The last destination on our whistle stop tour of Spain was Madrid. Barcelona was big. Granada was cute. Seville was medieval. And Madrid was hip and sexy. It immediately had a different feel from the other cities. There were also rainbow flags ev-er-y-where. I dunno if it was just the neighborhood we were in, but it seemed like every bit of the city that we saw was the same. There was even a sex club next to our fancy hotel. We got brave one night and went in to check it out. It seemed like the more raunchy activities were all downstairs and we could just sit upstairs, fully clothed, in the tiki lounge and just have a drink. But the guy at the door didn't speak English and we couldn't really ask and then we got scared and ran away.

The first night we had reservations at the oldest continuously operational restaurant in the world, Botin. We got a set down in the basement which seemed more desirable than sitting upstairs. Daniel had eaten there many years ago and wanted to see if the grilled prawns were still the best thing ever, but after we ordered they came back and said no prawns tonight. Boo. So we both got the suckling pig that I read online was the most famous dish. And it was really good. As we were leaving the host guy said, "Did you see the wine cellar?" And we said no and he said oh you can't leave without seeing it. So back downstairs we went, and then down another level into a dark cramped brick covered tunnel filled with dusty wine bottles. And he kind of gestured, "Over here, there's more." And as he did he rubbed his hand on my crotch, and I thought, oh no! Don't acknowledge it, he'll get embarrassed! It's so cramped in here! And then it happened again. And again. And again. And then he put his hand on the small of my back and then ran his hands down and grabbed my butt. Haha. At that point, I looked at him and said, "Ohohokay, buddy. I think that's enough." I was SO excited to tell Daniel that I got groped. As we walked up the stairs from the cellar, I turned back to him and we both said at the same time, 'I just got molested!" This dude was doing it to him too! Like WHAT did he think was going to happen, best case scenario in a crowded tourist trap restaurant. So funny. We've both STILL GOT IT!

We did yet another tour in Madrid and our tour guide was awesome. He's even written books on Spain and gave us each a copy I look really forward to reading. We learned a bit more about the flip side of Spanish history after the Moors with the Spanish monarchy. This one is of note because they inbred SO fucking much that the later sovereigns were like deformed and sterile and it was a whole thing. We went through the Prado and our guide knew just about everything there was to know about just about every painting in there. It was really impressive and we had a wonderful day of learning. My fav.

The next dinner was at a Michelin star restaurant. We weren't sure we'd be up for it after so many nights of eating out in a row, but it ended up being a great idea. My dick didn't get groped, but my palate did get challenged. So many dishes I had ZERO idea what it even was that I was eating. And we paired it with a bottle of Krug, a nasty little habit we've developed, so that made it even more fun.

The Reina Sofia museum is full of modern art. It was sorta more inspiring than the Prado because I felt like I could do all of it. In fact, I might try. Instead of finding art for our house, what if I just made forgeries of existing pieces. It would be fun to try anyway. Our final dinner of the trip we just could not stomach more tapas, so we made a few aperol spritzes in the "red level" lounge at the hotel, then walked over to Popeye's and had a very disappointing chicken sandwich. The day we didn't fly home until 4pm, which was kind of sweet. Slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, took our time getting to the airport, and when we finally got home it was already time for bed. Win win win. All in all a great trip!

Our driver took us about an hour and a half directly to our Seville hotel. We did the Hotel Colon Check in, and then headed out a little, but again we were a little limited by the temperatures. Just so damn hot in the middle of the day. And the Spanish don't really subscribe to the religion of air conditioning. Our room was just slightly air conditioned. We actually spent the first night sleeping with no covers. But then we cranked the air down to 60 and left it running with the curtains closed nonstop the remainder of our stay and got it down to serviceable temperatures. I'm sure the maids were absolutely horrified at the waste, but the building just wasn't built to withstand such high temperatures ... and neither was I.

I told Daniel there damn well better be some feliz compleaños balloon in the room when we arrived, because the next day was my 45th birthday. And he delivered! Haha. There were some balloons (most of them inflated), a little tart, and a bottle of Freixenet! I mean, I didn't drink it, but it was a nice decoration. Freixenet, freixenet, ooh lah lahhhhh.

Naturally we had another guide who showed us all the times the muslims built something and then the xristians took it over. The food in Seville was pretty legit. Our first night we had tapas (obvi) but they were like elevated and delicious. One was a shrimp toast that we couldn't stop talking about. Then my birthday dinner was a tasting menu overlooking the river and I think that was maybe the best meal of the entire trip.

