This is kind of turning into a travel blog, but that's usually the only thing of note going on lately. I'll try to come up with a few different topics here after this. But, we just got back from New Orleans. It was technically my second time there, but first time since I started forming and retaining memories.

The main reason we decided to go now was for Ben's 40th birthday party, which happened to coincide with a big gay festival, Southern Decadence and some big late night party called the Horsemeat Disco. Getting to NOLA is beyond easy. We took Southwest out of Love because Daniel had a leftover flight credit from his short lived stint at the startup and we needed to use it or lose it. We normally will only fly American because we're holding onto gold status by our fingernails these days, but it made sense to this time not to. And boy does that eliminate a lot of stress. Love is down the street, we could practically walk there. And the flight was barely an hour long, so easy.

We really had a nice time in the city. The food is great everywhere we went. Great drinks, good nightlife. The night of Horsemeat Disco we took a little disco nap and made it out. We had purchased new clothes just for the event so we would be ever so slightly appropriately dressed. Turned out we were almost the only ones wearing clothes. Lots of butts hanging out everywhere. It was crowded. It was stinky. You could hardly move much less dance, could hardly talk. All in all, I'd have to say not my scene. But I did my best to hang and have a good time, mostly by imbibing.

The next day we went to the Southern Decadence parade. It was so hot. It was so crowded. It was impossible to do anything, so when our friend Ashley had to head for the airport to get back to her kids, we took it as an excuse to escort her back to our hotel where she'd stashed her bag and then we went to the pool. All in all, I'd have to say not my scene. My scene gets more and more specificity added to it every year. Luckily Daniel agrees.

Our last night we went out to dinner in the French Quarter, had a lovely meal, and then strolled down Bourbon Street on our way back to the hotel. At the end of the street a complete nut job had set up an amplifier with a microphone and had dip shits on either side holding big placard signs letting us all know that we were going to hell. When he saw Daniel and me, he singled us out and started harassing us. Daniel grabbed my hand and we told them to fuck off as we walked by. What a downer at the end of the trip.

It did get me thinking though. The analogous opposite of that just truly doesn't exist. Nobody ever sits outside of churches on Sunday morning with big signs saying "None of this is real!" or "You're all morons!" while someone screams at them in a microphone, "You're not going to heaven when you die dipshit!" So ... looking for volunteers for next Sunday. Let's liberate a few minds from the clutches of Idiocracy!

I'm cheating again and I'm going to backdate this blog. I used to just say sorry I am so late getting around to it, but these days I use my blog like a Time Hop, so I'd rather have a semi-accurate date on it depending on the story I'm telling. But I digress. We just got back from a long weekend in NYC.

We've struggled to find our place there. Different hotels, different neighborhoods, nothing ever really felt right. Well, folks, you'll be as thrilled to hear as I am thrilled to announce - we finally found our home away from home in New York. The Chelsea Hotel. It's this super old building with a rich and storied history of being a haven for artists and musicians. But it's been bought out and turned mostly into a high end hotel. I say mostly because some people still live there, so walking down the hall to our hotel room, we passed two residents' doors. I assume that is occasionally annoying but it probably also basically saved the building so take what you can get. There were three restaurants, and we tried two. Both were fab. And we'd go to the bar at night for courvoisier and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

I'd never been to a Broadway show so Daniel got us tickets to two shows while we were there. One was Oh Mary! starring Meg Stalter. I love her to death and she did an amazing job, but ... eh. It was like bawdy and irreverent for the sake of it. I didn't really think it was that CLEVER or anything. Funny enough and we had a great time watching. But ... nothing like our second show Titanique - the telling of the story of the Titanic from Celine Dion's perspective. It was continuously riotously funny throughout with the best music and dancing. Loved it. Loved it.

What else? We went to the Met. Daniel had tried to gaslight me into believing I'd been to the Met before, but I definitely hadn't. Then we walked through Central Park and later on through Hudson River Park, and yowzah the eye candy. I definitely need to step it up or start taking peptides or something. We also saw Davbart and he and Colin took us out to a more traditional Chinese brunch that was completely chaos and then to the Tenement Museum which was super cool and I would def go back to that.

