Well, I happened to notice that today marks exactly one year since my glorious return to SideshoViD.com. I just did a quick inventory and I made 38 posts in that year. That's actually a lot more than I was expecting. Though I have to say the addition of Instagram-like and Twitter-esque formats really helps boost those numbers. I wish I had thought of that back in 2002.

I came back from Spain, felt fine, went to work for a week, etc. Then Saturday afternoon I started to feel kind of shitty. I was sick right before Spain, so given how quickly I was feeling sick again, I decided to do what I never do and go straight to a doctor to get tested and find out what is ailing me. The doctor just called and said my test results were unusual, so it would be easier to explain over the phone (ALWAYS a good sign). I tested positive concurrently for 3 infections - a coronavirus (not COVID), an influenza bacteria (not the flu), and whooping cough? Fuck me. But the good news is a zpack will wipe out both bacteria at the same time, so I guess it's a good thing I went to the doctor straight away instead of waiting 3 weeks to see if it resolved on its own. Maybe I should do that every time I get sick. Is that what doctors are for?

In other news, I've been making minimal efforts to drink marginally less. One way I have done that occasionally is zebra striping. That's where you alternate one alcoholic drink, then one non alcoholic drink. The problem is, every non alcoholic drink sucks ass. They're just juice. Like, don't serve me a glass of juice and call it a MOCKTAIL. That is infuriating. So I went on a quest of my own to make a zero proof cocktail at home. Problem is, fake "liquors" are even worse. They're not even juice, they're just tea. Like literally a weak brewed spicy tea and they call it a whiskey replacement. It's insulting.

Well, folks, I am pleased to report I finally found a good one. I was talking through it with AI, because obviously, and I told I wanted the bite, the flavor, the viscosity, the burn, the aroma, like everything. And it came up with 3 suggestions. We happened to be at Total Wine this weekend so I bought one of them. I told Daniel, "If this sucks, I'm giving up entirely." But it didn't suck. It's awesome. It's St. Agrestis Phony Negroni. And it pretty much tastes exactly like a real Negroni. Very satisfying and very reassuring that I should check out the other two AI suggestions and maybe get a repertoire going. We'll see, but I'll keep you all posted if I don't die first.

The last destination on our whistle stop tour of Spain was Madrid. Barcelona was big. Granada was cute. Seville was medieval. And Madrid was hip and sexy. It immediately had a different feel from the other cities. There were also rainbow flags ev-er-y-where. I dunno if it was just the neighborhood we were in, but it seemed like every bit of the city that we saw was the same. There was even a sex club next to our fancy hotel. We got brave one night and went in to check it out. It seemed like the more raunchy activities were all downstairs and we could just sit upstairs, fully clothed, in the tiki lounge and just have a drink. But the guy at the door didn't speak English and we couldn't really ask and then we got scared and ran away.

The first night we had reservations at the oldest continuously operational restaurant in the world, Botin. We got a set down in the basement which seemed more desirable than sitting upstairs. Daniel had eaten there many years ago and wanted to see if the grilled prawns were still the best thing ever, but after we ordered they came back and said no prawns tonight. Boo. So we both got the suckling pig that I read online was the most famous dish. And it was really good. As we were leaving the host guy said, "Did you see the wine cellar?" And we said no and he said oh you can't leave without seeing it. So back downstairs we went, and then down another level into a dark cramped brick covered tunnel filled with dusty wine bottles. And he kind of gestured, "Over here, there's more." And as he did he rubbed his hand on my crotch, and I thought, oh no! Don't acknowledge it, he'll get embarrassed! It's so cramped in here! And then it happened again. And again. And again. And then he put his hand on the small of my back and then ran his hands down and grabbed my butt. Haha. At that point, I looked at him and said, "Ohohokay, buddy. I think that's enough." I was SO excited to tell Daniel that I got groped. As we walked up the stairs from the cellar, I turned back to him and we both said at the same time, 'I just got molested!" This dude was doing it to him too! Like WHAT did he think was going to happen, best case scenario in a crowded tourist trap restaurant. So funny. We've both STILL GOT IT!

We did yet another tour in Madrid and our tour guide was awesome. He's even written books on Spain and gave us each a copy I look really forward to reading. We learned a bit more about the flip side of Spanish history after the Moors with the Spanish monarchy. This one is of note because they inbred SO fucking much that the later sovereigns were like deformed and sterile and it was a whole thing. We went through the Prado and our guide knew just about everything there was to know about just about every painting in there. It was really impressive and we had a wonderful day of learning. My fav.