The next day is what we call a "David Day." A David Day consists of absolutely nothing scheduled. It allows for a day of rest and doing absolutely nothing, maybe sleeping. Or it allows for more spontaneous plans to be pursued. This time, we saw a modern market building called Las Setas (the mushrooms) on our tour and saw that they had a "modern" Flamenco show and went online and got tickets. The setting certainly was modern with lots of projectors and color changing LEDs, but the Flamenco was just Flamenco. So I felt like the light show kind of detracted more than helped, but it was still really good. And our tickets came with a free drink - bonus!

Our train ride from Barcelona to Cordoba was honestly a little long. Like 6 hours, but probably exacerbated a tad by us drinking too much bottomless wine at the fancy dinner the night before. When we got to Cordoba it was seriously 43°C outside, just boiling hot. The driver was cool though, because he asked us if we'd eaten. It was past 4pm and we had not eaten. But since we were already pulling onto the highway the options were limited. Not that I need to defend myself, because we saw a sign for McDonald's and asked him to pull in. It was so good.

Then it was another like hour car ride out into the countryside to this place called Bobadilla. This beautiful resort with horses and pickleball courts, and a few giant pools surrounded by beds and umbrellas. The first full day there though we took a car ride over to Granada and met up with our tour guide. I really liked Granada. I think of all the cities we visited if I had to move to one I would choose Granada. It was a perfect mix of midsized cute city.

We also visited La Alhambra, the moorish fortress. It was really cool and a perfect introduction to Spanish history, which is entirely comprised of the Muslims built this, then the xristians took it over and built on top of it. There you go, you know the whole history of literally every city. My friend Lee had been to Alhambra and said it really struck him how beautiful and ornate the Muslim sections were and how drab and boring the cathlick sections were. And while I agree to some extent, after a while the moorish decorations just get exhausting. Like fellas, an ounce of restraint would really send this to another level. But it's just moor, moor, moor.

Then the next few days we just spent lazing around the resort, swimming, and eating at restaurants on the premises. One night was a casual dinner, the next was a communal BBQ, and the third was at the fancy restaurant. All very good and much needed rest and relaxation and from there it was on to Seville via car service.

I'm doing something I haven't really done before and that's cheating by blogging later about our trip. I had ambitions that maybe I could blog on my phone while we were traveling but yeah, no. So I'm gonna finish blogs about España and then backdate them so it comes up on my history in the correct order. Deal with it.

Barcelona was cool. It's got a very big European city feel to it. Once again I had a little DuoLingo hiccup since I spent the past months studying Spanish to find out they speak Catalan in Barcelona. Whatever. It was no problem, just a lot of signs and stuff didn't make sense.

Everyone in the family successfully made it! We arrived a day early which I think ended up being a good decision. There was some fiasco with the car service not being at the airport as scheduled and Daniel went into super travel agent mode to get it all resolved. We gave each of the kids an envelope with 20€ spending money. All they had to do was make it to 8pm to beat jetlag. Everyone did except Sam, but we gave him his money the next day anyway.

As you can imagine, rolling around town with 19 people makes things a little bit difficult. But Daniel planned one activity and then one dinner event each night and that worked perfectly. The first full day was Sunday and Daniel got us TICKETS to Sagrada Familia international mass. Apparently that was an even bigger deal than we realized. Several of the people we met said, "No, you can't get tickets. You just have to wait in line for hours." And we were like, nope, we had tickets bitch. So that was cool. Then we made everyone go on a walking tour of the Gothic quarter, which of course I loved, but I think it was wearing thin by the end for most people.

The next day we went to Park Güell, Gaudi's little masterpiece. It was cool but it was sooo hot outside. I had to go to Zara to buy ankle socks because I figured I probably wouldn't wear shorts, but it was absolutely required to wear shorts. My poor white legs had never seen the sun. Then dinner that night was at a Flamenco show. Turns out I fucking love Flamenco. I liked it so much that I demanded we go to another show later in the trip.

The next day was a beach day and dinner was a paella cooking class. Then Sagrada Familia tour and a fancy tapas menu. Tapas are good ya'll, but by the end of the trip I was like I don't want anymore fucking tapas. I just want one big meal all of the same food and I want it all to myself. I most def breezed over some details of Barcelona but all in all it was a huge success. Daniel did an amazing job planning. And the next morning we hopped on a train headed for the middle of nowhere to relax and prepare for our own personal vacation without family.

Tomorrow we are heading to Spain. This is our big family vacation we do each year, so all 19 of us will converge in Barcelona for 5 nights. Daniel and I are going one night early so we can beat jetlag and be prepared to help everyone else on arrival day. Stephen went early with his family to London and Paris and will end in Barcelona. My parents will be in and out, and everyone else disperses at the end of the trip. Daniel and I head south to Seville, Grenada, Andalusia area, then up to Madrid then home.

