This is kind of turning into a travel blog, but that's usually the only thing of note going on lately. I'll try to come up with a few different topics here after this. But, we just got back from New Orleans. It was technically my second time there, but first time since I started forming and retaining memories.

The main reason we decided to go now was for Ben's 40th birthday party, which happened to coincide with a big gay festival, Southern Decadence and some big late night party called the Horsemeat Disco. Getting to NOLA is beyond easy. We took Southwest out of Love because Daniel had a leftover flight credit from his short lived stint at the startup and we needed to use it or lose it. We normally will only fly American because we're holding onto gold status by our fingernails these days, but it made sense to this time not to. And boy does that eliminate a lot of stress. Love is down the street, we could practically walk there. And the flight was barely an hour long, so easy.

We really had a nice time in the city. The food is great everywhere we went. Great drinks, good nightlife. The night of Horsemeat Disco we took a little disco nap and made it out. We had purchased new clothes just for the event so we would be ever so slightly appropriately dressed. Turned out we were almost the only ones wearing clothes. Lots of butts hanging out everywhere. It was crowded. It was stinky. You could hardly move much less dance, could hardly talk. All in all, I'd have to say not my scene. But I did my best to hang and have a good time, mostly by imbibing.

The next day we went to the Southern Decadence parade. It was so hot. It was so crowded. It was impossible to do anything, so when our friend Ashley had to head for the airport to get back to her kids, we took it as an excuse to escort her back to our hotel where she'd stashed her bag and then we went to the pool. All in all, I'd have to say not my scene. My scene gets more and more specificity added to it every year. Luckily Daniel agrees.

Our last night we went out to dinner in the French Quarter, had a lovely meal, and then strolled down Bourbon Street on our way back to the hotel. At the end of the street a complete nut job had set up an amplifier with a microphone and had dip shits on either side holding big placard signs letting us all know that we were going to hell. When he saw Daniel and me, he singled us out and started harassing us. Daniel grabbed my hand and we told them to fuck off as we walked by. What a downer at the end of the trip.

It did get me thinking though. The analogous opposite of that just truly doesn't exist. Nobody ever sits outside of churches on Sunday morning with big signs saying "None of this is real!" or "You're all morons!" while someone screams at them in a microphone, "You're not going to heaven when you die dipshit!" So ... looking for volunteers for next Sunday. Let's liberate a few minds from the clutches of Idiocracy!

I'm cheating again and I'm going to backdate this blog. I used to just say sorry I am so late getting around to it, but these days I use my blog like a Time Hop, so I'd rather have a semi-accurate date on it depending on the story I'm telling. But I digress. We just got back from a long weekend in NYC.

We've struggled to find our place there. Different hotels, different neighborhoods, nothing ever really felt right. Well, folks, you'll be as thrilled to hear as I am thrilled to announce - we finally found our home away from home in New York. The Chelsea Hotel. It's this super old building with a rich and storied history of being a haven for artists and musicians. But it's been bought out and turned mostly into a high end hotel. I say mostly because some people still live there, so walking down the hall to our hotel room, we passed two residents' doors. I assume that is occasionally annoying but it probably also basically saved the building so take what you can get. There were three restaurants, and we tried two. Both were fab. And we'd go to the bar at night for courvoisier and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

I'd never been to a Broadway show so Daniel got us tickets to two shows while we were there. One was Oh Mary! starring Meg Stalter. I love her to death and she did an amazing job, but ... eh. It was like bawdy and irreverent for the sake of it. I didn't really think it was that CLEVER or anything. Funny enough and we had a great time watching. But ... nothing like our second show Titanique - the telling of the story of the Titanic from Celine Dion's perspective. It was continuously riotously funny throughout with the best music and dancing. Loved it. Loved it.

What else? We went to the Met. Daniel had tried to gaslight me into believing I'd been to the Met before, but I definitely hadn't. Then we walked through Central Park and later on through Hudson River Park, and yowzah the eye candy. I definitely need to step it up or start taking peptides or something. We also saw Davbart and he and Colin took us out to a more traditional Chinese brunch that was completely chaos and then to the Tenement Museum which was super cool and I would def go back to that.

I don't know if New York changed, or if I changed, but I really enjoy it more now than when I was younger. I was even commenting that like nobody was rude the whole time. To us or otherwise. People on the subway said, "Pardon me," when it was their stop. Staff everywhere just super welcoming and friendly. Idk, it is just so enjoyable now where I didn't feel like that 20 years ago. The only thing I didn't like was that EVERY FUCKING ONE was playing Alicia Key's "New York" on repeat. Every store, every pedicab, everywhere you went, you'd sometimes even hear 2 or 3 renditions going on out of sync simultaneously. PEOPLE! There are SO MANY songs about New York. Mix it up!