The next dinner was at a Michelin star restaurant. We weren't sure we'd be up for it after so many nights of eating out in a row, but it ended up being a great idea. My dick didn't get groped, but my palate did get challenged. So many dishes I had ZERO idea what it even was that I was eating. And we paired it with a bottle of Krug, a nasty little habit we've developed, so that made it even more fun.

The Reina Sofia museum is full of modern art. It was sorta more inspiring than the Prado because I felt like I could do all of it. In fact, I might try. Instead of finding art for our house, what if I just made forgeries of existing pieces. It would be fun to try anyway. Our final dinner of the trip we just could not stomach more tapas, so we made a few aperol spritzes in the "red level" lounge at the hotel, then walked over to Popeye's and had a very disappointing chicken sandwich. The day we didn't fly home until 4pm, which was kind of sweet. Slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, took our time getting to the airport, and when we finally got home it was already time for bed. Win win win. All in all a great trip!

Our driver took us about an hour and a half directly to our Seville hotel. We did the Hotel Colon Check in, and then headed out a little, but again we were a little limited by the temperatures. Just so damn hot in the middle of the day. And the Spanish don't really subscribe to the religion of air conditioning. Our room was just slightly air conditioned. We actually spent the first night sleeping with no covers. But then we cranked the air down to 60 and left it running with the curtains closed nonstop the remainder of our stay and got it down to serviceable temperatures. I'm sure the maids were absolutely horrified at the waste, but the building just wasn't built to withstand such high temperatures ... and neither was I.

I told Daniel there damn well better be some feliz compleaños balloon in the room when we arrived, because the next day was my 45th birthday. And he delivered! Haha. There were some balloons (most of them inflated), a little tart, and a bottle of Freixenet! I mean, I didn't drink it, but it was a nice decoration. Freixenet, freixenet, ooh lah lahhhhh.

Naturally we had another guide who showed us all the times the muslims built something and then the xristians took it over. The food in Seville was pretty legit. Our first night we had tapas (obvi) but they were like elevated and delicious. One was a shrimp toast that we couldn't stop talking about. Then my birthday dinner was a tasting menu overlooking the river and I think that was maybe the best meal of the entire trip.

The next day is what we call a "David Day." A David Day consists of absolutely nothing scheduled. It allows for a day of rest and doing absolutely nothing, maybe sleeping. Or it allows for more spontaneous plans to be pursued. This time, we saw a modern market building called Las Setas (the mushrooms) on our tour and saw that they had a "modern" Flamenco show and went online and got tickets. The setting certainly was modern with lots of projectors and color changing LEDs, but the Flamenco was just Flamenco. So I felt like the light show kind of detracted more than helped, but it was still really good. And our tickets came with a free drink - bonus!

Our train ride from Barcelona to Cordoba was honestly a little long. Like 6 hours, but probably exacerbated a tad by us drinking too much bottomless wine at the fancy dinner the night before. When we got to Cordoba it was seriously 43°C outside, just boiling hot. The driver was cool though, because he asked us if we'd eaten. It was past 4pm and we had not eaten. But since we were already pulling onto the highway the options were limited. Not that I need to defend myself, because we saw a sign for McDonald's and asked him to pull in. It was so good.

Then it was another like hour car ride out into the countryside to this place called Bobadilla. This beautiful resort with horses and pickleball courts, and a few giant pools surrounded by beds and umbrellas. The first full day there though we took a car ride over to Granada and met up with our tour guide. I really liked Granada. I think of all the cities we visited if I had to move to one I would choose Granada. It was a perfect mix of midsized cute city.

We also visited La Alhambra, the moorish fortress. It was really cool and a perfect introduction to Spanish history, which is entirely comprised of the Muslims built this, then the xristians took it over and built on top of it. There you go, you know the whole history of literally every city. My friend Lee had been to Alhambra and said it really struck him how beautiful and ornate the Muslim sections were and how drab and boring the cathlick sections were. And while I agree to some extent, after a while the moorish decorations just get exhausting. Like fellas, an ounce of restraint would really send this to another level. But it's just moor, moor, moor.

Then the next few days we just spent lazing around the resort, swimming, and eating at restaurants on the premises. One night was a casual dinner, the next was a communal BBQ, and the third was at the fancy restaurant. All very good and much needed rest and relaxation and from there it was on to Seville via car service.

I'll probably curse the day I bought the PedEgg soon enough. Each night when I'm finished using it, I marvel at how soft my feet are. And then the next morning I think to myself, "I could just run it over them one more time to be sure." And wouldn't you know it? They get even softer. I can see somewhere in the near future of both soles of my feet being one massive abbrasion. But it's so worth it. Daniel won't let me use it on him because he claims his hard earned calloused feet are the reason he is able to wear uncomfortable shoes. But I just know I could take a good quarter of an inch off.