I'm pretty excited. I've been trying to kick this stupid cough for like 4 weeks now. Originally I had a sore throat, cough, stuffy nose after traveling to California for Megan's graduation. And that went on so long that I finally went to a doctor who said I probably had the flu, but now it was like a pneumonia bacterial infection, so I did a round of antibiotics. I'm still not 100% better so I went back to the doctor and she said it was just post-infectious lingering cough. She gave me steroids to help kick it faster, so now I'm roid raging. Better than coughing on an airplane for 10 hours. I have cough drops, a cough suppressant pill, and a mask if that should become a problem, but I'm feeling better today finally.

I try not to make my blogs just a recounting of every medical malady I encounter. But that's pretty much the narrative now. While we are away I will be turning 45 years old. I am not bringing my book of secrets with me because it would be a little heavy, so I'll have to read my 1, 5, and 10 year predictions when we get home. The 10 year predictions have been pretty wildly inaccurate. I couldn't begin to predict what will be going on 10 years from now so I stopped trying. I filled the book and that will be the only volume in existence. It was a fun activity for a decade or so.

Okay, who knows, I might even take a picture when I'm in Spain and post it here. I try to take at least one picture per day when I'm traveling, that's my goal. I also said I was going to try to take a picture of as many obscure locations as possible for maximum views on Google Maps so maybe I'll remember to do that. Wish me luck and I'll czech you all on the flip side!

Last week, our dear friend, Tuna, passed away. His health had steadily declined for a couple weeks prior to that. I did everything I could -- a heater, some aquarium salt for freshwater fish, medicine -- but it wasn't enough. He was just old. I'll miss him. He was a good friend.

Daniel and Kelly got me a new fish for my birthday. I was kind of upset about it at first and didn't really want it. I didn't want to replace Tuna; didn't want some other fish I didn't even know swimming in his tank, eating his food, sleeping in his reeds. But tonight I had a change of heart. I've decided to adopt Salmie as a part of my family. I rearranged the tank so it looks nothing like Tuna's and put Salmie in there tonight. Daniel and Kelly named him Salmon but I don't really want to call him that, so I changed it to Salmie (pronounced "Sammy"). So far he seems okay; he looks happy anyway. He keeps attacking his reflection which is kind of funny. We'll see what happens, but I think I like him now.

I bought twelve chrome tipped bulbs. I thought that I wanted them for my overhead lighting to soften it up. I read on the internet that you should dim your overhead lighting until it isn't bright enough to light the room. Then you add lamps and spotlights and whatnot until you get it just right. Unfortunately, these bulbs just aren't quite right for me. They don't really work in the fan fixture that I have. I have one in my lamp that looks alright. Anyway, I bought twelve off the internet because I couldn't find them in any stores, so this is me asking all of you if you would like to try them out in your house. If you like them you can have them. Just lemme know.

It is well past time for me to start drinking. Justin came to town and I went to dinner with him in the Land of Gar. It was a pretty funny dinner but that story will have to wait. I've got 24 friends waiting on me in the fridge. Peace out, sluts.

My mom is in the process of cleaning out the upstairs of her house. This involves giving me boat loads of crap from my past every time she sees me. The other day I became the proud owner of a stack of old papers written by yours truly, the greatest writer ever. Actually, some of it is pretty bad, as you might expect from a 3rd to an 8th grader, but I just came across something that absolutely cracked me up.

I found my stunning epic novel entitled John and the Little People. I wrote it in the third grade and it is bound and fully illustrated -- pretty pimp. The funny thing is that this story perfectly parallels Gulliver's Travels. In fact, I vividly remember plagerizing what I did not know at the time was one of the most well known stories ever told. Why nobody ever called me out on it, I will never know. It's hardly the lesson to teach an 8 year old that blatant copying will go unpunished. My favorite sentence in the whole book:

"He soon found out that he wasn't paralyzed; he was tied down by tiny, strong cords!"

Ha! I used a semi-colon in the 3rd damn grade. Half of you skeezes couldn't do that now.

My report on The Killer Angels from 8th grade was lackluster, to say the least, even though Wenger gave me a 94 ... something I don't recall happening all that often. My poetic skillz back in '91 leave a lot to be desired. I know my pen pal letter to a kid in Columbia was a written assignment, but why I chose to tell him that I watch Hometime every day after school and my favorite episode is the one where they put up tile-backer is beyond me.