I don't know if New York changed, or if I changed, but I really enjoy it more now than when I was younger. I was even commenting that like nobody was rude the whole time. To us or otherwise. People on the subway said, "Pardon me," when it was their stop. Staff everywhere just super welcoming and friendly. Idk, it is just so enjoyable now where I didn't feel like that 20 years ago. The only thing I didn't like was that EVERY FUCKING ONE was playing Alicia Key's "New York" on repeat. Every store, every pedicab, everywhere you went, you'd sometimes even hear 2 or 3 renditions going on out of sync simultaneously. PEOPLE! There are SO MANY songs about New York. Mix it up!

Then whoosh, we were back home. A super fun little trip for no particular reason. And one we'll hopefully start to do with more regularity.

Well, I happened to notice that today marks exactly one year since my glorious return to SideshoViD.com. I just did a quick inventory and I made 38 posts in that year. That's actually a lot more than I was expecting. Though I have to say the addition of Instagram-like and Twitter-esque formats really helps boost those numbers. I wish I had thought of that back in 2002.

I came back from Spain, felt fine, went to work for a week, etc. Then Saturday afternoon I started to feel kind of shitty. I was sick right before Spain, so given how quickly I was feeling sick again, I decided to do what I never do and go straight to a doctor to get tested and find out what is ailing me. The doctor just called and said my test results were unusual, so it would be easier to explain over the phone (ALWAYS a good sign). I tested positive concurrently for 3 infections - a coronavirus (not COVID), an influenza bacteria (not the flu), and whooping cough? Fuck me. But the good news is a zpack will wipe out both bacteria at the same time, so I guess it's a good thing I went to the doctor straight away instead of waiting 3 weeks to see if it resolved on its own. Maybe I should do that every time I get sick. Is that what doctors are for?

In other news, I've been making minimal efforts to drink marginally less. One way I have done that occasionally is zebra striping. That's where you alternate one alcoholic drink, then one non alcoholic drink. The problem is, every non alcoholic drink sucks ass. They're just juice. Like, don't serve me a glass of juice and call it a MOCKTAIL. That is infuriating. So I went on a quest of my own to make a zero proof cocktail at home. Problem is, fake "liquors" are even worse. They're not even juice, they're just tea. Like literally a weak brewed spicy tea and they call it a whiskey replacement. It's insulting.

Well, folks, I am pleased to report I finally found a good one. I was talking through it with AI, because obviously, and I told it I wanted the bite, the flavor, the viscosity, the burn, the aroma, like everything. And it came up with 3 suggestions. We happened to be at Total Wine this weekend so I bought one of them. I told Daniel, "If this sucks, I'm giving up entirely." But it didn't suck. It's awesome. It's St. Agrestis Phony Negroni. And it pretty much tastes exactly like a real Negroni. Very satisfying and very reassuring that I should check out the other two AI suggestions and maybe get a repertoire going. We'll see, but I'll keep you all posted if I don't die first.

The last destination on our whistle stop tour of Spain was Madrid. Barcelona was big. Granada was cute. Seville was medieval. And Madrid was hip and sexy. It immediately had a different feel from the other cities. There were also rainbow flags ev-er-y-where. I dunno if it was just the neighborhood we were in, but it seemed like every bit of the city that we saw was the same. There was even a sex club next to our fancy hotel. We got brave one night and went in to check it out. It seemed like the more raunchy activities were all downstairs and we could just sit upstairs, fully clothed, in the tiki lounge and just have a drink. But the guy at the door didn't speak English and we couldn't really ask and then we got scared and ran away.

The first night we had reservations at the oldest continuously operational restaurant in the world, Botin. We got a set down in the basement which seemed more desirable than sitting upstairs. Daniel had eaten there many years ago and wanted to see if the grilled prawns were still the best thing ever, but after we ordered they came back and said no prawns tonight. Boo. So we both got the suckling pig that I read online was the most famous dish. And it was really good. As we were leaving the host guy said, "Did you see the wine cellar?" And we said no and he said oh you can't leave without seeing it. So back downstairs we went, and then down another level into a dark cramped brick covered tunnel filled with dusty wine bottles. And he kind of gestured, "Over here, there's more." And as he did he rubbed his hand on my crotch, and I thought, oh no! Don't acknowledge it, he'll get embarrassed! It's so cramped in here! And then it happened again. And again. And again. And then he put his hand on the small of my back and then ran his hands down and grabbed my butt. Haha. At that point, I looked at him and said, "Ohohokay, buddy. I think that's enough." I was SO excited to tell Daniel that I got groped. As we walked up the stairs from the cellar, I turned back to him and we both said at the same time, 'I just got molested!" This dude was doing it to him too! Like WHAT did he think was going to happen, best case scenario in a crowded tourist trap restaurant. So funny. We've both STILL GOT IT!