In other news, I went to visit my motorcycle accident havin' coworker at his house. He's home from the hospital. All the scary stuff about fluid in lungs and broken ribs is past him. His color has returned and he's in generally good spirits. He has a titanium rod in one leg and then he had two broken ankles, one of which was operated on and still has no feeling. But he just has two boots on and has to use a wheelchair to get around. So all in all, not too bad. I try to cheer him up with stories of own infirmary and give him hints on how to keep from getting bored. But he refuses to take pain medication of any kind, so my top 3 ideas were just shot to hell. I wish there was more I could do to help but it'll just take time.

Speaking of motorcycles, I took the Vespa in AGAIN. They're going to look at it AGAIN. This time they think they know what's wrong. They called Vespa and described the symptoms and they were quite sure this is the only bike in the world that has ever exhibited these characteristics. Yeeeaaahhh, custom baby. They said if I dropped it off before I went to Australia that they would have it fixed by the time I got home. I don't believe them, but it's worth a shot. So I took it to them on Saturday morning. Man, was it a beautiful morning to ride. I was sorry to drop it off.

And lastly, I'm going to Australia. OMG. It's coming to fast. Since I'm not very good at planning a trip in advance, I encourage you all to leave me a comment with something you think I should do while I'm there. So far all I've thought of is getting a picture of me in front of the Sydney Operahouse. So that's already covered. Also, any advice for how to survive a 14 hour flight would also be appreciated. Thaaaaaanks.

Okay, I've got a couple for all of you Google-Earthers out there ... or is it Googler-Earths? Check out [43.8789746068,-103.459672608] and [34.1341770342,-118.321979438]. They are both really cool if you turn on "terrain" and then tilt it to the max. If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, you need to get your ass to earth.google.com, stat! (Did you know the term "stat" is an abbreviation for the Latin word statim, meaning "immediately?" I didn't. I just googled it.)

I encourage all of you to find something cool, obscure, recognizable and post it on a comment here.

Lately I have been really into trying these local dives around town. It started with the Rainbow Cafe -- I know, I know, big shocker that I went there. But it's actually just a great little soda fountain eatery in beautiful downtown Carrollton. I don't think they've remodeled (or cleaned) since 19dickity4. They have a big rainbow awning over their soda fountains and make shakes and stuff. They also have the most kickass hamburgers and they come with a figurative BUCKET of tater tots. There are so many of them that I have to put some in my zipper pocket to eat later.

Then after Brett S■■■ and I woke up on Sunday (at 9:00am, for some ung*dly reason) we tried to go to IHOP but the line was too long. So we drove a bit further and came upon Pete's Cafe -- "Come on in, for Pete's sake." Too clever and they served breakfast all day long. Our waitress's name was Doris, she was a delightful 60-something woman who called me "honey." Her birthday was last week. It just could not have been more quaint, and the food kicks ass too. Brett wasn't feeling 100% so when asked what he'd like to drink, he said, "A big ol' whoppin' glass of water." Why he said that, we both may never know. Drugs is cool. But Doris brought me my coffee and water, and the brought Brett the biggest glass they had. Too funny. Doris is a sweetheart and I can't wait to see her again.

Then today when I left work to go get something done at the public library (on account that the noise levels in my office are raising my blood pressure rapidly), I happened by this place only called "Donuts" that I've driven past 100 times. I decided to stop in. The requisite little Asian woman behind the counter greeted me. I had 3 different kinds of kolaches, all of which were fantastic. She even warmed them up for me in the microwave and snuck 4 different kinds of donut holes onto my plate when I wasn't looking. I sat at this oooold-skool bar while I ate. A donut shop with a bar? So rad.

Look, buddy, all I'm tryin' to say is that there's more to life than Smith and Wollensky's, Pappas Bros, and Three Forks. All of which sound just delicious right now. Maybe I'll go there tonight. I'm getting my hair did tonight, though, so it might have to wait until tomorrow. I expect that when I return from Cincinnati, myself and the Addison Circle will be hitting up these delightful restaurants?

Now get GOOGLING EARTH!

Sorry for the hiatus, kiddies. I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you all know that I am in San Antonio right now. I up and decided pretty spur of the moment to come see Kevin. So that's where I am and that's what I'm doing. I'll be back tomorrow and then I have a final on Tuesday and then I'm done with summer school. Score. After that, all that's on the calendar is the Vegas trip, Michael's wedding (my bro) and moving into my new place. Czech you skillets later.