Then whoosh, we were back home. A super fun little trip for no particular reason. And one we'll hopefully start to do with more regularity.

Well, I happened to notice that today marks exactly one year since my glorious return to SideshoViD.com. I just did a quick inventory and I made 38 posts in that year. That's actually a lot more than I was expecting. Though I have to say the addition of Instagram-like and Twitter-esque formats really helps boost those numbers. I wish I had thought of that back in 2002.

I came back from Spain, felt fine, went to work for a week, etc. Then Saturday afternoon I started to feel kind of shitty. I was sick right before Spain, so given how quickly I was feeling sick again, I decided to do what I never do and go straight to a doctor to get tested and find out what is ailing me. The doctor just called and said my test results were unusual, so it would be easier to explain over the phone (ALWAYS a good sign). I tested positive concurrently for 3 infections - a coronavirus (not COVID), an influenza bacteria (not the flu), and whooping cough? Fuck me. But the good news is a zpack will wipe out both bacteria at the same time, so I guess it's a good thing I went to the doctor straight away instead of waiting 3 weeks to see if it resolved on its own. Maybe I should do that every time I get sick. Is that what doctors are for?

In other news, I've been making minimal efforts to drink marginally less. One way I have done that occasionally is zebra striping. That's where you alternate one alcoholic drink, then one non alcoholic drink. The problem is, every non alcoholic drink sucks ass. They're just juice. Like, don't serve me a glass of juice and call it a MOCKTAIL. That is infuriating. So I went on a quest of my own to make a zero proof cocktail at home. Problem is, fake "liquors" are even worse. They're not even juice, they're just tea. Like literally a weak brewed spicy tea and they call it a whiskey replacement. It's insulting.

Well, folks, I am pleased to report I finally found a good one. I was talking through it with AI, because obviously, and I told it I wanted the bite, the flavor, the viscosity, the burn, the aroma, like everything. And it came up with 3 suggestions. We happened to be at Total Wine this weekend so I bought one of them. I told Daniel, "If this sucks, I'm giving up entirely." But it didn't suck. It's awesome. It's St. Agrestis Phony Negroni. And it pretty much tastes exactly like a real Negroni. Very satisfying and very reassuring that I should check out the other two AI suggestions and maybe get a repertoire going. We'll see, but I'll keep you all posted if I don't die first.

The last destination on our whistle stop tour of Spain was Madrid. Barcelona was big. Granada was cute. Seville was medieval. And Madrid was hip and sexy. It immediately had a different feel from the other cities. There were also rainbow flags ev-er-y-where. I dunno if it was just the neighborhood we were in, but it seemed like every bit of the city that we saw was the same. There was even a sex club next to our fancy hotel. We got brave one night and went in to check it out. It seemed like the more raunchy activities were all downstairs and we could just sit upstairs, fully clothed, in the tiki lounge and just have a drink. But the guy at the door didn't speak English and we couldn't really ask and then we got scared and ran away.

The first night we had reservations at the oldest continuously operational restaurant in the world, Botin. We got a set down in the basement which seemed more desirable than sitting upstairs. Daniel had eaten there many years ago and wanted to see if the grilled prawns were still the best thing ever, but after we ordered they came back and said no prawns tonight. Boo. So we both got the suckling pig that I read online was the most famous dish. And it was really good. As we were leaving the host guy said, "Did you see the wine cellar?" And we said no and he said oh you can't leave without seeing it. So back downstairs we went, and then down another level into a dark cramped brick covered tunnel filled with dusty wine bottles. And he kind of gestured, "Over here, there's more." And as he did he rubbed his hand on my crotch, and I thought, oh no! Don't acknowledge it, he'll get embarrassed! It's so cramped in here! And then it happened again. And again. And again. And then he put his hand on the small of my back and then ran his hands down and grabbed my butt. Haha. At that point, I looked at him and said, "Ohohokay, buddy. I think that's enough." I was SO excited to tell Daniel that I got groped. As we walked up the stairs from the cellar, I turned back to him and we both said at the same time, 'I just got molested!" This dude was doing it to him too! Like WHAT did he think was going to happen, best case scenario in a crowded tourist trap restaurant. So funny. We've both STILL GOT IT!

We did yet another tour in Madrid and our tour guide was awesome. He's even written books on Spain and gave us each a copy I look really forward to reading. We learned a bit more about the flip side of Spanish history after the Moors with the Spanish monarchy. This one is of note because they inbred SO fucking much that the later sovereigns were like deformed and sterile and it was a whole thing. We went through the Prado and our guide knew just about everything there was to know about just about every painting in there. It was really impressive and we had a wonderful day of learning. My fav.

The next dinner was at a Michelin star restaurant. We weren't sure we'd be up for it after so many nights of eating out in a row, but it ended up being a great idea. My dick didn't get groped, but my palate did get challenged. So many dishes I had ZERO idea what it even was that I was eating. And we paired it with a bottle of Krug, a nasty little habit we've developed, so that made it even more fun.