The other strange thing is the papers written about my brother, Stephen. There are many. I have one nicely typed biography of him that details his philanthropic misadventures that ends, "The less fortunate and the well-to-do have both benefitted from him, even if I never have." Another paper details how he always has the remote control. One annoying thing he does is taking control of the TV. The first words out of his mouth when we get home are, "I get control!" He then flips though all 99 channels. Of course, we only have less than 60. Then he goes to the B channels. He stops on stuff like church preachers and faith healers. Then we have to watch channel 12B. It is the twenty-four hour fish network. It shows different fish tanks and changes every 15 minutes. We always have to see it change. Then he goes back to A channels to 3. USA has Night Rider on twice in a row after school. That's OK but it takes us 15 minutes to get there. They never should have let me pass 8th grade. I turned this shit in!

I am laughing my ballz off at this stuff. One more description (moreso for my brother than any of you) and then I'm done. The last paper I failed. It was supposed to be a compare/contrast but all I do is slam Stephen throughout it. Because he's 16, he can drive. My parents take advantage of that and make him pick me up from school. He has the loudest, highest pitched, most annoying horn ever. He loves to lay it on when he gets me at the corner. People inside Wilson can hear it. At Christmas, he would play the first seven notes of Jingle Bells. I yell at him every day and then he hits me. I go on to explain that I cannot hit him back since he's driving. Even though most of the time, I remember doing the steering. He thinks he knows everything because he is in the eleventh grade. He always tries to give me advice on things I don't need advice on. I know when next year comes, he is going to want to help me pick classes. Hahaha.

Then I contrast that with how we like the same TV shows, again mentioning Hometime. Then: We like to play baseball in our backyard. We play with a whiffle bat and tennis balls. We have about 120 tennis balls because my mom takes rejects from Plano Tennis Organization or something. We hit them over the neighbors' fence and the husband gets peeved at us. Homerun Derby was always so much fun. My favorite line from the paper is, "I don't like him to think he's all bad because he's taller than me." Who writes like that on an English paper? Well, I mean, I do ... I guess I did all the way through college. Now check out this conclusion: I guess having an older brother with you through life isn't all that bad. I might even miss him when he kicks the bucket. I'll be old by then and probably senile so I won't even know or care, come to think of it.

Shazzam! I hope some of you might have found some amusement in that. I am going to see Stephen on Saturday morning. Sunday is my niece Kaylyn's 1st birthday and she is hosting a kegger. It should be really fun. I got her ultra cute presents. Alright, literature lovers, it is time for me to retire.

Last night turned out to be rather interesting. We hosted a small gathering at our duplex. It was me, Todd, Ryan, Jennifer, Daniel (until about 10) and a friend of Ryan's from work and his girlfriend. Doug and Nicole (respectively) brought with them a brand new drinking game none of us had played before. It was called Spades, and it was one of the most vicious drinking games I'd ever seen. One person calls out a suit, and cards are dealt to each person until a card of that suit appears. The person that received that card then has to drink the number of the card 2-14 (Aces being 14). The trick is, the timer is everyone else. The person to their immediate left starts 1, then the next person says 2, and so on. So basically you can count as fast or as slow as you want. And there are a few other funny rules. Like, you have to say another suit before you set your drink down. If you set your beer down before you say it, you have to repeat the card that you messed up on. Also if you miscount when someone else is drinking, they stop drinking, and you must take their card. The most fun rule, in my opinion, is that if the person drinking finishes their beer before the count is up, they can slam it on the table and whoever was supposed to say the next number, again, takes their card. So if you have just a little left in your can you can totally screw somebody. This also keeps someone from waiting too long to say their number. Basically, the game was totally fun and I wanted to put the rules up here for anyone that wanted to give it a go. But be forewarned ... we were all maxing out the breathalizer pretty early on in the night.

I think we passed out early. I'm not sure. I do remember getting online briefly, but don't remember any of the conversations I was having. If it was with you, help me piece that part of the night together. I didn't wake up today until about 3:30. I would have gotten up sooner but a storm knocked out the power last night so I had no idea what time it was until I got up and put my watch on. But that took care of the hangover, which I'm sure I would have had if I'd gotten up earlier. It was worth it though, we all had a blast. And as an added bonus, I have no desire to drink for a long time now ... so I'll be able to hold off until next weekend.

Speaking of next weekend, its my brother, Stephen's, 24th birthday. At least I think its 24. So I'm gonna drive to Houston to attend his little shindig in honor of the mediocre occasion. Fun stuff, I always love driving to Houston. Anyway, I think its time to retire, got an early day tomorrow as always. Peace out, have nots.