We did yet another tour in Madrid and our tour guide was awesome. He's even written books on Spain and gave us each a copy I look really forward to reading. We learned a bit more about the flip side of Spanish history after the Moors with the Spanish monarchy. This one is of note because they inbred SO fucking much that the later sovereigns were like deformed and sterile and it was a whole thing. We went through the Prado and our guide knew just about everything there was to know about just about every painting in there. It was really impressive and we had a wonderful day of learning. My fav.

The next dinner was at a Michelin star restaurant. We weren't sure we'd be up for it after so many nights of eating out in a row, but it ended up being a great idea. My dick didn't get groped, but my palate did get challenged. So many dishes I had ZERO idea what it even was that I was eating. And we paired it with a bottle of Krug, a nasty little habit we've developed, so that made it even more fun.

The Reina Sofia museum is full of modern art. It was sorta more inspiring than the Prado because I felt like I could do all of it. In fact, I might try. Instead of finding art for our house, what if I just made forgeries of existing pieces. It would be fun to try anyway. Our final dinner of the trip we just could not stomach more tapas, so we made a few aperol spritzes in the "red level" lounge at the hotel, then walked over to Popeye's and had a very disappointing chicken sandwich. The day we didn't fly home until 4pm, which was kind of sweet. Slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, took our time getting to the airport, and when we finally got home it was already time for bed. Win win win. All in all a great trip!

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. Despite the fact that I have to get up extra early for a branch meeting that pertains to nothing I do, I have my own fun cooked up. I got a package today that I ordered off the internet. Its contents are:

• one stapler ... that shocks the shit out of you when you close it
• one pen ... that shocks the shit out of you when you click it
• one lighter ... that shocks the shit out of you when you flick it
• one beer can ... that shocks the shit out of you when you pick it up

This has become mine and Trey's new favorite joke at work. He already has the pen. We put up a sheet of paper with everyone's name on it with the title "Trey's Labor Day Party" and hung it outside his cube. Then we attached the shocker pen with a string and everyone's name had two check boxes out beside it for whether or not you would attend. Kind of like a really primitive evite, if you will. Then all day long, we laughed our asses off as one by one, people came up to check next to their names and received a jolt.

Trey also has a little mini slot machine that fits in the palm of your hand. The entire casing is naturally made of conductive metal. When you pull the handle it shocks the shit out of you. That one's fun because you can get people to do it without any prompting, just by setting it out. So we're going to litter our cubes with electrified items. I realize it may only sound mildly amusing in print, but imagine yourself in a stuffy office with a boring ass job where the most exciting thing that ever happens is memorizing the 400th digit of pi. That makes it absolutely hilarious.

I was thinking about getting a fish at work, since I get lonely with Tuna at home all day long. I really don't want him to go to work with me though, since he'd just be bored and get all pissy with me. I wanted a red fish, to kinda be his Bizzaro World counterpart. Kind of like a red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish deal. But I wasn't sure that I was allowed to have a fish and since my cube is DEVOID of any decoration or personality, he would surely stand out. Well these two ladies that I work with came back from lunch today with bettas and I am exceedingly jealous. Even though they're like 50, they were still slinking in the back door so they wouldn't get caught. No one really knows if its allowed, but no one's really asking. So I might have to get another fish sometime soon and sneak him into work real early one day. It would keep me so very entertained.

Last bit of news. I have hitched a ride on the responsibility train. Toot! Toot! I have decided that I spend far too much money on stupid shit when I should be taking advantage of my economical situation by stock piling money. So I'm taking all of my extra cash and putting it into an ING account that has a higher interest rate than my checking account. I haven't exactly stopped spending money recklessly, as I usually do, but I have decided that I am no longer going to buy anything for anybody but me. My apologies to those of you who never got to experience a dinner from me, or drinking on the town with my tab open, but that has just got to stop. If I'm going to waste money, I should at least waste it on me. And in the meantime, maybe save enough for furniture and decorations for my new apartment that I'll eventually get. Maybe even tomorrow! I have an appt with the people at Addison Circle to look at some apartments that will be vacating soon. I hope I find one I like. I love living at home and I could do it forever ... but I can't do it forever. Might as well go on and get the hell on with the rest of my life. It's not like my house will be far away. I can still come home for dinner, or groceries, or bottles of booze or whatever I need. Ha!