The Reina Sofia museum is full of modern art. It was sorta more inspiring than the Prado because I felt like I could do all of it. In fact, I might try. Instead of finding art for our house, what if I just made forgeries of existing pieces. It would be fun to try anyway. Our final dinner of the trip we just could not stomach more tapas, so we made a few aperol spritzes in the "red level" lounge at the hotel, then walked over to Popeye's and had a very disappointing chicken sandwich. The day we didn't fly home until 4pm, which was kind of sweet. Slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, took our time getting to the airport, and when we finally got home it was already time for bed. Win win win. All in all a great trip!

You all know how I am an extreme fan of Reader's Digest. I just read the best article and it spawned a new weekend activity for me. It was all about how to be your own body guard.

It has little tips like how you should always stop your car where you can see the tires of the car in front of you. That way if someone tries to carjack you, you can swerve around the car in front of you to get away. (And then immediately throw that bitch right back in reverse and permanently solve the problem.) They also say if you're being attacked you should yell "Fire!" instead of "Help!" People's natural inclination when someone is yelling for help is to get away because they don't want to get sucked into it. But they are also so inclined to run toward a fire, thinking they'll be able to help in some way. That was by far my favorite hint. They also suggest carrying a little bit of "mugger's money." This is just a little bit of easily accessible cash that can be handed over if need be to someone putting a pistol in your pie hole. Most muggers are looking for a quick buck and will run away once they have it, so it's better to lose a $20 than a jaw bone.

But onto the activity. I get this feeling Daniel hates the multitude of activities I have planned at any one time, but he has to participate in this one. We've talked before about getting some mace to keep in the house just in case someone was breaking in. Realistically, I'm more concerned about a confused, irate drunk person trying to get into what they think is their apartment than I am about a robber trying to take my things. So I think mace would suffice to keep me safe. However, if I am woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of my front door being kicked in, my ass is going out the window, pronto.

We have a door in our bedroom that opens to the outside. Only it goes nowhere. There's no balcony or anything, just a railing to a 4 foot drop. So like Reader's Digest suggest, I've informed Daniel that we will be having a break-in drill soon. I want to lay in bed and pretend the door just got kicked in and then see how long it takes us to get up, grab a cell phone, unlock and open the pointless door, and then jump over the railing to the flowerbeds below. He is confident that in the situation we would rise to the occasion, but that is just the kind of talk my four dollar magazine advises against.

Anyone wanna run the stop watch for us?

I am back in Addison! once again. I have managed to finagle a way out of going back to Seattle, at least for the immediate future. I wouldn't be half surprised if I spent at least one more week there. And that's okay. I don't mind occasional travel, it's just this trickery and moving of one's permanent residence that rubs me raw.

So anyway, you know how I'm like full of million-dollar ideas? I've been tossing this one around for a while and I finally figured it out. There hasn't been one plane ride in the recent future that I've not been near a screaming child. Why so many children commute between Seattle and Dallas I will never know. And I must reiterate to you parents, no one thinks your child is cute but you. Don't give me a chuckle and a shake of the head when your deformed looking twins shit their pants on descent and I have to smell it for 30 minutes. That's when I came up with my new airline. Ladies and gentiles, I present to you -- 21+ Airlines!

Just imagine the possibilities. Business travelers wouldn't have to put with with white trash parents that overcrowd the overhead bins with their strollers and rockers. You could actually sleep on the way home after a long week in another city. Boarding and unboarding of the plane would be quick and painless. Yes, 21+ Airlines is a fantastic idea. It might even be a cabin full of first class. And there is a two drink minimum. I'm going to be so fucking rich.

On my flight to L.A. (for my layover, those bastards) I was sitting next to a mother and her 5 year old daughter. The daughter would not stop screaming, kicking the chair in front of her, and crying because her ears were popping. And in between that she was overly excited because she was on her way to Disneyland. She told everyone on the plane she was going. She screeched to her dad a few rows up, "Thanks for taking me to Disneyland, daddy!" All would have been cute in the proper context ... say, a preschool. Or a playground. But on a plane, annoying. So I tried to sleep through the whole flight and when we landed, she siezed the opportunity to tell me she was going to Disneyland. And I said, "Really? Hmm, I don't think it's open this time of year." And the mom laughed, hit me, and said, "Oh, COME ON." But I don't even think the little girl heard me so we had a good laugh over it.

I brought the SkyMall magazine home with me from the plane. I want to order just about everything in there. I think I'm going to finally get some houseplants and then buy an automatic waterer so they might actually stay alive. And I want a hydroponic herb grower. And a gentle wake alarm clock. And a massage chair. And damn, I'm lucky I have no money otherwise it'd be gone.

