big European city feel to it. Once again I had a little DuoLingo hiccup since I spent the past months studying Spanish to find out they speak Catalan in Barcelona. Whatever. It was no problem, just a lot of signs and stuff didn't make sense.

Everyone in the family successfully made it! We arrived a day early which I think ended up being a good decision. There was some fiasco with the car service not being at the airport as scheduled and Daniel went into super travel agent mode to get it all resolved. We gave each of the kids an envelope with 20€ spending money. All they had to do was make it to 8pm to beat jetlag. Everyone did except Sam, but we gave him his money the next day anyway.

As you can imagine, rolling around town with 19 people makes things a little bit difficult. But Daniel planned one activity and then one dinner event each night and that worked perfectly. The first full day was Sunday and Daniel got us TICKETS to Sagrada Familia international mass. Apparently that was an even bigger deal than we realized. Several of the people we met said, "No, you can't get tickets. You just have to wait in line for hours." And we were like, nope, we had tickets bitch. So that was cool. Then we made everyone go on a walking tour of the Gothic quarter, which of course I loved, but I think it was wearing thin by the end for most people.

The next day we went to Park Güell, Gaudi's little masterpiece. It was cool but it was sooo hot outside. I had to go to Zara to buy ankle socks because I figured I probably wouldn't wear shorts, but it was absolutely required to wear shorts. My poor white legs had never seen the sun. Then dinner that night was at a Flamenco show. Turns out I fucking love Flamenco. I liked it so much that I demanded we go to another show later in the trip.

The next day was a beach day and dinner was a paella cooking class. Then Sagrada Familia tour and a fancy tapas menu. Tapas are good ya'll, but by the end of the trip I was like I don't want anymore fucking tapas. I just want one big meal all of the same food and I want it all to myself. I most def breezed over some details of Barcelona but all in all it was a huge success. Daniel did an amazing job planning. And the next morning we hopped on a train headed for the middle of nowhere to relax and prepare for our own personal vacation without family.

I'd like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. The reason I called you here is to take care of a few items of business.

First, I will be in Austin (Round Rock) on August 12. I am going to AllieD's wedding, remember? Well then my boss comes to tell me that I will be in Cincinnati for two weeks ... the two weeks that would put that wedding smack dab in the middle. I'm not sure, smack dab may be kind of strong, but in the middle nonetheless. I gave them two options, since I am an uppity little shit. I said they could either pay for me to go to Austin that weekend or delay my trip one week. They opted for the latter. Disaster! Nobody wants to attend a wedding reception and then wake up early the next day to drive three hours and get on a plane. So now, I am going to fly out of Austin on the 14th, the details of which aren't entirely worked out. I'll be on the campus of the U■■■■■■ of C■■■■■■ for two weeks and then I will fly back into Austin. Then I'll party one more weekend in that fair city before I return to Dallas. Should be fun.

Secondly, I made an appointment with a doctor for Monday. I am going to go in and repeat back to him the symptoms of sleep apnea that I read on the internet. Please, it won't be the first time I've lied to a doctor to get what I want. Although, usually that is prescription medication. This time, it will be my golden ticket. You see, in order to go to the sleep clinic that I want to go to, you need a referral from a general practitioner. So I'm going to do what it takes to get that referral. Then I get to go to a sleep clinic and spend the night wired up with electrodes and monitors and shit and they will see that I'm waking up 1,000 times a night. I also know from eye witness accounts that I stop breathing for long periods of time and then gasp for air. It's so sleep apnea; it has to be. We're gonna get that taken care of though, don't you worry.

Those were the two action items I wanted to address today. If anybody knows anyone in or anything about Cincinnati please hit me up. Laaaaaaaaaate.

Well now that the 3,000+ hits days are starting to waver (although I'm still around 10X the number of hits I'm used to ... over 8,000 this week!) I am fast trying to think of some schtick to keep people interested in my site. I've tried many things in the past: a 24 hour webcam, rampant egocentricism, guest bloggers, The Conduit E-Zine. Yet, for some reason, this blog keeps taking on a purely narrative approach. I talk about being late to work, and drinking beer on weekends. Thats Boring with a capital B.

So, I've been searching for inspiration as of late and I think a combination of sources have come together to form a great idea. First, the last time I was home, I was reading some Reader's Digest and came across an article about eating disorders, and how young girls find support groups online that help them maintain their anorexia or bulemia. I looked one up and it was sick. It had such advice as, "Any time you feel like eating, go for a run." Wow. Also, the guy who did the journalistic approach towards Stinky Feet and Date My Sister (thespark.com) inspired me to take notes on something people can engage in, not just my boring life. Finally, the Conduit article I titled but never wrote will now be put into practice. I would like to welcome you all to Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment.

My coworker, Karen, and I have decided on 4 factors to track my progress on the diet plan that promises to help you shed pounds faster than your "doctor" recommends. These are Last Meal, Anorexercise, Feeling, and Waist Size. Without further ado, here are the stats for Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment:

Last Meal: Dinner yesterday at On the Border. I had two soft chicken tacos.
Anorexercise: Moderate yoga and a brisk morning walk.
Feeling: Light headed and hungry.
Waist Size: 32"

If you looked at yourself in the mirror today and didn't like what you saw, think about the weight loss benefits of anorexia, and the overall benefits of exercise, and try to imagine what anorexercise can do for you! Weight loss squared!

I spent almost all of yesterday with Allison. She called and woke me up to come eat lunch with her at the Cotton Snatch, where she works. So I got up, threw on a clean shirt and headed out there. I had Brocorri Cheese soup and a salad. Allison had a glass of water and a crouton. Then we went to Kroger and did some brief grocery shopping and went back to Allison's pad. We hung out there for just a little bit and then headed over to the mmmovie theater to see Austin Power's in Goldmember. I really enjoyed the movie. At times it was slow and at times it was the opposite of funny. But it was overall generally entertaining at all times. The real key was that when it was funny, ohmigod, it was hilarious. So I was either looking at my watch wondering when it would end or having a groin grabbingly good laugh. I would definitely recommend seeing this movie.

After AP, Allison wanted to stop by Academy sports and outdoors, the right stuff the right price. So we did just that. Turns out, all their summer stuff was on sale. And I've been wanting a new beach towel cause my Darth Maul towel from like 2 or 3 years ago just isn't doing it for me anymore out poolside. So I got a new towel for like 6 bucks. I've also wanted a new suit cause I had swimming laps in board shorts. So I got a more sensible lap swimming suit for like 5 bucks. Its ugly as hell, but the only one left in my size. Then I bought a sleeveless workout shirt for about 6 bucks and a pair of A&M workout shorts. I have a new workoutfit, which I unveiled last night to RAVE reviews, I'm sure. I also bought a pack of undershirts, because all of mine seem to say FUCK on them in one fashion or another. What a dirty little habit of mine. Anyway, after that we decided to slurge once again and go to On the Border for dinner. I got some chicken enchiladas and Allison had a light salad with dressing on the side. After that I came home and slept until I woke up around 10:30 and went to go work out. I just woke up today and nothing has happened yet so I'll have to tell you about it tomorrow. Excelsior!