I still have an extra ticket to see Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Lynch in Austin on October 2nd since Chevy won my little contest and then declined the prize, so LET ME KNOW if you are interested in going. Also, I have no plans for tomorrow night and it's payday, so I need to get stupid (disregard paragraph above) so somebody invite me out. And finally, to each and every one of you, have a wonderful Friday ... or not, the choice is yours.

A lot of people seemed to enjoy my character profile of the sorority bitches, so I've got another one for ya. This person that bothers me lives in the rec center weight room. Now I'm sure there are a number of people in the rec center weight room that get on your nerves, but strangely, only one gets my goat.

I go to get a drink of water from the fountain, and naturally, there's a line. I mean I usually go during peak hours, so its not uncommon to have as many as 5 or 6 people in line for each water fountain. No problem. And when its finally my turn to take a swig, the asshole in front of me who has just finished slaking his thirst, stands up, turns 180 and bumps into me. He's not trying to be rude. One look into his eyes and you will know that the utter shock of there being someone behind him is genuine. But come on people, lets try to remain mildly cognizant of our surroundings out there, okay?

On a side note, I am venturing into my 37th hour of no smoking. There are a couple of reasons for my little experiment none of which deal with health issues. For one, its pure masochism. Translate emotional unrest to physical discomfort and watch it all dissipate. Secondly, my yoga teacher made us each come up with three long term goals for the semester and one of mine was to reduce the frequency and amount of smoking. I've been in the corporate game all summer, I know better than to word a goal so there aren't any loopholes. Anyway, if this is met with any amount of success then I'll keep you all posted; otherwise, I'll just let it fall by the wayside. I'm outtie.

I don't give a shit. You can call it "towing" all you want. It doesn't change the fact that I just got my car stolen. It doesn't belong to these fucks but they go ahead and load it up on the back of their truck and steal it. And then to add gravy, they hold it ransom and tell me I can't have it back until I give them $86.25, and if I leave it there until tomorrow, oh! its gonna be $104.50!

So here's the story. I have to warn you though, its a really short story since I was only parked in non-visitor for 45 MINUTES. My friend Arash called me to come watch a movie over at Justin's house. I had just gotten back from swimming at the rec so I was like "aight." So I go over to the University Commons and Arash tells me to just go ahead and park right next to him, which I do. We didn't even end up watching a movie cause it was kinda late so we watched TV for a little while, ate some ice cream, and then me and Arash excused ourselves. We get out to the parking lot and he's like, "I thought you parked next to me," and I'm like, "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

So we call the number and the guy has my car, and we have to drive like halfway to fucking Huntsville to find this Body Shop place. And then the guy tells me that its gonna be $86.25 in cash in exact change in order to get my car back. There's no ATMs within a radius of this place out in the middle of nowhere so we drive back to Harvey & Hwy 6. I get 80 bucks out of the ATM and Arash loans me $6.25 and we drive all the way back to the Body Shop. I suppose the guy was nice enough about it, and I thought I was rather level headed about the whole proposition considering I'd just gotten my car stolen. I paid him, he gave me my car, and I drove home. Its now 1:30am. The only plus is that my first class tomorrow isn't until 12:40 so the extra hour and a half tacked onto my night won't be that big of a deal. That is such freaking bullshit.

Apparently they're always lenient about visitor parking at University Commons. I mean, hell, Arash was parked right next to me and he didn't get towed. But the guy said a lot of residents on this particular night had been complaining about not being able to park. So he went out and started pullin' cars. It was especially neat how the first 10 spots on the row were visitor, then there were like 6 non-visitor, and then the rest of them were, again, visitor. So its like they're trying to bait people into getting their cars stolen. The whole thing is just a load of horse shit.

Naturally, I have to thank Arash for both the $6.25 and for the ride out to BFE. He was complaining about not being mentioned on my webpage, but I assured him, this would cement him a place in Sideshovid.com history. Needless to say, IF I ever go back to University Commons, I'll be extra careful about where I park. Now all I have to do is call my Dad and tell him about this, which will be fun since he's just informed me that I now owe him hundreds of dollars I don't have. Ugh. Money sucks. Please send your donations c/o SideshoViD. Thanks and GIG THIS!