I think first on my to-do list is to get my windows taken care of. I can't take that sun in my bedroom anymore. It won't be cheap but I think if I just get some heavy fabric, fold it to make it look kind of like vertical blinds, and just nail it to the wall behind the vertical blinds, no one will see it from the inside and no one will notice it from the outside. Unfortunately there's some "rule" against aluminum foil. Jerks.

I felt obliged to update right away because my brother said he was going to remove me from his Favorites list on account that I don't update much lately. I want you all to know that I am not going gentle into that good night, I've just been out of town so fucking much. So bear with me and keep coming back for more.

I think happy hour may be the greatest invention of all time. Eat your heart out, Albert Einstein! I've endulged perhaps a bit too much in the 5:00 festivities this week, but it has been well worth it. The first night, I was coaxed out by Greg because Mercy Wine Bar in Addison was giving away a free glass of wine to all Addison Circle residents. Okay, I don't officially live there yet, but close enough. This place is fancy schmancy, I fell in love. And Greg is so fun and high class that the two just melded perfectly. We had some cheese that I didn't care for and a glass of red wine. It was tres chic, but we realized the flier said "Complimentary beverage." Emphasis on the singular nature of the offer. We drink to get drunk, so obviously we're not going to stop after one drink.

We walked next door to the Blue Mesa Grill and with a little prodding and hand holding I finally convinced Greg to go get a free quesadilla. We had a couple of Miller Light drafts, got sick of waiting on the dreadful service, threw some cash on the table and walked out. Never one to disappoint a loyal Sidesho-Viewer, I just felt I had to inform you all of how fun Greg is.

Luckily, I had already made plans for the following evening to meet up with Miles for a wine tasting Wednesday. You pay $35 and get to try six different wines. It was tres fab, tres chic, tres educational. We learned all kinds of great ways to describe a wine like 'earthy,' 'huge,' 'fruity,' 'acidic,' 'oakey,' 'peppery,' and 'smooth'. I may or may not have been able to come upon these flavors myself, but to date the most descriptive I've ever gotten with my wine was 'boxed.'

I think I learned a lot, though, and it was a total blast. We were admittedly novices to the game, but we weren't as bad as our new friend Kara who was sitting on the patio straight up reading a book titled Wine for Women. She was in from Minnesota on business and we struck up a conversation about wines. She ended up being the coolest chick ever. After our six wines were over and done, and she had finished what she'd ordered, the three of us split a bottle. A cabernet, if you must know. It was huge. So I drank a little more than I probably should have and opted to go back to Miles' apartment for a couple of glasses of water. I didn't know there would be entertainment too! Apparently our friend Miles is quite proficient on the piano and we shared a few tunes. We ran out of songs that we both knew eventually when I realized it was 12:30am. This is the latest and drunkest I have ever been on a school night. So I high tailed it home.

Boy did I pay for it this morning. I had to go through this training course that I've been in all week with a wine hangover. And I was operating on no sleep. I ended up sleeping away the afternoon and getting called out on it in front of everybody. Fuck. Oh well, luckily I couldn't care less. I have this feeling there were more stories for all of you, but they'll have to wait. It looks like I'm not going to Austin this weekend after all, but still want to wish Brandon a very, very, very happy 21st birthday. He turned 21 on Tuesday. I'm sorry I won't be able to attend his party, but I'll be down on Oct. 2nd for Mitch and Steve so it's all good. The moral of the story? Everybody, grab a friend and get out to Mercy Wine Bar in Addison.

And invite me, too.

Hey all. I'm about to run out to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Allison and skip out on open lab hours. Me and Owen (my lab partner) got a lot more done today than anyone else, so its time for another break. I had a fairly productive day despite the rain. I went and pulled a couple football tickets for Vergina Tech on Saturday. Me and Allison are just going together. Its too hard to coordinate a big group for us. Then I went and cut the sleeves off my Harley Davidson shirt cause they were bothering me. Then I ran into both Justin and Arash each on opposite sides of the campus (both of whom you'll remember from the towing blog). So that was fun. Then I had my Symphony class where I fell asleep, and then my lab, which I already discussed. Which brings me to the now.

This is off the topic, but me and Keith watched Wayne's World last night while we ate, and I made a comment about how much of that movie is in my regular rotation of phrases. And as we watched it, i kept count of how many lines from the movie I use on a daily, semi-daily (or even hourly) basis. The count got way into the double digits. Lets just put it that way. It made me kind of sad.

On another note, I told you all I would let you know how Jay's endeavor in the ToughMan competition turned out. This thing went against everything I believe in, but I found myself being very entertained. Jay 'Soda Popinski' did not advance past the first round. He lost after 3 one-minute rounds in a unanimous decision. It wasn't all for naught though, because he made the front page of our school newspaper today. And I felt obliged to share it with all of you. Gotta run, check you all latah.